She simply had to get home. The whole experience was so exciting, so marvellous and so terribly disturbing that she had to get back to her own territory, despite Kenneth’s protestations. The thought of spending the night in this strange house with her excited and troubled thoughts, not to mention not having a tooth brush, night clothes or makeup did not appeal. And then there was the Japanese loo. Kenneth had discreetly taken himself off downstairs to bring up a couple of brandies leaving Effie free to use the bathroom. He had fished out a white bathrobe which he assured her was ‘quite clean’. Effie wondered whose it was.
In the bathroom was a bidet as well as the loo, equally adorned with buttons and levers. She hesitated between the two and plumped for the loo. She did need to relieve herself. Now that the excitement had died down she felt a little tender in her lower regions and looked forward to bathing herself in some warm water. But how to flush the loo? She squinted at the buttons beside her on the wall and pressed one which she thought said ‘heated’. Nothing immediately happened and she was just about to get up when a powerful shot of hot water spurted onto her backside startling her into a shriek. She hastily pressed the next button to stop it which only had the effect of changing the hot spout to cold which poured out even more fiercely before gradually slowing down and completing the process with a final loud sucking sound as the contents of the bowl disappeared down the hole and the air was filled with a fine jasmine-scented vapour.
Effie waited a moment, not daring to raise herself from her sitting position, but her backside was now freezing cold and she wanted to warm herself up. She eased herself over to the bidet, sitting astride like a horse. This time she took more time to consider the labelling and went for a button that promised ‘heated massage: gentle’ which proved to be a good choice. A warm shower sprayed her from below moving in a wave motion backwards and forwards so that her frozen bottom was soon thawed and soothed and she was beginning to enjoy this pleasant increasingly stimulating sensation, curious about the next button which described ‘heated massage: vigorous’ when Kenneth’s voice came through the door.
‘You all right?’
Effie pulled herself up. Enough stimulus for one night. She really did need to have a bit of quiet time to herself to digest the events of the evening. So she thanked him profusely and sincerely, arranged to call the next day and meet the following Friday - ‘seems to be our day’ - and gratefully sank back in the seat of the mini cab which Kenneth had ordered.
She slept fitfully and dreamt of another giant vegetable which she was devouring hungrily making lots of holes where she took large bites which seemed to wink at her like eyes as she chewed on the flesh. Next morning, in the bathroom she stared at herself in the mirror: her eyes were blue-grey, not as clear as they used to be and those lines etched round them which looked particularly deep today. But what did she see in them? Warmth? Compassion? Intelligence? and... she moved closer to the glass, peering, guilt? Yes, definitely guilt, and they seemed greyer as she stared. Perhaps that was the colour of guilt, a dull grey like heavy metal. If envy is green then guilt is grey. Yes, guilt grey sounded right, but no point in dwelling on it. It was best to get on with normal morning rituals, a cup of tea, radio 4, breakfast, a shower. She felt a need to get on with familiar things while some part of her was insisting that her world today was different from the one of yesterday, and it wasn’t just that she had experienced intense physical desire, even lust, for the first time in many years. She needed to speak to Susie.
‘Susie, are you up? Can I talk?’
‘Effie?,’
‘You know it’s me’
‘Hold your horses. What’s up? Don’t tell me the lovely Kenneth and you have finally mixed your DNA together!’
‘Never let it be said you aren’t quick to cotton on! So, yes, as a matter of fact we have, but, honestly Susie, I don’t know what to think, I mean it all seems so...’ Effie’s voice tailed off. Did she want to tell Susie what was really disturbing her? Susie was speaking:
‘I’m delighted, darling. Aren’t you pleased? Or was it all a frightful disappointment?’
‘No, no,... not at all. It was fine, actually pretty good. Quite amazing really that it’s all still working.’
Susie laughed.. `so can we give him an A+ for sexual congress?’
‘I guess so.’
‘So?’
‘I’m just not used to being so stirred up. I just hope it doesn’t all end up in tears.’
Susie expostulated `but why should it? You’re both adults and free agents, you’ve no ties that you need to worry about. Honestly, Effie, I don’t know why you aren’t dancing in the aisle.’
‘You don’t?’
‘No I don’t. Or is there something about him: he has BO, a wart on his penis, lousy politics?’
‘No, no, nothing like that. Can’t really fault him, though I wish I knew him better. The house didn’t really give much away, all very modern inside and a hugely smart kitchen and an excellent cook.’ The grey feeling was beginning to mellow as she chatted, warming to the familiar engagement with her friend, and she was soon laughing as she described the bathroom with all its technological gadgets.
‘Sounds a bit kinky to me.’
‘Actually it was quite soothing.’
‘You realise you haven’t said anything about what actually happened, though I’ve got a pretty good picture of your Kenneth’s plumbing facilities.’
‘Well, you’ll just have to sit on your curiosity, Susie. I am entitled to a private life you know.’
‘Since when?’
‘Since last night’ was what she said, while to herself she thought, since I started having secrets.
Susie had moved on. ‘I’ve got to go, darling, some of us have to work on a Saturday. What are you up to this weekend? You’re very welcome to join me and Fred tomorrow evening for a bite, or are you meeting your lovely beau?’
‘Tomorrow? No. I’m not seeing Kenneth till next Friday. But glad you asked me that. I said I’d baby sit for Cathy. To make up for my errant behaviour last night.’
‘But you always enjoy that, don’t you? Roll on the day when I have grandmotherly duties to perform. You realise, Effie, you’re my shining example of the ideal grandmother.’
‘I am?’
...
The conversation with Susie left Effie only partially reassured, as she mulled over the evening: was there something ‘kinky’ about Kenneth’s tastes or was it her? She felt her body was still tingling with both pleasure and pain and it was all rather overwhelming. And then there was that image, which she simply had no idea what to do with other than try and push it aside which she attempted to do by throwing herself into some quite unnecessary housecleaning. Having exhausted herself in this pursuit she was about to settle down to tackle the Saturday ‘fiendish’ soduku with a cup of coffee when the phone rang and a cheerful Kenneth greeted her. She felt he meant it when he told her how much he had enjoyed the evening. She could respond equally sincerely that she had too. He had a busy week ahead but looked forward to seeing her on Friday again for a movie and a meal out.
Effie perked up after this conversation. The joy of feeling someone liked her and having something to look forward to. She hummed to herself as she went about her domestic tasks. Determined to tackle that bulging midriff that Kenneth’s culinary skills were clearly not going to help, she subjected herself to an hour of torture at the gym followed by a skinny latte and a mini croissant with one of her gym mates who to Effie’s annoyance wolfed down a huge slice of chocolate brownie while not showing an ounce of spare flesh.
Sunday evening found her at Cathy’s house. The girls were in the garden when she arrived and Cathy was busy preparing their supper. She looked up as her mother came in.
‘You look well, Mum. Been to the gym?’
‘Yes, I’m glad you noticed. I needed it after a late night out on Friday.’
Cathy raised her eyebrows. ‘Oh yes, you and your young man. So how did it go?’ She sliced into a carrot, chopping off the green top.
‘Fine. Yes, very nice. How about your evening?’
Cathy banged the lid on a saucepan. `Oh, it was the usual rather tedious work do. Lots of people yattering on about their children’s schools and having their kitchens refurbished and stuff, and everyone eating and drinking too much and really not worth the bother of all that fuss to find a baby sitter on Friday.’
`Oh dear, sorry about that. It’s a pity, darling. I thought actually that Jasmine was quite a good find. I mean she seemed willing and the kids liked her. I’m sure you could use her again.’
‘At this rate, we may have to.’
‘Cathy, what do you mean – ‘at this rate’?’
‘Well, if gadding about with young men is going to be a regular occurrence.’
‘I wouldn’t call it ‘gadding about’, Cathy, and Kenneth is not young.’
A burning smell was coming from the cooker and Cathy hastily pulled out the grill pan to reveal six shrivelled black fish fingers. `Damn it! Oh really that’s the last straw.’
‘Here, Cathy,’ Effie touched her daughter’s arm ‘come, let me help. There are some more in the packet.’
Cathy sniffed, tossing her hair back, ‘Well, if you really want to help you can get the girls in to wash their hands and lay the table, thank you. We’re trying to get out to a 6.40 at the Cornerhouse. There’s a French film about a man who’s been having an affair for years and finds out that his wife’s been doing the same thing. Meant to be a comedy’ she laughed.
The girls were eventually brought in from the garden, seated with clean hands in front of plates of fish fingers, carrots and over-cooked chips about which Daisy started to complain until she noticed her mother’s steely expression.
‘I know they’re a bit burnt but you’re lucky to be offered decent food.There are hungry children in other parts of the world who would be grateful...’
‘Hi, there.’ Jim appeared, ‘what’s up?’ he enquired looking towards his wife till he noticed Effie whom he greeted cheerfully. He had a paint brush and glass jar in hand. ‘Been doing a bit of DIY in the girls’ room. We’ve got time for a quick cup of tea, haven’t we, Cathy?’
`I’ll do it’ Effie leapt up.
‘No, you sit down, Mum, and keep an eye on the children. I’ll make a pot.’
Tea cups and spoons clattered. ‘Here, Jim, give this to Mum.’
Jim took the cup and placed it carefully in front of Effie, catching her eye and holding her gaze with a warm smile. ‘Hey, Effie, you’re looking great. This new man of yours must be doing you good.’
Effie’s face immediately warmed up and she knew she must be scarlet.
‘Why is grandma’s face all red’ piped up Rosie, darling Rosie.
The two girls giggled, Cathy stared while Jim continued to smile and look at her with his blue eyes. Effie shut her own briefly.
‘Well, I’m glad you find someone attractive.’ Cathy was addressing Jim. He sighed and went over to his wife giving her a hug and a peck on the cheek.
‘Come on,Cathy, you look great and you’d look even nicer if you didn’t look so fierce.’
‘Fierce?’ Cathy’s tone was angry. ‘I didn’t know I inspired fear and trepidation, and...’ she turned to the children who were sitting watching, no longer giggling...`don’t ask what that means, Daisy, because I have no idea’ with which she marched out of the kitchen.
‘Oh dear’ said Effie `I do hope that wasn’t my fault.’
‘No, no, not your fault, Effie. Cathy’s just a bit up tight at the moment. I think she’s finding working and looking after the children and everything quite tiring. She’ll be OK after we’ve been out. I’d better go and see if I can calm her down.’
The children were quiet after that and still subdued at bedtime despite Effie doing her best to be cheerful.
‘So what does ‘trepidation’ mean, grandma’ asked Daisy as Effie tucked her into bed.
‘Well, if you are in trepidation, it suggests you are sort of frightened of someone, darling, but I don’t think Mummy really meant it. She was just a bit tired. Come on, I want to read to you.’
‘I was frightened when Mummy was cross’ said Rosie.
‘Oh, you’re just a scaredy’ Daisy dismissed her sister.
‘We all get scared sometimes’ said Effie a bit sadly as she opened a book she had brought. ‘I’m going to read to you about a very brave Greek hero called Theseus who was so brave he was ready to fight the fearsome minotaur, a kind of huge dangerous bull, in order to save the people of Crete. He was lucky in that he got the assistance of a beautiful maiden who used her intelligence to help him. So...’ she read on.