188

Chapter 44

RESPONDING TO
INVITATIONS

Invitations are kind of like presents. They’re fun to receive and open, and they’re almost always in celebration of a special occasion. Some you like better than others, but all of them require a response of some kind.

When you were little, invitations to birthday parties or July Fourth cookouts probably came to your parents, especially if it was something to which your whole family was invited. Your mom or dad answered for everyone, and you all went as a unit.

As you got older, invitations came directly to you, and though you still need to ask your parents’ permission to attend or check to make sure there isn’t something else on the family calendar, responding to invitations is increasingly your responsibility. That means you need to learn how to do it correctly.

189

Some invitations might be face-to-face, very casual, and have nothing to do with a birthday or celebration. Maybe after softball practice Thursday afternoon Ellie says, “Hey Katie, I’m having the team over to swim Saturday after the game. Bring your suit if you can come.” Your teammate isn’t expecting you to call her on the phone to confirm, but even if you end up not going, at the game you tell her you won’t be able to attend, and thank her for the invitation.

Other invitations are more formal, like ones that come in the mail or via Evite. In these instances, the hostess would like to have an idea beforehand of how many guests to expect.

Being invited to something doesn’t mean you are required to accept. You might have a previous obligation, or you might not have seen the person throwing the party since fourth grade and would feel awkward going to a party where you don’t think you’ll know the other guests.

You do not have to explain or make up an excuse. But you do have to respond. “Thank you for asking. I’m sorry I can’t make it” is absolutely enough.

There are two types of “formal” invitations— regrets only and RSVP.

YOU DO

Let the hostess know you cannot attend if the invitation says “regrets only.”

190

YOU DON’T

Call to let the hostess know you will be attending.

Why

When an invitation says “regrets only,” it is usually for something like a come-and-go open house. Or maybe it’s an end-of-the-season team party where the hostess expects that the entire team will be attending. If you cannot attend, you send your regrets.

YOU DO

Reply either way to an invitation marked RSVP. (French students may know the acronym is for répondez s’il vous plaît, which literally translated means “respond if you please.” It may be easier to remember as “please respond.”) Be sure to respond before the deadline.

YOU DON’T

Wait so long to reply that the hostess or her parent has to call you on the phone to be sure you received the invitation.

Why

The invitations that ask for an RSVP are the parties for which the hostess needs to know in advance how many guests to expect. It might be a skating party or a bowling party. Maybe the hostess is planning to take her guests to see a concert or a play and her parents need to know how many tickets to buy. Maybe the party is at a restaurant and they need to know how large a table to reserve. If you forget to reply and show up anyway, it is bound to cause a problem. The easiest thing to do is reply as soon as you get the invitation and after you check with your parents.

191

A lady does not put off replying to an invitation in case something “better” comes along.

A lady does not accept an invitation and then cancel at the last minute for a party she thinks will be more fun.

A lady does not change her no to a yes at the last minute because something she thought would be more fun did not materialize.

192

If a lady gets ill or a family emergency arises that prevents her from attending a party where she is expected, she calls the hostess as soon as possible. She does not ask another guest who is going to let the hostess know, or count on her hostess checking her e-mail before the party begins.