|
|
|
L ater that evening , Jack sat down to dinner with us. Corina had cooked but then gone to bed without eating, saying that she felt like she was coming down with something. I only hoped that Ivy didn’t catch it—her father had said that she was prone to getting colds even in the summer, and if Corina was contagious there was a good idea the little girl would get sick. I looked at Ivy but she appeared to be fine, eating happily and chatting with her father. Jack kept shooting glances at me, some of which looked apologetic, but I ignored him and focused on my food and conversing with Ivy.
After dinner, I went straight up to my room after telling Ivy goodnight, ignoring Jack completely. I wasn’t surprised when he came to knock on my door about an hour later, and I crossed my room, standing on the other side of it.
“What do you want?” I asked.
“To apologize,” he said in a soft voice. “I really am sorry.”
I opened the door, but didn’t move to allow him in.
“There was no excuse to talk to me like that,” I said. “You know I didn’t just up and leave Ivy—”
“I know,” he said, exhaling in a way that made him look like he was deflating. “I know, baby.”
“Don’t call me that,” I snapped. He reached forward, wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me against him. Then he kissed me and I melted against him, unable to help myself.
“You are so good for me,” he said. I pulled away from him then, shaking my head.
“We’re not good for each other,” I said, though I was trembling from his touch. “I don’t—I don’t think this is a good idea. You should go to your room.”
“Lauren—”
“You’re my boss, Jack. We shouldn’t be involved with each other. It’s not right. And Ivy is involved in this,” I said. “I love her. It would break her heart if something happened between us.”
“It would break both of our hearts if we didn’t give this a try,” he said. “You know that. I know you know that.”
I shook my head. I felt tears welling up in my eyes and wiped them away in frustration. I didn’t want to show how much this was affecting me and how painful it was.
“You owe it to yourself to give this a chance,” he said, looking into my eyes.
“No,” I said. “Goodnight, Jack.”
The look on his face was pained, but he nodded. He turned around and went back into his room and I climbed into bed, wishing immediately that I had invited him in. My own bed felt cold and massive compared to the way it had felt to snuggle up against him the night before, and I missed him as I drifted off to sleep, tossing and turning restlessly throughout the night.
I woke up in the morning and went downstairs to find the kitchen empty. I assumed that Corina was still sick and set to work on breakfast, putting together a simple meal of toast and eggs and carrying it out to the dining room. A few minutes later, Jack came down the stairs with Ivy. He met my eye but I glanced away from him, avoiding his gaze completely.
“Are you going to be home for a bit today?” I asked him.
“Yes,” he said.
“Okay. Corina’s gone, so I’m going to go to the store to do some grocery shopping. Is it okay to leave Ivy here?”
“Of course,” he said slowly. “But if you want, we can come.”
“No,” I said. “I’d rather go by myself.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, a concerned look on his face. I almost felt guilty for the way I was feeling—I hated seeing him upset. But I knew I had every right to be angry with him, to want to stay away from him. It had been a bad idea in the first place to get involved, and I cursed myself for falling for him so quickly. It was only causing me pain, and even the immense pleasure he’d given me, the joy I’d felt when we’d been together, hadn’t been worth the feeling of losing him.
I left after a quiet breakfast, glad to be in my car and away from Jack. I missed Ivy and had been tempted to take her along just for the company; there was something about her that brightened up my mood every time I was around her. But I knew that I needed some time alone to clear my thoughts.
I arrived at the grocery store and soon had a basket on my arm, looking through the aisle when I accidentally bumped into someone in the row. I started to apologize but stopped when I saw that it was Jack’s wife, Rebecca.
“Oh, it’s you,” the woman said blankly, then she seemed to have an idea and her tone changed. “You can help me.”
“What?” I said, bemused as I stood there staring at her. She really was lovely, though there was a coldness in her eyes that had the ability to transform her into a monster. I knew that from the moment she had pushed past me into the house; she had wanted to do more, but stopped herself. I was glad that she had. The last thing I wanted to do was get into a fight with Jack’s ex-wife.
“I need you to talk to Jack,” the woman said. “Please.”
“I can’t—”
“You can. He’ll listen to you. I know—I can tell that the two of you are together.”
“We’re not,” I said flatly. “I’m the nanny.”
She laughed dryly, her eyes hard as flint. Then her gaze softened, and I watched in amazement as something clicked within her and her eyes filled with tears. She took my hands and held them in both of hers.
“I just want to see my daughter,” she said. “And he won’t let me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, not knowing what else that I could say. I did feel for her. I couldn’t even imagine what it was like to lose a child, but that didn’t mean I could help her. “There’s really nothing I can do. Jack and I aren’t—”
“You don’t have to lie,” the woman said. “I saw the two of you in the same room together. I know you’re fucking him.”
I stared at her, unwilling to say a word.
“You should know something about Jack before you fall for him,” Rebecca said. “He’s definitely fucked other nannies before. He has a thing for younger women. That’s why our marriage ended—he couldn’t stop cheating.”
“Oh,” was all I could say. I felt almost as if I had been hit in the stomach. “I didn’t know that.”
“Of course you didn’t know that. You think he would tell the women he’s sleeping with that he’s a total fucking scumbag? He just wants to get in your pants, honey. Don’t kid yourself into thinking he cares about you. He’ll dump you for the next hot young thing in a minute.”
I looked away from her. A knot was forming in my stomach, growing tighter with every word she spoke.
“I have to go,” I said, desperate to get away from her. I felt almost like I couldn’t breathe. For some reason, it hurt more than I could say to hear the truth about Jack, the fact that he was a player who was only out for sex. That meant I had chosen a third man who would inevitably leave me for another woman.
Rebecca opened her mouth to say something but I couldn’t take it or listen to her anymore. I put the basket down on the ground and hurried out of the store, not caring that I would be going home without groceries. I couldn’t stand in that building for one more minute with her, not without bursting into tears of frustration and pain.
