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L auren’s car was gone when I got home from work a few hours after going in. I sat in the driveway, staring at the empty space, regretting every single thing I had done wrong in my relationship with Lauren. I was frustrated with the fact that she didn’t trust me not to fool around on her. She didn’t believe that I was serious, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my feelings for her were just that.
I went inside, half-hoping that she was somehow still there. I called out for her, but when nobody responded I sighed, feeling deflated. I pulled out my phone and called her cellphone but it went straight to voicemail as if she had rejected it. I hung up, a sick feeling in my stomach that seemed to get worse with every minute.
I looked around for Ivy and Corina, and found Ivy in the playroom with a young woman I didn’t recognize, who I assumed was the nanny that Lauren had found to replace her for the day. Ivy ran up to me when I saw her and wrapped her arms around my legs, burying her face against me.
“How are you, baby?” I asked her.
“I don’t like this nanny,” she said, and I glanced over her shoulder to see the nanny looking abashed.
“Why not?” I asked her.
“I want Lauren. She’s not Lauren,” Ivy said, pouting. “I don’t want to see her anymore.”
“Baby—” I began, but then she started to cry, huge sobs that shook her whole body. She ran from the room then, her little legs carrying her away and down the hall. I looked at the nanny apologetically.
“I’m sorry,” I said to her. “I’m sure you were fine. She was just really attached to our other nanny.”
“It’s fine,” said the girl, standing up. She looked nervous. “I um—I don’t think I’ll be available tomorrow, but the nanny service should be able to send you someone in the morning.”
“Thank you,” I said to her, and as soon as she left I hurried to Ivy’s bedroom, knocking lightly on the door.
“Don’t come in,” she said, with all the adamancy of an angry six-year-old girl. “Unless you’re Lauren.”
“Baby,” I said, pushing the door open. She was laying on her bed under the covers like a lump, her face completely obscured by the blanket. I sat down next to her, gently pulled the blanket from her head. “I’m sorry Lauren’s gone. But you can’t be mean to the nannies.”
“But I don’t want another nanny,” she said, her voice shaking. My heart clenched in my chest and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into my lap. “I want Lauren.”
“I know,” I said. “I loved Lauren too. But she’s gone now and I don’t think she’s coming back. It’s hard, but we just have to move on.”
“I wanted her to be my new mommy,” Ivy said in a small voice. I sighed, holding her tight.
“You have me, baby,” I said to her. “Don’t worry about your mommy. I don’t want you to worry about anything, okay?”
She sniffled, meeting my eye. “Okay,” she said. I lifted her up then, carrying her out into the hallway and down the stairs.
“Where are we going?” she asked me.
“For ice cream,” I said to her. “Does that sound good?”
She smiled then, a bright smile that lit up her face. It was a relief to see the sadness gone from her features, though I knew it would be a long time before she got over Lauren. Ivy had been as enamored by the nanny as I had, and I knew that it was going to be hard to get over her absence when she had felt like such a natural part of our family.
“We’ll go in a minute,” I said to her. “Daddy’s going to run upstairs. I’ll be right back.”
“Okay,” she said. I ran upstairs quickly, pulling out my phone again. I couldn’t just let it rest. At the very least, I wanted to leave Lauren a message and let her know how much she meant to me. I couldn’t leave things alone without her knowing.
The phone went straight to voicemail again and I felt nervous as the tone sounded for me to speak.
“Hi, Lauren,” I said. “Um—I know that it’s over. And I get it. I just—I wanted to tell you that I love you. I’ll love you for the rest of my life. Please never forget that.”
I hung up without saying anything else, before I could beg her to come back to me. I didn’t want to guilt or force her into anything, so it was best to let her have the space that she wanted. I sighed and went back downstairs to Ivy, hoping that spending some time with her would wipe away the feeling of hopelessness I felt when I thought about the fact that I would never see the woman I loved again.
When I got downstairs, Corina was with Ivy. She looked at me with a concerned expression.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” she asked.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes,” she said. I looked down at Ivy.
“Ivy, do you want to go play upstairs for a few minutes while I talk to Corina?”
“Will I get two scoops of ice cream?” she asked. I laughed, ruffling her hair.
“Sure,” I said to her. She beamed, then ran upstairs to her playroom. Corina looked at me with her hands on her hips.
“What exactly did you do to that girl?”
“Corina—”
“I saw her when she left. She was heartbroken. She’s a sweet girl, Jack.”
“She’s a wonderful woman. Trust me. I know. And I lost her.”
“What happened?” she asked, her voice gentle. “Tell me about it.”
I looked at her. Corina and I had always had a special relationship. She had been our housekeeper since before Ivy was born, and she was just like family to me. She had always been a comforting presence and I knew that I could talk to her about anything. I sighed.
“We got close. I—I fell in love with her. I am in love with her. But she doesn’t trust me, not after seeing Rebecca.”
“Did Rebecca tell her something?”
I ran my hand through my hair. “I don’t know. Maybe. I didn’t hear her.”
“Maybe it’s just a misunderstanding,” Corina said. “Can you talk to her?”
I shook my head. “She isn’t answering my calls. I left her a voicemail, but I don’t even know if she’ll listen to it.”
“What did you say?” Corina asked.
“I told her I loved her. That I will always love her,” I said. Corina nodded, putting her hand to my cheek.
“You’re a good boy, Jack. She’ll come around. I can see it in that girl’s eyes when she looks at you—she’s in love.”
Those words filled me with a slight hope, though I knew I shouldn’t have any. I had no idea where Lauren was going or what she was going to do. For all I knew, she was planning to move back to the city. The only thing she had said in her goodbye note was that she loved and would miss Ivy, along with her email address so that Ivy could get ahold of her if she wanted to.
“I hope you’re right. I hope there’s a way I can get her back,” I said.
“Be patient,” she said, and I nodded, then went upstairs to fetch Ivy. I hoped that things would work out but I felt ultimately hopeless thinking about the angry look in my eyes, consumed with doubt that I would even ever see her again.
