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Chapter 43

HELP WITH YOUR
COAT AND OTHER
SMALL COURTESIES

As you enter a more grown-up social world, with any luck you will encounter gentlemen who have been taught by their mothers and fathers to practice certain courtesies toward women. A young man who has been taught these things is lucky indeed; good manners are one of the most valuable assets anyone—boy or girl—offers the world around them.

When courtesies are offered, you accept and say “thank you,” even if you don’t think you need the help that is being offered. To refuse a gesture of good manners is bad manners.

When someone opens a door for you, you say “thank you.” When someone offers to share his or her umbrella in an unexpected downpour, you say “thank you.” When someone pulls out your chair in a restaurant, you say “thank you.”

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It’s important to know how to accept certain courtesies. Walking through an open door is easy. Knowing how to be helped with your coat is a little trickier.

Presumably, the person who offers to help with your coat knows what to do: he stands behind you, holding your coat open at waist level, with the arms of the coat lined up with your arms. You hold your arms straight and slightly behind you, insert both hands into the arms of your coat, and let him pull it up to your shoulders until you can grasp the front of your coat with your hands.

If a gentleman or a server in a restaurant or a banquet pulls out your chair for you to sit at the table, stand with your back to the chair until the back of your knees hit the chair’s seat. Slowly lower yourself at the same time the chair is being pushed in. If you are still too far from the table, rise slightly so that the chair can be nudged forward a bit. If you are offered help to get up from the table, lift your bottom up slightly from the chair so it can be slowly pulled backward, then stand, being careful not to knock the table.

YOU DO

Check your coat at a restaurant or banquet hall if a coat checkroom is available and is offered to you.

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YOU DON’T

Hang your coat over the back of your chair so that the servers and other diners trip on it.

Why

Would you bring your coat to the table at home? At nicer restaurants and for formal occasions, coat checkrooms are provided as a courtesy to you, other guests, and staff. Check your coat, as well as umbrellas, scarves, gloves, and any bags you might be carrying. You do not check your purse. Be prepared to tip at least two dollars when retrieving your belongings.

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If a checkroom is not provided, a lady folds her coat over the back of her chair or puts it in the corner of a booth so it is out of the way and not in foot traffic.

A lady always carries some money in her purse and does not rely on the generosity of others.

If her purse is very small, a lady puts it in her lap or on the floor under her chair. She does not put it on the table, hang it on the back of her chair, or leave it anywhere someone might trip over it.

A lady says “thank you” when someone opens a door for her, helps with her coat, or helps with her chair.