“Your eyes saw my body even before it was formed. You planned how many days I would live. You wrote down the number of them in your book before I had lived through even one of them.”
— Psalm 139:16 (NIrV)
As the kids at school talked, Joanna wanted to put her hands over her ears. She wished she could shut out the sound of their words. Their voices sounded like hammers pounding on steel.
“Your mom dropped you on a doorstep,” said one of the girls.
“She didn’t want you,” added another.
The minute Joanna could get away, she took off for home. By the time she was out of sight from the kids, she could no longer hold back her tears. As they streamed down her cheeks, Joanna broke into a run. When she reached the front door, she was panting.
Joanna stopped long enough to take a deep breath, then quietly slipped inside. Maybe I can get to my bedroom without anyone seeing me.
But the little Christmas bells on the door gave her away. As she tiptoed toward the steps, Mom came into the hall.
“Joanna! What’s going on?”
Joanna kept moving, but as she passed under the light, Mom stopped her. “What’s the matter?” she asked gently.
Joanna wondered if her cheeks were streaked from crying. “Nothing,” she said.
But Mom put an arm around her shoulder. “Dad’s home, and we’ve been putting up the tree. Come and see.”
Knowing there was no escape, Joanna walked slowly into the family room. The tree was beautiful and the tallest she could remember. Partway up a step ladder, Dad was putting a star at the top of the tree. When he saw Joanna, he climbed down to give her a hug.
“Have a hard day?” he asked.
Joanna shrugged. She didn’t want to say what was wrong. But as Dad gave her another hug, the words tumbled out.
“The kids at school said I was adopted.”
Joanna saw the look that passed between Mom and Dad, but it was Dad who spoke first.
“You know that. We’ve talked about it lots of times. Why is it bothering you now?”
“One of the kids said my mother dropped me on a doorstep — ”
Joanna’s shoulders began to shake. “She said my own mother didn’t want me! I wasn’t worth anything, not even to her. I’m just — just — ”
Joanna broke off and plopped into Dad’s big chair. “I am totally nothing!” she wailed.
Dad sat down on the floor, cross-legged, in front of her. As Mom pulled up a chair beside her, Joanna’s sobs increased. She needed to know someone loved her. But she didn’t know how to say it or how to ask all the things she wanted to know.
More to Explore: 1 John 4:10
Girl Talk: Do you ever have days when you just don’t feel loved and wanted?
God Talk: “Jesus, I choose to look to you in everything that happens to me. Help me know deep down inside how much you love me. Thank you that even in the moment I was conceived, you saw and cared about me. Amen.”
From Girl Talk by Lois Walfrid Johnson