Vee swept inside and locked all the doors. She made herself a cup of coffee that sat neglected until it went cold. She wandered upstairs to the bedroom and switched on the television, trying to focus on the aimless jostling of contestants on a reality show on DStv. Eventually she gave up and went into the bathroom, switching the light off beforehand. The last thing she needed was the sight of her banged-up face in the mirror. She brushed her teeth, ran a hot bath, lowered herself into it and closed her eyes, making a concerted effort to relax. Her buzz had worn off and her brain needed powering down.
Joshua Allen was full of bullshit, her brain said. He had absolutely no right to flip out on her this way, none whatsoever. How dare he just show up at her front door–
You called him.
–show up unannounced in the middle of the night and cuss her out for no reason on one of her worst days ever. A crazed man, a suspect in a murder investigation, with a criminal record no less, had jumped her in the street and Joshua refused to react like a true friend. She winced at the memory of Ashwin seizing her head and ramming it like a jar he was trying to force open.
She was no stranger to violence or surprises. The uncomfortable truth was that the dark and unknown were enticing and she was drawn. Her relationship with the filth of humankind was far from healthy, but she’d been poisoned too early and the damage was done. Everyone had a drug, a secret and a line they had to cross when they were out of options. She knew where she stood with all three; the luxury of playing dumb had flown the coop ages ago. Those choices amounted to one and the same a very long time ago–
Vee broke off her thoughts, reshuffled the lot and put the pack away. Under no circumstances was she venturing into that zone of turbulence – not tonight. The Johnson buffet had more than its share of delights to nibble on. Ashwin Venter, Adele Paulsen, the entire spectrum of Fourie fuckery – gone.
Joshua Allen was a crafty, tenacious bugger though, and wouldn’t piss off. The problem was that their relationship was fully out of hand. She’d leaned on him too hard when she was in crisis and now he’d taken how deeply she relied on his friendship out of context. He was taking advantage–
Is he, now? Is friendship all it is?
–twisting what they had into shapes that suited him. She was sorry she didn’t have feelings for him in that way but she couldn’t force it. He was like a brother, for God’s sake. Fine, not exactly like Quincy, but Joshua was a good stand-in for the brother she sorely missed. So what if every so often the lines blurred and her mind wandered to how great he looked in a pair of jeans or mussed up after a long day with his sleeves rolled up. Or how good he smelled, or the way his arms felt around her, warm, strong arms with a thrilling edge.
In the darkness, Vee’s hands acquired a life of their own. One moved slowly over her wet stomach to the sensitive skin under her armpits, working over to her breasts. Gentle circles teased at the ache in the hardened tips. Eyes closed, she drew a leg up and shivered as the warm water crested the exposed upper half of her body. The other hand slid down between her thighs.
She closed her eyes and reworked the evening’s altercation. Joshua cornered her and growled an insult in her face. Exhilarated and flustered by his nearness, her heart pounded in her ears. She swore and pushed him in the chest, but he grabbed her by the arms and pressed her–
Pushed her roughly.
–up against the wall. Her flimsy act dissolved and she found herself trying to kiss him, struggling against the hold he had on her wrists. He chuckled, released his grip and lifted her by the hips in one smooth move, wrapping her legs around his waist. Their tongues clashed. He wrenched her skirt up and his fingers traced the length of her inner thigh. Vee trembled and sucked in her breath as his touch inched towards its target, pausing to caress her through her underwear. He bit her earlobe and pulled the material aside. Her breath caught; she felt the first stroke–
‘Mtsssshw,’ Vee snapped her eyes open. She climbed out of the tub, reaching for a towel. Ridiculous fantasy or wanton indulgence, seeing it through to its natural end would be of zero help in staying awake.
I need to watch a movie, she decided. Anything with a silly, nonsexual plot would do the trick.
*
He answered the door in a white T-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts. The harshest Cape Town winter never topped a mere weather tantrum for Joshua, with that Brooklyn ice in his veins.
Vee rubbed the goosebumps rising on her arms through her sweater. Perhaps her tropical blood was appalled at his choice of sleepwear or perhaps the outline of his upper body through the light cotton was that titillating.
Pull yourself together.
He shouldn’t be a tease, then; she had eyes after all. And he did have a nice body, lean and sculpted, the sort that would wear well into and even after middle age. One end of his rumpled T-shirt was raised, showing just a flash of skin below his navel before the rest ducked into his shorts. She throbbed, the tingle turning into a growl.
Joshua cursed and rubbed his eyes, holding the door halfway open as a sign she wasn’t a welcome sight. ‘It’s almost midnight.’
‘I know what time it is. And I know you couldn’t sleep either, so …’ She shuffled her feet. Scenarios like these were far easier to enact in your head than to play out in real life. ‘I needed to clear the air by letting you know that you had absolutely no right speaking to me like that. It was out of line.’
‘Duly noted, air officially cleared,’ he grumbled. ‘I get the impression I have no rights at all when it comes to you, so no surprises there.’ He shrugged. ‘Is that all?’
‘Yes,’ Vee said. ‘No.’ She swallowed. ‘I was wrong and I’m sorry. You’re not a houseboy to be summoned whenever I feel like it. That’s not what I intended you to think when I called tonight, or any of the times I’ve called on you. It’s just … things keep happening … it’s too much and I get so …’
A trail of smug lazed across his lips. He planned on having fun watching her bungle through an apology. He crossed his arms and leaned against the door, giving a barely perceptible nod to continue.
‘There’s no one else,’ she finished. He raised his eyebrows. ‘I mean, yes, there are other people I can call. But … it’s not the same.’
You’ve ruined other people’s company for me. The words tried to worm their way out but she wouldn’t let them. It wasn’t necessary. Joshua’s posture softened and with wordless resignation, he pushed the door open and stepped aside. They would go through the motions as always. He’d get her a blanket and cups of excellent coffee. He’d listen patiently as she dogged the steps of every hare-brained theory she had, following streaks of light down endless tunnels as they swirled out of sight and left her frustrated. She would nod off in the middle of a sentence, and he would roll her into his bed and eke out a few hours of sleep on the couch. His car would be gone by the time she woke up.
Vee opted out of the usual scenario. Instead of heading for the lounge, she laced her arms around his neck and kissed him long and hard. She pulled back, breathing heavily, studying his face. Joshua blinked in shock, and then his eyes went from charcoal to well past midnight. He covered her mouth with his and dragged her over the threshold by the waist, using her butt to bump the door shut.
She kissed every part of his face she could get at, aggravated that he kept slowing things down by pulling away every now and again to nibble at her lips and throat. Vee pulled his lips back on hers and used her teeth with more force, almost biting through the soft inner flesh. Joshua swore and tightened his arms around her. Vee winced and hissed, her muscles twanging a sore reminder.
He stopped. ‘You okay?’ She nodded. He studied her with jarring tenderness, tracing cool fingers against her cheeks and nose. Then, slowly, he slid both hands past the waistband of her tracksuit pants and stroked her bare skin. His fingers edged into her panties, cupping her butt as he pressed her against the swollen front of his shorts. Vee felt her head empty and redirect all her blood flow to below her navel.
They made it as far as the carpeted floor of the dimly lit lounge, stripping each other of everything save her underwear. Joshua took his time to admire her satin finery, restraining her hands when she got impatient to strip.
‘Wow, did you put this on for me? Is all this premeditated?’ He dipped his head between her breasts and drew a deep breath. ‘Devious,’ he murmured, running his lips over the bra. Vee felt his surge of appreciation as she snuggled deeper into his lap, and she whimpered in response, loving the tease. He took her by the hips and smoothed her onto her back, and soon the caress of his mouth and tickle of his breath over the skin between her legs had her arching her back. The gentle lap of heat in her belly swelled into a tsunami that threatened to put an abrupt, unsatisfying end to ages of anticipation.
‘No, Joshua … no, stop it, don’t start nothin’ fancy.’ Her craving was too intense for frills.
Vee pushed him down and straddled his hips. She undid the front clasp of her bra, releasing her breasts and the condom she’d snuggled inside the cups. Joshua laughed in wonder, laid back and put his arms behind his head, outmanoeuvred into compliance. For the first time, she went slow as she did the honours, watching with pleasure as he closed his eyes, her breath quickening with his at every stroke of her hand. Once sheathed, he held her by the waist and together they eased into one another. Vee made a sound she barely recognised as her own. She paused, savouring the intensity and completeness of him inside her, then began to move. The rhythm she ground her hips to was rough and fast. Sweat hit her in the chest and burst. She kept rocking until she climaxed again and so did he.
Afterwards, they sprawled on the carpet in breathless silence.
‘Exactly how hard did you hit your head?’ Joshua asked huskily.
‘Shut up,’ Vee moaned. Months of repressed urges joined forces with pain, pleasure and exhaustion, unleashing hormonal fury. A boot was stamping down on the front of her skull, trying to kick a way out through the bone. Darkness sucked her down and under.
‘Whoa-ho-o-o there, champ. C’mon, stay with me …’ Joshua scooped her up and rocked her gently. He talked to her to keep her lucid and awake. They played the TV at full blast and he made excellent cups of coffee. Then they wrestled a second round, where he asserted his rights more firmly than before. Not that she had any complaints either way.