An excited Mia jumped out of her Mustang, leaving her jacket behind and hurrying through the cool, windy evening to Collin’s front door. In the west the sun was setting, a testament to the shorter days of late autumn.
The hollow sound of a hammer rang through the otherwise quiet countryside. Not once in the months since meeting him had she come to this house and found Collin idle. He was either working on the house, with the animals or helping Mitchell do something. Didn’t the man ever lie around on the couch like a slob the way her brothers did?
She waited for a pause in the hammering and then pounded hard on the door. She’d finally found something and she couldn’t wait to share the news with Collin.
“Collin, hello.”
The hammering ceased. After a minute, she saw movement from the corner of her eye and heard Collin’s voice. She spotted him near the side of the house, the area still mostly in skeleton form.
In the fading light, Collin raised the hammer in greeting, a smile lifting the corners of his mouth. Dressed in jeans and a denim shirt, he wore a tool belt slung low on his hips.
“Hey,” he said.
She started toward him, her heart doing a weird ker-thumping action. Okay, so she was glad to see him. And yes, he was good-looking enough to make any woman’s heart beat a little faster. But she was excited because of the news she had, not because Collin had smiled as if he was glad to see her, too. Mostly.
Adam and his insinuations were getting to her.
“Watch your step.” Collin gestured at the pile of tools strewn about on the concrete pad, and then reached out to put a hand under her elbow.
His was a simple act of courtesy, but her silly heart did that ker-thump thing again. Come to think of it, this was the first time Collin had ever intentionally touched her.
A naked lightbulb dangled from an extension cord in one corner to illuminate the work space. The smell and fog of sawdust hung cloudlike above a pile of pale new boards propped beside a table saw.
“I finally have the decking on top,” he said with some satisfaction, unmindful of her sudden awareness of him as a man. “Even if the room won’t be completely in the dry before the really cold weather sets in, I’ll be able to work out here.”
Usually Mitchell was under foot, pounding and sawing under Collin’s close supervision. She looked around, saw no sign of the boy. “Where’s Mitchell?”
Collin placed the hammer on a makeshift table, his welcoming expression going dark. “I caught him smoking in the barn. Took him home early.”
“Oh, no. I thought you’d made him see the senselessness of cigarettes.”
“Yeah, well that was a big failure, I guess.” He sighed, a heavy sound, and ran both hands up the back of his head. “He’s been acting up again. Mouthy. Moody. Maybe I’m not doing him any good after all.”
“Don’t think that, Collin. All kids mess up, regress. But he’s come a long way in a short time. The school says he’s only missed two days since you spoke to his class on careers in law enforcement. His discipline referrals for fighting are down, too.”
He squinted at her. “You know what he’s been fighting about?”
“No. Do you?”
“I’ve got a clue.” He turned to the closed door leading into the living area. “Come on in. You’re getting cold.”
Pleasure bloomed. He’d noticed.
Inside the kitchen, he motioned toward a half-full Mr. Coffee. “Coffee?”
“Sure.” She took the offered cup, wrapping her hands around the warmth. “Are you going to share your insights with me?”
Collin leaned a hip against the clean white counter. If she was a betting woman, she’d bet he’d laid the tile himself. “I think Mitch is under a lot of pressure from some of the other boys.”
“What kind of pressure?”
“I haven’t figured that part out. There’s something though. I have a feeling it has to do with his stepdad. That’s a very sore subject lately.”
Her caseworker antennae went up. “Anything I need to investigate on a professional basis?”
Over the rim of his coffee cup, Collin gave her the strangest look, a look she’d come to recognize each time she mentioned her job. He took a long time in answering such a simple question.
“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to keep your eyes and ears open.”
She was already doing that.
“How’s Happy?”
“Still happy.” He grinned at his own joke and pulled a chair around from the table to straddle the seat. “Doc says the foot is still in danger. It’ll kill Mitchell if she has to amputate.”
She could tell Collin wouldn’t be too happy either, but he wasn’t about to say so.
“He’s attached.”
“Very.” Arms folded over the back of the chair, the coffee mug dangled from his fingers.
“You are, too.”
He made a face. “Yeah.”
And she was glad to know he could form bonds this way, even though they saddened him. Some kids who grew up in the system were never able to love and bond.
“I have a bit of news for you.” She laid her purse on the table and pulled out a slip of paper.
“I could use some today. Shoot.”
“This may turn out to be nothing, but—” she handed him the note “—this is the address of foster parents who took care of one of your brothers shortly after you were separated. They’re not on your list.”
The expression on his face went from mildly interested to intense. “Seriously?”
“The address hasn’t been updated and there was no telephone, so we may not find anything.”
He shoved out of the chair and grabbed a jacket. “Let’s go see.”
“Collin, wait.”
He paused, face impassive.
Suddenly, she regretted her impulsive action to come here first before checking out the address herself.
“I haven’t made contact. We don’t know if anything will come from this. Don’t get your hopes up, okay?”
“It’s worth a shot.” He shrugged the rest of the way into his jacket. “We’ll take my truck.”
She had known he’d react this way, pretending not to hope, but grasping at anything. If the foster parents were still around, they might not remember one little boy who passed through their lives so long ago. And if they did, they probably wouldn’t remember where the child had gone from there.
“This is the first new piece of the puzzle I’ve had in a long time,” Collin admitted as he smoothly guided the truck around the orange barrels and flashing lights of the ever-present road construction that plagued Oklahoma City. “Dartmouth Drive is back in one of these additions. I’ve been out here on calls. Not the best part of town.”
A bad feeling came over her. She felt the need to say one more time, “Remember, now. This address comes from a very old file.”
“I heard you.” But she could tell that he didn’t want to think that the trip might be futile.
Night had fallen and the wind picked up even more. An enormous harvest moon rose in the east. Mia had a sense of trepidation about approaching a strange house at night.
“Maybe we should have waited until tomorrow.”
“I’ve waited twenty years.” The lights of his vehicle swept over a wind-wobbled sign proclaiming Dartmouth Drive. He turned onto a residential street. “Should be right down here on the left.”
She could feel the tension emanating from him like heat from a stove. He wanted to find out something new about his brothers so badly. And now that they were nearing the place, Mia was scared. If the trip proved futile, would he be devastated?
“Here’s the address.” He pulled the truck to a stop along the curb.
She squinted into the darkness. “I don’t think anyone is at home, Collin.”
“Maybe they watch TV with the lights off.”
They made their way up the cracked sidewalk. In the moonlight Mia observed that the grass was overgrown, a possibility only if no one had been here for a long time. Growing season had been over for more than a month.
She shouldn’t have let him come here and be disappointed. But she’d been so excited that she hadn’t thought everything through in advance. She’d only wanted to give him hope. Now, Collin could be hurt again because of her.
He banged on the front door.
“Collin,” she said softly, wanting to touch him, to comfort him.
He ignored her and banged again, harder. “Hello. Anybody home?”
“Collin.” This time she did touch him. His arm was like granite.
He stared at the empty, long-abandoned house. In the moonlight, his jaw worked. She heard him swallow and knew he swallowed a load of disappointment.
Abruptly, he did an about-face. “Dry run.”
Inside the truck, Mia said, “This was my fault. I’m so sorry.”
He gripped the steering wheel and stared at the empty house. “I should be used to it by now.”
That small admission, that no matter how many times he came up empty he still hurt, broke Mia’s heart. She couldn’t imagine the pain and loneliness he’d suffered in his life. She couldn’t imagine the pain of being separated from her loved ones the way Collin had been.
When they’d first met, she’d thought him cold and heartless. Now she realized what a foolish judgment she’d made.
Because she didn’t know what else to do, Mia closed her eyes and prayed. Prayed for God to help them find Drew and Ian. Prayed that Collin could someday release all his heartache to the only One who could heal him. Prayed that she would somehow find the words to compensate for her bad judgment.
In silence they drove out of the residential area and headed toward Collin’s place and her vehicle. Mia was glad she’d left her car at the farm. Collin didn’t need to be alone even if he thought he did.
“Are you okay?” she finally asked.
In the dim dash lights he glanced her way, his cop face expressionless. “Sure. You hungry?”
The question had her turning in her seat. “Hungry?”
“As in food. I haven’t had dinner.”
“Neither have I.” She felt out of balance. He had shoved aside what had to be, at least, a disappointment. Was this the way he handled his emotions? By ignoring them?
They parked behind a popular steak house and went inside.
They passed a buffet loaded with steaming vegetables and a variety of meats that had her mouth watering.
“You look confused,” Collin said as he held a chair for her.
She was. In more ways than one. “I was expecting a tofu bar with bean sprouts and seaweed.”
“I eat what I like.”
There went another assumption she shouldn’t have made about him.
They filled their plates from the hot bar and found a table. Collin had ordered a steak, as well.
“Comfort food?” she asked gently after the waitress brought their drinks and departed.
He shrugged. “Just hungry. This place makes great steaks.”
She squeezed the lemon slice into her tea.
“Want mine?” Collin said, removing the slice from the edge of his glass.
“You’re giving up vitamin C?” She teased, but took the offered fruit. “Do you eat out like this all the time?”
“Not that much. Mostly I cook for myself.”
She should have figured as much. He’d been self-reliant of necessity all of his life, a notion that made her heart hurt. But that strength had made him good at about anything he set his mind to. She wondered if he knew that about himself and decided that he didn’t.
“What’s your specialty?” she asked.
“Meat loaf and mashed potatoes. How about you? You live alone, too. Do you eat at your folks’ or cook for yourself?”
“For myself most of the time. Although I sneak over to the bakery a little more often than I should.”
“You any good?”
“Look at this body.” With a self-deprecating twist of her mouth, she held her hands out to the side. “What do you think?”
“I think you look great.” His brown eyes sparkled with appreciation.
“That wasn’t what I meant.” A rush of heat flooded her neck. “I meant—”
He laughed and let her off the hook. “I know what you meant.” He pointed a fork at her. “But you still look good.”
“Well.” She wasn’t sure what to say. She got her share of compliments, but she’d never expected one from Collin. He was full of surprises tonight. “Thank you.”
The waitress brought his steak and they settled in to eat, making comments now and then about the food. After a bit the conversation lagged and all she could think about was the night’s failed trip. Collin might want to ignore the subject, but Mia would explode if she didn’t get her feelings out in the open.
“Will you let me apologize for not checking out that address before telling you about it?”
“No use talking the subject to death.”
“We haven’t talked about it at all.” Which was driving her nuts.
“Just as well.” He laid aside his fork and took a man-size drink of tea.
“Not really. Talking helps you sort out your feelings, weigh your options.” And made her feel a whole lot better.
Collin looked at her, steady and silent. If anyone was going to talk, she would have to be the one.
“I’ll keep looking. The information has to be there somewhere. We’ll find them.”
“You could check the adoption files. See if either of my brothers was adopted.”
“I’m checking those.”
Attention riveted to his plate, he casually asked, “The sealed ones?”
Her breath froze in her throat. “I won’t do that.”
He looked up. The naked emotion in his eyes stunned her. “Why not?”
Shoulders instantly tense, she had to remind him, “I told you from the beginning I wouldn’t go into sealed files.”
“That was before you knew me. Before we were friends.”
Friends? “Is that what the compliment was about? To soften me up?”
His jaw tightened. “Is that what you think?”
She leaned back in her chair, miserable to be at odds with him over this. “No. Not really, but I can’t believe you’d ask me to do such a thing.”
Anger flared in the normally composed face. His fork clattered against his plate. “Wanting to find my brothers is not a crime. I’m not some do-wrong trying to ferret out information for evil purposes. This is my life we’re talking about.”
“I know that, Collin. But the files are closed for a reason. Parents requested and were given sealed records because they wanted the promise of privacy. And until those people request a change, those files have to stay sealed.”
He crammed a frustrated hand over his head, spiking the hair up in front. “Nearly twenty-five years of my life is down the drain, Mia. I need to find them. They’re men now. Opening those files won’t hurt them or anybody else.”
She shook her head, sick at heart. “I can’t. It’s wrong. Please understand.”
Back rigid, he pushed away from the table and stood. The cold mask she’d encountered the first time they’d met was back in place.