Remember: The Mother’s Window Five-Second Countdown: Baby grunts … 5 … Baby poops … 4 … Mom realizes … 3 … Hands off baby … 2 … Leaves the room … 1 … The room is assaulted by smell. Mom is gone.
You carried the baby, then you had the baby. You did the hard emotional and/or physical work. You’re home from the hospital, you’re beat, and this infant that you are hoping you feel love for soon will just not stop crapping.
1. Learn to recognize the Mother’s Window.
The Mother’s Window is a small window of opportunity that only a mom recognizes. In this case, it’s the seconds between the moment your baby has pooped in his diaper and when everyone else smells it. Figuring it out is a crucial part of the bonding process.
Every baby has his own “Ahhh” face, and when your baby makes his, you have a short amount of time to hand him off to Dad, Grandpa, or the babysitter. Get to know your baby. Let him help you not change his diaper.
2. Sneak out of the room.
Just go. You may hear a protest cry from the adult, but learn the Bible story of Lot’s wife: Do not look back. Walk away from that mess like an action star walks away from a deadly explosion. Slowly, with a smirk on your face.
3. Simply refuse.
You are allowed to fall apart. Multiple mini-breakdowns may prevent a big one. It is totally acceptable to say “Your turn” to whoever is nearby. Save those hands of yours for cradling the baby’s head during a feeding.
Remember: The Mother’s Window Five-Second Countdown: Baby grunts … 5 … Baby poops … 4 … Mom realizes … 3 … Hands off baby … 2 … Leaves the room … 1 … The room is assaulted by smell. Mom is gone.