Ava Warner was not pleased to meet Maddie. At all.
She did that thing where she glared at Maddie whenever Josh or Owen weren’t paying attention. It made Maddie laugh because the pretty, willowy teen was so sincere in her annoyance and so very bad at conveying it in a less melodramatic way.
“Uncle Josh tells me you hang out with Nazis. You know we’re Jewish, right?”
“Ava,” Josh said in a warning tone. “I also told you Maddie has no choice but to deal with Troy Kocher so the bones can be returned to the tribe.”
“Troy is a piece of work,” Maddie said to Ava. “I don’t know if I’ve ever so thoroughly disliked someone from the moment I met them.”
“Yeah, I wonder what that’s like,” Ava said, heavy on the sarcasm.
Maddie burst out laughing as Josh turned to his niece in horror. “Ava!”
But Maddie kept laughing, and after a pause, a laugh escaped Owen too.
Ava glared at Owen across the dinner table—they were eating Thai food Maddie and Josh had picked up on the way home—but when she looked at the big, scarred former SEAL, Ava’s lips started to twitch, and a beat later, she was laughing too.
Josh sat there, shaking his head as the rest of them laughed.
When her laughter subsided, Maddie said, “Seriously, though, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who would go to a racist rally without a hood before. I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes and wonder what is happening to our country. And I wonder if it’s better that the hoods are off.”
“I think it’s better without the hoods,” Josh said. “Like I told Troy, a security specialist’s best weapon is our eyes. We see them. We can fight them.”
“Yet even when the cameras are running and they’re surrounded by cops, that guy who cut Desmond almost got away,” Ava said.
“We’ve got a long, ugly fight ahead of us,” Owen said. “Racism is built into the system, and some cops will focus on the Black man as the aggressor even when the white man—who is openly attending a white supremacist rally—came into the counterprotesters’ safe zone.”
“The purpose was to scare more counterprotesters from showing up at the next rally,” Maddie said.
“It’s having the opposite effect,” Josh said. “As I mentioned earlier, Bond Ironworks has had dozens of calls from people who want to stand up to the White Patriots. Every training includes more people. Honestly, it’s given me more hope than I’ve felt in a long time.”
Maddie wrapped a wide, flat noodle around her fork. “When is your next training session?”
“Tomorrow night, then we’ll take a few days off because Thursday, Owen and I are going to R&R. I won’t be back until Saturday. Then we’ll do another training on Sunday midday and more in the evenings next week to prep for the rally on the following Sunday.”
“Are you going to be able to continue with the volunteer work once you’re working for R&R, Owen?” Maddie asked.
“Not until I get a car. Can’t have Josh driving me back and forth all the time. But I wanted to see if R&R is a good fit before I get a vehicle.” He fixed his gaze on Ava. “Sometimes having a car—the freedom of it—is too much for me. I need to be certain I won’t slide back into temptation.”
“Why are you looking at me?” Ava asked without hostility.
“Because you’re young and going to high school.” He held up a hand to cut off what she was about to say. “I know you’re a smart girl. I know you can—and want to—make the right choices. I also know you’ve dealt with some shit, and self-medicating will hold a special appeal. It’s a slippery slope. I didn’t start with heroin, but I almost ended with it.
“Before I came out here, I told Josh I’d be a hundred percent honest with you about how drugs took over my life.” He held out his arm, showing her the track marks. “My addiction still owns me. I’m still afraid I’ll lose the battle. Even after three years clean, I can’t be trusted with a car. I honestly don’t know if I can ever be trusted with that kind of freedom. Learn from my mistakes. Let me be your cautionary tale.”
Maddie’s eyes teared at the raw honesty and vulnerability shown by this former SEAL. She’d bet the military man inside him hated showing this weakness. Yet here he was, sharing his greatest regret and shame in hopes it would prevent a troubled girl from following the same path.
Ava nodded and cleared her throat. “Thank you. I won’t forget.”
Owen nodded. “Good.”
A sharp buzz sounded, and both Owen and Josh looked at their phones. Josh cursed. “Raptor alert from one of our techs. Aww, fuck. Voigt Forum doxed us. Desmond too.”
A jolt of fear ran through Maddie, and her gaze jerked to Ava. The blood drained from the girl’s cheeks, her pale skin looking ghostly against her long dark hair. “What does that mean, Uncle Josh?”
Josh jumped from his seat. “We need to see what they posted.”
They all followed Josh into his office. He dropped into the chair and woke his large desktop computer. In seconds, the alt-right conspiracy theory website, Voigt Forum, filled the screen. The home page featured photos of Josh and the others lined up to protect the people who’d gathered to protest the white supremacist gathering. The article was about Raptor and Bond Ironworks and their plan to continue providing protection at future rallies. It included not just Josh’s address, but also a photo of the house they were currently inside.
“Why would they do this?” Ava asked.
“They’re afraid if too many counterprotesters show up, they won’t be able to use the rallies to recruit more members,” Josh said. He reached out and squeezed the girl’s hand. “By posting our address, they’re trying to scare me off. Stop the training sessions at the gym.” He turned back to the monitor. “I need to contact the police. Seattle has a registry for people in danger of swatting attacks, but I don’t think Portland does. It’s time to change that.”
“Swatting?” Ava asked. “Is that when people call the police to report fake crimes so SWAT teams will be called in?”
“Yeah. It’s basically attempted murder, but getting the cops to pull the trigger,” Owen said.
Josh ran a hand over his face. “Ava, you’re going to need to come with us to R&R on Thursday. I can’t leave you here alone.”
“I don’t need a babysitter.”
“This isn’t about you. It’s about them.” Josh pointed to the computer screen.
“But I have plans with Marcus on Friday. I haven’t been able to see him all summer, and we were going to the lake with Casey and the others.”
“I’m sorry, Ava. It’s too dangerous.”
Maddie put her hand on Josh’s shoulder. “Ava can stay with me.”
“Aren’t you going to the Painted Hills?” Josh asked.
“I’m going to the visitor center on Thursday. I’ll be gone all day but home that night.”
“Troy Kocher might know where you live. And he knows you’re associated with me. Ava might not be safe alone at your house either.”
“Then she can come with me to the Painted Hills, and Friday, I can drop her at the lake with her friends.” She glanced at Ava, who clearly wasn’t sure if she liked this idea but wasn’t ready to shoot it down either. “If you haven’t been there, the Thomas Condon Paleontology and Visitor Center has some great exhibits. You can explore while I work.”
“Sounds boring,” Ava sighed. “It’s just a bunch of old rocks.”
“You can learn about hell pigs,” Maddie said.
“What are hell pigs?”
“Come with me, and you’ll find out.”
Ava looked from Maddie to Josh. “I don’t know.”
“It’s either go with Maddie, or come with us to R&R.”
Ava pursed her lips. Finally, she huffed out a sigh and said, “Fine. I’ll go see the old rocks.”
Josh cleared his throat and fixed Ava with a stare.
Ava wrinkled her nose, then offered Maddie a smile that might even be genuine. “Thank you. For the offer.”
Maddie smiled. Thursday alone with Ava was bound to be interesting.
Josh hung up the phone after speaking to an officer with the Portland Police Bureau. Alerts would go out informing officers that any 911 calls that indicated violence at his address were to be handled with caution—phone calls would be made to Josh and Ava first to confirm the report. Officers sent to the scene would be informed of the likelihood of it being a false alarm.
He left the office to find Maddie watching TV with Owen and Ava. She smiled when he stepped into the room, and his heart squeezed. It was crazy, this attraction. And the timing was terrible.
In theory, he barely knew her, but they’d spent hours on the phone in the two weeks since they’d met, and he felt like he knew her. Like he’d known her forever. Plus, she was a Pacific Northwester—had grown up in the same state he had, graduating from high school two years after he did. She felt familiar to him. They had a similar history, even though they’d never met.
She rose from the couch. “All set?”
He nodded. “The police chief was personally informed, and she’s taking the situation seriously.” He smiled. “The irony of being in the high-end private security business and having to turn to the police for this.”
“It’s because of me, isn’t it, Uncle Josh?”
He couldn’t deny Ava’s question, much as he wanted to. If he were the only one at risk, he’d contact the police, but it would be handled differently. He should have considered her safety when he signed on to train the volunteers. When he’d calculated what he was risking, he hadn’t factored in Ava. So much for putting her first. He was a failure as a father.
He’d quit now if it wasn’t too late.
And it sucked that Voigt Forum was counting on that reaction. Not only to scare him away, but to discourage others from stepping into his place.
His hand curled into a fist. “I won’t let anyone hurt you, Ladybug.”
Her mom had started calling her that when she was one and wore a ladybug raincoat and boots to play in the rain. Josh had picked it up, and it had been her nickname for years, but he realized when the name slipped out that he hadn’t called her that since he’d moved to Portland.
He knelt in front of her. “And I won’t send you to live with anyone else. Ever. I promise.”
Ava swiped at her cheek. “’Kay.”
“But I need you to help me out. I will need to know where you are at all times—not because I don’t trust you, but because it’s the only way to protect you. I’m going to put a tracker in your purse. You are not under surveillance. You understand?”
She nodded, and he kissed her forehead. “We’ll talk more in a bit. Right now, I need to walk Maddie out.”
Ava nodded and Josh rose.
Maddie stood as well. “I’ll pick you up Thursday morning at seven,” she said to Ava.
Ava groaned. “It’s summer vacation. I should get to sleep in.” But it was a good-natured grumble.
Josh followed Maddie out the door and down the front walk to the driveway. When she would have paused by her car, he placed a hand on her hip and pulled her into the shadows next to the garage. “Thank you for taking Ava on Thursday and letting her stay with you through Saturday. She hasn’t been able to see her friends much this summer, and she needs that connection.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad I can help.”
“I think she’ll be nicer than she was at the start tonight.”
She placed a hand on his cheek, her fingers stroking the stubble on his jaw, and he leaned in to the touch. “It’s fine if she’s not. I can take it. There’s nothing Ava can say that would hurt me. I know what she’s gone through and that it’s not really personal.”
“But still, don’t let her get away with being a brat. She’s better than that.”
“Deal.”
She continued stroking his jaw, and he felt all sorts of things he shouldn’t be feeling when he had so much on his plate.
“Josh? Owen is on the right path and you’re doing great with Ava. But you’re forgetting someone. Promise me you’ll take care of yourself too, okay?”
He held her gaze, his stomach tight. “That’s a luxury I can’t afford.”
“But you need to. Listen, on Thursday, when Owen is busy with R&R paperwork or whatever, grab a kayak and paddle to the center of the lake, and then…just breathe. Or fish. Or whatever relaxes you. Just promise me you’ll give yourself some silence. Take a time out.”
He’d mentioned to her how much he loved being out on the water during one of their phone calls. Now he closed his eyes and imagined what she described and slowly nodded. “Deal,” he said, echoing her. He cupped her face in his hands. “There’s something else I want to do. And it’s very, very selfish.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
He lowered his head and took her mouth with his, his tongue diving deep as she gripped his shoulders and kissed him back, her response just as fierce as his kiss. He pressed her to the side of the garage, his hand on her neck as his other found her breast.
She threaded her fingers though his hair, her mouth nipping his lips, her tongue meeting his as she made the sounds he imagined late at night as he stroked himself. Now he pressed his erection to her belly, and her hand left his hair to slide between their bodies and caress him.
Layers of clothing separated them, but it didn’t matter. Her touch triggered the best kind of ache. “I want to be deep inside you,” he whispered. “To make you scream as you come. To lick every part of you.”
She bit his earlobe. “That doesn’t sound selfish at all.”
“Oh, but it is. I want you splayed on my bed and utterly abandoned to my touch. All mine.”
“You’re killing me, Warner.”
“I think about you,” he continued, “as I slide my hand down my cock and imagine how you’d feel. How you’d look when I make you come with my mouth. If I could do one thing that was selfish, just for me, it would be you.”
She gave a husky laugh. “Your kind of selfish sounds amazing.” She kissed him, then pulled back as far as the wall at her back would allow, which was only about a half an inch. “It’s a shame we can’t get involved right now.”
“A damn shame,” he said, his mouth on her neck, pressing openmouthed kisses on her smooth skin, trying to get his raging lust under control.
“So, when are we going to not see each other again?”
He smiled against her neck and took a deep breath, trying to make sense of their schedules for the next few days while the ache in his balls tried to eclipse rational thought. “Saturday night. I’ll take you out to dinner after you deliver Ava home. A thank-you for helping out.”
“Okay. It’s not a date, then.”
He stepped back and brushed his hands down her clothes, straightening the top where it had ridden up thanks to his groping hands. He threaded his fingers through hers and led her back to her car. He paused and cupped her face, brushing his thumb over her lips—full and lush from his kisses—and his brain went straight to wondering how swollen her other lips might be. He pressed his mouth to hers one more time. This time, he was gentle, mouth closed, an almost proper good-night. “Text me when you get home so I know you’re safe.”
“Will do.”
He stood in the driveway, watching as her taillights disappeared into the darkness. Teasing aside, he had no idea how he was going to balance this thing that was definitely happening with Maddie and the rest of his responsibilities. Wanting her was selfish and wrong. But he wasn’t even going to pretend to fight it anymore.