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Chase
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Green grass, sunshine and the fresh smell of paint on the practice field should have made the first day of pre-season practice more exciting. Maybe If I had gotten the sleep I needed over break, I’d have the same energy as the other guys. Sleeping didn’t come easy when the one person you’ve been searching for, crashes into your world and leaves before a real relationship has the chance to begin.
Andrew Jannakos’ break-up song played through my earbuds. I didn’t hear the thud of my gym bag hitting the bench or the lockers opening and closing around me. “Gone Too Soon” floods my ears, and fuck if it wasn’t true.
Adam grabbed me by the shoulder.
I pulled one earbud out, letting the music linger in the background. Just like her. She’s gone, but the pain is still there.
“Sup, Harrison? Coach is sharing the starting line-up today. You gonna be on it?” Adam dropped onto the bench and tied his cleats.
I shrugged.
“Is he on it? Psh.” Luke jumped onto the bench. “He’s the first name coach wrote.”
Starting line up? Was that something I cared about? Last year? Absolutely. Every freshman dreamed of being the star of the field, and I was lucky enough to make my dreams come true.
It didn’t last.
Meghan “Grey” Grace threw me off my A-game faster than a log on a train track. I couldn’t blame her though, because if I was really honest with myself, I let it happen. I craved her distraction, and it was me who pushed for her to open up.
It was a mistake. All of it.
Athletes can’t make those types of mistakes, not if they want to play professionally. I can’t let that happen again.
“Rick said scouts are hitting us harder this year. Might even see ‘um at the first game.” Jarod pulled his shoulder pads over his head.
Find your focus.
I took a deep breath.
“We’ll see, boys. Either way, I’m giving this season all I’ve got. No excuses. No distractions.” I looped my head through my jersey and grabbed my gloves.
“You say that now. What happens when Meghan comes trollin’ around?” Adam slammed a hand on my pads. All the heads in the locker room switched to the sound of the smack.
“Nah, man. We’re done. She dropped the game ending pass for a pipe and a puff of smoke.” I headed for the door.
“Wait a minute, you dumped this chick ‘cause she smoked a little weed?” Jarod shook his head with a goofy smile. “We’re all high half the games we play.”
“Unlike you, they don’t stand a chance in the NFL. Don’t listen to them. No dame is worth losing your one and only shot to follow your dreams.” Adam walked beside me through the athletic center.
“I get it. I’m not going to risk it.” I squinted my eyes.
“It’s gonna hurt like a mother. Trust me, I know it more than anyone else on this team. You’re going to wish you could give everything up for her. But, you can’t. Don’t make that mistake.”
Adam and I took the field by storm.
I won’t let anything come between me and the end zone. Not even her. I can’t.
Holy shit though, on the inside, it tore me apart.
***
Two paths diverged on the road in front of me. If I turned left, I’d find myself parked in front of her coffee shop, where I sat for two hours last week, debating whether or not I would go in and make things right.
During those two hours, I battled my inner thoughts. Fighting myself. Part of me pushed to move on, while the other part of me would not give up.
I told the boys I would move on. Saying the words and following through were two different actions. The first, a million times easier than the second.
Two paths. The light turned green, and I had to choose. The road to my right, stood for something new. I’d never driven in that direction before. There was no telling what adventure waited at the next bend.
Would I get lost? Did it matter? I already recognized the burden of the unknown. No matter the choice, my direction was unfamiliar and more than a little scary.
A car honked behind me. I had to move. My fists clenched around the steering wheel. My jaw ticked. I started to move left, but at the last possible moment, I turned right.
The driver in the car behind me shook his head as he passed.
“Sorry, dude,” I said, knowing he couldn’t hear me, and thundered down the road.
Large green fields spanned the side of the highway as far as I could see. I must have driven for miles listening to slow country music. Time had a way of passing quickly when you were listening to Dierx or Gavin DeGraw. It’s funny how the songs connected to my life on different levels at different points in my life.
The heartbreak in the music was raw and untouched, like the fields I passed.
The ‘low gas tank’ alert interrupted the middle of another sad, lonely song. I checked Google maps for the nearest station. With a quarter of a tank, five miles wouldn’t be a problem, so I tapped the icon and followed directions.
Why couldn’t life be more like Google maps? I wished I could click a button and follow the purple path to happiness. I wouldn’t have to choose left or right. I wouldn’t have to wonder when to stop and where to go. Things would be clearer. Better.
I pulled into the station and shoved the nozzle into my truck’s tank. The screen on the machine was cracked down the center. I slid my card into the slot, but the machine spit it back out.
“Come inside to pay,” A muffled voice called over the pump’s speakers.
The station felt out of place, like it belonged on the side of route sixty-six in the sixties or seventies. I’m pretty sure the dust on the shelves had been there at least a decade or two.
“Can I help you?” A petite young woman asked from behind the counter. Her southern accent sent my head soaring to corn bread muffins, mashed potatoes with gravy, and cream corn.
“I’d like to fill my tank. The screen was cracked.” I pointed to the pumps behind me.
“Anything else?” She bit her bottom lip.
Perhaps if I was a different person, or if I’d met her earlier in life, I’d find the woman attractive. Her red curly hair overflowed from her ponytail. She had one of those cute button noses and freckles, too.
“That’s all.” I smiled politely and handed her my card.
“You go to Southern, right? I think I’ve seen you somewhere before.” She stood on her tippy toes to reach my card. Was she tiny, or too young to be behind the counter? Based on her curves and the cleavage pouring from her V-neck shirt, I’d say she was at least eighteen. Maybe.
“Yeah, I do. I get that a lot.” Because my face is plastered all over T.V.s every game day.
“What’s your major?” She pushed her hands behind her back, the motion pushed her chest higher.
“Finance and Business Administration. You?” I asked, because it would be rude if I didn’t. My mom taught me better than that.
“Art.” She ripped the receipt off the roll and let her fingers graze against mine as she placed it in my hand.
When she leaned forward, I got a big whiff of her beachy perfume. The scent of coconuts overpowered me. I missed the smell of summer rain and the light fragrance of daffodils.
Meghan.
I pulled back as quick as possible. “Thank you.”
“Don’t you want my number?” Her eyes widened. I worried she might bite a hole in her lip if she pressed any harder.
“I can’t. Someone stole my heart a long time ago, and I haven’t gotten it back. Besides, you’d be a better match for my friend Luke or Jordan. If I see you on campus, I’ll try to introduce you.” I shoved the receipt in my pocket and darted out the door before she could reply.
When I got to my truck, the lights on the machine worked. I pulled the handle and gas flowed into my tank.
With just a few gallons left to go, bouncy red curls came into view.
“In case you change your mind, I’m Kinsley.” She handed me a slip of paper.
It happened so fast, there was no time to refuse it. I replayed what had happened in my mind. Had I given her any sign that I was interested in her? I was just trying to be nice. Oh shit! Did I set her up for heartbreak? I’m not that guy. The one that leads girls on. I’d never hit it and quit it.
If I could rewind time, I’d change quite a few things. My choice to turn right came to mind first. Sometimes things that feel right at first, end all wrong.
What if Meghan saw our conversation play out? What would she say about another chick’s number resting in my pocket? I jerked it out. You’re being ridiculous. I put the paper back.
My pocket burned against my leg. It’s all in your head. I took the paper out, and the pain disappeared. I set it on the passenger seat.
That’s Meghan’s spot.
I tossed the paper in the glove box. Out of sight and out of mind.
My knee bounced as I started the ignition. I pulled my wallet out of the pocket and carefully peeled her picture out of the clear protector.
I ran my thumb over her face.
“I miss you.” I rested my head against the wheel.
