Remember: All these solutions demand that you look into your children’s eyes and lie. Be strong.
Look, you and me—we’re ruined. Any parent who’s Generation X or younger grew up with computers, laptops, video games, cell phones, and now smartphones. We surf the internet and text while we watch TV. We’re always hovered over a screen, tapping and typing, never giving anything our full attention. We’re self-centered and awful.
But it’s OK, because we’re grown-ups. We spent a few of our formative years playing with tangible objects and drawing with crayons. We’re allowed to be PDA-holes because we’ve earned it.
Our kids, however, have not.
Boredom is character building. How else will your oldest child figure out how hard she needs to pinch your youngest child until she cries? Do you want a baby sister who wasn’t tortured by her older sister? That’s unnatural.
It is the bored child who discovers that boogers are salty, Sharpie pens work on walls, and that a steady hand can tease the legs off of a living fly. It is the bored child who will eventually slide a hand down his or her pants and meets that amazing, soon-to-be best friend that lives just inches below the belly button. Does the boy whose mom has the Cake Doodle app on her iPhone even know he has a penis?
All iPhones, iPads, and iPods (and their non-Apple counterparts) should be kept out of reach, for as long as possible. No one’s suggesting you get rid of your devices. That would be ridiculous and unreasonable. It would mean you would have to use a landline. Just keep them away from your kids. Here’s a few ideas:
* Pretend the device is broken. It’s never too soon to teach kids that, in life, things break. Electronics, televisions, hearts. Life is pain. Later, at your convenience, you can “fix” it. See, kids? Hearts mend. Moms heal. Life goes on.
* Pretend the device is lost. Ask them to complete a chore, and in exchange for a good job, you’ll find it for them. Now the toys are put away, and you’re a hero.
* Pretend the battery is dead. For when you’re tired of pretending it’s broken. This only buys you the amount of time it normally takes to charge the battery.
Remember: All these solutions demand that you look into your children’s eyes and lie. Be strong.