CHAPTER 1

Seth Zimmer lay on the sitting room floor taking his last few breaths. He’d never felt sorrier for anything than what he’d put himself through in the months leading to this moment.

Seth was born the last of three children on June 15, 1990, to a factory worker and a housewife. Growing up, Seth and his two older brothers weren’t spoiled. Their father was the only source of income, and everything he earned went to paying the bills. In 2006, the factory where he worked went out of business. From that point on, the only income that went into the household came from his retirement pension, which was significantly lower than what he’d been earning.

Seth’s eldest brother Paul still lived at home, didn’t drive, and was always between jobs. The only brother to make a life for himself was the middle brother Matthew. He worked for Toyota, making $50 an hour carrying a clipboard and a red Sharpie marker. He owned a car and house and had a long-term girlfriend and a daughter.

But Seth had a dream. He didn’t want an average-Joe routine life. He wanted to make something of himself, wanted to do something different, something he enjoyed tremendously—he wanted to become a writer and filmmaker, just like the men he admired most: Alfred Hitchcock, Steven Spielberg, Francis Ford Coppola and James Cameron. He was a skilled writer and could work wonders with a video camera. And when it came to editing, he was a real wizard with Apple’s iMovie.

Seth was a determined young man. Nothing or nobody could stop him from following his filmmaking dream. But sometimes life gets in the way—people grow, people change.

Until high school, Seth had pretty much been a loner, except for a friend he’d met in grade seven, Randi. Seth wore glasses and was overweight, but he was the sweetest, kindest person you would ever want to meet. In school he’d only had two friends in the world, but unfortunately, one wanted nothing to do with Seth outside of school, even though they lived beside each other. The other friend only dealt with Seth whenever it suited his needs. As soon as high school approached, these friends abandoned him.

Seth had one friend, but they were only “school friends.” Otherwise all Seth did was write for hours. He was creative, and he sacrificed having friends—or having a life, for that matter—to continue doing what he did best.

But one day, something happened that got him thinking that perhaps he was wrong. Maybe he should give other things besides writing and filmmaking a chance. He figured maybe he should try giving life a chance.

Seth was sitting in his science class minding his own business, when all of a sudden the very attractive blonde bombshell Crystal swung her chair around and placed her arms on his desk. He knew she was there but continued to work.

After a while, Crystal cleared her throat, and Seth slowly looked up.

“Hi,” he said shyly and curiously.

“Hi back.”

Nothing was said for another few minutes. The tension in the room thickened, the feeling of discomfort growing inside Seth.

Finally, Crystal broke the ice. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

Seth’s eyes grew wide, his heart started racing—all of a sudden the classroom was sweltering. Seth swallowed hard.

“No.”

Crystal leaned in. “Would you like one?”

Seth leaned back in his chair. He didn’t quite know how to respond. He thought for a second as he looked Crystal up and down. “Are you being serious?”

“Of course, do you think I’m asking you to be my boyfriend?”

Seth blushed.

“I’m not asking for me. I’m asking for a friend of mine, Keri. I already have a boyfriend.”

Seth composed himself. “Keri, Keri?” Seth thought long and hard for a moment. “That name sounds very familiar.”

“I would hope so, Seth. She’s in your next class, silly.”

“Oh.” He paused. “I know who you’re talking about. The shy, long-haired brunette who laughs at all my jokes.”

Crystal giggled. “That’s her. What do you think?”

Seth never thought something like this could happen to him. Who would ever want to date an overweight, glasses-wearing hermit? He’d been alone for so long he really didn’t know what to do.

“You don’t want to date her—do you, Seth?”

“I didn’t say that. I’m flattered that she even thought of me at all, but I’m going to have to give this matter a little thought—that’s all, Crystal.”

Crystal sat quietly for a moment. “All right. I’ll tell you what. Since today’s Friday, why don’t you take the weekend to think about it and then let me know on Monday?”

“Sounds good to me.” The end-of-class bell rang, and Seth gathered his things and made his way to the second floor for the last class of the day—his least favourite, math.

He found it really difficult to concentrate. He kept looking over his math book at Keri. He noticed Keri was doing the same thing to him.

Seth smiled and looked at his watch. With only one minute left before the final bell of the day, he began packing up. When the bell finally went off, Seth rushed out of the building and met his best friend, Vance, at the bus stop.

Seth and Vance had been friends for nearly a year. They’d met in gym class near the end of Grade 9, when their two classes were brought together for a volleyball tournament. While Seth and Vance sat on the bench, Vance introduced himself.

Their friendship hadn’t exactly started off well and would have been lost if Seth weren’t such an understanding and forgiving person.

Vance was thin and pale and shaved his head. Seth was a straight shooter, a funny individual. Seth was real, not a phoney or a wannabe like the other people Vance associated with.

Vance had been ready to say whatever it took to assure a friendship with Seth. All of a sudden Vance blurted out, “I have cancer.” Vance regretted saying that, but it was too late; there was no going back.

When Seth discovered the truth a few weeks later, he wasn’t angry. He was, however, hurt and disappointed—disappointed that this person he had come to care about, appreciate and respect felt he had to start their friendship off with a devastating lie. But because of the caring and understanding person Seth was, he realized that no matter what a person did, he deserved a second chance. The truth of the matter is that life is way too short. There’s no room in life for hatred, resentment or grudges. Seth lived by the rule his mother taught him: “I will forgive, but I will never forget.” Seth had forgiven Vance, and they’d become best friends.

At the bus stop, Seth slowly approached Vance. There was a bounce in Seth’s step and a grin on his face.

“You all right there, buddy?” Vance asked.

“Oh, yes, I’m fine.”

Vance gave Seth a quick once-over. “There’s something different about you, but I just can’t put my finger on it.”

Seth smiled.

Vance thought for a moment. “Oh, I get it.”

“Get what?”

Vance smiled. “You got laid, didn’t you?”

“No, not even close.”

“Then what is it, my little 15-year-old virgin?”

Seth raised an eyebrow. “You’re not a virgin?”

Vance chuckled and then smiled with pride. “Christ no!”

“So you can look me dead in the eye and tell me you’re not a virgin?”

Continuing to smile with pride, Vance grabbed Seth’s shoulders and looked him in the eye. “I swear to God, Seth, I’ve been getting ass since I was 14.” Vance released Seth’s shoulders. “Now tell me what’s up.”

Seth took a few deep breaths. “I got an offer to enter into a relationship.”

Vance smiled. “All right, way to go, buddy!”

Seeing Vance so excited about the news made Seth happy as well.

Vance continued. “Now, the questions are as follows: Who is she? Is she hot? And does she have a friend?”

Seth laughed. “She’s in my math class. Her name’s Keri Dawn.”

Vance fell silent, and his mouth dropped in disgust. “Oh my God, dude! You’re not going through with it, are you?”

“What?”

“I’ve seen this Keri thing you’re speaking of. She’s a goddamned dog!”

Seth sighed. “Well, she isn’t a model, and not the sexiest girl in the world, but she is attractive.”

“Why, man? Why put yourself through hell?”

Seth thought for a moment. “I don’t judge on looks alone.”

Vance said, “What else is there? If it’s not looks, what is it?”

“Heart, Vance. I look for beauty on the inside. Inner beauty is more important to me than outer beauty.”

Vance nodded. “Okay. I just don’t want you making any decisions you’re going to regret later.”

“I know.”

“We’re best friends. It’s our duty to always have each other’s backs.”

“You’re absolutely right, and I appreciate it.”

Usually when Seth got home from school, he went directly up to his room to finish whatever homework he had and then spent the remainder of the evening writing. But tonight he went to his room not to write but to think.

He crawled onto his bed and stared at his ceiling. Listening to Genesis, he was deep in thought, thinking that, to some degree, maybe Vance was right about making decisions he might later regret.

But Seth already regretted a decision he made years ago—shutting himself out of life. For the past few years he’d been acting very stupid. At home he immersed himself in different realities, creating different people and interesting creatures. He had the power to take life and give it, but as much as Seth enjoyed playing God as a writer, he knew one day he’d eventually have to open his eyes to the real world. This conclusion came when Seth realized he only had one friend in this world. One friend, how pathetic, he thought.

No time like the present to make changes. Seth didn’t want to continue his uniform life, so after a few hours of thinking, the decision was final. He would finally live the life of a normal teenager.

*

Monday finally arrived. Seth strutted into his science class.

Crystal was patiently waiting for him at his desk, and Seth took a seat.

“Have you thought about my offer?”

“Yes, I have.” Seth said no more and then reached into his backpack, pulling out his science binder.

Crystal clearly grew increasingly impatient. He could tell by her fidgeting. “So, and?” she asked.

Seth cleared his throat and stared at her for a moment. “Yes. I’d love to.”

Crystal smiled. “Yes?”

“That’s right, yes.”

Crystal joyfully leaped out of her seat and shouted, “Yes!”

Seth smiled.

The class stared at her, and she quickly returned to her seat.

“That’s great news, Seth.”

“Who’s going to tell her, you or me?”

“We’ll let her decide. She’s a shy girl. I’ll tell her if she can’t build up enough courage to come to you during class.”

When science class ended, Seth found himself suddenly struck with a paralyzing nervousness as he inched closer and closer to math class. It was strange. Seth didn’t feel like going to class, but it was like he was trapped in an invisible beam that was pulling him into the classroom. Maybe this was love’s beam forcing him to class, Seth jokingly thought.

Before he knew it, math class was almost over. He looked up from his book and noticed Keri wasn’t at her desk. Come to think of it, he couldn’t remember if Keri was even at school today.

After a few moments, Keri planted herself in the vacant seat beside Seth. Their eyes locked, and Seth’s heart raced.

Keri smiled. “Hi.”

Seth took a moment to compose his thoughts. “Hi back.”

“So, I hear my friend Crystal has been talking to you?”

“That’s correct, she has.”

Keri shyly turned away from Seth. She cleared her throat and then turned back to him.

But before Keri said anything, Seth interrupted. “Yes.”

Keri smiled. “Yes?” she asked, sounding surprised.

“Yes, Keri, I will.”

Keri grabbed a pen from her pocket. “Do you have any paper?”

Seth opened his binder and tore out a piece of paper. Keri wrote her phone number and slid the paper to Seth.

Seth smiled at her and wrote his as well. Keri ripped his number off the paper and slid it into her pocket.

The bell rang, and Keri got up and looked down at Seth. “I hope this turns into a long-lasting love.” Keri returned to her desk.

Seth grabbed his backpack and quickly left to meet Vance at the bus stop.

Seth and Vance stood silently in the bus shelter.

After a few moments, Vance finally said to Seth, “Well? Is the deed done, my friend?”

Seth didn’t look at Vance. “The deed is done.” Seth slowly turned to face Vance. “On this day, the 16th of December in the year 2005, your friend Seth Zimmer is officially off the market.”

Vance chuckled. “Oh, please, man. You weren’t even on the market. It was more like you were a tiny online ad that nobody pays attention to.”

“And just what in the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you weren’t really known to people without Internet. And you weren’t really known to people with Internet either—that is, not until they Googled a certain product and saw you in a related product search.”

“We’re best friends, so I can tell you without feeling bad that that has to be the most confusing thing I have ever heard in my life!” There was a brief moment of silence. “But for what it’s worth, when people look up satyriasis in the dictionary, there’s a picture of your fat head lying next to it.”

Vance’s jaw dropped. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah!”

They stared at each other for a moment before they began laughing.

After the hearty laughter settled down, Vance cleared his throat and became serious. “I just don’t want to lose my buddy.”

Seth was shocked. He’d never seen Vance open up. He didn’t even know Vance could be serious; up until this point it was all sunshine and happiness. “Lose me? Where am I going?”

Vance was silent for a moment. “Well, you’re in a relationship now. I’m sure you’re going to want to devote all your time to her.”

“Not true.”

Vance looked puzzled.

“If I spend all my time with her, that means I won’t have any time to spend with my best friend.” Vance and Seth smiled at one another.

*

Six months after Seth and Keri started dating, Keri entered the Zimmer home for the first time. She was introduced to Seth’s parents and older brother. Everyone appeared to like her, but the truth was, nobody really cared for her, they thought she was snotty, stuck up and all around rude. But Seth’s family wasn’t about to spoil his happiness and new attitude toward life.

On January 20 Seth met Keri’s mother, Carol, and stepfather, Marlon Welder. Her family seemed to like Seth. They laughed at his jokes and all got along very well.

But on February 14, although the evening started off pretty decent, things took a dramatic turn for the worst. After school that day, Keri and Seth went back to Keri’s house, as she only lived a short distance away. Seth reached into his backpack and pulled out a little red heart-shaped box of Lindor chocolates and gave it to Keri.

“Aww, that’s so sweet, Seth. Thank you!”

They shared a hug, and she led Seth up the front steps to the living room, and he sat on the couch. Keri grabbed a little white bag from the table and handed it to Seth.

Seth removed a handmade Valentine’s Day card with three heart-shaped chocolates wrapped in pink foil. “Now that’s sweet. Thank you, Keri!”

A few hours pass with Seth and Keri cuddled up on the couch watching a romantic comedy. He was sitting upright, with Keri lying across the couch, her head resting on his stomach. On screen, the two main characters share a long passionate kiss. Keri looked hesitantly up at Seth.

Seth looked down at Keri, and they share a smile. All of a sudden Keri reached up for Seth’s head. She gently pulled Seth’s head down. Their lips met, and they shared a long, passionate first kiss. They were interrupted by the sound of the front door slamming. They resumed their original positions just as Carol entered the living room.

“Hi, kids,” Carol said, entering the kitchen.

Around five-thirty Keri’s stepfather got home, and he greeted his wife in the kitchen. Dinner was served at six. Keri, her family and Seth sat down for a good meal and an interesting conversation, or as Seth would call it years from now, the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Keri’s mother was a sales associate for a local home furnishings company, and Marlon was a security guard for a local mall.

The focus turned to Keri and Seth.

“So, Keri, sweetheart. Have you thought any more about what you’d like to do after you graduate?”

“Well, Mom, I narrowed it down to either a chef or an early childhood educator.”

“That’s great, honey, very commendable. And you, Seth?”

Seth thought hard for a moment. “Well, I’m thinking some kind of writer or filmmaker.”

Carol and Marlon exchanged a look that unsettled Seth.

After a moment, Carol took a long sip of wine and looked at Seth. “Is there much money in that?”

Seth was confused. “In which?”

“Oh hell, for the sake of argument, let’s say filmmaking. Is there much money to be made in that?”

Seth didn’t know if Carol was being serious or joking, so he chuckled.

Carol clearly did not appreciate this. “Say something amusing, did I?”

“Well, if I can be honest, Carol, yes. Everybody knows there’s lots of money to be made in filmmaking.”

Carol seems unimpressed and took another long sip of wine. “Really, Seth? Really?”

“Well how else do you explain Arnold Schwarzenegger’s three million dollar paycheque for Terminator 3. Or the cold hard fact that Steven Spielberg is a billionaire?”

Carol didn’t say anything for a while, seeming to notice how quick to the trigger Seth seemed. “Schwarzenegger got paid $3 million because he’s Schwarzenegger, and Spielberg is worth billions because he’s Spielberg,”

Seth sighed and shook his head. “Yeah? I’m Seth Zimmer, what’s your point?”

“My point, Seth, is that both men are well known.”

“Yeah, now. They weren’t always known. They started off like me, useless nobodies with people bashing their dreams.”

Carol’s mouth dropped open from the insult.

Marlon interrupted. “Lets change the subject, shall we? So, Seth, what kind of music do you like?”

Keri sighed with relief.

“I like Genesis and Phil Collins.”

Marlon’s eyes lit up, and he stood. “Come with me.”

Seth followed Marlon to the basement.

*

After Seth and Marlon disappeared down the stairs, Carol sat there gulping her wine, looking sternly at Keri.

“What?”

“Are you serious about this guy?”

“Why?”

“A filmmaker? God, something isn’t right with his head.”

Keri frowned. “Why, Mom? Because he has dreams?”

“No. Having dreams are fine, but Seth is dead serious.”

Keri chuckled.

“What could possibly be so funny?”

“You’re just sore because Seth knows his stuff and really embarrassed you in front of your family.”

Carol got quiet.

“Just remember, Mom. We’re young and have a few years of school left.”

Carol swallowed her last mouthful of wine and poured another. “What’s your point?”

“My point is that Seth will probably change his mind a lot over the next few years.”

“You’d better hope so. Because if he doesn’t, you’d better start thinking of abandoning ship.”

At first Keri thought it might be the wine talking, but she realized her mother hadn’t had enough of it for a takeover. “What the hell kind of motherly advice is that?”

“It’s a concerned parent’s loving advice to her daughter.”

“Really? Loving advice? At the moment your loving advice is good for shit!”

Carol got up from the table in a huff. “When your stepfather and daydreamer finally come up from the basement after looking at records, tell Seth it’s time for him to go!”

*

A few days had passed before Seth heard from Keri. She called him one night as he was getting ready for bed.

“I want to apologize for my mother’s behaviour the other night. When she gets a little wine in her, she acts all, stupid.”

“Don’t worry about it; it wasn’t your fault.”

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, and Keri and Seth grew closer. Carol seemed hateful and resentful toward Seth.

On a gorgeous Saturday in July 15, Seth, Vance and Keri planned to meet at the mall. Seth waited in the food court.

Vance happily trotted over to Seth holding his wrist up. “Good day, Seth! Notice anything different about me?”

“Well, gee, it’s not like you’re making it obvious.” Attached to Vance’s left wrist was a beautiful Fossil brand watch.

“It’s beautiful, Vance.”

“For eighty-five dollars it better be.” Vance turned to his right and tapped Seth on the shoulder. “Here comes your woman.”

Keri smiled as she got closer. She walked past Vance, almost pushing him out of the way, and into Seth’s arms, giving him a big kiss.

“Happy belated birthday, babe!” She handed him a small, blue, sparkly gift bag with green string handles.

“Thank you!”

A look of worry struck Vance. “Today’s your birthday?”

Keri groaned. “Yes, Vance! The last month of the year, on the 15th.”

Vance shook his head. “I forgot.” Vance patted his pockets, desperately searching for something to give to Seth. Finally, he looked at his new watch and hesitantly removed it, handing it to Seth.

“Here you go, buddy. Happy birthday!”

“What, are you serious?” Seth hesitantly reached over as Vance gently placed the watch in Seth’s hand. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yes, sure I’m sure. Enjoy it. Plus, it’s better than that old one you wear.”

“The one I wear has a lot of sentimental value. It was my grandfather’s.” Seth removed the old watch and gently put it into his pocket, placing the new one on his wrist.

“Okay, my turn! Open mine now, Seth.”

He reached into the gift bag, shoved the green tissue paper over to one side of the bag and slowly revealed a DVD: Phil Collins: Finally, The First Farewell Tour.

. Seth’s eyes lit up, and he couldn’t stop smiling. “This just made my day. Thank you, Sweetheart!”

Seth and Keri hugged and then shared a long kiss.

“Just note, Seth, that DVD is only half of your gift.”

“Really? There’s more?”

“Absolutely. But you’re going to have to wait until we get back to your place.”

“How about a hint?”

“I’m going to find the ladies room, and then we’re going to shop.” Keri trots off, and Vance laughed.

“Yes, Vance? What could be so amusing?”

“You lucky dog.”

“What?”

“Well, my spidey senses tell me someone is getting lucky tonight.”

Seth thought for a moment. “‘Lucky?’”

Vance laughed. “My God, don’t be so dense. Lucky—you know. Taking the log to the beaver, taking old one eye to the optometrist, taking the skin-boat to tuna town?”

“What the hell are you saying?”

“Sex, you moron! Sex!”

Seth fell silent. Maybe Vance was right. Seth didn’t really know how to read women, and relationships were still quite new to him. Keri and Seth had been dating for nearly seven months.

“Oh my God, Seth. Are you telling me you and Keri haven’t, consummated your relationship yet?”

“Not yet.”

“So you’re still a virgin.”

Seth took a deep breath. Like he’d gotten a kick to the stomach, he doubled over in pain.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. I suddenly got pains in my stomach, and I’m a little nauseated.”

Vance grabbed Seth’s shoulders and led him to a table to sit.

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it. This is just your body’s way of preparing you for manhood. How’re your balls? Tingly?”

Seth looked at Vance. “Well, shut up.” He scanned the mall and spotted Keri returning. “Oh God, she’s coming back.”

Vance reached into his pocket and handed Seth a stick of gum. “Don’t worry about it, buddy. I know what you’re going through. I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that within 30 seconds of entry, the nervousness and shakes will turn into full pleasure.”

Seth sucked in a deep breath. “That’s good to know, but there’s still one thing,”

“You’re worried about your parents hearing you and/or walking in?”

Seth laughed nervously. “No, protection. I don’t have any.”

“Not a problem. We’re at the mall. Just go buy a box.”

“I have no money on me.”

“Well, I have three full boxes. I could give you one—just not today.”

“Why not today? And What do I do then?”

“I can’t today because there’s not enough time. But, one thing you definitely don’t want to do is the pull-out method. You’ll explode like a water balloon before you get the chance to pull out.”

“Yeah?”

“Men are always like a goddamn active volcano our first time.”

Keri approached. “Aww, what’s wrong, Seth?”

Vance smirked. “Nothing that can’t be treated with the tender loving care of a woman.”

Keri gently placed her hand on Seth’s back. “Well then, I’d better get you home, Seth darling, and look after you.”

Vance cleared his throat. “Well! My God. Would you look at the time? I must be going. Good-bye, all.”

Half an hour later Keri and Seth were at Seth’s house, sitting on the couch next to each other, not saying a word.

Keri leaned over and whispered sensuously into his ear. “Why don’t we go up to your bedroom for a while?”

Shivers traveled up and down Seth’s spine, the back of his head filled with a numbing sensation. He could only guess what was about to happen. But like what every man does eventually, Seth caved under temptation. He swallowed hard. “Okay.”

Seth and Keri started toward the stairs.

“You might want to bring your DVD.”

“Why?”

“Because, my love, the sound of Phil Collins will drown out the sounds you and I will be making.”

Seth grabbed the bag from the couch and then followed her up.

The closer they got to his room, the more nervous he became. He desperately wanted to say something to Keri, but at the same time didn’t want to ruin his chances at his first time.

They crossed the threshold of the bedroom.

“Close the door.”

Seth reluctantly closed it. He inhaled deeply and held his breath. He was about to tell Keri how he really felt, but his eyes got wide, his mouth dropped open and he blushed.

“Happy birthday, my love.”

Seth swallowed hard. “Sweet tunderin Jesus!”

Keri was spread-eagle, wearing nothing but a black lace see-through bra and matching g-string.

“Why don’t you put on your new DVD and we’ll, have some fun.”

Slowly, not taking his eyes off of Keri, he turned on his TV. Finally the DVD began to play, and he sat on the edge of his bed. He nervously turned to Keri, and she smiled.

She rubbed his back. “Come on—let the fun begin.”

Seth turned and looked deeply into Keri’s eyes. A smile formed.

Keri suddenly removed her hand. “What, don’t you want me? Aren’t I attractive enough for you?”

“Oh, oh God. Yes, I really want you. You’re very attractive.”

“Is my body not up to your standards?”

Seth sighed. “It’s not like that at all.”

“Then what is it?”

He took a moment to compose himself. “I’m not prepared, that’s all. I don’t have any protection.”

Keri chuckled, and Seth couldn’t understand why. “Is that not a valid reason?”

“Usually it would be. But luckily you have a girl who always thinks ahead. In my purse is a whole box just for us.”

Seth reached into Keri’s purse, pulling out a large box, and he grinned.

“Now, are you going to undress willingly, or am I going to have to use brute force?”

“Oh, no way, Keri. I plan on going down kicking and screaming.”

“Have it your way, Mr. Zimmer.” Keri leaped to her knees and shuffled her way to the edge of the bed. She stood in front of him. Using a little force, she playfully pushed Seth onto his back. Keri sensuously climbed on him, kissing his neck as she made her way to his lips. She slowly removed his shirt.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in bed. Seth and Keri lay under the covers huffing and puffing. Phil Collins still played on the TV, the DVD on a continuous loop. Nothing was said as they lay in the afterglow.

“That was amazing!” Keri said, stretching.

“I can’t stop shaking,”

“Don’t worry about it. It’ll pass.” Keri moved closer to him and draped his arm over her waist.