Just do it
‘Is Dad here?’
‘Nope, working late as usual. What’re you doing here?’
‘I really need to talk to him.’
‘Can’t you come back tomorrow? I don’t know when he’ll be home.’
‘I need to see him tonight. It’s urgent.’ Pause. ‘You gonna let me in?’
‘No one else is here. Mum says not to let people in when we’re alone in the house.’
‘Yeah, people, like strangers. She knows I’ve been here a thousand times. I’m not a criminal.’
Awkward pause. A cough and shuffling of feet.
‘If I’m a criminal, then so are you, so don’t play innocent victim with me. Now stop messing around and open the door. It’s cold out here.’
The two girls glared at each other for a long time through the crack in the door allowed by the security chain.
‘Ag man, Rosie, if you don’t open up, I swear–’ Jacqui slapped the door over and over and it rattled. ‘Why d’you always have to be so dof?’
‘Okay, fine. But I’ll come outside. I don’t wanna get in trouble,’ Rosie whined.
‘Fine.’
They stood on the front veranda, carefully avoiding each other’s eyes, pretending the falling dusk was the most interesting phenomenon they’d ever seen. Sucking in her breath, Jacqui bounced up and down on her toes as a breeze picked up.
‘What do you wanna see Dad about?’
‘Important stuff.’
‘Yeah, you said important. You didn’t say secret. What’s up?’
‘It is secret, so mind your own business.’ Jacqui rubbed her arms briskly.
‘Tjo, it’s cold. Thought it was going to rain today for sure.’
‘Me too. We all thought it was going to rain, but it didn’t. That’s what always happens.’
‘Mm-hmm.’
‘Now there’s all this wind. I don’t get it.’
‘Yeah. Who knows?’
Rosie rubbed her arms, too, mimicking her sister. She had on a jersey but it didn’t matter. Jacqui had slender, nice arms and pretty fingers. She wished she had arms and fingers like that.
‘Last day of school was yesterday, finally. Now I’m free. I didn’t do anything today, got sooo bored. I can hang out with you guys.’ Rosie blinked. One blink, two, three, four in rapid succession.
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea, Rosie.’
‘Like, when you go for tennis practice I can come, too. I’m good at tennis. And touch rugby.’ Giggle. ‘I kick ass at sports.’
‘Don’t swear.’
‘Sorry.’ Sniff. ‘Don’t know about basketball, though. It’s complicated. But I can learn. You can teach me. You’re like a real pro. We can go to the club and make teams–’
‘We’re a lot older than you, Rosie. You have your own friends, don’t you?’
‘Yeah.’ Shrug. ‘But they’re, you know … boring sometimes. You guys are cool.’
‘We’re supposed to be the boring ones. We do church activities most of the time. Why would you want to hang out with preachy types when you can have fun with your own friends?’
‘I like the church stuff; it’s not that bad. I used to go with Serena before you, remember?’
‘Yes, I remember.’
‘So. Anyway, Dad says it’s good to be well rounded, so I can do cell group and tennis and learn basketball and you can show me–’
‘Rosie. Look, can you …’ Jacqui’s hand went up. ‘Can you just shut up for one minute? Okay? Just keep quiet and let me think for a minute.’
Another pause. ‘What’s your problem, anyway?’
‘I’ve got a lot on my mind. It’s been a long day. And, no, I do not want to talk about it.’
Silence again. ‘You used to tell me stuff.’
‘What? Stop mumbling. I can’t hear you.’
‘You used to tell me your secrets. We used to talk and do stuff together.’
‘Rosie …’ Sigh. ‘You’re a laaitie, all right? I know we used to hang out, but you’re still a kid. And I only told you the kinda stuff that wasn’t important to me. Sometimes you have a big mouth. You spill your guts to your mother about everything.’
‘Not everything! I so do not tell her everything. Whatever you tell me, I’ll keep my mouth shut. I won’t even tell Serena.’
‘That’s exactly what I mean. Wh–’
‘I won’t say anything, Jacqui, I swear!’
‘Seriously. This is personal, and you’re too young to understand. Leave it alone.’
‘I’m not, I’m not! Tell me, please, I promise–’
‘Jesus, will you calm down!’ Jacqui grabbed Rosie’s meaty arm, held it tight and shook. ‘Stop it. Stop carrying on like a big, stupid baby. You always do this. What’s up with you?’ She released her breath. ‘Listen, you don’t want to know about this, anyway. It’s really terrible, grown-up-type stuff. You’ll freak out. Only Dad can help, and maybe even he won’t want to. So just forget it, okay? It doesn’t matter.’ Her eyes were desolate as she surveyed the settling dark. ‘Maybe you’re right; I should come back tomorrow. I gotta get home.’
‘Wait, Jacqui, wait. I know grown-up secrets.’
Jacqui scoffed. ‘Good for you. I gotta go. Mum’s really gonna kill me this time.’
‘I know about … you know …’
Jacqui stopped on the front steps and turned, only to find Rosie pointing a finger at her midriff and blushing heavily. ‘I know about you, and Lucas … and that.’
‘That what? You think me and Luke, you think that I’m …’ Scornful laughter rang out. ‘You really are nuts. You think you know my big secret, huh? You think so? You’re kinda right. It’s a filthy secret–’
‘Stop that. Stop touching me.’
‘–about shagging and humping and cumming and making babies. You know anything about that? You know about naked bodies and men’s penises–’
‘Stopitstopit!’
‘No, you stop it. Big baby. Big ridiculous baby, what d’you think you know?’ Jacqui raised a finger and jabbed it into Rosie’s forehead. ‘Idiot. I’m out. Tell Dad I was here.’
‘I know Daddy can’t stand you.’ Rosie’s spit flew and landed on Jacqui’s cheek. ‘He can’t stand your coming here and pretending to be one of us. He hates you. He wished he never made you. He hates you and your mum and he thinks you’re cheap.’
Jacqui barked a sharp ‘ha’. ‘No, he doesn’t. He’d never think that.’ Shrug. ‘Maybe your mum does, but he doesn’t.’
‘No, he doesn’t! And I’ll tell you what else your pathetic mother thinks.’ Jacqui stuck her nose inches from Rosie’s. ‘She hates you. Maybe she can’t stand me, but it’s you she hates. Wanna know why? Because you let her precious little Sean die. You were supposed to save his life and you didn’t.’
‘N-nnn-no, that was you, that was you.’
‘It was you first. After the first time he got sick, they decided to make you, specially, to save his life. They were gonna grow their own brand-new factory and cut bits and pieces out of you to fix Sean. But you turned out to be a loser, as always. You weren’t even a match for his big toe. But I was.’
‘That’s not true!’
‘That’s not true,’ Jacqui mimicked. ‘It hurts, doesn’t it? Believe what you like. Maybe it isn’t true, who knows? Who cares? Nobody tells us anything, Rosie, not you and not me. Live with it.’ Jacqui smacked the pad of her fingers on her stunned sister’s cheek. ‘Now open the gate.’
‘I–’
‘Open the bloody gate.’
Rosie slunk inside and closed the door. Her heart was thumping. She licked her lips and tasted sweat. Her whole mouth tasted of sweat and blood. She groaned, low and anguished. Blindly, she grabbed a set of keys from the hook near the door. She ran outside.
The car’s engine purred as it started. Jacqui glanced over her shoulder, squinting up the drive. She turned around and walked back, towards the car, her laugh getting louder and louder. Her lips were moving but Rosie’s ears felt numb. Her head throbbed. She couldn’t see straight. The car lurched forward. Jacqui’s face melted, from teasing to fear and then to horror. She started to run, and got two steps before the bonnet ate the back of her legs. The car reversed and went over her again.
Rosie sat quietly, sucking in gulps of pine- and leather-scented air. It felt like hours before she could see and hear again. The taste of blood and sweat was gone. Her heart was still screaming at her.
*
‘Serena …’
‘What’s up? What’s wrong?’
‘I did something bad. I don’t know … I … Serena …’
‘What’s wrong, what happened? Are you hurt?’
‘Nn-n-no, I– it’s Jacqui. I hit her. She’s not moving. Ohmygod Serena, she’s not moving! I can’t … I don’t know. I can’t … Pleeeaaase …’
‘Where are you?’
‘Home. Come come please come, are you coming?!’
‘Shut up and calm down. Stay there and don’t move. Don’t call anyone. I’m on my way. Just stay where you are and don’t touch anything.’
‘Don’t leave me by myself, please. I can’t! She made me …’
‘Ro, listen to me! Calm down. Shut your mouth and breathe. Let me think, okay? Let me– I’m coming. Stop freaking out, I’m coming now.’
‘Hurry. I’m scared, Serena. What if–’
‘Ssshhh. Breathe and stay calm. Don’t move, and don’t let anyone see you. Don’t call Mum and Dad! Just wait till I get there. Don’t freak out, okay? I’m coming to you right now.’