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Chapter 14
BEING A DINNER
GUEST
It may be as casual as your friend’s mom suggesting you stay for supper after you finish studying together, or you may receive a formal invitation to a celebratory dinner of some type. Doing the right thing is usually a matter of following the lead of your hostess, though it helps to know some basic rules of being a guest at the dinner table. Here are some guidelines.
• Do not sit at the table before anyone else or after everyone else, but at the same time as most of the other guests.
• Unless your hostess tells everyone to start without her, do not begin eating before the hostess is also seated at the table and lifts her fork.
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• If you are serving yourself from a buffet, do not heap your plate with food as if you are storing up for the winter; instead take only as much as you know you can eat at that sitting.
• Do not put something on your plate, then change your mind and put it back on the platter or in the bowl. Once it is on your plate, it is yours.
• Never take anything from a buffet with your hand when a serving piece is provided.
• If serving dishes are being passed around the table family style, the proper direction is counterclockwise, to the right. But if everyone is passing clockwise to the left, do as they do.
• Take just one piece of bread from the basket, and pass it along. If you are asked to pass the breadbasket that is sitting in front of you, do not snatch a roll before sending the basket on its way.
• Do not reach across others to get something you need; ask for it to be passed to you. If someone asks you for the salt, pass the salt and pepper shakers together, so one doesn’t get separated from the other. Do not pass across the table, but to the right until the item gets to the person who requested it.
Though guests at a table should participate in the conversation as they are able, never chew with your mouth open or talk with your mouth full. If you feel a sneeze or cough coming on, turn your head away from the table and cover your mouth.
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Hairbrushes, makeup, and cell phones have no place at the table. Ever.
YOU DO
Compliment the food.
YOU DON’T
Go on and on about how the chicken casserole is the best chicken casserole you have ever tasted in your whole life and how it is so much better than your mother’s.
Why
Overflattering can be perceived as insincere, and comparing your mother’s cooking to anyone else’s in derogatory terms is a breach of family protocol.
YOU DO
Ask if anyone else would like the last piece of chicken or last roll before you claim it.
YOU DON’T
Take the last of anything without checking with the rest of the table.
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Why
It is highly unlikely that anyone else will thwart your wish for another roll, but they should be given the option. If someone else also had their eye on the last piece of bread, they should suggest sharing it.
YOU DO
Say “excuse me” if you need to get up from the table to use the restroom.
YOU DON’T
Abruptly jump up and run off, even if the need is urgent.
Why
It only takes one second to say “excuse me” and you don’t have to explain why.
YOU DO
Offer to help clear the table, serve dessert, or clean up after dinner.
YOU DON’T
Insist when the host or hostess declines.
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Why
Your hostess will certainly appreciate your thoughtfulness in asking, but no means no. She may not want you getting in her way or may prefer to clean up after her guests depart.
A lady arrives on time for a meal, leaves her cell phone on vibrate in another room, and keeps her elbows off the table.
If it is her host family’s custom to say a blessing before a meal, a lady follows their lead.
A lady always thanks the host family for including her before she departs.