I screamed as the vortex pulled me out of my bed, up through the roof of my house, and then up, up, up, into the clouds. Through the clouds I saw a tall glass building shaped like an enormous baby bottle and toy blocks. The vortex dropped us onto a plaza in front of the building. I landed on the ground with a thud while Boss Baby floated down peacefully.
I stood up and looked around me. Crowds of babies, all dressed in business suits, were hurrying across the plaza into the building.
“Whoa . . . where are we?” I asked.
“Welcome to Baby Corp.,” Boss Baby said.
Baby Corp. . . . It definitely reminded me of the place in my dream, except all these babies were business babies. Some of them hopped across the plaza on bouncy balls. Others rolled across the plaza, riding toys on wheels.
Not far away, I saw a counter with a long slide next to it. A baby slid down the slide and landed on the counter. The baby behind the counter handed him a bottle marked SUPER SECRET BABY FORMULA.
As I was watching this, a baby businessman walked right through me, like a ghost!
“Ah!” I screamed.
“Relax,” Boss Baby said. “They can’t see or hear us.”
“We’re like, virtual and stuff?” I asked, and Boss Baby confirmed. I guess that’s why I no longer had a pacifier in my mouth. My virtual self didn’t need it.
Boss Baby led me into the lobby of the big, glass baby-bottle-shaped building.
“So this is where babies come from?” I asked.
“Of course. What did you think? The stork? Magic fairies?” Boss Baby said.
I shook my head. “I can’t believe my parents didn’t tell me about this.”
“If people knew where babies really came from, they’d never have one,” he explained. “Same thing with hot dogs, by the way.”
I followed him to the elevator. I had to duck, because it was made for baby-sized people.
“Going upsies!” the elevator announced, and the doors closed and we began to rise.
Something occurred to me. “How come I don’t remember this place?”
“After normal babies get their pacifiers taken away, they forget all about Baby Corp.,” Boss Baby answered. “A few of us are selected for the ultimate honor. . . .”
Ding! The elevator doors opened and we stepped into a room filled with cubicles, just like the room from my dream. Babies in suits were already hard at work.
“Upper management!” Boss Baby said proudly. I followed him down a row of cubicles. “This is where all the action is.”
“So this whole place is run by babies?” I asked, looking around to see if there were any grown-ups in sight.
Then an announcement came over the speakers.
“Nap time in Sector G.”
The babies all put their heads down on their desks and started to snore, just like that!
Another question occurred to me. “What happens when you grow up?”
“Well, we don’t,” Boss Baby answered. “We drink a super secret baby formula that keeps us babies forever.”
He nodded toward the water cooler, where a bunch of babies were drinking their bottles. One baby chugged his super secret baby formula, burped, and they all laughed.
Then another baby in a suit marched up to them, and she looked angry.
“Formula break is over! Back to work! We’re in a crisis here!” she barked.
Another baby handed her a phone, and she started screaming into it.
“Who is that?” I asked.
“That’s my boss. The Big Boss Baby,” Boss Baby replied.
“What is she screaming about?” I wondered.
Boss Baby guided me over to a big screen with a pie chart on it—that’s a chart that looks like a pie, and each of the pieces stands for something different.
“This pie chart represents all the love there is in the world,” Boss Baby explained. He pointed to one of the biggest slices on the chart. “The puppies’ slice is getting bigger and bigger. They’re stealing all our love!”
I understood. “Just like you did to me!”
“Exactly,” Boss Baby said. “And if this keeps up there might not be enough pie left for babies.”
“No pie!” I said.
Boss Baby shook his head solemnly. “No pie . . .”
He motioned for me to follow him and walked through a wall. Now we were in a room with lots of wood on the walls and fancy furniture.
“When I find out what Puppy Co.’s new puppy is, I’ll be a Baby Corp. legend,” Boss Baby told me. He pointed to a picture on the wall of a fat, grumpy-looking baby in a suit. “Like him.”
“Now that’s a big, fat baby,” I said.
“No, that’s Big Fat Boss Baby,” he said, pointing to a different picture. “This is Super Colossal Big Fat Boss Baby. He was the youngest Chief Executive Infant in the history of the company.”
“Was? What happened to him?” I asked.
“Retired, years ago,” Boss Baby replied. “But I still try to live up to his legend.”
I was confused. “So that’s all you get? Your picture on the wall?”
Boss Baby turned and walked through the wall again. I followed him into a big, empty office with a very high, high chair. “I’ll get a big promotion. The corner office. With my own private potty.”
“So when you’re done, you’re coming back here?” I asked.
“I’m not a family man,” he said. “I belong behind a desk.”
I smiled. “That’s awesome!” The wheels in my head were slowly turning. . . .
We walked through the wall back into the hallway, and Big Boss Baby walked past us, followed by a whole group of baby assistants. She was yelling into her phone. “Did you hear anything from that little Boss Baby that we sent down to the Templetons? No? You’re fired!”
She ended the call and turned to her assistants. “You ALL are fired!”
The babies ran away and a new group of baby assistants ran up to Big Boss Baby.
“The Pet Convention is in two days!” she yelled. “If he doesn’t come up with answers, he’s fired. Retired! He’s gone!”
Boss Baby got a panicked look on his face.
“Okay, tour’s over,” he told me. In real life, he pulled the pacifier out of my mouth.
Whoosh! The vortex came back, sucked us up, and dropped us back into my house.
Boss Baby paced back and forth. “The Pet Convention is in two days and I’ve got nothing!” he wailed.
Then his toy phone rang.
“That’s Big Boss Baby! Don’t answer it!”