Chapter Sixteen

The next morning, Rufe cursed himself for coming here. As he sat on the stump Kitty had occupied the previous morning, he went over their conversation yet again. After she delivered her bombshell, he stood dumbstruck. She was carrying Barron’s child. That altered the complexion of things altogether. Barron would never let her go now. And even if they managed to elude him, did he want another man’s child? Did he even want Kitty, pregnant with Barron’s child? He wasn’t honestly sure that he did. How would he feel, seeing her growing larger week by week, knowing it was not his child inside her? How could he even make love to her?

But how could he give her up? He had felt her passion, her love for him flowing from the very pores of her being, as he held her in his arms, savoring her kisses, feeling her body pressed against his, wanting him.

His mind writhed with anger, futile with thoughts that chased themselves through his brain. What was he to do? He was tormented by his longing for her. And to know that she returned his love drove him to frenzy. But she was pregnant. He drew a deep shuddering breath as he tried to consider all angles, but his mind jumped first this way then that, like a grasshopper in a jar.

He endured Barron’s self-aggrandizement the previous day as they covered his estate from one end to the other. The pompous bastard. How he’d longed to smash his fist into that self-satisfied face.

Then to have to maintain a façade of normality through dinner last night had been almost more than he could endure. He’d drunk copious quantities of claret, which had helped him survive the dinner, but now he had an aching head as well as his problems. He knew that he should really ride away now, this minute, but he also knew he could not resist seeing Kitty again.

But to what avail? He relived once again the feeling of Kitty in his arms, how she had surrendered herself to him in all but physical consummation.

And then had come the revelation—she carried Barron’s child. She told him he was the first to know; Barron himself didn’t know yet, nor even her mother.

Rufe dropped his head into his hands. He loved her, God how he loved her. He’d not been without women in his life, there had been many. But never had he felt for any of them the way he felt about Kitty. Even the knowledge that she carried Barron’s child could not diminish that. No, God help him, he still wanted her.

He lifted his head and stared up at the tall trees as a kookaburra swooped from its perch high in a tree to snatch up a snake that had the foolishness to slither across an open patch of ground. As it flew off with its prey, he rose wearily.

Raising his arms above his head, Rufe stretched his muscles, closed his eyes, and breathed deeply for a minute or two. He shook his head to clear it and retraced his steps with a determined stride. He would leave after breakfast as arranged. That way he would see Kitty again but not alone, giving him no chance to compromise her.

It was a quiet group that assembled for breakfast. As he looked around, Rufe felt tension permeating the room, and it seemed to affect everyone except William. He was eating heartily as usual, but Bella was nibbling on a piece of toast, her mind seeming far away, while Kitty pushed her food around her plate, and drank several cups of tea. Rufe had no appetite, but forced himself to lift the silver covers from the dishes of hot food on the sideboard and select a small serving of egg and bacon.

He glanced sharply at William as he sat down, but the man seemed oblivious to the atmosphere, pontificating about the profitability of his cedar and how clever he had been to seize the opportunity to buy this property. Rufe replied shortly to William’s discourse when necessary, but he excused himself from the table as soon as decently possible, pleading a hard day’s travel ahead.

When Rufe said his goodbyes a short time later, Bella reached up to kiss him lightly on the cheek as he took her hand. “I shall never forget your kindness to us when we were in Sydney, Mr. Cavanagh. I am greatly in your debt.”

Rufe forced a smile to his lips. “I’ll always be happy to be of service to you in any way possible, Mrs. Morland,” he replied, then added, “And to all of you, of course. Any time at all.”

“Well, thank you, Cavanagh, most kind, I’m sure,” William responded. “However, I doubt we shall ever need to call on you, indeed not.”

But Rufe’s eyes were on Kitty, and he saw the look of pain on her face as she bid him goodbye.

****

Kitty left them and hurried down to the edge of the forest by the river. Secure from prying eyes she let the tears flow, great sobs that racked her body. Despair filled her, and she beat her clenched fists against a tree. If only Rufe had made his feelings known earlier. If only she hadn’t rushed into marriage with William. But she had, and now she must take the consequences.

Finally her sobs subsided, leaving an occasional hiccup in their wake, and she sat on the stump by the water. Heedless of time, she stared out over the river, watching the play of light and shade on the water without seeing it.

Eventually, she rose wearily and smoothed her skirts. Walking slowly to the edge of the water, she bent and wet her hands and pressed them to her eyes and to her cheeks. She stood there, feeling small, racked with misery, until the breeze dried her face. Then with a deep sigh she returned to her seat, composing herself, before finally rising and making her way back to the house.

Avoiding the sitting room, Kitty went instead to the drawing room and seated herself at the piano. This time she played for herself alone. Music had always been her solace in times of stress and as the strains of ‘Traumerie’ filled the room, she felt her resolve firm. No one must ever know what had passed between her and Rufe. Her life was here with her husband and their coming child.

Sometime later she joined Bella in the sitting room.

“Ah, Kitty, there you are at last.” Her mother looked up from her sewing as she entered the room and frowned. “You look a little pale, do you feel all right?” A shadow crossed her face. “Or is there something else the matter?”

Kitty closed the door behind her before crossing to stand by the window, her back to the light. “As a matter of fact, Mother, I am feeling a little poorly this morning, that’s why I went out early for some fresh air.”

Bella’s frown deepened and she put her work on the small table beside her. “Do you have a fever?” she asked, starting to rise from her chair.

“No, no,” Kitty stopped her with a gesture of her hand, giving a slight laugh. “I believe I have some news for you. I think you’re going to be a grandmother.”

Bella flopped back in her chair, clasping her hands together, her eyes shining.

“Kitty, how wonderful. Are you sure?”

“Yes, as sure as I can be at this stage.” She forced a smile at her mother’s delight.

“When will it be?”

“In seven months.”

Bella sprang from her chair and crossed the room quickly to put her arms about her daughter. “My little girl. And now you’re going to be a mother yourself.”

Kitty returned her hug. “I’m glad you’re so happy about it.”

Bella stepped back. “Of course I’m happy.”

A flicker of a smile curved Kitty’s lips. “I hope I can be as good a mother as you’ve always been.”

Bella patted her cheek. “Thank you for that.”

Kitty crossed to pick up a leaf that had fallen from a vase of flowers onto the mantelpiece. Twisting it in her fingers, she mused, “I wonder how William will take the news?”

“You haven’t told him yet?”

“No, not yet.”

“I’m sure he’ll be delighted. Perhaps he’ll change when he knows,” she said hopefully. “When are you going to tell him??”

“Soon. I’ll pick a time when he’s in a good mood.”

“He seemed in a very good mood this morning. I think he enjoyed having company. He was certainly on his best behavior while we had a guest.”

“Yes, wasn’t he? Quite a transformation. Well, if it lasts, I might tell him tonight. I want to go down to Sydney to do some shopping. I need to get the few items we want for the house and now of course some baby things. I don’t want to leave it much longer.”

“No, indeed. Traveling is very tiring; don’t you think you could order what you need by mail?”

“Yes, I probably could. But I would like to go to the city for a visit. If I don’t go now, who knows when I’ll be able to go? It will be too difficult to travel with a baby, and I won’t be able to go and leave it for a good while.”

“Yes, that’s true.”

****

As it happened, William’s good mood was still evident when he returned late that afternoon.

“Ah, Kitty my dear.” He pecked her on the cheek as he met her in the hallway. “Come into the drawing room and have a glass of sherry with me.” Taking her arm, he guided her through the door and seated her on the lounge. He rubbed his hands together, smiling. “I’ve had a most satisfactory business meeting today. Most satisfactory.”

“I’m glad to hear that, but I don’t know if I should have any alcohol.”

William paused with his hand on the decanter. “Why ever not? You usually enjoy a glass of sherry.”

“I know, but perhaps not just now. However, you go ahead and have one. I want to talk to you.”

William shrugged and poured himself a glass of brandy, then came to stand in front of her. “What is it you wish to talk about?” he asked warily.

“Do sit down, William.” Kitty forced a smile. “I have something to tell you.”

Taking a seat opposite her, he drank some of the brandy then placed his glass on the table beside him. He crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair. Narrowing his eyes, he asked, “Well, what is it?”

“I hope it’s something that will please you. Have you ever considered that one day you would be a father?”

“Indeed I have. It is one of the things you expect when you marry. I have been waiting for you to produce me an heir.”

“Well, you won’t have to wait much longer.”

His eyes lit up. “Do you mean that you’re with child now?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Well now, this is wonderful news.” He sprang from his chair and began pacing the room. “A son, at last. It’ll be a boy, of course.”

Kitty’s eyebrows lifted. “We can’t know that, William. Nature will decide.”

He puffed out his chest. “Oh, I’m sure this child will be a boy. We’ll name him after me, of course. Yes. And my father. William Alexander. Yes. William Alexander Barron. It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

“Perhaps we could leave names until a little later, William. Do sit down. There are many other things to think of.”

“Of course, of course.” He sat down and, picking up his glass, tossed down the rest of the brandy. “I must write to the family immediately. They’ll be most impressed.” Rising, he poured himself another brandy before returning to his chair. “Now, my dear. You must take good care of your health from now on. You were quite right not to drink the sherry. It might not be good for the baby. We wouldn’t want anything untoward to happen now. You must take care for the baby.”

“Yes, William, I will.” She drew a deep breath. “We need to think of a nursery now. We probably need to make a trip to Sydney to do some shopping for the things we’re going to need. There will be quite a lot to buy.”

“To Sydney?” He blinked, obviously considering the idea. “Yes. Of course. You must buy whatever you need. But are you sure you’re well enough to travel?”

“I’m quite well. I’m not ill, I’m having a baby.”

“Then it must be before your condition becomes apparent. It would not do to be seen in public then.”

“I’m quite agreeable to that. I’ll leave you to make the arrangements. When do you think we can go?”

“As soon as I can arrange the accommodation. We’ll stay at Adams Hotel again. You may begin to prepare immediately.” He finished his drink and stood up. “Yes. A visit to Sydney will be excellent. I’ll go to my study now and write some letters. I’ll make arrangements to do some business while I’m down there, whilst you are doing your shopping.” He stood for a moment. “Yes, come to think of it, I might have to spend considerable time on business down in Sydney. Perhaps it would be as well if your mother accompanies us. She’ll be company for you, whilst I’m busy. You’d like that, would you not?”

Kitty forbore asking him what business in Sydney would take up so much of his time. Instead she smiled as she replied. “Indeed, that would be very welcome.”

William spent the rest of the evening in his study, and when they retired to bed he turned to her. “Kitty,” he said, his voice slightly slurred as he ran his hands over her, “you are everything I expected of you.” He fumbled as he removed her nightdress and kissed her clumsily.

Kitty could scarcely bear the touch of his hands on her skin. She squirmed under his clumsy fingers, but he didn’t notice. She closed her eyes, and the memory of how she had felt when Rufe kissed her came to her. How would she feel if it was his hands on her, his lips insistently at hers? A sob caught in her throat as she tried to pretend it was Rufe. Rufe’s hands caressing her as he whispered words of love—Rufe on top of her—inside her—as one with her.