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Chapter 27
USING SOCIAL
NETWORKS
Facebook was launched in 2004 and has more than six hundred million users. If you’re old enough and your parents gave their permission, you are probably one of them, along with nearly all your friends.
Chances are your friends’ parents, your siblings, your aunts, uncles, cousins, and even your grandparents are also on Facebook. It’s quite likely, even probable, that your teacher, principal, scout leader, coach, music instructor, minister, rabbi, and Sunday school teacher are too.
That doesn’t mean they are all your Facebook friends. And that may make you think there is no way they will see the vulgar words you’ve used, the ugly gossip you participated in, the hurtful thing you said about someone, the fib you told them, or the questionable photo you posted.
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You would be wrong. No matter how high your privacy setting—and for your personal safety it should be set as high as possible—there is no such thing on the Internet as total secrecy. There is going to be some way that the people who hold you accountable, the people whose regard and respect you want, the people who trust you to do the right thing, the people who care for you the most, are going to see the thing you would not want them to see.
The possibility of getting caught by your parents or a teacher is not the reason you should not fib, use vulgar language, participate in name-calling or ugly gossip in a public forum, or post an inappropriate photo of yourself.
You should not be doing those things because they are wrong, they are hurtful, and they do not present you as the fine, mature, responsible, intelligent, thoughtful, and considerate young woman you are.
YOU DO
Set your privacy settings to protect you and your family’s safety.
YOU DON’T
Include your home address or telephone number on your information page.
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Why
You do not want the millions of Facebook users to be able to see your profile, information, photos, and friends. People who are your close friends already know your address and telephone number. There is no good reason to make it available to everyone else.
YOU DO
Respond in some way to friend requests.
YOU DON’T
Feel obligated to accept every friend request.
Why
Would you open your door to anyone who knocked and asked themselves in for dinner? Of course not. You are under no obligation to accept friend requests from people you hardly know, people you don’t know at all, or people you do know and would not be friends with in real life. Simply hit the “not now” or “ignore” button. De-friending someone is okay too, as long as you don’t post that you have done so on your wall for the rest of your friends to see.
YOU DO
Know the difference between posting on a wall and sending a private message.
YOU DON’T
Post private things about you or your friends on a wall.
Why
If you post “Leila is so mean not to invite Cassie to her birthday party” on your wall, or “I’m sorry Leila was so mean to you” on Cassie’s wall, all of your friends and all of Cassie’s friends will be privy to something that should be between you and Cassie. Or between Cassie and Leila. When a thought or feeling or message is even remotely personal or private, send it to your friend through the message feature on Facebook.
YOU DO
Share fun things and good news on your wall.
YOU DON’T
Share how ugly your big sister was to you, or that your brother failed his math test, or that you and your best friend had a huge fight.
Why
Facebook is called a “social network,” not a “sibling revenge network,” “family secrets network,” or “group therapy network.” Keep it light and do not share other people’s behavior or status on your page.
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YOU DO
Create entertaining photo albums on your Facebook page of parties, family members, vacations, school events, and special occasions.
YOU DON’T
Include every single photo you have ever taken because you don’t have the inclination to edit, or include or tag photos of people that are unflattering or might be embarrassing.
Why
Your friends will probably get weary of the album of your family trip to New York City at the eighty-seventh photo of an unidentified building taken from your taxi window. Then they will miss the really cool photo of you ice-skating at Rockefeller Center. It would be impractical to ask permission of every person in a group photo, but you should use your judgment in deciding which photos to post or tag.
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A lady does not ask to friend someone more than once if there is no response to the first request.
A lady does not believe that having 874 “friends” means she is popular. It might mean she is indiscriminate.
A lady does not post or tag unflattering photos of her friends.
A lady does not create or join a “group” intended to hurt or degrade someone else, even if it isn’t someone she knows.
A lady does not constantly update her status or send out a tweet to publicly document every moment of her day or every thought that crosses her mind.
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A lady does not engage in Twitter wars. You can do a lot of damage in 140 characters.
A lady does not use inappropriate language on someone else’s wall or when commenting on their status.
A lady knows that it is easy to put something on Facebook, but very difficult to remove it. Think before you post.