Anthony & Francesca
Francesca never forgot the day Anthony, who was no fisherman, failed to bring home the fish. She did the math. Say the heart beats eighty times a minute, forty-eight hundred times an hour, one hundred fifteen thousand times a day. That meant in the three years since, the muscle that was her heart had contracted one hundred twenty-six million, one hundred fifty thousand times. The calculation was simple, if nothing else was.
That was an incredible number—one hundred twenty-six million, one hundred fifty thousand. To her, though, it felt more like one heartbeat ago. She couldn’t wrap her mind around that number, either.
—
Francesca resifted memories of what had seemed to be an ordinary day, the day her husband didn’t return with the fish as he promised. Sparkling summer had mercifully descended after a pitiless winter. The fat heirloom tomatoes were ripening bright red in their raised beds: the prospect of a bountiful harvest. Honeybees zoomed and hummingbirds darted, peony to sage to goldenrod and beyond. She answered mail, returned calls, paid bills, did chores, ran errands, scheduled meetings, worked out, watered plants, watered plants again, ate lunch. How genially purposeful was her routine. That was before everything changed for Anthony and for her and for everybody she cared about. Memory is a funny thing, even if it isn’t a thing and there is nothing funny about it.
So that was a lifetime or a minute ago, a Thursday, typically the most vexed day of the week. Not weighted with deferred obligation like a Monday or Tuesday, and not freighted with implied expectation like a Friday or Saturday. Not hollow like a transitional Wednesday or wistful and lonesome as a Sunday, either. Sundays could be particularly hard. That’s when rain ought to fall, sunrise to midnight, or when owls should hoot and hoot and hoot some more. But back to Thursday: that’s when you swivel, backward and forward, when you are open to surprise, prepared for anything. But that is Thursday’s reliably broken promise. Nobody’s prepared when anything takes place.
She had been the recipient of well-meaning, hopeless advice—advice she should stay in the moment. That’s the last place she wanted to be. All around her, people seemed to be manically meditating, too, when they weren’t rushing off to spin classes and resistance training, or eating more plants and antioxidants and less animal protein. They were undivided, aggressively striving to stay in the moment. She half-wished she could heed their counsel and stay in the freaking moment, if only she could fathom where and what and why the moment was. Their intentions were well-meaning, probably, and they made a sort of sense because consider the unappealing alternatives. Living in the foreclosed past meant trudging through the mucky sludge of regret and nostalgia, while living in the clouds of the inconceivable future meant taking up residence in the land of make-believe. And yet, and yet, and yet: loss and remembrance and the continually imploding present were the fundaments of her existence.
—
On that Thursday when Anthony did not return with the fish, dawn broke with uneasy intimations, sly premonitions. Francesca was already late for something urgent—but what that was, she could not name. She walked into the garden beyond her bedroom door in hopes that the scents of rosemary, basil, and freesia might elevate her spirits. Hopes were quickly dashed; the garden didn’t help. Honestly, it never did. The night before, empty Wednesday night, she and Anthony had had an extraordinary spat—extraordinary in that they rarely tangled. They took no pleasure in marital swordplay, so it didn’t take long before they both lost interest. Not that either was ADD. If anything, the two of them suffered from a surplus, not a deficit, of attention.
Thus it was, that awkward Thursday morning, she found herself stopping him dead in his tracks on his way out the door: “Not so fast, buster. Not done with you yet.”
If she were not who she was and he were not who he was and they were not who they were, she might have been shouting, and the wedding china might have been rattling inside cabinets. The sentiments might have been accompanied by glassware flung, doors slammed, ultimatums delivered, and miserable zig-zaggy lines of mascara running down her cheeks. But not a chance when it came to her—and him—and them.
Her husband was bustling about, getting organized to go to work. The instant he heard Not so fast, deferential Buster—Anthony, that is—histrionically screeched to a halt: “Road Runner, meep meep, meets rock wall.”
“Meep meep, Road Runner? Just curious, meep meep, Anthony darling.”
“Go for it, Frankie.”
“You’re a smart guy.”
“Full disclosure: there was cabinet-level consideration as to whether or not I ought to repeat second grade. Everybody knows second grade is a scholastic juggernaut.”
She shook her head side to side, a miserable metronome. “You sleep soundly, like you’re an innocent man. How come when you wake up you’re a knucklehead?”
Because about last night: a little snark and snip, a passing complaint, a minor grievance, an eye roll, a self-defensive pushback, one glass of wine too many, all right maybe two, and they drifted into their respective corners to lick their superficial wounds. But hours later, they got through it and slept in each other’s arms. Well, one of them slept. But no, marital triage was not on the docket, and as per usual there wasn’t a lot to clean up today.
“Knucklehead? You said knucklehead?”
“What, you’ve never been told before?”
“Objection, badgering, as well as hearsay, but let us stipulate semi-lovable. At the same time, kind of immaterial, too,” he added, “as well as leading, your Honor. Calls for a conclusion. Exhibit A: Counsel is testifying and is way too foxy, especially with respect to the earliness of the hour.”
At this point an outside observer would be hard-pressed to appreciate that Anthony was well-versed in raising logical and coherent and strategic objections in legal proceedings, unlike the frivolous, nonsensical ones he raised with Francesca. That’s because, for his day job, he was a litigator specializing in criminal law. Lawyers are often justifiably saddled with a bad rep, but if you had a genuine problem, and the money, Anthony Fitzgerald was the up-and-coming barrister you wanted to have your back. You didn’t necessarily have to be Irish or be personally acquainted with any of the Fitzgeralds, and you didn’t always need to have all the cash for the retainer up front, but it didn’t hurt.
“Where you think you’re going?” she asked, not that she had suspicions.
“Want to track me?”
“Ankle monitor, never thought of that. You can borrow one from all your clients under house arrest.”
Then his forehead wrinkled and his shoulders slumped and his eyebrows arched and his lower lip did that signature goofball overhang. That was his go-to Parisian street mime move, which was practically indistinguishable from his trademark dejected clown.
She gave up and smiled and threw up her hands, like somebody on the church steps showering the bride and groom with confetti. What had they been fighting about? She could barely recall. Once more her vision was drawn to the shadowy mini Zeus thunderbolt scar on his forehead, directly beneath the scalp line. It was a marker of Anthony’s storied past, and it set off right on schedule a high-voltage erotic charge. Such yearning made her woozy, as if she zip-lined from a great, great height.
She braced herself, leaning a hip against the kitchen counter, arms folded. She was wearing gray sweats, her black mane of hair was tied back, and her reading glasses were perched on top of her head. To him this made her resemble a college girl who had crammed all night for a final exam. In fact, her efforts at sleep had been sheet-twisting, pillow-punching restless and wracked. Meanwhile, alongside her, he seemed to enjoy the serene slumber of the guilt-free. She had briefly entertained slapping him awake so they could resume talking, but in the end didn’t follow through.
That morning the big blue sky beckoned, and, dressed in a bespoke black suit and gold Marinella tie with contrasting orange la-di-da silk pocket square, he was going to work, as he usually did at this hour. Where else did she imagine he might be going? He stole a glance at the wall clock over her shoulder. He was on schedule.
“You look snappy,” she said, and he did. A while ago, she had supervised his wardrobe makeover. He hadn’t a clue how badly he required such intervention, which is one thing all men who desperately need a makeover have in common. He resisted at first, but soon his once-upon-a-time standard-issue corduroy sport coats and wrinkled chinos, which made him look like an assistant professor possessed of pronounced Marxist leanings, were relegated to Saint Vincent de Paul, supplanted by a rack of Italian designer suits fashioned of sumptuous fabric whose folds embraced him in an elegant caress. When he risked a glance in the mirror, he wondered what mystifying road he had taken to become a guy wearing a suit like that. It was easy to map the path: he trusted Frankie’s lead, and she never misguided him. Though, true, he would stipulate for the record, early on she did buy him a pink shirt, which constituted a low point, but how could she have known then that his father would disown him if his son swanned around in such a fey garment?
Francesca was inclined to be conciliatory. Her snappy was punctuated by a wry smile, as if she had made a poker hand, drawing to an inside straight—but honestly, no, she did not have one of those poker faces, at least when it came to him. Fighting was so, so dumb. She could shift direction quicker than one of those shimmering hummingbirds suspended outside her kitchen window. Pure Francesca Scalino.
As for her last name, before she affirmed her Catholic wedding vows she contemplated taking Anthony’s, becoming Francesca Fitzgerald, which ethnic mash-up would have qualified for major points on the mellifluousness scale. Maybe she had inhaled the dispersed current of pop feminism or maybe she preferred her maiden name, not that there was anything wrong in her mind with becoming a Fitzgerald. Or maybe professional considerations held sway, insofar as she had earned during the boom her successful entrepreneur’s reputation as a Scalino. Her father did not enjoy a vote on the matter, though he expressed no displeasure when his precious daughter elected not to assume a new—and quintessentially Irish—last name. Keeping hers did not betoken ambivalence. She was not hedging her bets. She was not the type to hedge a bet, or question her heart. Anthony was her soul mate and would be her husband, and she his devoted wife. Wasn’t that obvious?
As for him, the issue of a last name was more inconsequential than his defunct corduroy coats. He didn’t care how her name appeared on the marriage certificate or mailbox as long as the two of them were bonded in perpetuity.
Anthony’s parents may have been initially critical of what they construed to be the girl’s radical decision to retain her name, but then again, they cultivated generalized skepticism with regard to the younger generation. There was no getting around that she was indeed Italian, and this would be what they would term with pruned face and wrinkled mouth a mixed marriage. So yes, definitely very old school. Yet their son proclaimed he was in love. That could be true, but what was he thinking? And with what was he thinking? An Italian girl? Well, that’s what his mother wanted to know: handsome boy like him, oldest of her four children, smart as a whip, setting such a poor example for the siblings, and—Holy Jesus, child of Mary!—whatever happened to that cute curly-haired colleen he was cavorting around with not so long ago, a girl who was gentle as a lamb and whose name she did not recall? Anthony didn’t always remember her name, either, and that former girlfriend’s sweetness, which was authentic and abundant, cloyed over time. His baby sister was actually christened Colleen, but he was through cavorting around with any and all other colleens, if that was the way to put it, because he had found the one and only. He didn’t mount an argument or defend himself in the Fitzgerald Court of Family Law because—because what was the question again? Why couldn’t they be happy for him? For him, that wasn’t a rhetorical question.
His father, whose temperament nobody would dare characterize as lamblike, had not been half so wary as his mother. In fact, he cultivated a measure of grudging respect for those he spoke of as the Eye Talians. In his specialized arena of business, dealings with them were hard to avoid. They proved competent businessmen, erratic and blustery, certainly, but finally bottom-line pragmatic, and prosperous, too, in all these respects much like him. Not only that. He had in his garage an Italian trophy car, a gleaming, gorgeous, classic, low-slung Maserati. His wife refused on principle to ride in it, though what that principle was must have seemed so transparent that it had never been adduced. Driving the car was reserved for what was termed “special occasions,” but since few occasions were deemed sufficiently special, she hadn’t many opportunities to spurn getting in, not that that mattered. For her, the point remained.
“Oh, you want me to buy an Irish car?” he once asked. “Henry Ford’s da might have been Irish, but our kind don’t have the corner on automobiles, and if we did, their pistons would be cantankerous as a tubercular deacon from Cork—and they’d all be slathered with seasick green paint.”
That may be, but Anthony’s mother ardently celebrated the bounty of Irish blood flowing in her unashamed veins. In contrast, his father’s feelings were muted if not mixed on that score. Decades after that soul-crushing November 1963 day of national reckoning, President Kennedy’s framed, fading photo still assumed a place of honor on their mantle, positioned alongside family portraits, all of them faithfully dusted. John Fitzgerald Kennedy, after all, you see. Then again, there was a time when it would have been borderline implausible to saunter into any Irish home or pub bereft of iconic images of the rascally handsome Jack and gravely good-looking brother Bobby and, as she often implored the heavens, may they rest in peace and let perpetual light shine upon them, amen.
—
One afternoon the engaged couple came over to the baronial Family Fitzgerald home. Francesca and Anthony and his parents enjoyed a pleasurable lunch in the patio gazebo with the panoramic view of woods and water, and afterward Paddy offered Francesca what he and his son should have offered before: a tour of the grounds. In due course the three of them ended up in the garage. He wanted to show off that classic car of his—and to signal, almost undoubtedly unconsciously, his open-mindedness on the budding Italian controversy.
“Oh, my God,” she said, gasping, “a 1959 Maserati? Oh, my God. I would love to drive a car like this once in my life. Anthony, sweetheart, what’s it like handling this beauty?” She extended her arms as if she were begging to be handed a newborn to swaddle.
Following Francesca’s lead, Sweetheart himself lifted up his own hands, in his case pleading for understanding from whatever deity existed above. He didn’t know the first thing about handling this or any other beauty, and less about cars, especially his dad’s prized vehicle. He was never permitted behind the wheel of the bone-white two-seater the family reverentially referred to as the Maz. As a young boy he may have been assigned numerous domestic chores to hone his sense of family obligation, but he wasn’t ever allowed to wash, much less drive, the car.
“There can’t be many of these left in the world,” she said to his father. “Where did you find this gem, a 3500 GT?”
“Knew a guy who knew a guy. Took one look, had to have it. It’s almost as old as me, so we both needed work on the body and under the hood. I hear Maserati made a grand total of eighteen of them.”
“Everybody raves about Ferrari, and they’re obviously marvelous engineering works of art, but for my money Maserati makes the most beautiful cars. And this one, it’s so sleek and sexy, the automotive equivalent of, I don’t know, a soaring raptor.”
“You know your cars,” said Paddy, beaming.
She didn’t really know her cars, and was normally unawed by anything on wheels—though she was invested in all matters Italian. She had evinced more exuberant interest in the Maz than Paddy’s son ever had. The father didn’t have the heart to tell his prospective daughter-in-law that his 3500 GT was not a 1959 but a 1957, an easy enough mistake to make, and it was christened an Italian name. He knew the name meant “white lady” but he would never risk pronouncing it and embarrassing himself with his wretched accent. The man had his faults, which were spectacular and which his son could enumerate at length if compelled by a subpoena, but pedantry was not numbered among them.
“A Maserati Dama Bianca, unbelievable, what a showstopper,” she said.
“When I take it out? It loves to fly. I got up to a hundred twenty a couple times, on the open road, and it roared, so happy. My accountant regards this car as an investment, a terrible one, but I would never sell it, never, at any price.”
“It must feel like a racehorse—a Secretariat, Affirmed, Citation, Seattle Slew—winning wire to wire.”
“And now I find you also know your ponies.”
“My dad. He spun some tales.”
“He owned horses, trained them?”
“More like a speculative interest.”
Paddy let this information seep in. How did he not put this together? Of course, this Scalino was the daughter of that Scalino, Mimmo Scalino, who used to be the biggest and most reliable bookmaker around, back when. He hadn’t heard much about him lately, assuming that unless he’d gone over to the other side, he’d turned over a new leaf. He now had newfound respect for his own son’s taste and judgment. It was not insignificant, either, that she had major means of her own, which were not derived from her own family business, and was therefore not likely to be tracking breadcrumbs on the trail to Fitzgerald riches. Overall, this girl might simply be too good to be true.
Paddy’s wife would come around to the proposed marriage, he would see to that, because Francesca’s response to the car, not to mention her own family lineage, sealed the deal. He was enchanted. This dark-eyed, olive-skinned girl was a keeper. A woman who knew her way around classic automobiles and the race track wouldn’t get vertigo approaching the lightning-fast learning curve required by familiarity with the Fitzgeralds. He had the passing thought that the Maz would make for a sweet wedding present, but reconsidered. Perhaps a tenth wedding anniversary gift.
“Next time, we’ll take the venerable dame for a spin, Frankie.”
“Fabulous, Mr. Fitzgerald.”
“Please, deary, please. Paddy.” His teeth sparkled. “Pass along respects to your dad from me, would you? Someday, he and I can catch up. We all have much to celebrate.”
Anthony came this close to rubbing his eyes. He’d witnessed the man unleash his charm offensive on business partners, lawyers, school administrators, clergy, reporters, occasionally even law enforcement—on almost anybody, that is, not named Fitzgerald. Anthony had to admit, the day had gone better than expected.
In any case, Paddy Fitzgerald adopted the long view. As far as he was concerned, his son’s brood would be perfect and those Irish babies to be would be a shade Italian, true, but their last names at the baptismal font and in Catholic school would be Fitzgerald. So this was a small price to pay for what one day a grandfather presumed would be many, many grandchildren in need of being spoiled. Consider the immense bounty promised by their commingled genes: these babies would bring out the beautiful best of both families.
—
“Robin’s-egg colored shirt, highlighting your baby blues,” she declared that morning three years ago, taking stock of him as he was heading out the door. “Got a hot date, buster?”
Snappy. Hot date. Buster. Anthony had fallen forever for a woman who lifted her dialogue from broads straight out of central casting in the old black-and-white movies she fell asleep watching. That was where gents favored floppy fedoras and padded shoulders and packed their gats in violin cases, and babes popped bubblegum or chain-smoked a bluish haze and had gams all the way up to here.
As it happened, Anthony did have a date. A very hot court date alongside his client, the owner of Limerick Jewelry & Loan, under indictment for laundering cash to further an intricate criminal enterprise whose intricacies were insufficiently intricate to misdirect the district attorney. Maybe all pawnshops traffic exclusively in used guitars and universally refrain from maintaining two sets of books. Maybe leprechauns also frolic in the woods. Silver-tongued, golden-throated, platinum-haired Slip McGrady was entering a plea of not guilty today, but not because anybody capable of making change for the uptown bus presumed for a second he was innocent of anything. Nonetheless, everybody was entitled to a vigorous defense. Enter Anthony. He was the kind of lawyer you needed in your corner if, let’s say, you owned a pawnshop fronting for the genuine money-generating. Counsel therefore advised his client that the chances of a killingly charming lender by the name of Slip getting a walk were remote, comparable to those of a train conductor named Casey with a gambling jones next day reclaiming his hocked vest pocket watch after cleaning up in an overnight craps game. Anthony reminded McGrady what everybody in town knew, that the man was so jovial, so hail-fellow-well-met that even desperate losers at the pawnshop window cage hardly begrudged him. And yet, unless boyo wished to croon Oh, Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling and serenade his fellow inmates for the next five to ten, he would be wise, so counsel advised, to shut the fuck up today in court.
Branded upon her memory was something else he said that morning. Anthony promised Francesca, the love of his life, that he was not going to die today. These were the words he uttered:
“I’ll pick up some fish.”
He was referring to dinner tonight, when last night’s conflict would be a dim reminiscence.
At that early hour she was unable to stomach the prospect of dining on fish, but that was Anthony the litigator’s MO: move ahead undaunted, burn no bridges, coalesce around mutual interests—like dinner. Before she got to know him, she would have assumed all high-paid lawyers were hardwired to be disputatious, if not belligerent. It was indeed the case that by reputation he was a bulldog in court, though never with her, never. His blond hair curling down over his shirt collar cried out for a trim at Scanlon’s barber shop, but this was not the opportune moment to offer such a suggestion.
“All right, you young buck,” she said. Young buck: there she went again, quaint as ever. Upon reflection, she didn’t have anything left to say to him after all. Getting in the last word was an overrated pleasure, an empty victory that might have been prized when she was in her early twenties, whenever that was.
Besides, that was as good a way as any to put distance on their scuffle, by looking forward—dinner, domesticity, ordinary life. Not that some outside observers might have predicted as much, given their ethnic roots, families for whom—so go the Irish and Italian stereotypes at least—confrontation amounted to a jig, a boisterous magic show, an irresistible if dangerous festa.
Irish and the Italians. The Irish may have invented talking, but the Italians invented never shutting up. The Italians may have originated fashion and style and design (the French may take a number), while the Irish originated not giving a knee-wobbler what anybody thought about how they looked. They were both cops and mobsters, sometimes simultaneously. They were equally connoisseurs of contemptuousness: Italians looked down upon somebody not born in their hometown, and the Irish, anybody who wasn’t born Irish and (as far as the Fitzgeralds were concerned) sipped anything other than Jameson. And yet they both fancied themselves experts in matters of the heart, too, natural-born poets and artists and die-hard loyalists to the bitter end when it came to their friends. Most were what you might call Catholic, but Catholics couldn’t confidently articulate what Catholic meant anymore. All their emotions were operatic in scale and their glasses were not empty indefinitely. They deplored their countries but with patriotic conviction. They were generous with their money, and even more generous with yours. They trusted you around their spouses and with other precious possessions, but kept a close watch, because all men are dogs and you never know. They were both dedicated to the idea of the family, for which they would die if they didn’t demolish it first. They both served up tragedy all day long, breakfast, lunch, and dinner—and comedy for dessert—but speaking of cuisine, that’s when equivalence evaporates, as only the Italians can be said to have one. And they both lived and died for and with soccer, which they called football or calcio, and wholeheartedly believed in the vagaries of luck, as when the two converged in the latest penalty kick of misfortune. Stereotypes like these may come in handy, insofar as each contains a germ of truth. Thus only a fool subscribes. Italians and the Irish. They were exactly the same, only completely different.
Francesca recognized that some married couples maintained they benefited from learning how to fight fair, because, to their way of thinking, clashing was inevitable once the honeymoon glow dimmed. If you believe the rom-com movies and TV shows, fighting amounted to an aggressive, ritualized form of foreplay, or anthropological display. Ultimately, married people fought not so much to defend themselves or to draw blood, that is, but in order to be intimate. That could make a kind of sense, she supposed, though that made it sound tactical, and the notion of erotic strategizing, a frat boy’s wet dream, depressed her. She’d concede this much: post-battle sex could sweep the decks clear, exchanging one sort of emotional intensity for a more satisfying kind—at least when each member of the couple suspends self-interest and stops to care for the other more than achieving the goal of scoring points. Then interests overlap as bodies and souls merge in mutual consent. Arguments melt into meaninglessness in the heat of passion. But sex was not the result, and not the byproduct, of a negotiation (at least not the kind of sex anybody really craved). It was more like reciprocal submission, which sounded both logically impossible and absolutely real. As a rule, as far as she was concerned, being a devotee of marital combat meant not being good at being married. On the street, in the boardroom, in the financial markets, in court, every fight must have a winner and therefore must have a loser. But for her in a marriage, fighting risks leaving two losers on the sweaty mat, or at least two un-winners. Of course, she was guessing, a rank amateur. When it comes to intimacy and marriage, everybody was an amateur, hazarding wild hunches. All her friends—this was a stat drawn from an idiosyncratic small sampling—well, many of her female friends had maneuvered their mates into going on a couples counseling peacekeeping mission, a type of mediation. In practice, somebody was often wishing to commission a psychic makeover on her partner. Or somebody was lodging a kind of criminal complaint, in which case couples counseling functioned as a branch of law enforcement. Couples counseling never crossed Anthony and Francesca’s minds, not once. They knew they were lucky, but they didn’t know how lucky. Until one day they were not.
—
“I’ll pick up some fish.” Anthony was unequivocal and, to reference his lawyer lingo, dispositive.
She posed no alternatives as he rushed out the door. He had a big job as a criminal defense attorney that he loved. On the way home, he would take a number at bustling Mulvaney’s Fish Market, stand on line, and consider what the sea was offering Frankie and him for supper tonight.
The morning of the fateful promise, he had that crucial McGrady date at the courthouse, and he did appear preoccupied, a little frazzled, and he abhorred being late, so he absent-mindedly neglected articulating goodbye, but there is no question he loved Francesca from the first and loved her without reserve and there is no doubt he did assure her he would select and bring home some fish and did therefore imply—not that she had a sliver of a doubt—that he would return for dinner, to her, his wife. With his haul from the sea.
He packed his backpack with the files he needed and slipped it through his arms and over his suit coat. This image always made her smile. So Anthony: high schooler’s backpack on top of his Zegna suit on the way to his max-billable-hour, corner-office job—a comprehensively mixed metaphor. She had wrested from him the corduroy coat, and she was confident she’d have success one day jettisoning the backpack.
They were making a solid life together. Someday they’d have a child, or two, who knows, maybe they’d go crazy and have three. They had been together for five years, the tick tock of the clock resounding like a blacksmith’s hammer on anvil.
As it happened, she never again revisited the backpack, they never did have children, and he wouldn’t come back home.
Fish. The last word he said to her that morning was fish.
That was it. What kind of irresponsible thing was that to say? This from a man who had honored every one of his promises—big or small, better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health.
—
Francesca was speaking once again to Anthony, but he wasn’t responding because he was no longer available. He had not been there for three years. Yet she addressed him in her mind despite his reluctance to respond. He was not being rude. Their whole life long, he was never unkind to her. There was a rational explanation for his reticence. The reason is that one afternoon three years earlier, a few hours after the grandiloquent Slip McGrady swallowed his tongue, copped a plea and, thanks to his attorney, got a better deal than he deserved or anybody expected, Anthony Fitzgerald keeled over without warning at his office desk, brain aneurysm, age thirty-nine, and that was that, end of story. Road Runner met rock wall.
It could happen to anybody, somebody familiar with the actuarial tables might verify.
But no, it couldn’t, Francesca believed every single unbelievable day.
For someone no longer there, he inhabited the emptiness inside Francesca. He was not there coming through the door, arms open wide. Not there fixing the lampshade, the leaky faucet, the running toilet, the tilting fence, the cable connection, the computer backup. He was handy with repairs, but at some point everyone realizes some problems can never be rectified. He was not there making coffee on the kitchen counter or pouring from a beautiful bottle of decanted Tuscan wine on a candlelit vintage country farmhouse table. Not there with his nose in the travel guide on the cobbled lanes of Dublin or Rome. Not there driving around town at five miles above the speed limit—not two, not ten, five. Not there napping Saturday afternoons in the garden with a book splayed open upon his chest. “Reading with my eyes closed,” as he put it. Not there wading into the bath-temperature Maui surf. Not there polishing his shoes before bed. Shoes are, he contended, the first thing a perceptive client notices, and scuffed-up footwear signals a disordered mind—and unreliable professional counsel. Mostly, he was not there in bed. Not there in bed. Not there in bed, sleeping alongside Francesca, who was herself swept up in the dream he would never die.
He was nowhere, he was everywhere. He shuttled daily, or hourly, between those two poles, and she was haunted by memories often more urgent than her own existence.
So yes, it does seem a lifetime since the Thursday that Anthony Fitzgerald failed to come home with the fish—or with himself. Or as it felt to Frankie—a heartbeat ago. And she would never make peace with Thursday. What a cruel day on which to die, she thought. Just like all the others.
As we all learn sooner or later, there is a kind of story that never comes to an end as long as we live. And some stories, like that of Francesca and her Anthony, along with the whole good Family Fitzgerald, are always beginning again and again, and then again.