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As long as there have been children eager to grow up—which there always have been— at some point in their lives, they have been frustrated at being denied permission to do something, and in frustration they have said, “I can’t wait until I grow up and I can do whatever I want.” That’s not ever going to happen.
When you were really little, you used to have to ask someone older or bigger than you for almost everything because you weren’t big enough to do it yourself. You couldn’t reach the cookie jar or pour a glass of milk. You couldn’t just toddle across the street by yourself to see your friend or climb up onto the chair and turn the family computer on to play a game.
Once you get older and bigger, you don’t need to ask for as much help, but in many cases you do need to ask permission. Your father doesn’t just walk over to the neighbor’s garage and take his hedge clippers; he asks permission to borrow them. Your grandmother doesn’t just jump in the car to take off for a weekend with “the girls” in New Orleans. (Yes, grandmothers call their girlfriends “the girls” long after they’ve aged out of girlhood. You will too.) She checks first with your grandfather to see if it’s okay or if he has other plans.
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Asking permission is something you do from a very young age—like asking your kindergarten teacher for permission to take a puzzle off the shelf— to a very old age. No matter how old you are, asking for permission is something you never outgrow.
YOU DO
Ask permission to use your mom’s laptop, borrow your friend’s French-English dictionary, ride your bike to the ballpark, or stay out an hour past your curfew.
YOU DON’T
Assume that it’s okay to do any of those things because you’re not nine years old anymore, or because you’ve done them before.
Why
Each time you use something that belongs to someone else or do something out of the ordinary, you ask permission.
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YOU DO
Offer an explanation of why you need to use your mom’s laptop or stay out an hour past your curfew.
YOU DON’T
Ask for permission without being prepared for a follow-up question and response.
Why
Your mom might need to use her laptop herself, but if you tell her there’s a program you need on the laptop for a paper you’re writing and you promise to give it back in one hour, she’ll probably say yes.
YOU DO
Accept no as a final answer when it’s clear that’s what the answer is going to be.
YOU DON’T
Whine, cry, stomp your foot, and accuse your parents of always saying no, being totally unfair, and hating you.
Why
Accepting no for an answer with maturity will impress your parents so much that they are far more likely to say yes the next time. If you sense yourself getting upset, you might want to go to your room to cool down. If it helps, you can yell into your pillow.
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A lady never uses or borrows something that belongs to someone else without asking permission. No exceptions.
A lady doesn’t change the radio station in the car her mom is driving without asking permission.
A lady doesn’t stay out past curfew or go to a different place than she told her parents she was going without asking permission first.