"Ouch!"
Donovan palmed his cheek as if that would lessen the burn. I knew his skin was stinging. Because my hand was tingling with pain from the way I'd just tried to slap every tooth out of his mouth.
"This is a rehearsal." His palm remained in place, over his jaw, though his voice was muffled, sounding like his mouth was stuffed with cotton. "And we're just acting!"
"That. Was. Incredible!" Gwen said, her grin so wide the ends of her lips almost touched her ears. "The chemistry between you two is amazing."
It must have been our matching glares that made her switch lanes.
"I...mean," she stuttered. "All right. Maybe we should do this one more time just to make sure we get it right."
"Okay." I shrugged.
"The hell I will!" Donovan exclaimed. Then, I guess because he didn't want to look like a complete punk, he added, "I think we got this scene down, right, Tammie?"
"Tamara," I corrected, then twisted to face Gwen. "And I don't mind doing it again." Now, I turned back to Donovan. "I want to keep at it until I get it right." That's what I said, but inside my words were different - I want to keep at it until I knock his ass to the ground.
"We got it," Donovan said to Gwen, though his eyes were on me.
Gwen's glance shifted from me to Donovan, back to me, then to him. "All right," she said, her disappointment apparent. She tapped her tablet screen. "Let's do the scene right before this one."
I'd already memorized the play - yes, the entire play, not just my lines. I'd been trained to learn everyone's lines, so I knew the scene that Gwen referenced was Donovan with the woman who'd just come at me.
I still couldn't figure out what that was about.
As I moved to the other side of the room, the woman did that walk that she had to have been practicing for days. I glared at her, but she didn't move her eyes toward me. She strutted past me as if I weren't there at all.
Shaking my head, I returned to where I'd been sitting and then watched what played out across the room. Though I'd wanted to burn Donovan with my stare, my glance stayed on her - Camille Woods was her name.
I'd been used to all of the competition and jealousy in this industry. And honestly, it was all understandable. There weren't enough roles to keep all women working, so that meant there definitely weren't enough opportunities for women of color. That was why I understood the hate and that was probably why this Camille woman came at me the way she did. But her hate - it felt a little different, it felt more personal than professional and I wondered why. But then, I shook my head and thoughts of her away. She was a nobody and I didn't need to waste another brain cell thinking about her.
So, I shifted my glance to Donovan. I was disappointed that Gwen hadn't let us do that scene again. At least one more time. I wanted just one more shot at smacking the hell out of that man. Now that I thought of it, next time, I'd use my fist. That was what I really wanted to do. Just a single right hook followed by a power side kick that dropped him straight to the floor. Then maybe if he were hurting, some of my pain would go away.
Maybe I would do that. Maybe I would take a shot like that in one of the thirty-six cities. That would make the 10:00 news.
As Donovan and Camille read through their lines, he still massaged his cheek, which pleased me, and now I hoped that my glare would ignite, and set him on fire. For just a milli-moment I felt silly, but then, I dropkicked that thought because that man deserved every bit of hurt that I could serve him. And no matter what I did to him over the course of this play, it wouldn't come close to what he'd done to me.
The more I watched Donovan, the more my eyes zoomed in on him, the more he stayed in the center of my focus, the more I drifted back, back, back...four years to the day that had started one of the best years of my life....
March 20, 2012
This wasn't my first film; I almost felt like a veteran with two movies behind me. But this was certainly my most important. A big budget movie where I'd be playing the younger sister of my idol, Angela Bassett.
She was the reason why I was an actor, making that decision when I was only seven years old. It was the day my mother dragged me to the movies and told me to tell the people that I was twelve years old, if they asked, which they didn't. I didn't even want to be there; I would've rather been home finishing my book, Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret . I'd tried to bring my book with me, but Mama had snatched it out of my hand, saying that the only thing I ever did was read. Mama always liked that I was reading all the time, but I knew she was just mad this time 'cause the babysitter hadn't shown up and now, she had to take me with her.
So there I was, sitting in this movie, that I didn't want to see, as mad as Mama. I was too young to know a thing about fate, but being there was where I was meant to be. After watching “Boyz N the Hood” that day in the theatre, I'd watched it at least one thousand and one times since, learning every line spoken by the lady that I wanted to grow up to be. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, even prettier than my mama. And as I got older, I bought all of the magazines that had articles about her. And then, when I was fourteen and we got computers in school, I waited for hours to use one of the four desktops after classes were over, so that I could see everything about Angela Bassett on the world wide web.
From that day in the movies, I set out to follow every footstep she'd taken. She was the reason I'd attended Yale, first four years in their undergraduate program and after that, another three years in the prestigious Yale School of Drama, though making that happen had been much more challenging financially.
I was absolutely sure that once I graduated with that bachelors and masters, there would be nothing but success in my future. Well, the success wasn't immediate, and it wasn't yet massive, but how could I complain? Four years out, three gigs in, Honda, Cherrios, and Activia commercials in-between that paid sweet residuals...I was on my way. Especially now that I would be in a movie with...Angela Bassett!
I waved my hands in front of my face to calm myself right before the elevator doors parted. I had a seven o' clock call time, and my car would be picking me up at six-thirty. As I stepped through the Marriott's lobby, I glanced at my watch. I'd set it for Toronto time, three hours in front of where I lived in Los Angeles, the same zone as New York, which was apropos since the story took place in the city, but was being filmed in Toronto for the tax breaks.
"Ms. Collins?"
I looked up at the man who was dressed in a dark suit, white shirt and black tie.
I nodded and he led me to the car that waited in front of the hotel. As I stepped into the car as if being chauffeured was just a part of my life, I remembered my first movie and how I didn't know what to do when the limousine came. I kept opening the door until the driver told me, "You can wait for me, Ms. Collins."
I'd felt like my Itta Bena, Mississippi roots were showing, but that was back then; I was all LA now, the big city movie star. That didn't stop me, though, from almost pressing my nose against the window as the car maneuvered through the streets of downtown Toronto. I may have been in a different country, but Canada looked no different than Los Angeles. So after just a few moments, I sat back and took the time to calm myself so that I wouldn't gush like a newbie when I met Angela.
Hardly ten minutes went by before the driver pulled in through the gates of Pinewood Studios and then, slowed the car next to another stretch limo near one of the stages on the back lot.
Before my driver got out of his car, I held my breath. Had I just pulled up next to Angela? Oh, my God! I wasn't quite ready. But the driver was at my door, and I had to make my move. So I did. I stepped out, looked up, and into the eyes of the person getting out of the other car...Donovan Dobbs!
It was only God's mercy, grace, and favor that held my legs steady enough to walk.
"Hey," he said to me.
I knew my voice would only come out in a squeak, so I made one of those sophisticated moves -- I nodded my hello. And then I put all of my concentration on walking in the direction where the driver had pointed me. What was Donovan Dobbs doing here? Was he in Toronto, too? Filming a movie at this same studio?
"So," he said as he walked beside me. "Are you an actor or one of the production people?"
At any other time, I may have taken offense. But this was Donovan Dobbs...speaking to me! Why was he doing that? Didn't he know that there was no way I could respond to him and walk at the same time? I was shocked that I was able to still breathe while being in such close proximity to the guy that I'd told my best friend, Maxine Harris, I was going to marry. I was only fourteen at the time, but still.
"I'm an actor." I finally managed to speak.
"Oh, yeah? Are you in The Best is Yet to Come ?"
Again, since I wasn't real sure of my voice, I nodded.
"Oh yeah? That's great, I am, too."
Oh. My. God. He was in the same movie? I wondered if we'd have any scenes together. Because if we did, I needed to start talking to God right now about how He was gonna keep me and give me strength so that I didn't faint!
He asked, "What part are you playing?"
God was still looking out for me because this time, I was able to speak without sounding like that fourteen-year-old who'd been in love with Donovan, the superstar. "I'm Jada. I'll be playing Angela's, I mean, Sophia's sister."
"Oh, yeah?" he said again as if those were two of his favorite words. He took a couple of quick steps to get in front of me. "Well, hey, sis. I'm your brother, Nelson, Sophia's younger brother. But my real name is Donovan." He stopped moving and I did too, when he held out his hand. "Donovan Dobbs."
As if I didn't know! As if any girl on this planet didn't know. But I was an actor, so I stepped into the role of the aloof, accomplished woman who'd never (or maybe hardly ever) heard his name.
"I'm Tamara Collins." I gave his hands three shakes, then released him. "Nice to meet you."
He grinned, a kinda smirk that said that I could act if I wanted to, but he knew that I was one of those women who'd had his life size poster hanging in her bedroom when I was a girl.
Then, he released me from his stare when he turned around and we continued our walk. We didn't speak another word except for the, "Thank you," I gave him when he opened the door to the stage and we stepped into the world of the Queens, New York family who were learning to live without their patriarch after he'd been murdered by a gang for testifying at a trial.
Inside, I did a quick calculation of the space; it was about fifteen to eighteen thousand feet, already set up with various interior sets: a living room, kitchen, and even the front of a brownstone. I knew we'd be filming outside of the studio as well: at a church and then, in a courtroom.
"This is cool, right?"
I had no idea how I'd done it, but for a moment, I'd forgotten that Donovan was there. And now, I had to talk to him again. But God (once again) stepped in and I was rescued by one of the production assistants who took me back to hair and makeup. That gave me sweet relief; the time and space to comprehend what just happened. I was going to be in a movie with Angela Bassett and Donovan Dobbs? And, according to the schedule, the first scene to be filmed was going to be with the two of them. There was no way in heaven that life could get better on earth.
My plan had been to walk onto that set and be the professional that I was trained to be. And I got it half right.
Two hours later, when I was finally called to the set, I greeted Angela with a proper, "Hello, Ms. Bassett. It's my pleasure to work with you."
She was kind and so sweet, but all of that missed me because in the first run-through when Donovan hugged me and gave me a brotherly kiss on the cheek, I wanted to commit incest right there.
It took only six days for that to happen. A brother and a sister by day, friends and serious lovers by night. At first, I was a little bothered. In ethics, that was one of the things we'd been taught and I'd never wanted to be one of those actors who fell into bed with another actor. It was so cliché and I certainly didn't want to get that reputation.
But what was I supposed to do? When Donovan Dobbs had taken me out to dinner, filled me with wine, and looked at me with those brown eyes that were meant for the bedroom, my panties fell off.
Well, it wasn't like that totally. From the first day, Donovan had been into me as much as I was into him. First he told me so (words were my primary love language) and then every day my trailer was flooded with flowers and fruit baskets and bottles and bottles of wine (gifts were my secondary love language). By the time he left a charm bracelet in my makeup chair with a card that said - It's been amazing working with you. No one has ever stimulated my heart and soul in such a short time the way you have - you tell me, what else was I supposed to do after a dinner of arugula salad and oysters, filet mignon with potatoes au gratin, and then the closing of the three courses with chocolate covered strawberries and bananas? How was I supposed to fight that arsenal of aphrodisiacs?
I was totally caught up in that love rapture and was ascending willingly. And Donovan was right there with me. It wasn't just a film fling. When we returned to Los Angeles (me, a week before him), he moved into my two-bedroom condo in Burbank.
When I asked him if he thought we were moving too fast, he said, "People in their twenties move fast, folks in their thirties know their hearts and you took mine that first day."
I swooned.
We settled in together, working on our careers, but what we didn't expect was Hollywood to christen us as one of the new 'It Couples'. We had been doing well on our own, but together, our stars rose. We were invited to every movie premiere, every CD launch, every Hollywood celebration. We did photo shoots for Entertainment magazines -- together. Bloggers called us for interviews -- together. A producer even approached our agents with an idea for a reality show starring the two of us.
Both of us nixed that, but the work kept coming. It was Donovan, though, who kept us focused on keeping our feet planted on solid ground.
"All of this success is good," he'd said. "But what I want to focus on is us. This is all about us getting to the place where we'll get married. I'm not interested in dating. I've been there, done that, and now I wanna have a house filled with little Dobbs who are as handsome as me and as gorgeous as you."
That man kept me in a constant state of swoon-dom.
Back then.
But this was where we were today.
I blinked myself all the way back to the present and focused on the rehearsal across the room. When Donovan put his arms around that Camille girl, my heart turned green and for a moment, I wished that Gwen had put me in that role.
"Are you kidding me, Tam," I spoke to myself like I couldn't believe my thoughts. I didn't want to be in this play at all with Donovan, let alone being his major love interest No, being the jilted one was perfect. It allowed me to slap the crap out of Donovan all across America -- at least the ‘Chitlin' Circuit’ part of the country.
And that was exactly what I was going to do.
I couldn't wait.