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Chapter 29
GOSSIPING AND
KEEPING SECRETS
Sharing information is a good thing to do when the information you are sharing is relevant, helpful, or important. If one of your soccer teammates needs a copy of the practice schedule, or a classmate misplaced the reading assignment, or you hear of a great sale on the running shoes that a friend loves, you share that information.
Gossip can be a fun and amusing interaction among friends when it is harmless and impersonal. But mean-spirited gossip and unfounded rumors can and often do have unforeseen consequences.
With the instantaneous capability of “sharing information” that texting, e-mailing, instant messaging, and social networking offers, the most unfounded rumors and ugly gossip can spread as fast as a wildfire and cause just as much damage.
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Unless there is a very good reason for doing so, breaking a promise to keep a secret is a serious violation of the trust someone places in you.
YOU DO
Have fun speculating with your friends about a story in a celebrity news magazine, what the stars wore on the MTV Awards, and if the leading actor and actress in your favorite television show are dating in real life.
YOU DON’T
Help spread rumors that your single English teacher is having a relationship with the married coach of the football team because they often have lunch together, that the girl running for class treasurer is a shoplifter, or that several members of the freshman football team are taking steroids.
Why
Spreading rumors that can cause lasting and sometimes irreparable damage to another person’s reputation, their standing in their community, or their future is one of the worst things you can do morally, and you could also be held accountable by authorities for helping spread them.
YOU DO
Keep a friend’s secret if he or she confides in you.
YOU DON’T
Keep a secret if it involves the person doing harm to themselves or others.
Why
If your friend tearfully shares with you that her parents are talking about separating and possibly getting divorced, and asks you not to tell anyone, not even your parents, you don’t. Your friend is counting on you to be a safe haven to share her sadness and anxiety. If your friend tells you more than once that the turmoil in her home is causing her to hurt herself or want to hurt herself, you should go to your parents, a teacher, or a guidance counselor and ask for their help in managing a secret that big.
YOU DO
Consider if something you are hearing or saying about someone who is not present is something that would be said if she were.
YOU DON’T
Participate in gossip and talking about someone behind their back because everyone else is doing it, because you think it will never get back to the person, or because you think it will make you more popular to add fuel to the gossip bonfire.
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Why
Gossip has a way of getting back to the person being gossiped about. Participating in gossip will not make you more popular, but walking away from it will gain you a reputation as a loyal friend and someone who “doesn’t have a mean thing to say about anyone.” That’s the kind of reputation you want.
A lady doesn’t tell one friend that another friend is talking about her behind her back; a lady speaks first to the friend spreading the gossip.
A lady doesn’t tell things that another girl or boy did or said, or secrets they shared years ago that would be embarrassing to that person today.