47“Incoming!”

Trey’s baritone booms through the understory, cutting through the calm of our rest break in an instant. From my perch three meters up in a tree, I snap to attention, eyes jolting up from my sat-link as a familiar low whine pierces through the trees. All thoughts of trying to find a signal evaporate in an instant as my brain puts two and two together.

Drones!

Chaos breaks out, everyone scrambling to take cover just as the MD bursts into view. Menacing and bright, it banks in from the northwest and opens fire, shooting at anything and anyone that dares to move.

Tseew, tseew! Tseew, tseew, tseew!

Two people drop, instantly stunned by shots to the head, and three others take hits on their armor. Up in my tree, I press myself flat against my branch and watch the drone come, flying fast through the trees as it shoots up the area in wave after wave of flying red bolts. A surge of anger rolls over me. These slaggers have been terrifying us for weeks, swooping in at the most unexpected times to sending us screaming for cover. Time and again, they’ve roused us from sleep, driven us from our target areas, and ruined our prep work, forcing us to scatter and run lest we all end up stunned bodies on the ground. Now they’re at it again, and I’ve had enough!

The drone is coming my way now, skimming low through the trees in order to get a better shot at a couple of sophomores hiding behind some bushes. Yanking off my jacket, I wait for it to zoom closer, then hurl the fabric at it.

Whumph!

The jacket drops neatly over the drone, draping down over its body on all sides. The drone lurches, bucking back and forth as it tries to throw off its uninvited blindfold. I track its movements, analyzing the pattern even as I gauge my distance from it; then with an animal yell, I fling myself off the branch into space.

Air rushes from my lungs as I hit the drone stomach first. Unable to take my weight, it drops like a stone, plunging through the understory in an explosion of leaves. I wrap my arms tight around the bot, adrenaline surging through my veins as I ride it straight down.

Thud!

The ground comes up fast—too fast!—striking me hard enough to send shudders rippling up through my body. The MD shivers in my arms, jerking and juddering as it struggles to break free. Knowing it’s only a matter of time before it succeeds, I redouble my efforts, squeezing the drone even tighter as I scream, “Get it, get it!”

Then the others are here, weapons flashing as they go for my foe. Seconds later, the drone is no longer a threat.

I collapse back on the ground for a long moment, laughter escaping my mouth in one reckless wave after another. My chest aches, and I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach, but neither sensation can dilute the feeling of pure, raw ecstasy pouring through my veins. At last, I sit up, brushing the leaves and dirt from my body before accepting a hand up from Kieran.

“Damn, Teal,” he murmurs with an admiring shake of his head. “That was something else.”

“I can’t believe you jumped that drone!” Xylla exclaims.

“I can’t believe you jumped that drone without dying,” someone else mutters.

“You’re fraggin’ lunar, you know that?” Jovan demands—high praise coming from him.

Still high on adrenaline, I allow myself to indulge in a few more backslaps and awed exclamations before reluctantly shrugging them off.

“All right, all right. Now that that drone’s been around, it’s only a matter of time before more start circling our way. Everyone pack up and find a hygiene unit. We move out in fifteen.”

A chorus of confirmations returns, and everyone scatters, already familiar with a drill we’ve been through a million times by now. Absently shoving an Iletha stick from my pocket into my mouth, I eye the Iona tree I just jumped from, wondering if fifteen minutes will be enough time to climb the tree again and search for the sat-link signal I only just managed to find before the MD came through . . .

“Teal?”

Zane’s query puts an end to my musing. Faintly annoyed at the interruption, I nevertheless ask, “Yeah?”

“Can we talk? In private?”

Private? My mind suddenly flashes back to that late-night meeting we had so long ago, just before the camp fell, and I hesitate. We’ve never talked about that night or the feelings he confessed for me. Our camp fell mere hours after that confrontation, and ever since then, we’ve either been on the run or on the attack. All conversations we’ve had since have been strictly professional, but then, we’ve had little time alone together. Is he seizing a moment to reiterate those sentiments now?

I stare at him anxiously, trying to decipher his expression, but it doesn’t seem particularly lovestruck. In fact, he seems almost angry. After a moment, I nod, leading him out of our temporary camp and into the surrounding trees until the others have faded from earshot. Turning on my heel, I ask, “So what—”

He smacks the stick of Iletha bark out of my mouth. “Have you lost your mind?!”

I involuntarily take a step back, startled by the very un-Zane-like ambush. “Wha—”

“What could you have possibly been thinking, jumping an MD like that?!”

My back stiffens. “I was thinking that would be one less drone to worry about, and what do you know? I was right.”

“No, you were lucky! Half a meter off, and you would’ve ended up with a broken neck!” A look of pure terror flits through his eyes. “Look, what happened to Djen was bad enough, but at least it was an accident. What you did? That was completely reckless! The last thing we need is to add you to the list of the injured, or worse, the dead.”

His eyes meet mine, plaintive and concerned, and I feel my irritation slowly start to subside. Running my fingers through the damp strands curling around my face, I shake my head apologetically. “I’m sorry I scared you. You’re right. I didn’t really think before I jumped, I just . . . jumped. I promise I’ll be more careful next time—”

“Next time?” He lets out a derisive snort. “I think we both know we’re long past that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Zane paces agitatedly. “It’s just that ever since we took out those drones at the lazaretto, you’ve been different. The old Teal, the one who was always so careful, who planned everything down to the letter, is gone, and in her place is someone else entirely. Someone careless, impulsive—reckless, even!”

“I already said I was sorry about jumping the drone—”

“And what about Matteo and Reece and Dani? What about Djen? Are you sorry about them as well?”

“What exactly are you saying?” I put my hands on my hips, eyes narrowing at his unspoken implication. “That I meant for them to get infected? That I wanted Djen to fall?”

“No, I don’t you think you meant for any of that to happen, but it did, and it happened because somewhere along the line, you started caring more about beating the Specs than you do about protecting everyone!”

“Don’t you get it? Beating the Specs is the only way to protect everyone. Have you looked up into the sky lately?” I fling my hand up toward the net, which flickers through the canopy above. “Our time is almost up! That net is going to go down, and when it does, the Specs will be coming for everyone in the Expanse with an armada full of bioweapons unless I can stop them. Unless we can stop them—”

“What if we can’t?” Zane demands. “We’re just a bunch of kids! Has it ever occurred to you that there might not be any possible way in the universe for us to stop them? That there was never a way for us to stop—”

“No, no, you’re wrong. There is a way, I know it! We’re so close; I just have to find it. All we need is one big offensive—the right offensive—and their whole operation will go down like a row of dominoes.” My mind kicks into high gear as I contemplate the problem for about the millionth time. “The bunker, the dam, and the spaceport. Those three structures are what have allowed the Specs to continue operating despite everything we’ve done. The dam hardly counts at this point—even if they lost power, they still have plenty of bioweapons to ship off-planet—but if we could take down the spaceport somehow, keep them from getting off the ground at all . . .”

Stymied, I shake my head. “It all comes down to that security shield! We have to get it down somehow, but if we can’t deactivate it and we can’t shoot it down, what does that leave us? Is there a way we could get them to drop it? Draw them out somehow by attacking the surrounding settlements or going after the civilian population . . .”

“Stars alive.” Zane’s appalled voice cuts through my brainstorming. “Are you listening to yourself?! Going after the settlements, attacking civilians—those aren’t the actions of a resistance fighter, they’re the acts of a terrorist!”

The words are like a punch to the gut. My mouth falls open, and I gasp, lips flapping helplessly until I finally manage to get out, “How could you even say that to me? Everything I’ve done has been for you, for us, this planet, the entire Expanse! Even as we speak, the Specs are churning out bioweapons in preparation for the biggest offensive this war has ever seen! And maybe I have been more reckless of late, maybe I have been impulsive, but if I have, it’s only because we have no other choice! ‘Careful’ has gotten us nowhere! ‘Safe’ doesn’t get the job done. Time is running out, and we either stop the enemy now, or we don’t stop them at all. I’m sorry we lost people. I’m sorry Djen fell, and that Dani and Matteo and Reece and the others were taken, but casualties are a part of war, and only a fool would think we could get away with fighting the enemy without losing anyone.”

“Yeah?” Zane asks quietly, a strange look in his eyes. “Is that what Mario would’ve said?”

At the mention of Mario, panic flutters in my chest. My lungs compress, and for a moment I can’t breathe. Finally, I manage to choke out, “Mario understood the situation. She may not have liked it, but she understood it. I wish with all my heart that she hadn’t had to die, but she’s gone, and there’s no bringing her back.”

Silence falls. For a brief moment, I think I’ve finally gotten through to him . . . until I see the look on his face. Ever so softly, he asks, “Had to die?”

“I . . .”

Any answer I might have given dies in my throat, but apparently my silence is answer enough.

Zane suddenly pales as his eyes widen in utter shock. He takes a step back, and something akin to fear flickers across his face. His lips move as though he’s not even aware he’s speaking.

“Oh my God. You shot Mario on purpose, didn’t you?”

My heart stops. He could have hit me with a million other accusations and I wouldn’t have batted an eye, but this . . . I want to stay silent, but something in his eyes rips the words from me. “I . . . I don’t know!”

“Teal—”

I yank my eyes from his, unable to face the horror I see in those depths, and begin rapidly pacing back and forth. “It all happened so fast! The drones, and the squatters, and then Mario . . .” I shake my head, trying to make sense of something that can’t be made sense of. “She called out to me, and—I swear!—my first instinct was to protect her, to save her! I lifted my weapon to shoot, but they were struggling, and I just couldn’t find the shot, and then the boat started moving, and . . .”

“And?” Zane asks when I don’t continue.

“The whole scene suddenly flashed through my head, every angle and every shot, and it was like I just did the math and knew: it was already too late. Then this horrible thought crossed my mind that if the squatter took Mario, they could interrogate her, find out about the rest of us—”

“So you shot her.”

“Yes. No. I don’t know! All I know is that the shield went down, and they were almost to the trees, and I knew it was my last chance, and . . . I shot,” I finish miserably. All my anger, all my defiance falls away in an instant, unable to hold in the face of the terrible anguish spreading through me. “I shot one of the best friends I ever had, and I don’t even know if I did it on purpose.”

A long silence ensues. What Zane thinks of my story, I don’t know; I’m too ashamed to meet his gaze. I’m too afraid to see the reflection of myself in his eyes. A moment passes, and then he slowly nears me. Hesitantly, he reaches out and takes my hands.

“Let’s take a break,” he says quietly. “Like you would say: Retreat. Regroup. Restrategize. We’ll go back into the forest, like we did before, and we’ll find a new place. A safe place. We can build another camp and catch up on our sleep, and when we’ve had a chance to rest up, we’ll look at the situation anew.”

“You mean: give up,” I state flatly.

Zane doesn’t answer, but then, he doesn’t have to. His silence is clear enough.

Pulling my hands away, I turn and walk a few steps away. “And if I say no?”

“You shot Mario!” Zane bursts out. “How can I possibly let things continue as they are knowing that? If the others knew—”

“You can’t tell them!”

Zane shakes his head, his eyes full of tragedy and his voice a whisper as he asks, “How can I not tell them?”

A yawning pit opens up in my stomach at the thought of everyone knowing my secret shame. In desperation, I take a couple of steps back toward him, hands outstretched as I plead, “You can’t tell them. Please don’t tell them. If you ever cared about me, if you meant a single word you said to me that night at the camp, you won’t tell.”

“Of course I meant it, but . . . I can’t . . .” Zane just shakes his head again, and my heart sinks.

He’s really going to do it. Not out of revenge or pettiness, not in search of power or to get his own way, but simply because he believes with all his heart that it’s the right thing to do. I know this because I know Zane. Since the night of the invasion, we’ve fought together, fled together, planned together, and survived together. I’ve trusted him with my life, and he’s trusted me with his, and while the number of facts I could list about his life would barely fill a tablespoon, the fact of the matter is: I know his soul. He will do whatever he believes to be right.

No matter who or what he destroys in the process.

My heart begins to race. Everyone loved Mario. Who knows how the others might react when they find out what I’ve done? Who knows what damage Zane’s unprompted announcement might do to my plans—to all of our plans! Already Zane is backing up, turning around to head back toward camp, and in desperation, I call out to him.

“Maybe you’re right!”

He stops, brow furrowing as he tries to make out what I mean.

“Maybe . . . it’s time we take a break,” I reluctantly force out. “Reevaluate our situation, consider other options.”

“You really mean that?” At my hesitant nod, relief flashes across Zane’s face. He rushes toward me, arms outstretched, only to pull up at the last second. Awkwardly, he drops his arms to his sides. “That’s great. I mean, that’s really . . . it’s the right thing to do.”

He stares at me, a deep and pure yearning in his eyes, and I quickly turn my head, unable to let him see what lurks in mine.

“Well, I suppose we should go talk to the others,” I say after a moment, “unless you already did?”

“Of course not,” Zane objects. “You know I wouldn’t go behind your back like that.”

I slowly nod. “No, you wouldn’t.”

We say nothing during our return to camp. Upon our arrival, I call the others over. They gather in a loose semicircle around me, Zane among them. My heart is racing, beating like a solar-flit flapping for the sky, and though I know that what I’m about to say is necessary, I can’t help feeling a touch of sorrow. Clearing my throat, I begin.

“Five months and twenty-seven days ago, we awoke in the night to find that our worst nightmare had come to pass. The Spectres had invaded, despite all expectation, and in the space of a heartbeat, we watched our world fall. With nowhere else to go, we fled into the Rainforest, hoping to find salvation, only to be forsaken in the final hour by the very people who were supposed to protect us. With the Navy gone and the net laid, we had no reason to believe we would survive, but we did. More than that, we fought: for our families, our friends, our very species! Time and again, you’ve rallied against the enemy, rising despite incredible odds and terrible losses, and there are none in the universe more courageous than you.”

I pause as a soft murmur sweeps through the group, smiles of pride mixed with quizzical expressions as they try to figure out where I’m going with all this. Only Zane is still, watching me with such a pure and abiding trust in his eyes that it’s enough to break my heart.

I raise my hands for silence. “As valorous as you’ve been, you know as well as I that war doesn’t come without a cost. Sometimes the enemy pays it, sometimes we pay it, and sometimes the people we care about most pay it.” I pause just long enough to let that sink in before continuing, “For a time now, I’ve been noticing things. Small things that seemed insignificant, and yet when added up, they suddenly didn’t seem quite so innocent anymore. I’ve wrestled silently with my doubts for some time now. I wanted to protect you, but in doing so, I only put you more in danger. Well, I can’t stay silent any longer. It’s time to tell you the truth, no matter how hard it may be for you to hear.”

Looking out over the group, I allow my gaze to touch briefly on each person. Though I hate myself already for the words I’m about to say, I speak them anyway.

“I believe we have a spy in our midst.”

Gasps break out, and the earlier murmurings redouble as everyone tries to figure out what’s going on. Zane is frowning, clearly confused by the unexpected turn of my speech. Knowing I might never have another chance, I look him square in the eyes and mouth two words.

I’m sorry.

Then, lifting my hand, I point directly at Zane and utter the eight words that will damn me for eternity.

“More than a spy, we have a squatter.”