After debriefing and a medical exam, which confirmed her DNA had now been modified and contained fragments of Dragoran DNA, she was placed on administrative leave for a week. It was standard procedure, since the conclusion of the investigation had implicated a fellow agent, and there had been an agent-on-agent shooting, though she had recovered. She believed the director when she stated Lauren would be back to work in no time, and she was actually relieved to have a few days off to gather her thoughts and process everything that had happened.
The week passed with miserable slowness, and her heart jumped in her chest every time her phone rang, though she hadn’t given Kerr her phone number. She had a new phone now, since the other had been destroyed in the fire, but her number was the same. It didn’t matter, because she’d never given it to him. Even if she had, she was certain he wouldn’t have used it, but that didn’t keep her heart from racing with anticipation each time the ringtone sounded.
She had a similar reaction the few times someone knocked on her door, even when it was food she had ordered, and could be no one else but the delivery person. Mostly, she stayed home and avoided the outside world, nursing a broken heart and trying not to cling to the hope Kerr was experiencing the same thing.
At the end of the week, the director called to put her back on active duty starting Monday. As the weekend drew to a close, and she prepared for work, she tried to push aside her hopes and disappointment related to Kerr. The assignment was over, and that part of her life was done as well. There would be no more exhilarating stage performances, and there certainly wouldn’t be further nights of passion in his bed. It was best to move on and forget about it, to consign it all as part of the case, and try to focus on the future instead of the past.
That way of thinking got her through the first three days of the week, but she was miserable. No amount of mental pep talks, or even ruthless reminders that he didn’t want her, could assuage her misery.
She was simply going through the motions, but she hoped if she embraced the expected path long enough, it would start to feel natural once more. She was afraid part of her would never feel whole again, but she could at least function and pretend like she was. She just needed more time to get to that point. A thousand years should be long enough.
The thought made her stumble on her way home as she walked to her apartment. “A thousand?” she whispered the words softly. Did she have a thousand years? How old was Kerr, and how much had his DNA lengthened her lifespan? The idea of living far past most humans was more depressing than exhilarating, especially if it meant living like this, with half of her heart torn out of her chest.
She fumbled with her key, wondering if she should call Kerr to ask him, or perhaps she could find the answer herself in the Department archives. She was so distracted by her thoughts, finally having a real goal to focus on with her research, that it took her a moment to realize she wasn’t alone in her apartment. She dropped the keys, and her hand went to her sidearm, but fell away a moment later when Kerr coalesced from the late afternoon shadows in her living room, his form becoming visible.
She clutched her heart instead, taking a deep breath. “You scared the life out of me.”
His lips curved slightly. “I’m sorry. I would have waited for you to get home before letting myself in, but standing around in public spaces tends to be a problem for me.”
She nodded. “How did you get in?”
“I landed on your fire escape and let myself in through the window.”
Lauren nodded again. “And why are you here?” It was a blunt, almost unfriendly, question, but she needed the answer.
“I’m here for you.”
Hope swelled in her, threatening to burst her chest open, when she took a shaky step toward him. “What exactly do you want from me?”
“The rest of our lives together.”
Her lips trembled as she crossed another step. He did the same, and they were finally within touching distance of each other. She couldn’t bring herself to lift her hand though. “How long might that be?”
He shrugged. “A long time. Our DNA adaptations can deal with most diseases and injuries. We’ll eventually die, but it could be centuries.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I see. That’s a long time to be together.”
He shook his head.
She frowned. “We won’t be together?”
He shook his head again. “I meant it’s not a long time. It’s not nearly long enough. I’m sorry. When the comet collided with my planet, I was on another planet as part of a diplomatic mission. We were doing a performance for prospective allies when word came that the planet was about to be destroyed. I’m sure our scientists knew, but didn’t tell anyone because of panic.
“Some people evacuated and made it off the planet, and others from colonies nearby had more time to flee before the rubble hit them after the planet’s destruction, but my bond-mate wasn’t among them. I’ve always blamed myself for being away from her when it happened. I should have brought her along, or I should have stayed with her. I loved Philindria. I still do, but I love you too. It’s a different kind of love, but no less intense. Very few Dragorans are lucky enough to have two bond-mates in their lifetime. It just took me a little while to realize I was blessed, and you were right.”
She tilted her head slightly. “Right about what?”
He smiled. “Philindria wouldn’t have wanted me to be alone and unhappy if I had an opportunity to find another bond-mate. She would have wanted me to be loved and happy. I’m certain she would have approved of you, and of our union.”
Though she had never met Philindria his words were oddly comforting. She could choose to view his dead mate as a rival, or she could graciously accept he had once loved someone deeply, and see the integrity it took to maintain that level of devotion for however long they had been apart. She understood his confliction now, and she allowed herself to feel hopeful.
“Are you sure about this? We skipped a lot of steps to reach this point, and I think we’re going to have to go back and fill in some of them. We need to get better acquainted, but if you’re not sure about this level of commitment, maybe it’s better if we go our separate ways now.” The idea nearly killed her, and she was easily reminded of the miserable week she’d spent without him thus far. Could it hurt any worse if he changed his mind after they had gotten closer? She didn’t know, but she had to make at least one last attempt to protect herself and be certain he was sure.
Kerr lifted his arms, wrapping them around her as he pulled her closer. His embrace was like heaven, and his lips hadn’t even touched hers yet. “I’m positive I want to be with you. I’ve worked out the issues that were holding me back. Do you want to be with me?”
She nodded. That was one thing she didn’t have to think about. The last week had shown her that. “Very much so. I just don’t want to get my heart broken.”
His arms tightened around her, and he pressed a kiss to her forehead before replying. “I’ll never deliberately hurt you. You’re my bond-mate, it’s both my duty and privilege to take care of you and love you.”
“I can take care of myself,” she said softly, but with a smile. “The idea of allowing you to assist me with that sounds pretty good though.”
He smiled before his head descended, his mouth taking possession of hers for several long moments. They didn’t speak, letting their kisses do all the talking until they both broke away, breathing heavily.
“What about your job?”
She hesitated for a moment before licking her lips. “People commute all the time, and I happen to know someone who can fly me wherever I need to be. I won’t always be able to travel with you, but we’ll spend more days together than apart, I’m sure.”
Her answer seemed to satisfy him, and he lifted her into his arms. “Let’s go home then.”
She snuggled against him as he moved toward the balcony, clearly preparing to fly from the fire escape. Anyone who saw it would certainly talk, but she wasn’t terribly concerned about that at the moment. She simply wanted to get back to the Grotesquerie, and back into his bed.
She’d been away from him for too long, but would never do it again. There would be assignments that would take her away from him, and she would definitely have to come back to testify at Felix’s trial in front of the Tribunal as they decided whether to banish him or give him a lifetime of prison on Earth, but she was confident there would be no more permanent separations from her mate. Their bond was unshakable, and their future was secure.