If not for Abu’s long, frantic breaths, nothing moving except his chest, up and down, but often enough to make sure his body was on track with its oxygen supply, it would have almost been impossible to know he was still there.
Karl? Like, distraught. Proper. Sitting there next to the bed, all tanned from days of life somewhere else, the Nigeria of the West Africa, of the bloody other side of the world.
Nothing was funny. Nothing.
The hospital, the long corridors of hush hush rush, the overfilled rooms. Karl tried to avoid it, at all cost, even when his mother had her stints there. Now it seemed worse, lonelier, more sterile, even less hopeful than it usually was.
First, of course, that vital thing for liveliness was nowhere to be found: Abu’s consciousness. Then, let’s face it, the babbling, the never-shut-up-when-needed that was missing, made not only the room but also the halls vibrate in silence. Abu’s mother in the corridor. The twins running around further down, in the waiting area. Abu’s mother, a handkerchief between her hands, folding it, refolding it, unfolding it, neatly putting it in squares and sideways and over the top each fucking way, this and the other, looking at her hands, head down, trying to keep herself in. Keeping herself from just leaking out into the bloody hallway so that she wouldn’t be swept up by the cleaner and disappear in the huge, transparent plastic bags that they tied around the metal ring with a plastic lid that opened when they pedalled on the bottom. If she didn’t make it, who would be there when Abu came back? If she lost it? Abu’s father had tired eyes. His arms were around Karl’s shoulders.
‘It’s good you are back,’ he said when Karl walked into the hospital room.
Godfrey had been at the arrival gate, a big bear-like hug and an if you do that again look that had a hard time competing with the relief of seeing Karl back in one piece. Godfrey and his good kids I knew you’d be back here in one piece and look at you pride that Karl thought was out of place. He hadn’t heard when Abu called him. Had not been there. Hadn’t returned. Not been a good friend. None of the things he was sure Abu would have done. But then Abu’s life was different, always was, always had been. It was shit, really shit. Godfrey had seen Karl’s face. All tensed and taut, all I’ve been away, I’ve grown up, see it in the way I look now, independent, head-on gaze, straight into Godfrey’s eyes. No head tilting or shyly avoiding contact, nothing but an I need to do some stuff. Ain’t no point stopping me now.
And in the car, an angry mother, a very angry Rebecca, waiting for them to come out of the airport. Waiting only because she didn’t want to lose it in public. Nigeria? What were they thinking?
There was no stopping Karl. That boy. You could tell he had a new stubbornness. It was troubling.
Abu had been lying there for a little more than three days. Movements yes, pain response, yes, pupils dilating when shone with light, yes, yes. Words? None. Waking, any type of wakeful state in the common sense? Nope.
Karl ran his hands over the brown skin. Abu’s arm was floppy but warm. The skin cold but warm underneath. There was life, that much was clear. A sturdy step on the floor behind him got Karl’s attention; he could feel Godfrey inching closer.
‘As expected, she’s very upset.’
‘Hmm.’
There are replies that are pointless and everyone knows it, so why bother.
‘You’ve heard what she said, right?’
‘Hmm.’
‘It could all be fine. No internal injuries, so that is good.’
‘How’s a head injury better, Godfrey? It’s the bloody brain, you get me? The fucking brain!’
‘But nothing has happened so far. A little bruising. Most likely he’ll wake up and everything will be fine.’
‘If he wakes—’
‘When he wakes up.’
‘How are you so sure? How can you be so bloody sure when nobody knows these things?’
‘I just know, Karl.’ He placed his big-bear big-brother hand on his shoulder, not smiling. That would have been too much, considering, despite his never-ending, happy-ending optimism.
‘I just have a feeling. Can’t tell you why or how. Just know. Just like I knew I could let you go to Nigeria—’
‘You didn’t just let me go. I went. I made a point. Wasn’t your choice.’
‘I could have prevented it. You’re not eighteen yet. That visa would have not happened if I didn’t have some—’
‘Legal guardianship on me, I know.’
‘Karl, I’ve always had your back. You can’t say I haven’t trusted you. You can’t say that. I shouldn’t have let you go, that’s the point. If anything had happened … your mother … she’s pretty mad with me.’
‘That’s why I said she didn’t need to know.’
‘She’s your mother, Karl. How long did you want me to keep it from her? It was supposed to be two weeks. You ran away. Officially. This time I’m not covering, for none of it. You ran away. Not to Nigeria, but in Nigeria. That’s how I see it.’
‘Suit yourself, if that’s how you want to spin it.’
‘It’s how it is.’
Karl wrapped his fingers around Abu’s wrists and used his other hand to check for the few hairs that his friend seemed to have been nurturing since his absence. A lot of things seemed to have changed in those few weeks. Karl started laughing.
‘It’s not really all that funny, Karl. I am pissed off with you. I’m just too relieved that you are back.’
The giggling went all proper belly laugh. Karl got up to place his whole hand on Abu’s cheek.
‘That’s not why I’m laughing man. Look, he’s growing a beard, or not really.’
‘And that’s funny? It’s what happens. Hormones, you might have heard about it some time back when you were still attending an educational institution.’
‘Come on, Godfrey. It’s funny. Three hairs, but I can just hear Abu’s voice, saying, “Well the ladies like a Brad Pitt stubble. A little five o’clock shadow goes a long way.”’
And the laughing continued, and Karl pulled Abu’s hand closer, no longer holding it between his fingers but just hand in hand. Godfrey’s lips now jumping too, his head coming closer to have a little look. He slapped Karl on the shoulder. ‘You know how to play a man when he’s down.’
‘You the one who said you know he’ll be fine.’
‘When I said talk to him, I meant nice things like “Come back, we need you.”’
‘I did all of that. The whole flight. Now I got to talk to Abu the way we talk. Otherwise what’s the point? He ain’t gonna come back to hear some bloody bullshit just cause we’re all shitting our pants. You know him.’
He put Abu’s arm back under the blanket and straightened the white cover so it looked smooth and tidy. He placed Abu’s head smack bang in the middle of the pillow. He would have got a fit if he had known Karl was getting carried away like that. Karl couldn’t stop; it burst out again. The laughter shook and rattled and went tsunami, face all wet from the tears. Godfrey banged him in the ribs.
‘Hey!’
‘His mother … Can you get a grip on yourself?’
And there she was. The small woman who had never needed anything from Karl before. Her shoulders were hanging low, the twins on each side of her, their faces concentrating, zooming in on their brother in the bed.
‘Come here,’ Godfrey said, and extended both his hands. The twins each grabbed one and stood close to the bed, their little necks craning to see Abu’s face. Abu’s mother behind them, hiding almost, everything still shut close so that nothing would be able to ooze out. Her face tugged at Karl’s insides and the laughter that he hadn’t been able to control slipped away into the bleak no-nonsense-ness of the hospital room. His tears dried as hers started to fall again.
‘It is the fourth day.’
Karl’s birthday came. London was doing a half-arsed late-summer thing. The news was full of catching those who participated in the riots. Every other smart person was busy giving their deep thoughts on the whole situation that had been well fucked up. Whether it was just opportunism, or if it had meant more and showed the state of the country. The state of hopelessness. The way the youth would erupt, the black youth. Or all of them even. Karl was trying to catch up, get a proper opinion on the whole thing.
Nalini and Afsana caught Karl as he was leaving the estate. He wanted to get to the hospital early. They had a birthday card. Nalini hugged Karl. ‘Are you doing anything for your birthday? I mean, like, later?’
‘Not feeling it.’
‘I understand.’
Afsana hugged him too. ‘He will be better, you know.’
Nalini put her arm under Karl’s. ‘His chances are, like, excellent. Like really, really good. It will turn out all fine. Trust me! For real, Karl.’
Karl nodded and looked at her. Her hair was in a knot on top of her head. She wasn’t wearing much make-up. Her face was all open, waiting for Karl to let her go on. Talk. Either about Abu, or just chat some shit and make this a birthday. At least. There was a new we’ve shared something. More than they knew how to handle properly. Or at least Karl didn’t know how to handle it. Nalini seemed confident. And not in a Godfrey’s optimism way but in a these are the facts of life, you know way. That you get scared. Scared shitless. And then around the corner … you don’t know, you just don’t know. Either way, take it a day at a time. Survive that one day. Then look again. See where you find yourself. What the facts of that day are.
‘He’ll be chatting off your ear in no time.’
‘Thanks.’
She laughed. ‘Not that I would know. Or at least I didn’t used to.’
And Afsana had her own to share. ‘And how he speaks to you now. We’re all, like, how did that happen? Nalini, Nalini … no one knew Abu had it in him. Chirpsing the ladies like that.’
Nalini pushed her off the sidewalk. Afsana’s eyes went all wide, telling Karl yeah whatever, someone is so not upset at all.
‘It’s scary, but he ain’t dead, you know. Just remember that.’
Karl nodded. ‘Thanks.’ He started twitching from one foot to the other.
‘Yu’aright?’ Nalini seemed to have a new detective-type emotional ultra-vision thing going on. She put her hand on his arm. It started to drizzle.
‘Yeah. Thanks Nalini.’ And Karl nodded some more. ‘For the card you know. I need to be off though.’
And he turned around as Nalini replied, ‘Let me know if we can do anything,’ and ‘Happy birthday, despite everything, you know …’ But Karl raised his hand briefly, then turned around with wide paces. He made a left, ran down the road, then right over the traffic light past the Inland Revenue building and started to see the houses dropping away at the corners of his eyes.