“We should be out looking for Mark,” Kathleen said the second the waitress left their table at the restaurant.
“And we will be just as soon as I get some food in you. Otherwise, I’m not sure you’d be going too far.”
She smiled, a fleeting upturn of her mouth. “Is that your roundabout way of saying I don’t look too good?”
Jared took in her ashen features, dark circles under her large brown eyes and the tight set to her shoulders. Exhaustion clung to her like a second skin, and yet she wanted to walk the streets of downtown Tulsa searching for her son, just as she had done when she had thought Mark was in Crystal Springs. His admiration grew for her every time he was around her.
“I look that bad?”
Kathleen’s question pulled him from his musings. He shook his head. “Under the circumstances I think you’re doing terrific. We won’t be long. The waitress said she’d put a rush on our order.”
“I shouldn’t feel guilty taking the time to eat, but I do.”
“Guilt is a mighty strong motivator.”
Kathleen cocked her head, her expressive eyes turning darker. “Are you speaking from experience?”
Her question took him by surprise. “This isn’t about me.”
“The few things you’ve said in the past have left me with the impression you feel responsible for your wife’s problems.”
He ran his finger along the rim of his water glass. “Not her problems so much as I feel I should have been able to help her.”
“Weren’t you the one who said we can’t control others, only ourselves?”
“I’m a doctor. I couldn’t heal her.”
“Did she want to get well?”
He shrugged. “Sometimes I thought she did, but then she’d start drinking again.”
“And things were taken out of your hands?”
“Yes, exactly.”
The waitress placed their bowls of spaghetti in front of them along with a basket of piping hot, freshly made bread.
Jared waited until the woman had left before continuing. “I thought I was doing all the right things, but in the end I guess I wasn’t.”
Kathleen covered his hand with hers. “Hey, just because you were doing what you were supposed to be doing doesn’t mean the other person was. I have some experience in that. I couldn’t control what happened to my husband, and I’m quickly finding I’m also not able to control what’s happening to Mark.”
“Listen, let’s make a deal. For the duration of this meal, let’s concentrate only on happy thoughts. Our problems can wait until we’re finished eating. A deal?”
“I wish it were that easy.”
“Sure it is. All you have to do is agree.” He grasped her hand to shake.
“A deal, then,” she said with a laugh.
The sound of her laughter reached into his heart and touched a place he’d thought frozen. His experience with Alice had robbed him of any desire for a relationship with another woman, and yet— He shoved the thought from his mind. Too much was occurring right now to let that thought grow.
“When I called Hannah this evening, she was on the line with a boy. I guess I should be lucky she even answered the phone. I got the distinct impression she wanted me to call back later. It doesn’t take long for a father to become second in his daughter’s life.” He exaggerated a sigh while twirling his spaghetti using a fork and spoon.
“You’ll always have a special place in your daughter’s heart.”
“Talking from experience?”
“Yes, my father is wonderful. He’s always there when I need him.”
“Do you need him as much as you did when you were a little girl?”
“Well, no, but the fact I know he’s there gives me strength.”
“Family is important.”
“I agree. I wanted more children, but we didn’t have any more.”
“I come from a small family. When Alice and I married, we talked about having four children.” He paused, remembering those early days when he didn’t know about his wife’s drinking problem. Even then he’d felt something wasn’t quite right. “Under the circumstances, I’m glad we didn’t, but I’d still like more children.” He lifted his shoulder in a shrug. “I guess that’s why I took on the youth group—instant family.”
“Have you thought about moving back to where you grew up to be with your family?”
Jared added some more Parmesan cheese to his spaghetti. “No, I think of Crystal Springs as my home now. Besides, my parents moved to Florida. My oldest brother still lives in my hometown. My youngest died when I was a teenager. He was the reason I wanted to become a doctor.”
“I’m sorry about your brother. How did he die?”
“He drowned while we were swimming at the lake. I tried to help. I couldn’t.”
“Oh, Jared,” Kathleen murmured, her voice husky, thick.
“It was a long time ago,” he said, trying to dismiss the subject before memories overwhelmed him. For a brief flash he remembered the desperation, the vow—
Silence stretched between them. Jared locked his past away, determined not to go there. He couldn’t change it.
“We don’t have a large family, either, but they all live in or around Crystal Springs.” Kathleen glanced off in the distance. “Without them I don’t know how I’d have gotten—” Her voice faded into silence. She swallowed hard and shook her head. “Summer is sure setting in fast. One day it’s cool and the next it’s blistering hot.” She took a bite of her spaghetti and meatballs.
Jared chuckled. “So we’ve come to this. Discussing the weather.” Breaking off a piece of a hard roll, he buttered it and popped it into his mouth.
“I thought weather would be a safe enough topic.”
“We could always talk about politics or religion.”
“Oh, no. I’m not going there. You drove. You’re my ticket home.”
“I doubt we differ too much on either subject.”
Kathleen arched a brow.
“We go to the same church. How different can we be?”
She dropped her gaze to her half-empty bowl and moved the spaghetti around in circles. “I have a confession to make. I’m only attending church because my family expects it. If I still lived in Shreveport, I probably wouldn’t be attending.” She lifted her eyes to look deeply into Jared’s. “I’m going through what you would call a crisis of faith and what Mark is going through only confirms my present feelings. I don’t understand God. I didn’t when John died. Mark has already been through enough. He lost his father last year, and now something is terribly wrong with him. How can God do this to my son?”
“I can’t begin to tell you I know everything God has planned for us. I don’t even always know the reasons behind what happens. But I do know God is always with us and that His love is a powerful healing tool if you let it into your life. On Earth God never promised us a paradise. This isn’t a perfect world, but His strength helps us get through the trials and tribulations thrown at us.”
Kathleen drank some of her water. “It’s one thing for me to go through trials and tribulations, but to have to watch my son deal with something like a brain tumor or depression or whatever is wrong with him is too much. It should have been me, not Mark. If I could trade places, I would.”
Jared signaled to the waitress for the bill. “I think all parents feel that way when something happens to their child. When we find Mark, he’ll need you more than ever. You’ll need to draw your strength from somewhere or you’ll end up depleted. Let God be there for you.”
The waitress left the bill on the table. Jared took some money from his wallet and paid it, then rose, holding out his hand for Kathleen.
“Let’s go look for Mark while it’s still light outside.”
Kathleen glanced at her watch. “We have about an hour of daylight left.”
“Tomorrow we can get a list of shelters and make the rounds there, but I have a feeling he hasn’t gone to one. He looks too young for them not to question him.”
“He took some money with him, but he’ll run out soon. How’s he going to eat?”
Jared guided Kathleen from the restaurant, which was two blocks from the heart of downtown Tulsa. “We’ll find him before that.”
With Jared walking beside her, Kathleen felt hope. He took the photograph from her purse and began showing it to anyone they passed on the street. They had covered a good part of the downtown area by the time darkness settled over the city. And not one single person had recognized her son’s picture. Doubt gnawed at her hope.
Jared turned back toward the hotel. “This is only the first night. It’s late. We’ll get up early tomorrow and start asking around right after breakfast.”
“You’re going to make me eat breakfast?”
“Yep. And you better get a good night’s sleep, too. Doctor’s orders.”
“Yes, sir.” She saluted him before pushing open the glass door into the lobby.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were mocking me,” he said, following her into the hotel.
She turned and walked a few steps backward. “Oh, no. Never.”
“Now I know you’re mocking me.”
She stopped in the middle of the large lobby. “Okay, maybe just a tiny little bit.” She held her thumb and forefinger up to indicate an inch.
He closed the space between them, capturing her hand within his. “Just for that you’ll have to eat an extra big breakfast tomorrow.”
“Oh, no, not that.” Laughter tinged her voice.
His fingers still held hers, warm and strong. Suddenly in the middle of the lobby Kathleen felt as if they were the only two people in the whole twenty-floor hotel. Voices faded. He filled her vision, his aftershave the only thing she could smell. With his blue eyes sparkling with amusement, his dimples appeared in his cheeks.
“I love your laughter,” he said, his voice husky.
I love your eyes, your kindness, she wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t come out. All she could do was stare into those fathomless depths and count herself lucky she had found a friend like Jared.
His expression sobered. “All kidding aside, you do need to get a good night’s rest and we will be eating a big breakfast tomorrow.”
“You can be very demanding, can’t you?”
“Doctors learn that the first year of med school.” He released her hand and slipped his arm about her shoulder. “Come on. I’ll walk you up to your room, then I’m hitting the fitness room.”
She twisted about and looked up into his face. “Now you are kidding.”
“Nope. I’m not nearly ready for bed.”
“I’ve always heard that doctors are the worst patients. What about your advice to me? Shouldn’t that be good for you, too?”
“Probably. But I can function on a lot less sleep than you.”
“Who says?” Kathleen punched the up button at the elevator.
He cupped her face and searched her features. “Your eyes, your expression, the tired lines about your mouth. Should I go on?”
“No, I get the point.”
The elevator swished open and she stepped into it. When the doors closed, she was alone with Jared and very aware of the man beside her. She still felt the warmth of his touch on her face. She could come to care for this man very much if she wasn’t careful. All she had to do to squelch that was to remember the painful months since her husband’s death.
At her floor, Jared walked with her toward her room. Even though it was only ten o’clock, the silence in the hall reinforced the feeling that she and Jared were the only two people in the hotel.
At her door she turned. “I’d like to start early. I’ll meet you downstairs for breakfast at seven.”
He grinned, the lines on his own face indicating he wasn’t immune to exhaustion. “I’ll be there with my walking shoes on.”
“I want to find a printer who can make up some flyers of Mark. We can hand them out when we are searching. Maybe someone will recognize his picture even later on and call. I’ll put my cell number on the flyer just in case.”
“We’ll work something up over breakfast so you won’t feel like you’re wasting your time by eating. Good night, Kathleen.” Jared started back toward the elevator, glanced over his shoulder and added, “Get some sleep.”
She unlocked her door and slipped inside her room. Kicking off her shoes, she collapsed onto the bed, staring up at the white ceiling. Jared’s last comments about guilt came to mind. He knew it was a powerful motivator—because of his own past with Alice.
Dropping her large purse by her feet, Kathleen sat on the bench by the Arkansas River running through Tulsa. The sun sank below the trees that lined the river park. She removed her tennis shoes and kneaded first one foot then the other.
“Thank goodness I ate a big breakfast and lunch. I didn’t know I could walk so much in one day,” she said, scooting over so Jared could sit down next to her when he approached her. “Any luck that way—” she gestured toward the south “—because I didn’t have any.” She heard the edge of defeat creeping into her voice and wanted to push it away. But she couldn’t, not after spending hours walking and talking to everyone she saw. She felt as though she had met every person who lived in Tulsa.
“What if Mark is no longer in Tulsa?” Kathleen asked, the question she had suppressed all day surfacing.
“Since he called you yesterday from here, this is the best place to start. We checked the bus station. He hasn’t left by bus and there is no train service.” Jared shifted on the bench. “We’d better be heading back. We’ve covered a lot of ground today.”
“Yeah, we have a long walk back.”
He watched her massaging her feet. “We can always see if we can find a taxi.”
“No. Let’s take a rest and then walk back. We might see someone who knows where Mark is.” Even as Kathleen said the last sentence, she felt the defeat grow stronger. Searching for her son was like searching for a needle in a haystack—a large haystack when she glimpsed the tall buildings jutting up toward the sky. She estimated they were a good six or seven miles away.
“I don’t want to be out too late. This downtown shuts up after everyone goes home from work.”
“But the people who are out at night are the very people we need to talk to.”
A man and woman jogged past them on the exercise path, sweat rolling off them. The sun going down only alleviated the high temperature a little. Kathleen removed a handkerchief from her purse and dabbed at her own sweat that left a film of moisture on her face.
“Then in that case, Kathleen, only ten more minutes.”
“Why, Dr. Jared Matthews, you are a hard task-master.”
“I can rise to the occasion when I need to.”
The grin that accompanied his words caused her breath to catch. “I think I’ve fulfilled the next six months’ quota for exercise all in one day.”
“I’ve got news for you. It doesn’t work that way.”
“Oh, rats—” she snapped her finger “—I was hoping it did.”
Kathleen slid her shoes on her feet and tied the laces. When she straightened, she looked at Jared with his eyes closed, a calm expression on his face. His endearing features urged her to touch him. Her arm rose as though it had a will of its own, and she started to brush a wet lock of dark hair from his forehead. His eyes snapped open. She gasped and dropped her hand into her lap, as though she had been caught doing something she shouldn’t.
Their gazes locked, and Kathleen’s entire focus centered on the man beside her, a man who had trudged all over the downtown area with her today in ninety-plus-degree heat, handing out flyers and talking to anyone who would listen. Her heart expanded with an emotion she didn’t want to acknowledge. In the midst of all her troubles, she had found something sweet and precious.
He brought his hand up to smooth damp tendrils behind her ear. The graze of his fingertips across her cheek attuned her to him. His electric blue eyes half closed as if he had just awakened from an afternoon nap. The long length of his dark lashes. The fullness of his lips tipped in a half grin. His hair that tended to curl when slightly wet. His probing regard delved deep into her heart. Their silent, tentative bond strengthened in that moment, their recent shared experiences cementing it.
“When we get back to Crystal Springs, you’re going to have to go jogging with me.”
“I used to jog. Haven’t in months,” she murmured, transfixed by the man next to her.
“You could start again. That’ll get you into shape.” He trailed his finger down her jawline.
She wanted to melt against him. “When I said I wanted something to do with my time, I wasn’t thinking about jogging. Maybe a sit-down type activity.” Her voice was breathless as though she had been jogging for miles.
He rose in one fluid motion, pulling her to her feet, the surreal moment evaporating like a mist on a hot day. “It’ll be dark before we know it. We’d better start back.”
They began their trek back to the hotel in silence, but Kathleen was very aware of everything Jared did even though she kept her gaze trained ahead. When his arm brushed up against hers, she nearly jumped. Her nerves were strung tight, not all due to her son’s disappearance.
“Let’s walk back a different way.” Kathleen shifted her purse to the other shoulder.
“How about this street?” Jared pointed toward a major thoroughfare and took her hand to run across the intersection before the light changed.
As they neared the hotel, Kathleen continued to hand out flyers, but the people downtown had thinned as night approached. Total darkness fell before they reach their destination. Scanning the shadows caused goose bumps to rise on her skin, and she shivered in the warm, summer air.
“We only have a few more blocks.” Jared reached for her hand again and linked his fingers through hers.
“Mark’s out here somewhere,” Kathleen said, staring down an alley where the lights from the street didn’t penetrate. Her imagination began to run rampant. She twisted away from the alley, pushing her thoughts away.
She started to say something else to Jared when someone flew out of the blackness, grabbed her purse and ran down the street. She caught herself before falling to the pavement. With one quick glance at her to make sure she was all right, Jared was instantly after the man, dogging him as he dashed between two parked cars and headed for another alley on the other side of the street. Before the purse snatcher made the alley, Jared leaped forward and tackled him to the sidewalk.
Kathleen searched up and down the broad avenue for assistance, but it was deserted. Hoping she might be able to help Jared in some way, she hurried across the street, her heart pounding against her chest. Rounding a car, she saw him yank her purse from the man’s clutches while the robber tried to scramble away. Seeing his prize gone, the purse snatcher darted down the darkened alley. Jared started after him.
“Don’t!” Kathleen called out.
He stopped and spun about, his chest rising and falling rapidly. His blue polo shirt was torn and dirt smudged his cheek. There was a wild look in his eyes as Kathleen came up to him. By the time his breathing slowed, the fierceness in his expression eased.
“He could have hurt you.” He clasped the purse to his chest. “I’ll take care of this the rest of the way back to the hotel.”
Kathleen brushed her fingers across the streak of dirt on his face. “He could have hurt you. Are you all right?”
“Yes. Are you?”
“Yes. Now I am. You shouldn’t have gone after him. What if he’d—” She couldn’t finish the sentence. The thought of what could have happened to Jared if the man had had a weapon stole her words and gripped her in a mind-numbing fear. She was the reason he was here.
One corner of his mouth lifted. “To tell you the truth, I didn’t think. I reacted. If I’d thought it through, I probably wouldn’t have chased after the man. Not a smart move.”
With trembling fingers, she finished wiping the dirt from his face. “Well, don’t next time.”
“There won’t be a next time. You’re going to leave your purse back at the hotel. We’ll carry what we need in our pockets.” He guided her across the street and quickened his pace, continually scanning the area. “Let’s get back to the hotel.”
“You won’t get an argument from me.”
“Good. Nice to have an agreeable partner.”
The word partner sounded wonderful coming from Jared. Again it reinforced the feeling that she wasn’t alone dealing with Mark’s problem. No matter how much she wanted not to depend on another, she knew when she was in over her head and needed help. She wasn’t too proud to ask for assistance when her son’s health was at stake.
Her cell phone rang as they turned the corner where the hotel was. The bright lights from the lobby loomed before them. Stopping in a well-lit area, Kathleen delved into her purse and flipped open the phone.
“Kathleen, Mark just called,” Laura announced with no preamble.
“He did? Did he say anything?”
“No, but I heard him crying.”
“Crying?” Kathleen’s chest constricted with emotions she couldn’t keep tamped down. “Do you know where he’s calling from?”
“Yes, the Brady Street Shelter.”
“We went there earlier today and left a picture. Did you talk with anyone there?”
“Yes. I called back after Mark hung up. The man that answered didn’t know anything about Mark. The phone was in a back office. No one was supposed to be in there.”
Kathleen’s lungs felt tight, as though they held her breath trapped and wouldn’t let it go. She determinedly inhaled and exhaled several times before saying, “We’ll visit right now. Maybe he’s still around. Thanks, Laura.”
“Let’s take the car,” Jared said the second Kathleen disconnected. Without waiting for a reply, he headed for the parking garage next to the hotel.
Ten minutes later Kathleen hopped out of the car the second Jared came to a stop in the parking lot next to the shelter. She hurried toward the building with Mark’s picture in hand. Jared jogged up behind her as she pushed through the front door.
The large room where meals were served was nearly empty except for a man behind the serving line, wiping down the counters, and several at a table playing a card game. Kathleen headed for the older man behind the counter.
“Excuse me, sir.”
The balding man turned toward her and began to clean the counter in front of her. “Can I help you?”
“Have you seen this teenager?” Kathleen held up Mark’s photo, her trembling hands sweaty, her heart hammering against her chest.
“Nope,” he continued to wipe, “But I’ve seen that photo up in the office.”
“My son called from this building not twenty minutes ago. He was here.”
“I’ve been in the kitchen cleaning up. Maybe Vance knows something. He’s back there.” The old man pointed toward a hallway.
Jared laid his hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. “Thanks. If you see him, he needs medical help. Call the number on the flyer.”
Kathleen rushed toward the back office. If only Mark were sitting in there waiting for her. God, please, please help my son. I have to find him. Get him some help before it’s too late.
The door to the office was ajar. She knocked on it and waited, her whole body quivering. Her son was close. Only twenty minutes away at the most.
“Yes?”
Kathleen stepped into the office as a man who must be Vance glanced up from the paper he was writing on. “Have you seen this person?” Again she showed her son’s photo, the motion becoming second nature to her.
“No, but I have it posted over there.” He waved his hand toward a bulletin board with some other people’s pictures tacked up on it.
“He used the phone in here to call long distance twenty minutes ago.” Kathleen felt the clock ticking, each minute of delay taking her son further away from her.
“Oh, that one. A lady just called about him. When I was coming back here to do some paperwork, someone darted out of my office and out the emergency exit at the end of the hallway. There wasn’t anything in here to take so I wasn’t—”
“Thank you,” Kathleen cut in and spun about.
She ran toward the back door, desperate not to waste anymore time. A beep sounded when she opened it and stepped out into the warm summer air. She scanned the area littered with several cans over-flowing with trash. The stench overpowered her. She covered her nose and mouth with her hand and moved toward the field behind the shelter. Light from a street lamp illuminated only a few feet into the weed-infested lot. The rest was pitch black, and she felt as though she had hit a dark barrier.
Jared came up behind her. “Let’s check the area, and if we don’t find him, get some help from the police. He can’t be too far.”
Kathleen thought of all the places he could hide in the dark and her desperation turned to panic. Taut with tension, she peered over her shoulder at Jared. “He’s out there. I can feel it.”
Jared took her hand. “Then we’ll find him—together.”
Lord, please give me my son back. The words whispered through her mind and peace allayed her fears, as though God had laid his hands upon her shoulders. “Together.”
Kathleen walked toward the empty lot behind the shelter and beyond, beginning to make out shapes and outlines as her eyes adjusted to the dark. Some homeless people were settling down for the night. Was Mark among them?
With Jared by her side, she moved toward the cluster of people. An old man stared at them approaching, but he didn’t leave. He sat on a log, drinking from a tin cup. She remembered the purse snatcher earlier and quaked.
“Do you want the police to do this?” Jared whispered into her ear.
“No police. Mark’s here. That’ll scare him off for sure.” She strode past the man on the log, the hairs on her nape tingling.
Several people were curled on the ground, sleeping. One was inside a large cardboard box. Then Kathleen caught sight of a figure about her son’s height and shape sitting against a utility pole. In the dark she couldn’t tell if it was Mark or if the person was sleeping or watching her. With breath held she started toward the pole.
The person’s chin rested on his chest, his shoulders hunched as Mark’s often were. Ten feet away. Five. The pounding of her heart drowned out all other sounds, its roar echoing through her mind like a freight train barreling down the tracks out of control.