"There is a deep longing to feel legitimate in the world, to feel that others hold us in regard."
Cheryl Strayed
I want my writing to move you. I want my voice to be heard and my story to be told. I want you to tell me that my book is great, that I am a good writer, so that I can stand proudly alongside my peers. I want recognition and I need validation for the hours I have slaved over this manuscript.
Someone please tell me that I am worth something.
Do you resonate with this?
It's at the heart of why I write. Perhaps it just comes down to "Please notice me. Please love me." In a crazy busy world, it can be hard to feel seen, to know that you are heard, and writing becomes a way to make even a tiny dent in the universe. Once our words go out from us, we want someone to receive them. That's why most writers don't write for money or fame, they write from this longing to share what's in their hearts.
After writing, this need for validation can spill into publishing decisions.
Am I good enough to get an agent and a publisher?
Am I good enough to be read and loved by readers?
Am I good enough to win prizes and thrill critics?
Am I good enough to sell millions of books, get fantastic reviews and to make a living with my writing?
Ultimately, this need for validation is what makes writers so desperate to get an agent and a publishing deal, and then so grateful when they are picked up, even though they are the talent and their manuscript is valuable.
It makes indie authors chase after the latest marketing fad, hoping that it will help them get noticed in a sea of books. It drives authors to read their own book reviews even though the good ones will puff you up and the bad ones will bring you down, and ultimately, they are just someone else's opinion.
This need to be heard, for validation and ultimately, love, will never go away. It's part of what drives us to write and to publish. We have to learn to harness that need in a way that sustains us rather than destroys us. We also have to learn to self-validate, to understand that the writing process is the point, rather than the reception of our work or the rewards that may or may not come. We need to nourish ourselves with the practice of creation and learn through experience that we are good enough, we are worthy, regardless of what happens when our words go out into the world.
Self-knowledge of this need for validation can also stop us from making decisions that may harm us in the long run. For example, an author who takes an average publishing advance of $10,000 for their book may have given up their intellectual property asset for the life of copyright and may never see another dollar from it. All because they wanted an agent to tell them they are a good writer, and they crave the validation of a publishing deal.
For indie authors, validation comes from sales and reviews from a growing readership. This need can turn into a constant rechecking for the latest reviews, with days ruined by a one-star review and obsessing over what could have been different.
The only antidote to all this is to keep writing.
"Measure your worth by the dedication to your path, not by your successes or failures."
Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic