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Chapter 13

TALKING AND
LISTENING TO
ADULTS

You might think you have this one covered since you’ve been talking and listening to your parents your whole life.

That is only partially correct.

As you mature, your level of interaction with others should mature as well. The circle of people you interact with will also grow, from your parents and grandparents to your teachers, coaches, counselors, employers, parents of friends, and random grownups you will encounter throughout the course of your adolescence.

While the tone of conversations you have with family members will be more casual than the tone of conversations you have with your teacher or your advisor or the librarian, all require the same thing: your full attention.

This means that when your mother comes into your room to talk to you about the slumber party you’re planning, you stop texting. If you’re in the middle of sending a text, you let your mother know that—“I’ll just tell Molly I’ll get back to her”—and then you put the phone away.

If your teacher wants to talk to you about your assignment, you make eye contact and let her know by your responses that you are absorbing what she is saying.

If you need help from the librarian, you take out your earbuds before you ask where you might find a book.

When you are making a purchase at the convenience store, you stop talking to your friend on your cell phone and engage with the cashier.

As you get older, you will be expected to initiate conversation with grown-ups, and you can practice with your parents and grandparents. It’s not hard. Just ask a question. “How was your day at work, Mom?” “What are you reading, Grandpa?” “Who do you think will win the Super Bowl, Dad?” And then, listen to their answer.

Showing interest in other people’s lives is one of the most courteous things you can do, and an important milestone on your way to maturity.

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YOU DO

Stop texting on your phone, typing on the computer, or watching television when an adult wants to speak with you.

YOU DON’T

Make a show of being irritated at the interruption, or act as if you are impatient to get back to what you were doing.

Why

There are distractions all around us, but grownups should not have to vie with a friend you saw an hour ago at school or with reruns of Gilmore Girls for five minutes of your time. It is hurtful to feel that you are not worthy of someone’s undivided attention.

YOU DO

Politely ask your mom if her question can wait two more minutes for the outcome of the tie-breaking tennis match, or until you finish your train of thought on the paper you’re writing.

YOU DON’T

Put your hand up in front of her face, or wave her away like an annoying fly.

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Why

Either of those things is guaranteed to provoke an angry response, which will not get you the two minutes you’ve requested.

YOU DO

Initiate conversations with the grown-ups in your life.

YOU DON’T

Spend all your time “conversing” on the computer with friends and strangers or secluded in your bedroom.

Why

As you’re getting older, so are your parents and grandparents, and it’s important to make the most of the time we have with the people we love.

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A lady makes eye contact and is engaged with the person she is conversing with.

A lady knows that asking people questions about themselves is the surest way to be considered a good conversationalist.

A lady keeps up with current events and popular culture, at least enough to learn the art of small talk.