Two days had passed. The morning fog thickened as I stood on my back porch, looking out into the forest in the middle of night. The fog rose to the branches, broke apart, twisting into thin gray claws, summoning me toward the deep woods.
And the Norse woods was like a single, beating heart. A breathing organ that wanted me, and there was no name for what I was. A Hollow Heathen? A witch? A son of the woods? A murderer? I was all these things but never a hero.
Yet I had dived into the midnight waters from the sea cliff and yanked Fallon from the grip of the deep. I had pulled her to shore, rocked her wet limbs in my arms. I had done these things without a single hesitation. My chest buckled at the memory of her drifting amongst the waves, her white hair flowing all around her as she sunk to the ocean floor. Memories of her. Memories of Johnny. I slammed my eyes closed.
“I still can’t believe you did that,” Beck announced. He’d come through the back door of my cabin with two open beers in one hand. He passed me one. “That couldn’t be easy after what happened with Johnny. How are you holding up?”
Johnny. The sound of his name gripped my lungs.
I slammed my eyes closed, waiting for the horrible memory to pass.
“I don’t want to …” I don’t want to think about it, talk about it, hear about it …
I took a sip of the beer and focused on the way the liquid swirled around my tongue. Then forced it down. The leaves rustled when the wind came.
“Jonah said she’ll be back at work in a few days,” Beck changed the subject to Fallon. “Kane Pruitt is a hero.” A bullet of anger had risen in his words, but he fell silent as the sound of the night festered between us.
“As long as she’s okay.”
He slid his eyes to me. “Are you going to see her?”
The breeze of the night held its breath, waiting on my answer.
“Not yet,” I shifted my stance, envying the stability of the ground, “I don’t know. I shouldn’t. I can’t,” I concluded. “It would only make things worse for both of us.”
Beck nodded at the corner of my eye as we stood side by side, peering into the woods. “Maybe you should be honest with her. About the reasons why you two can’t—”
“And what are the reasons, Beck? Because I’d made a blood-pact with you all? Because of the Order? Because of the curse? Because I have to be loyal to everyone in this fucking town except her? How am I supposed to be with her if I’m not allowed to? The deeper we go, the harder it will be, and where will that get us? It’s already fucking hard enough. And worse, what if I kill her? I barely made it out after Johnny died, but with her? No, I wouldn’t be able to come back from it.” My chest shook, and I dragged in a steadier breath. “Everything’s eventual—”
“And if it bleeds, it suffers,” Beck finished for me, reminding me we’re human.
“You know,” I continued, shaking my head, “she asked me once, ‘What was the point?’ And the point is, there is none. It just is, Beck. She’s a part of me already, moving inside me along with my shadow-blood, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.” But what if I didn’t kill her? What if I can break the curse and put her above everyone? What if I held on to the only light in my dark and miserable life? The only real thing that’s ever happened to me? I gripped the beer and closed my eyes and lifted my chin, listening to the whispers of the trees, the whispers of my heart. “I can’t take it. I think I have to see her.”
Beck chuckled. “You’re so back and forth.”
“Yeah, I have to see her,” I repeated, resolved, mind made up.
“Alright, man.”
“I’m going to go see her.”
“You do that. I’ll be here. Drinking. As always.”
I stood outside Fallon’s balcony. The sea winds smacked my skin and raked through my hair. The night was black, and this time, it was me under the light of the stars and her sleeping soundlessly in the dark. Strong winds beat against the curtain. It jumped and turned as if it had come from the bazaar of bad dreams. A fire blazed in the fireplace of her bedroom, yet the balcony doors were wide open as if she were waiting for me.
I stood there for a long time, watching the girl who looked as if she had the moon tucked under her heart and the galaxy woven into her soul. Her white hair spilled over her pillow, pale skin against the white sheets.
We didn’t make sense. We were so different, but still all the same. Nightmares and dreamscapes—the epitome of us.
My heart slammed inside my chest as I stepped closer into the dark, where she was lying on her stomach, tangled under thin sheets. The heat from the fire had thawed her icy flesh into dew drops over her skin. Her top had risen, revealing two dimples that kissed the base of her spine. There were still so many places I hadn’t explored, and there would never be enough nights for us.
The bed frame creaked when I sat at the edge. Fallon’s white cat stared at me from the dark corner of the room with mismatched eyes, threatening me. I narrowed my eyes. It scurried out onto the balcony.
My tightened fist reached out until my knuckles grazed the edge of her jawline. A feather-light breath escaped through her lips. She blinked up at me with eyes the palest of blue hues, and the flames did a waltz across her confused expression.
“Julian,” she whispered, her head falling into my touch. The small gesture had my ribcage breaking apart, leaving my heart exposed. “It was you,” she closed her eyes, “I know it was you. You jumped off the cliff and saved me. I thought you were afraid of heights?”
“I suppose I found something else I was more afraid of,” I admitted, feeling nervous all of a sudden. “Fallon, I have to tell you something.” I no longer want to be apart from you, but I must because my curse may kill you. And I’m trying to undo it because I’ve never wanted anything more. But all these words caught in my throat when Fallon sat up from the bed and wrapped her arms around my neck.
“You could have just told me you weren’t allowed near me,” she said into my ear.
My eyes widened at first. Then they closed, and I expelled a relieved breath. Fallon knew. And she buried her face into my neck. I held the back of her head, keeping her here with me. She held on to me. I held on to her.
Seconds turned into minutes, and I didn’t know how long she was in my arms because it didn’t matter. Fallon Grimaldi was in my arms, and it turned me into a man who wasn’t cursed or damned. It just turned me into a man, the only thing I ever wanted to be. The thought had me clutching her tighter, pressing her entire body against me. I inhaled her scent of unicorns and folklore and buttermilk confetti cake topped with what if’s.
What if she had died. What if I wasn’t there.
What if I had to go on living in Weeping Hollow without the only freak who happened to make my dark soul sing?
My eyes screwed shut.
Fallon had once said that perhaps I was afraid of falling, but I knew she was wrong. It was true, I had a love simmering inside me. This thing I felt for her, perhaps it was strong enough to tear apart a coven, a town. Maybe even bring a Heathen to its knees. But I had a darkness inside me too. It became a passenger inside my skin, moving leisurely within me like an evil spirit. And if I could not indulge in the one, I’d be overtaken by the other.
I took off my coat, draped it over the chair in the corner, and sat at the edge of the bed, facing her. “The audacity, jumping off the cliff. You know I’m afraid of heights.”
Heat flushed her pale cheeks. She lowered her eyes. “I had to.”
I brushed her hair from her face to see her better. “You thought that jumping would help Benny?” I raised a brow, and Fallon nodded. “What if I wasn’t there? It didn’t look like anyone from the Eastside was going in after you. Aren’t they supposed to be your friends? Your coven?” I winced at the thought, hoping she’d correct me because I knew what Sacred Sea’s initiation entailed. Please, tell me I’m wrong.
Fallon snapped her jaw shut, and her eyes bounced between mine.
Desperate, I tried again. “Do you belong to Sacred Sea, Fallon?”
“No,” she said, and relief untangled from around my spine. “Why were you even there? What were you doing at the cliffs?”
I thought for a long moment, searching for the answers.
I found none which was worrying because that could only mean one thing: I’d blacked out again. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Did it happen again? Are you okay?” She looked up at me under long lashes and a worry expression marring her features.
She cares for me? And if I hadn’t known before, I knew at that moment—I would have done anything for her. If she asked for my heart, I’d rip it out of my chest. If she wanted a choice, I’d give her the freedom, even if it meant not choosing me. I’d do anything. It was terrifying.
“I’m okay,” I told her, my fingers strumming against my pant leg. “Tonight, can I just lay with you awhile?”
Fallon nodded, a little nervous. I left my pants on, kicked off my shoes, and sank in the bed beside her.
Facing one another, Fallon intertwined her hand with mine between us and our foreheads connected.
Fallon’s smile tempted mine, pulling it into being. Her eyes bounced between mine, fell to the mask, then snapped back to my eyes. “Is this the part where we kiss?” I asked her. “Because you’re looking at me like you want to kiss me, and I don’t want to mess up all the hard work I put in—”
“Yes.” Fallon laughed.
I covered her eyes, slid down my mask, and grabbed her lips with mine.
As soon as my tongue hit hers, a moan rattled in my throat, and Fallon’s lashes fluttered against my palm like feathers.
At first, the kiss was delicate and deadly, like a rare white moth landing over a bomb. Then it was enduring and full of grit, the kind of kiss to survive in a world like ours.
I pulled her into my chest to place my mask back on. I wished things could have been different. I wished I could give her more. I’d seen the way my father and mother had lived, and I didn’t want that for us, but I also couldn’t let go.
On our sides, we silently stared at each other for a long time, her gaze hushing my manic mind.
“Tell me a story,” Fallon whispered. “About your coven.”
“About my coven?” I asked, my brows raised, surprised she was interested. Fallon nodded, and I closed my eyes briefly. “My coven isn’t what it used to be. It’s changed a lot over the years. I’m starting to believe many lost their way. It’s devastating.”
“What did it used to be like?”
“I’ll tell you the story of how it all began,” I said, remembering the story Agatha had once told me. “But I’m not very good, so you have to be patient with me.” Fallon nodded, and I felt the nerves pile as if I were revealing a journal entry. Something personal.
“Once upon a time, a boy fell from the sky, called Njǫrd, the air element. Njǫrd was satisfied being alone, but boredom was never his friend. He was much like Zephyr, independent yet curious. Had to know everything and fill the air with his words. And during this lonely time, Njǫrd had no one to hear him. Every morning, Njǫrd looked to the sky and pleaded for something big to happen. He was disjointed, confused, and in a way, lost. Then one day, a collision happened in the sky, and Ægir and Jörð appeared. Water and earth.”
“Who are they like?”
“Beck embodies the water element, and the last earth witch who lived was Foster Danvers,” I replied, loving the way she was interested in my coven, in the story of the Norse Woods. “The three of them crossed waters and land and journeyed through seasons. When winter came, they built a fire, and by morning, a boy named Loki emerged from the ashes.
“Loki was dramatic but fun, always impulsive in how he talked, how he lived, but he was quickly accepted by the others. They were brothers. All very different, but stood by one another despite their differences. The four made a pact,” I said, brushing the tip of my finger over her temple. My gaze caught the scar in the palm of my hand. “No matter what happens, they’ll always be there for one another. So, they cut their flesh and combined their blood in a pit they had formed in the earth.
“And from the pact, two more boys appeared from the pit filled with their blood. Baldr and Höðr, light and darkness. But Njǫrd refused to keep them both, said there could only be room for one more. Ægir, the one who felt deeply, disagreed, accepting both for what they represented, and could not part with either. So, Loki and Jörð forged a plan to meld the two together into one. And from the blood of all elements, and the love from the heathens, Vættir was born. The spirit element.”
“You,” Fallon whispered, her eyes growing heavy, fluttering close.
“Yes, and the five honored the elements from where they came, their Mother Nature and Father Sky, but something was missing. They needed unity with female energy, so they set out to find it. And they each did, becoming the Norse Woods Coven. The coven respected the natural world, the cycle of life and death, and the freedom of choice. They put all above themselves and no one above all. They celebrated the change of seasons, performed ceremonies to honor their magic. As long as it harmed none, they did as they wished. And they were happy. Centuries passed, and they survived through the toughest of battles, judgments, and ridicule. All because they had each other…until now…” Fallon slept still, quiet, peaceful. “Now, it seems as if everyone has forgotten what it’s like to be a Norse Woods Wiccan.”
I stayed up for a long time, watching her.
And I laid with her a while.