SIR TOBY BELCH AGAINST SHAKESPEARE

“William, William, tell me true,

What’s the finest thing a man can do?”

Sow the verb and noun the earth,

Love the pen, and let the pen give birth.

“What of ladies and tycoons,

Dogs and tennis, mayors and saloons?”

A lady is a trochee at her best,

A financier’s an anapest,

The dog is half a foot,

And that’s the use to which a dog is put.

“Farewell, grand master of the jingling craft,

Plato was no fool, who called you daft.

Your he she it what why and who

Get on and never think of you.

And I too swear no words can be

Better than a touchability.

So I’ll choose love and drink and money,

And you go sing hey nonny nonny.”