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“Not up for it.”
The phone was muffled and then Jay’s voice came through clear. “Brooks said the plane is ready for you.”
“I’ll be at the next one.”
“Harlyn said your physical therapy was going good.”
It was, but I wasn’t up for making it to a race. I wasn’t mobile on my own, and I really didn’t want to bring the grumpy woman who was now my nurse with me. “Next weekend, I’ll be at Summernats.”
By then, I should be much more mobile and not need to bring the old hag with me. I had not won the personal nurse lottery when I had called Pleasant Care Nursing.
Karen could have taken a few lessons from Mave on bedside manner. Though, to be fair, her being a bear was motivating the hell out of me to get my ass in gear.
“We could use you here this weekend.”
“You guys will be fine.” I was at the garage all week and had been there for every practice. The car was running great, and there wasn't any reason why the team shouldn’t win the fourth race in a row. “Just stick to the program and tell Brooks to stay the hell away from the squirrels.”
Jay chuckled. “He's never gonna live that shit down, is he?”
“Not if I have anything to do with it.”
“All right,” Jay sighed. “I’ll let the crew know you won’t be here but you’ll be back next week.”
“You’re making it sound like you guys actually miss me.”
“Frankie is great and all but she doesn’t have the Roc pizzazz.”
We may give each other shit all of the time, but in the end we really were a team that needed each other.
“Don’t ever say my name and pizzazz in the same sentence again.”
But we didn’t need to say out loud that we were a good team. Better to keep them thinking they were all idiots.
“Pizzazz,” Jay sighed.
I hung up the phone and tossed it on the bed.
It was only nine o’clock, but I was in bed because I didn’t want to spend any more time than I needed to with Karen.
Going from Mave to Karen was a real kick to the nuts. The difference between the two was day and night, and even though Karen had been there three weeks already, I was ready to move her the fuck out.
My phone dinged, and I saw it was Harlyn.
How’s it going?
Still alive.
She replied instantly. Guess that is good.
When you’re my age it is.
The little bubbles moved while she typed. Was gonna see if you wanted to go out with me and Delaney for a drink.
No. No point beating around the bush. I wasn’t up to going out.
Just one drink.
I’ll pass.
Your oldness is shocking right now.
I shook my head. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Goodnight, father.
Goodnight, daughter.
“Going to bed, Mr. Krinston,” Karen shouted through the door.
I grunted in response and listened to her stomp up the stairs.
I couldn’t get back on my own soon enough. I knew when Mave had been around, I had been eager to start walking, but that was because I just wanted to get back to normal. Now, I wanted to get walking just to get Karen out of my house.
The one bad thing about going to bed early to escape Karen was I wasn’t even remotely tired. I checked the stats and points on the polls, checked my email for the tenth time, and then I looked through my apps.
“Oh hell,” I muttered.
I clicked on the icon for the dating site I had joined on a whim. I didn’t have a picture of myself on there, and no one even knew my name. I went by the screen name RocTime and had actually had a few messages back and forth with a few women. One in particular stuck out, and I scrolled through my messages ‘til I found her.
Without even thinking about it, I sent off a message to her.
Hey, just letting you know I’ll be deleting my profile. I met someone and while things are a mess right now with her, I don’t feel right having this app anymore. Best wishes.
I hit send, deleted the app, and tossed my phone on the nightstand.
Things with Mave really were a mess right now, and I had no idea how to fix them. Every day, I picked up my phone to call or text her, but I never went through with it. I wanted to apologize for having her leave, but then I also wanted to know what the hell I had done in the first place.
Harlyn kept bugging me about talking to her, but the time wasn’t right. Not yet.
I had her check messengered over to her at the hospital on the Monday after she left, but she had yet to cash it. The company that had delivered it confirmed that she had received it, so I didn’t know what she was waiting for.
I wanted to get the past completely behind us and fulfilling my part of that agreement was the last piece I needed to do.
I put my arms behind my head and stared up at the ceiling.
Fixing a fuck-up.
Something I had never really done before.
When I would mess up at the track, there wasn’t much talking about it. You just fixed it and moved on.
With Harlyn’s mom, I hadn’t tried at all to fix things between us, and that was why our marriage was doomed from the beginning. I wanted to start over with Mave and fix all of the shit I had messed up.
I wanted a shot at Mave without her being here because I was paying her or because she felt sorry for me.
I wanted her here because that was where she wanted to be, and I wasn’t going to give up her just yet.
There was still a chance. I was going to go all-in on Mave, and I wasn’t going to give up ‘til she shut me down completely.
*
