Remember: Sons break away from their fathers, daughters laugh at their mothers.… We are doomed to become our parents and we can’t “bro” our way out of it.
Had you known that the first words your husband would say to your newborn son would be “What’s up, bro?” you probably wouldn’t have mated with him. But it’s too late now. However, you can and must nip Cool Dad in the bud. Address these points in your sit-down:
EXPLAIN THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
“Bro,” like its 1990s predecessor “dude,” is a peer-to-peer nickname only. Boys do not fear anyone who calls them “bro,” and there comes a time in every boy’s life when he needs to fear the wrath of his father. Because “Bro, I am so going to take away your driving privileges if you get a ticket” isn’t going to make a sixteen-year-old follow the speed limit.
IT’S CONFUSING.
What if you have another male child? What then?
“Bro, please stop hitting your bro. Thanks, bros.”
BRO’S FEMALE COMPLEMENT IS EVEN WORSE.
What if you have a daughter? And what if your daughter is walking in front of her brothers, but for safety’s sake, you want the boys to walk ahead of her? Will Cool Dad stop your daughter and say, “Sweetheart, bros before hos”?
A father cannot also be his son’s brother unless your family dynamics are incredibly dysfunctional. How can you demand your son get an A in science when his own father does not understand basic biology?
FACE IT, WE ARE WHAT WE ONCE DESPISED.
The very act of being a dad means that, for a decade, his kids will be embarrassed by the sight of him. No matter how rockin’ he was as a single guy, he is a father now, and as such, everything he touches turns to lame. His retro T-shirts will be stupid, his tattoos will be tired, and his piercings will be weak. No dad is more embarrassing than the one trying to be cool.
Remember: Sons break away from their fathers, daughters laugh at their mothers.… We are doomed to become our parents and we can’t “bro” our way out of it.