Amy looked into Jack’s eyes as he waited for whatever question she might throw at him, an open book. Guilt rushed through her.
She should have told him about what else had happened after the robbery, about Armand and the last push that finally sent her home to him, to this date. She just hadn’t been able to make herself say it. Telling Cassie was one thing, but this was Jack. For the time being, Amy couldn’t say the words aloud, see his reaction, feel the shame all over again.
“You okay?” Jack asked, putting his hand over hers. “You can ask me anything, Ames,” he said, trying to reassure her.
Amy looked at Jack and resolved to tell him about Armand another time. For now, she wanted to have an enjoyable date with a man who was sweet and honest.
There was one question she could ask that might assuage her guilt a little, though, and she grasped at that straw. “What’s your dating life been like since I left?” she asked, hoping to get answers to her real questions.
Did you forget about me? Have you loved others, even for a short time, since I’ve been gone?
She wouldn’t have been able to say what answer she wanted to hear, but she had to know.
Jack gave her a little smile she couldn’t interpret. “I’ve dated a few women here and there,” he said.
Amy wasn’t sure what to do with that, but before she could say anything he continued. “Nobody ever quite met the bar you set, so none of them lasted long. I think they knew as well as I did that there was always someone’s shadow between us.”
His blue eyes gazed into hers, and Amy felt gratitude and pain rush through her. She grasped his hand tightly, assuring herself that he was real, not just some wistful daydream. He squeezed back.
After a short silence, Amy let go and cleared her throat. This was getting too intimate for her comfort, and she decided it was best to change topics. “Do you have any prospects for your next roping partner?” she asked.
This set off a lively conversation of prospective candidates, and since Amy was, as she had confessed in the truck, up-to-date on the current competitors in Jack’s field, they were able to both contribute to the discussion. They talked about it through dinner, between ordering food and being served their meals.
When the waiter cleared the dishes and they wrapped up rodeo talk, Jack asked, “Tell me more about what you’ve been up to, Ames. Is hotfooting it around the world as wonderful as you make it out to be in your articles? It always seems like even the disasters are once-in-a-lifetime adventures.”
Amy ran a finger through the condensation on her water glass as she thought about what to share. Armand’s face popped up once more, but she shoved it back down. Still not the right time. “It’s not always as glamorous and fun as my writing suggests, no. Getting up at 4:00 a.m. when you’re still jet-lagged because you need to move on to the next thing, even though you’ve hardly seen any of the cool new city you landed in two days ago, or typing on a laptop while sitting next to a toilet in a sketchy alburgue because you have a deadline and it doesn’t care that you have food poisoning, or discovering that you were a few hundred yards away from a bombing in Istanbul. Having a strange man hold a gun to my head and shout in a language I don’t understand.”
A smooth talker getting what he wants from you, making you care for him, and then treating you like trash, she added silently. Amy cleared her throat, refusing to allow the tears stinging her eyes to fall. “Situations like that have made me wonder why the hell I’m not curled up in my bed with a book while Ma makes me a delicious meal,” she finished.
Jack looked at her curiously, and she waited for the question she knew would come next. “Then why are you still doing it?”
She shook her head, knowing her answer wasn’t going to do her experiences justice. “For every terrifying or awful moment I have, I get dozens of nuggets of perfection. The sun rising over Mount Fuji, or a stranger insisting they help you find your hotel and refusing any payment. A pickup soccer game with kids in South Africa.”
It was a little disheartening, though not at all unexpected, for her to see that Jack didn’t really understand what she meant. He had never felt wanderlust. Heck, up until she moved away to college, she hadn’t, either. They had planned to honeymoon in Vegas to see the National Finals Rodeo and counted that an exotic trip to a far-off land.
Amy smiled at the memory, even though it made her a little sad. She had changed so much since she was a teenager. The past few weeks had made that clear.
Perhaps she’d changed too much to even be here, on this date with Jack. She didn’t want to let herself think that through.
Luckily, Jack saved the conversation by picking up the dessert menu. “So, what do you want? The lava cake?”
Amy put a hand over her stomach and groaned. “I ate way too much to be tempted by dessert, and you have to bring up my biggest weakness? That’s not fair.”
He smiled at her. “How about I share it with you? Half a lava cake isn’t too much for anybody.”
She readily agreed, and soon they were dipping their spoons into the molten chocolate. Amy closed her eyes as the hot dessert melted on her tongue. “I’ve tried a million desserts in more countries than I can count, but this beats them all hands down.”
“Maybe Texas deserves to be a regular stop for you from now on, huh? You know, since there’s delicious lava cake to be had.”
Amy wasn’t fooled one bit into thinking Jack wanted her to come home more often because of a dessert, but she looked at the cake anyway. “Maybe I’ll need to start making longer visits home a regular thing. For chocolate’s sake,” she said, glancing up into his eyes.
He gave her a smile that curled her insides and made her wish they were somewhere much more private.
Whatever else was true of the past decade, Amy knew that she had never quite gotten over her high school sweetheart, and here she was so close to him she could feel the heat coming off his skin. She knew she would be a fool to throw that away, no matter what ghosts tailed her.
Soon they were walking out into the brisk autumn air, and Amy only wished the date could have been longer. In fact, she didn’t want it to end, to be left alone in her room with her worst thoughts and doubts. With Jack she felt safe, protected.
“I’d like to take you one last place before I drive you home,” Jack told her as they settled into his truck.
Amy let out a silent sigh of relief. “Where?” she asked, curious.
“You’ll see,” he said mysteriously before turning his eyes to the windshield and the road before them.
Jack was always trying to surprise her when they were teens, so it seemed only fitting he would have another trick up his sleeve. Amy settled back and waited, knowing any attempt to learn more about his plan would be futile.
It only took a few minutes for her to realize where they were going, anyway, and a thrill went through her that she forcibly tamped down. He might be driving her to his house, but that probably didn’t mean what her body wished it might mean. Even if it did, she knew it was too soon for her to get on that horse again, as much as Jack’s presence sent her into overdrive.
“Taking me home to meet your mother? That’s a pretty big step for a first date,” she said, reminding herself to keep things light and slow.
Jack cocked a smile in her direction. “It’s past eight, which means she’s already in bed reading one of her mystery novels. A visit with her will need to wait.”
Then what was his plan? She couldn’t begin to guess, so she sat back and waited as Jack parked his truck in front of Stuart Ranch.
“Come on,” Jack said as he opened Amy’s door and took her hand, pulling her toward the barn. Amy followed without thinking, her mind focused on their hands. They hadn’t made much physical contact throughout the date, and each time was purposely cut short, as if they’d both been avoiding something they knew to be dangerous. But now her hand was wrapped in his, and it felt as if it had never belonged anywhere else. Her heart thumped hard in her chest.
Then they were in the dark barn and Amy was distracted by the familiar sight and smells. She had spent countless hours in that barn with Jack doing all manner of things. Some innocent, but many less so, and those thoughts thrilled her.
Jack pulled her along until they were among the rows of horses, and then he reached up and pulled a cord to a bare bulb, illuminating a small circle around them. Amy looked at Jack, waiting for him to explain what exactly he was thinking, but he said nothing. He just pointed to a nearby stall.
Amy walked over, curious, and what she saw took her breath away. It was Bandit, her horse, the one that had died almost ten years ago. The same markings, the same shake of the head. Everything.
“How...” she began, but was unable to formulate her amazement into words.
“This is Maverick, sired by Bandit just after you—Just after we graduated,” Jack answered.
She knew what he’d been about to say: just after you left. It stung, but she ignored it. The animal walked up to her and pressed his head against her just the way Bandit always had.
Amy could feel tears in her eyes yet again, for joy this time.
* * *
JACK WATCHED AMY hug Maverick’s neck and knew she was hiding her face so he wouldn’t see her cry. Ever since the foal was born, Jack knew Amy would be shocked to see the likeness to Bandit, but for a long while he’d thought she would never have the chance. As soon as she’d agreed to go on a date with him, he knew that this would be an important part of the evening.
Amy leaned back from Maverick’s neck and smiled, though her eyes were red. She patted the horse’s neck gently. “It looks just like him,” she said.
Jack smiled. “I know. Acts like him, too. I’ve always thought he has his father’s spirit.”
He didn’t say that seeing Maverick every once in a while had helped when he missed her too much. Caring for the animal was, in a way, like caring for a little piece of Amy.
As they stood in silence together beside the horse’s stall, a light pitter-patter on the roof told them it had begun to rain.
“Can I come back and see him again?” Amy asked, her voice so quiet Jack almost didn’t hear her.
“Of course,” Jack told her. “You’re always welcome here, no matter what.”
With that, she said goodbye to Maverick and they walked to the barn door. For a long minute, they stood watching the rain fall, glittering in the light from his childhood home. It was getting late, and those lights would go out soon.
His mind drifted back to long-ago hidden moments spent in this same barn with this same woman, and the urge to kiss her overwhelmed him. He turned to Amy, and as if she had been anticipating this exact moment, she fell into his arms with an almost desperate urgency.
With their lips together, Jack knew what heaven must be like. The lifting, soaring feeling inside him overshadowed any possible worries about falling in love with Amy all over again. If this kiss was any indication, he’d never managed to recover from the first time, whatever he’d told himself.
After what seemed like several lifetimes, their lips broke apart, though neither of them moved from their embrace. Jack rested his forehead against Amy’s and tried to gather all his control for what he knew he should say. “My truck doesn’t handle rain well, so I should probably get you home before the rain gets too bad and we’re stuck out here,” he told her.
“Would that be so bad?” she asked, still breathless from the kiss.
Jack groaned quietly. “If you’re not suggesting we sleep together, you need to tell me now. I’ve only got so much self-control, and most of it is being used to have this conversation instead of kiss you again.”
In answer, Amy put her hand on the back of Jack’s neck and guided his lips back to hers. She seemed to almost be pleading for his attentions, as if she needed him right at that moment, and he could do nothing but oblige. He was sure she could feel his own eagerness for the connection he’d been missing for so long.
Everything about them being together was familiar and comfortable, yet new in surprising ways, and afterward they lay together on a makeshift bed of horse blankets.
Jack wanted to say something, but what was there to say? It had all been said already, everything except I still love you, and he wasn’t ready to say that yet. The fear that she would leave all over again was still strong inside him.
Amy sat up, and Jack looked at her carefully. She seemed worried. Remorseful, maybe?
“I think the rain’s stopped, and it’s late,” she said.
Jack sat up, too. Was that really how they were going to end this night—it’s getting late, see you later? It seemed that she regretted how quickly things had progressed now that it was over, and the thought sent a pang through his heart.
After all, to him they were just continuing from where they’d been a decade ago, however much he tried to pretend this was a first date. He couldn’t regret one bit of what they’d done, except if it hurt her, somehow.
They gathered their clothes in silence and dressed, then made their way through the inky darkness to his truck. Once they started on the road, though, Jack knew their night couldn’t end like this. He wanted her to know that he didn’t consider what had happened as just some fling in the barn. He may still have lingering worries about her disappearing again, but that wasn’t going to stop him from pursuing some sort of relationship with her.
“What are you doing tomorrow? I was thinking we could take Maverick out for a ride. Maybe you can help me practice my roping skills if you’re up for it. I need to keep sharp if I’m going to find a good partner,” he said.
“I haven’t competed in so long,” Amy said wistfully.
“You were wonderful, you know. And some things are like riding a bike,” he told her, only partly talking about horse-riding.
“That’s true,” she answered in a quiet murmur, and he saw out of the corner of his eye that she was smiling, but it didn’t completely erase the lines of worry on her forehead. He wished that he could read her thoughts.
“I’m sure Ma has a big Sunday dinner thing planned for tomorrow,” she said.
“Celebrating the prodigal daughter’s return?” Jack asked, trying not to be too disappointed.
“Something like that,” Amy responded. “Jose and Diego will be coming into town and everything.”
Before Jack could suggest another time to meet, Amy added, “But I can be free for a while in the morning, if that’s okay,” saying it all in a rush, as if it was against her better judgment.
“Sounds great,” he answered quickly, in case she might try to take back what she’d said.
He was already looking forward to the time when they’d see each other again.
* * *
AMY LAY IN bed later that night, staring at the ceiling, berating herself over all the rash decisions she’d made that evening and wishing she could go back and change them. She knew, though, that if she had the chance, she would do it all again. Her skin still tingled from Jack’s touch.
Even though it was past two in the morning, Amy felt wide-awake. There were too many thoughts swirling around in her head for her to even consider sleeping. Was she just going to pick things up with Jack right where they left off a decade ago, despite everything that had changed? Is that what he wanted? Is that what she wanted? Even if it was, would that be enough?
She knew they shouldn’t have slept together so soon, while Armand’s shadow still loomed so strongly. Still, she couldn’t regret it. Jack was such a comforting presence, and her body had begged for comfort. His touch erased some of the shame and guilt she’d felt the past few days, even if it added a little more in the process. After all, he deserved to know everything about her last few weeks in Morocco before she jumped into bed with him. And she resolved to not let it happen again until they had a long, honest conversation.
Finally Amy couldn’t take it anymore. She needed to talk out her thoughts, and she knew who she needed to turn to for guidance.
“Morning, Queen Bee,” Amy said softly as the horse snorted a greeting to her.
Amy felt a little bad about turning on the barn’s light and disturbing the horses trying to sleep, but she needed to speak her mind or she’d go crazy.
Luckily, Queen Bee seemed to understand, because she nuzzled Amy’s shoulder affectionately. Amy stroked the animal’s neck, feeling comforted. This animal seemed like just the one to listen to the thoughts bouncing around in her brain. “I’m feeling lost right now, Q.B.,” Amy started. “I just want to put Armand behind me and enjoy my time here, but I can’t seem to. Not yet, anyway. And now there’s so much to consider about Jack and me. I mean, I don’t know what I want for us, or what’s even feasible. Closure? A fresh start? To pick things up where we left off? It’s...confusing, to say the least.”
Queen Bee tossed her head. “You agree, huh?” Amy said, hugging the horse’s neck. “If we try to start a relationship, is it just going to be a do-over of our past? I’m not sure that’s even possible, with all that’s happened. I’ve changed too much for that, I think. Or maybe I haven’t, you know? Do I really need to hop on planes all the time to make a few bucks? I’m sure I could find a job writing articles right here in Spring Valley.”
The large animal tossed her head again and snorted. Amy nodded. “You’re right. I’d go crazy staying in Spring Valley for the rest of my life. Heck, I’ve only been here for two days and already I’m having conversations with horses. As much as I love it here, I’d probably go all Yellow Wallpaper in a few months.”
Queen Bee tilted her head and stared at Amy, who gave an exaggerated sigh. “It’s a story, Q.B. A famous one. Really, you should read more literature.”
Amy laughed and sat down on a bench across from Queen Bee’s stall. “I can’t tell you how glad I am that you’re a horse and can’t tell anyone how insane I am, Q.B.”
“Yeah, but if one of your brothers happened to drive home in the middle of the night and go out to the barn to investigate the light on there, you could be in trouble,” a voice said from behind Amy, nearly giving her a heart attack.
She stood and spun to find one of her twin brothers standing not ten feet from her. “Diego, you scared me!” she admonished.
Even though her brothers were identical twins, she was sure she was speaking to Diego. Jose would have come roaring in with a big grin and a teasing laugh, not the quiet smile and kind eyes Diego always employed. As if to reinforce the difference, Diego sat beside his adopted sister and wrapped an arm around her. “Just be glad Jose’s not showing up until midday tomorrow. He would have teased you mercilessly, then told everyone, just to round things out nicely.”
Amy put her head on Diego’s shoulder. “Yeah, he would. Thanks for not being a jackass.”
Diego shrugged. “He’s just getting through life the best way he knows how. Things haven’t always been easy for him, you know.”
Amy nodded, though her mind wasn’t able to focus much on Jose and his problems, which she frankly doubted even existed. He was always the joker, the funny man. The life of every party, flitting from one thing to the next with the good luck of the lighthearted and carefree. She couldn’t imagine what types of problems he could possibly have.
“So, do you want to talk about it?” Diego asked after a minute of silence.
“It depends. How much did you hear?”
“Not much, just the part about you going crazy if you move here for good. Is that suddenly a possibility?”
“Well,” Amy started, not sure what her answer would be. “No, it’s not. One date with my high school sweetheart can’t change who I am—”
“You mean Jack Stuart?” Diego cut in, sounding surprised. “Are you two getting back together?”
Amy had forgotten that Diego and Jose, being a year younger, had still been home during her senior year. Diego at least was observant enough to notice how serious their relationship had been.
Amy put her head in her hands. “That’s just it. I don’t know. We only had one date, but it already feels serious, and I’m not ready for that.”
There’s still so much unsaid between us, she thought.
Diego squeezed her shoulders. “Hey, you don’t need to make any big decisions if you don’t want to. Just because you two dated a decade ago doesn’t mean you have to start at square ten instead of square one.”
Amy nodded. She knew all that, and Jack had said the same thing. So why was her mind insisting she make it so significant?
Because it didn’t feel like they were at square one. Certainly not after what had happened between them just a few hours before.
But that didn’t mean she couldn’t slow things down and enjoy whatever it was they had without putting a label on it.
“Thanks, Diego,” Amy said, standing. “I better get to bed. Jack and I are going to go riding in the morning.”
Diego stood, too. “Just do me one favor—if you need advice, avoid getting it from horses. They’re all a bunch of neigh-sayers,” he said, giving Amy a big smile at his terrible pun.
Amy rolled her eyes. “Maybe you should leave the jokes to Jose.”
Diego shrugged. “Fair enough.”
Together they walked to the house to get some much-needed sleep.