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Remember the first time you opened your Spanish textbook and nothing made sense to you? There were words on the page made of letters you knew, but you had no idea what they meant or how to say them.
You will probably feel the same way the first time you sit down to a formal dinner, one with lots of utensils and glasses and different plates. They all look familiar, but how does it work?
You might get really nervous about doing the wrong thing, using the wrong fork, or drinking out of someone else’s glass. It’s actually quite logical and simpler than you might guess.
Square the area around your plate—to the left, right, and immediately above—as your “property.” Solids—like the small plate for your bread—are to the left, and liquids—like your drinking glass—are to the right. One easy way to remember is to imagine a small b to the left and a small d to the right; b is for bread, d is for drink.
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As for utensils, you just work your way in, course by course. Forks are always placed to the left of the plate, and knives and spoons to the right of the plate. If there is a fork and spoon placed horizontally at the top of your plate, those are intended for dessert and you don’t need to think about them until your pie or cake is delivered to you.
A small butter knife may be laid across the bread plate. That knife is only to be used for buttering your bread. It is not to be used for taking butter off the butter plate. There will be a separate knife for that, and you will use it to put some butter on your bread plate, but not on your bread.
Once you have used a utensil, you do not lay it on the table again. If you are still eating, you can prop the tines of the fork or the end of the knife on the edge of your plate.
The meal might begin with a salad; the salad fork is smaller than the dinner fork and will be on the outside to the left of the plate. That is the one you begin with. If you must use a knife to cut your salad, rest the knife on the salad plate until it is cleared, then rest it on your bread plate until your main course is served. If there is no bread plate, simply prop it on the spoon.
If the meal starts with soup, there will be a larger soupspoon outside the teaspoon on the right of your plate.
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When the main course is served, you will have the main fork and your knife left to use. When you are not using your knife, prop or rest it on the plate.
When you are finished with your meal, place your knife and fork—tines down and pointed to the upper left corner—side by side, diagonally across your plate.
YOU DO
Use the water glass to the right of your plate.
YOU DON’T
Drink from more than one water glass if you have gotten mixed up.
Why
Everyone has made this mistake, especially people who are left-handed, and it is no big deal. Tell the person to your left you have used their glass and give them the one you have not used.
YOU DO
Pace your eating to the rest of the table.
YOU DON’T
Gobble your food—even if you are famished—or eat at a snail’s pace.
Why
You do not want to sit and watch everyone else eat if your plate is emptied well before theirs; neither does everyone else want to wait for you to finish so they can get their cherry pie.
YOU DO
Put your utensils on your plate if you must pause to pass the breadbasket or wipe your mouth.
YOU DON’T
Lay dirty utensils on the table.
Why
You don’t want to leave grease stains or tomato sauce on the tablecloth.
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A lady does not push food onto her fork with her finger, but uses a piece of bread or the edge of her knife.
If a lady drops a utensil on the floor, she does not pick it up and wipe it on her napkin, but asks for a replacement.
A lady does not butter an entire roll or slice of bread at one time, but only the piece she is about to put into her mouth.