Remember: One day you’ll be the hot Me Too Mom that your depressed neighbors avoid.
Sometimes you’re in survival mode. Life has dealt you a blow. You’re trying to get back on your feet or even just your knees. During these times, it’s OK to limit your friendships to other bare-minimum moms. Women who aren’t going to throw their mom-complishments in your face.
Or their abs.
Moms who exercise regularly and look great can be a danger to your mental health. They walk up and down their driveway, with an inch of six-pack visible in the space where the Lululemon tank top and the Lululemon pants should touch.
One day, to be polite, you may decide to ask one of these moms what her secret is. Huge mistake! Get back in the house. Say anything: Fake that you just got your period! You’re in a bad headspace. The last thing you need to know is:
“I run six miles every morning before work!”
Oh my God. You live next door to someone disciplined and dedicated. Some people would consider that reason enough to move.
“Oh, I wish I could do that,” you say, “but I can’t because I have to be at work so early.”
OK, nice save. And it’s true. You have to be to work at eight A.M., and drop the kids off to school, which means you are in the car at 7:30. There’s no way you could run, shower, and get the kids dressed and fed by 7:30 A.M.
Phew.
If she was a decent person, she would let you enjoy your excuse, which is as rock-solid as her triceps.
“Me too! I have to be at my desk at eight A.M.!”
Punch in the gut. Low blow. OK, time to let her have it. Load your Excuse Gun with a round of My Husband Left Me Bullets and aim it at her head.
“Well,” you say, “I’m a single mom, and I have to get the kids ready for school all by myse—”
“Me too! That’s why I’m on the treadmill at five A.M., before the kids even wake up!”
Abort, abort! You’re wounded! Your gun misfired! You’ve been hit by the local “Me Too Mom.” She has the same challenges as you (“Me too!”), yet manages to make time to exercise. And read a novel. And cook dinner. And date. And everything else you wish you could do but can’t. At least not right now.
Surrender. Put your weapon down and crawl away. Life is cyclical and you’re in a down cycle. Or, to put it another way, sometimes you’re Germany before World War II, and sometimes you’re Germany after it. Like Germany, you’ll be back.
Remember: One day you’ll be the hot Me Too Mom that your depressed neighbors avoid.