David had asked Jeff to leave Bozo at home for this conversation. He’d led Jeff to the bench at the far corner of the pond, away from the main crowd, mentally preparing himself for Jeff’s reaction.
They sat on the bench together, pints of beer at their feet. David turned his wrists over. The white lines had become a part of him now, mainly because of the way Jeff accepted them, touched them, kissed them. Would Jeff feel the same after David’s explanation?
“I slashed my wrists,” he said, somewhat unnecessarily.
Jeff stroked the lines with his thumb. “When?”
“Three years ago.” Three years, six months and fifteen days. David tried not add the hours and minutes too.
“I thought they didn’t look new.” Jeff stroked the scars again. “But you were found?”
“My mum discovered me and rushed me to the hospital. They bandaged me up and sent me home.”
“They didn’t keep you in the hospital?” Jeff sounded surprised.
David shook his head. “Not these days. I left the hospital and moved in with my mum.”
Jeff held David’s hands so gently. “Why did you do it?”
“I’ve had thoughts of suicide my whole life,” David admitted.
“Have you tried before?”
“Once, but I stopped before I needed help. This time I didn’t want to stop.”
Jeff didn’t speak for so long, and David knew that he’d fucked things up forever. Jeff would walk away and never speak to him again.
“Was there a reason you attempted suicide?” Jeff said eventually. His thumbs rested over the scars but stayed in one place.
David swallowed past the lump in his throat. “A friend of mine died in a car accident. I... don’t want... to....”
“You don’t have to talk about it now, Dave. Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.” Jeff held onto David’s hands.
“Why’re you so calm about this? About me?” David demanded. “Why aren’t you running in the opposite direction?”
Jeff shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t feel I need to. And Bozo adores you. I trust his judgment.”
“Have you met your dog?” David asked dubiously. Jeff could have used a lot of arguments, but Bozo wasn’t his strongest.
“You have a point.” Jeff chuckled, but then he leaned forward and kissed David. Not a mere brush of his lips, but a kiss with a promise of more to come.
“Promise me one thing,” David begged, and he hated the begging in his voice.
It took a moment for Jeff to focus on what David was saying. “Anything, you know that.”
“If you need to run, say goodbye first, so I know.”
“Never going to happen.” Jeff held up his hand as David opened his mouth to argue. “I promise.” David knew that was all he could ask for at that moment. Then Jeff surprised him. “I want you to make me a promise too.”
“What’s that?” David asked, somewhat suspiciously.
“Next time you think you’re....” Jeff licked his lips in a nervous gesture. “If you’re in a bad way, you call me. Say goodbye first, so I know.”
“That’s not how it works.”
Jeff shook his head. “I need to know. You have to promise me.”
“I can’t promise you that now, but maybe one day,” David said.
Jeff didn’t look happy but eventually he nodded and leaned forward to kiss David again.