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Chapter 45

WOULD YOU LIKE
TO DANCE?

At some point in your life, sooner than you may think, you will be confronted with an invitation to dance. With a boy. It might be the seventh-grade mixer, your best friend’s bat mitzvah, or ninth-grade homecoming. Whichever one it is, the first time is the scariest.

The good news is, learning how to dance isn’t that hard, especially if you do it with your friends. One day your mother may come to you and say with great enthusiasm, “I’ve signed you up for Fortnightly!” or “I’ve signed you up for cotillion!” If you have an older sibling, or friends with older siblings, you might already be familiar with the concept: a series of classes designed to teach young girls and boys the basics of dancing, social skills, and good manners in social situations.

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At least, that’s the theory. Fortnightly and cotillion classes are typically held every other week. There are rules about attire: girls wear dresses or skirts of modest length, boys wear coats and tie, and everyone wears dress shoes.

The instructor will put boys on one side of an imaginary line down the center of the room and girls on the other. At the instructor’s signal, the girls and boys meet in the middle and the fun begins!

You might think that sounds like the worst idea imaginable. What if you stumble? What if you step on your partner’s toes? What if your hands are sweating? What if you have to touch that awful boy who’s been so mean to you?

Remember this: classes last for an hour to ninety minutes and anyone can endure anything for that long. It’s not torture, it’s the fox-trot. All fifty of you are in the same boat and worried about the same things. Everyone will stumble a bit and step on someone’s toes, but everyone is so worried about what they will do wrong, they don’t care what you’re doing wrong.

You may not think you will ever in your whole life have reason to know the box step, the waltz, or the fox-trot, and certainly not the cha-cha. But ten years down the road when you’re a bridesmaid at your cousin’s wedding and the cute groomsman asks you to dance, and the band inexplicably kicks off a cha-cha, you’ll be glad you are not still the awkward young girl at her first Fortnightly class, with no idea where to place her hands or put her feet.

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You will not need to know how to waltz or cha-cha at your school dances. On the rare occasions that boys and girls dance together in seventh and eighth grades, it’s usually more freestyle. You do need to know how to respond if a boy should be brave enough to approach you among your friends and ask you to step onto the dance floor with him.

YOU DO

Accept an offer to dance when one is extended.

YOU DON’T

Dismiss the invitation with a curt no.

Why

It takes a lot of courage to walk across a room to ask a young woman to dance; don’t make him feel like an idiot for taking that chance. An invitation to dance is not a proposal, and accepting doesn’t mean you’re going steady.

YOU DO

Pay attention to your partner while you are dancing.

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YOU DON’T

Look over his shoulder at someone else or talk to your friend dancing beside you.

Why

For the duration of the dance, you and your partner are a duo. When it comes to dancing, three’s a crowd.

YOU DO

Accept his apology graciously if he steps on your foot.

YOU DON’T

Make a big deal and end the dance.

Why

Stepping on a partner’s toes happens to even the best dancers and for all you know, your foot might have been in the wrong place.

YOU DO

Understand that formal dancing requires touching.

YOU DON’T

Act as if your partner has a contagious disease and hold yourself at arm’s length.

Why

You can’t dance the waltz or the box step without touching certain neutral parts of your partner’s body, and vice versa. If your partner tries to pull you too close or places his hands inappropriately and you feel uncomfortable or threatened, you should pull discreetly away and say you would rather not finish the dance.

If a lady has not had any formal dance instruction, she should ask one of her parents or a friend for some pointers before attending an event that might involve dancing.

A lady lets the gentleman take the lead, even if she is the better dancer.

A lady doesn’t say, “I’m a terrible dancer” as she is being led to the floor.

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A lady says, “Thank you for the dance” when it is over, and is free to return to her seat.

A lady is not required to stay on the floor with her dance partner for a second dance.