Chapter 15

Jawad Sahib’s driver would be here any minute.

My suitcase was packed and resting by my bed. My mother had lent me the aluminum-cased one from her own wedding dowry. She filled it to the brim with clothing, nuts, and dried fruits.

There was a tap on my bedroom door, and then Hafsa entered. She closed the door and approached me. “I was thinking about it last night,” she whispered. “What if you ran away? Maybe hid in my house?”

“Hafsa, I couldn’t do that.”

“My parents wouldn’t even need to know,” she said. “My closet is pretty big. Nobody would ever guess you were at my place and it could give us some time to figure out what to do next.”

“I can’t. It wouldn’t be safe, not for me and definitely not for you,” I told her.

“But that’s what friends do.” Hafsa’s eyes watered. “You would do the same for me.”

“I know.” I gave her a hug. “It means a lot, but if I don’t go, he’ll go after my family.”

And besides, I thought, how long could we keep it up, anyway? It’s not as if I could simply run away without looking back. This was all I knew. My roots sank too deep into this earth.

When we stepped out of the bedroom, Fozia was sitting with my mother on our sofa. They wore cotton shalwar kamizes, white, the kind some wore when attending a burial.

“I knew he was wicked.” Fozia’s eyes welled. “But who knew he was the devil himself?”

“Did you pack everything you need?” Seema asked me.

“I think so. Don’t know how I managed to squeeze it all in.”

“Room for one more?” She handed me the doll from my childhood, the one our mother made for each of us.

“You found it?” I scooped up the soft, worn doll and pressed its fabric against my nose.

“I decided to think like Safa. I found it wedged between the bundles of old clothes in the closet.”

“Thanks, Seema.” I hugged her. Our damp cheeks pressed together. I didn’t know how I could handle this if Seema wasn’t here. She would help Rabia and Safa through this. She would watch over our family.

“Everyone keeps crying.” Rabia tugged at my leg.

My sisters hadn’t left my side all morning. The little ones clutched my kamiz.

“It’s time, isn’t it?” Parvin said, as she and Omar joined us.

Parvin’s expression was drawn. I wanted to tell her how much I’d miss her, but the words lodged in my throat. Instead, I hugged her.

I longed to hug Omar too, but in such a crowded room I didn’t dare.

“I should have come up with a solution,” he told me. “I was up all night. Nothing. I couldn’t think of anything.”

“Abu promised he’ll get the money,” I said. “I shouldn’t be gone long. A month at the most.” I tried not to focus on the fact that he wasn’t here. He had stood over my bed early this morning watching me while he thought I was asleep. He had kissed my forehead. I realized now, he was saying goodbye.

A car pulled up outside. The engine cut off.

I glanced around my home, taking in one last long look at the worn sofa and handmade rug. My family and friends.

Rabia and Safa were still attached to me. I lifted them up one at a time and pressed my face to their soft cheeks. I kissed them twice, then three times, but would I ever get enough?

There was a knock on the door.

My mother pressed a clump of money into the palm of my hand, along with a gray phone. “It’s Fozia’s old phone. Call as soon as you can. Let me know you’re safe.” She wiped my eyes. “You will be strong. You will hold your head up high. No matter what happens, no matter where you are, you’re my daughter.”

I kissed Lubna. I hugged my mother one last time. I had hardly ever stepped outside my home without someone by my side. Now I was leaving alone.

A gray-haired man in an ill-fitting suit was at the door. He picked up my suitcase, and before I lost my nerve, before I ran away and never stopped, I followed him toward the waiting black vehicle. I opened the door and sat inside.

So many firsts.

My first time in a car.

My first time feeling cool air pressing against my face.

My first time saying goodbye to everything I had ever known.