Remember: If your friends gave a damn about you, they’d get pregnant, too.
Remember that mom-friend you had in your twenties? The frazzled, distracted friend who would talk and parent at the same time? You’d call to chat about your boyfriend and she’d say, “Gosh, I’m so sorry—ASHLEY, PUT THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW! DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE. Sorry, yeah, so—ASHLEY, DO YOU WANT A TIME OUT?”
That’s you now.
Babies take up space. Every child you have will knock about six people out of your life. You can’t pick which ones either. A good friend will fall away and you won’t notice until you realize you weren’t invited to her wedding.
You’re a Pilgrim. You left the Old World to start a new life in America. Stop looking back, wondering how your single friends in Merry Olde England are doing. They are having a great time, contracting syphilis from royal princes. Stop trying to organize a girls’ night out. Leave these ladies alone. They don’t know you anymore. You’ve adopted the ways of the natives. What’s this “maize” you’re eating?
Of course there are friendships you don’t want to lose. You have a few options:
SOCIAL NETWORKING.
Facebook allows you to be involved in someone’s life, without speaking to them or even putting on a bra. It’s like working on your friendships, from home. Telefriending. When an old friend posts a status update, “like” it. That’s it. Doesn’t matter what the status is. “Tired of Dancing with the Stars.” LIKE. “Ate pancakes, gonna throw up.” LIKE. “I’ll say one thing about Hitler, he knew how to build a highway.” LIKE.
Your “like” lets them know you were thinking about them—at least for four seconds. You may not have time for a call, or coffee, or a night out, but you can always find time for a “like.”
WAIT THEM OUT.
The Pilgrims never looked back, but they did welcome other immigrants who sailed to their shores. Many of your childless friends will one day land on your doorstep—with an infant in tow.
Remember: If your friends gave a damn about you, they’d get pregnant, too.