Jack woke early, his eyes bleary from getting so little sleep. With everything on his mind, from his upcoming roping session at Sam’s to Amy and the pregnancy, it was hard to quiet his brain enough to rest.
Still, he was satisfied that he’d come up with the best plan for his new family. It would hurt to give up on his dream for the Stuart ranch once and for all, but he’d finally had to admit to himself that he couldn’t put every cent into the place, which was what it needed to make it work. No, there was something more important now. The child in his arms would be the only thing that mattered.
He also needed to decide how to propose to Amy. He’d been planning to wait until her trip to Chiang Mai, but with the pregnancy, all that had changed. Putting it off until after Brock and Cassie’s wedding seemed silly now.
Jack pulled himself out of bed and splashed some water on his face. He needed to be at his best if he was going to turn these few days with Sam into a lucrative career move, and that was more important now than it had ever been.
A couple of hours later, Jack wiped the sweat from his face. Even though the air was cool, he was burning up. Almost the moment he’d gotten onto Sam’s property he’d been put to work running drills, showing his abilities as best he could. Sam was watching him carefully, and Jack felt like everything he did was being scrutinized, and he hoped he wasn’t coming up short. He needed this. For Amy. For the baby.
Jack looked around beyond the practice arena he was currently working in. He hadn’t yet had a chance to look around the ranch much, but from what he’d seen, it was pretty fantastic. Everything a rodeo cowboy could possibly want. Jack’s heart longed for something like this back in Spring Valley, and he could almost picture what he’d need to do to Stuart Ranch to make it a reality. Before he could get too lost in that old pointless dream, though, Sam rode once more to the starting position. “Come on, Jack, let’s go at it again. And pay attention this time.”
Jack bit his lip and turned his horse toward where Sam was waiting. He was starting to understand why Sam’s old partner might’ve quit. While the man was a great roper, one of the best, he was also a frustrating person to work with. Even after such a short time, Jack could tell that Sam was a rigid taskmaster who spoke to almost everyone with brusque condescension, including his teammates.
It was clear that for this to work, Jack would need to keep his mouth shut and do everything asked of him, no matter his opinion. That would be the only way to set his career on the right path and do what was best for his family.
“Focus, Jack,” Sam said, cutting into his thoughts. “I expect better this time.”
Sam waved his hand in the air and a steer was released into the arena. Jack gripped his rope and rode in time with Sam toward the animal. In just a few seconds the steer was immobilized and Jack felt a grin of triumph spread across his lips. It had been a great ride, first place in most any rodeo.
Sam pinched his lips together and shook his head as they let the steer loose. “You turned a little slowly at the end there. Wasted a quarter second. Let’s try again.”
By noon, Jack was exhausted and his nerves were frayed from Sam’s constant criticisms. Jack’s partners had always been supportive and excited to ride together. They’d been a team but also friends. Sam, however, seemed to be making it very clear that he didn’t want a friend.
Jack dismounted and rotated his roping arm slowly, feeling the burn of the muscles beneath the skin. Sam walked over to him and held out his hand. “I think we’ll be able to do great things, Jack,” he said with a small smile.
Jack shook the proffered hand, though he found it difficult to return the smile. It had been a long work day, and not exactly the pleasantest in recent memory. But this was his chance and he had to take it.
* * *
AMY STOOD IN front of the bowling alley, unable to make her feet move. This was the big moment, and now that it was here, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to do it. Ma, however, seemed unfazed by the momentousness of the occasion. “Hurry up, dear. For a woman who travels around the world constantly, you move slow as molasses sometimes.”
With that, her mother set a brisk pace toward the entrance, and Amy could do nothing but hurry to follow. Inside was dim compared to the bright sunlight, and it took a moment for Amy’s eyes to adjust. Before they could, she was engulfed in a hug. “Amy, you’re here!” said a woman who Amy couldn’t see but assumed to be Maryanne.
The woman stood back and, sure enough, she matched the picture Maryanne had sent. Amy’s same nose and mouth set into a different, darker face and surrounded by dark wavy hair. “I’m sorry for attacking you the moment you walked in. I’m just so excited that you’re here. Thank you for coming,” she added, turning to Amy’s adopted mother and grasping the older woman’s hand in both of her own.
After brief introductions, the three of them settled into a lane and started lacing their rented shoes. “Thanks for agreeing to meet at the bowling alley,” Maryanne said over the din of balls hitting pins. “I would hate to disappoint my son when he’d been looking forward to this for weeks. I can be a bit scatterbrained.”
Amy smiled, but before she could say anything, Ma was already reassuring Maryanne. “I think this’ll be a hoot, dear,” she said as she went to choose her bowling ball.
“Your adopted mother seems wonderful,” Maryanne told her while the older woman was out of earshot.
Amy had to agree. “I’ve been very lucky.”
Maryanne seemed to know what Amy was thinking, because she pulled a picture out of her purse. “This,” she said, handing one to Amy, “Is our biological mother. She... Well, she’s a difficult woman to explain.”
Amy stared at the photo, trying to absorb that this was her mother. Maryanne kept speaking, and Amy listened intently. “I don’t know much about your adoption, just that Mom was young when she had you and wasn’t ready to have a kid. Not that she was much more prepared when I came along a few years later.”
Maryanne gave a sad little laugh that tugged at Amy’s heart, and Amy squeezed her sister’s hand. Maryanne shrugged, as if to say the past was the past. “I bounced between her and my dad a lot when I was little, but didn’t see her much by the time I was a teenager. I’m sorry to tell you that I don’t know where she is now.”
Amy still said nothing, staring at her mother. The woman in the photograph was thin and pretty, with a wide grin, but the characteristic that caught Amy’s attention more than anything else was her eyes. Those were Amy’s eyes. It was such a strange feeling, holding a picture of the woman who had given birth to her almost thirty years ago, then put her up for adoption.
A loud crash of pins broke Amy’s concentration, and she looked up to see Ma standing triumphant as the screen above their lane announced a strike. “Who’s next?” Ma asked, sitting down.
“I didn’t know you were bringing a ringer to bowling,” Maryanne commented before standing.
Amy shook her head. “Me neither,” she said.
After several games of bowling, each one ending with Ma soundly destroying the other two women, the birthday party wrapped up and Amy drove to Maryanne’s home while Ma went back to the hotel to “rest on her laurels,” as she put it.
Amy sat at Maryanne’s table as her half sister pulled out a box of pictures and a photo album. “The box is full of random pictures—some from my father’s side and some from Mom’s, but the album is all Mom and other people related to you. I brought it with me to Texas. I’m still so sorry about that, Amy.”
Amy waved away the apology and opened the album. Her mother stared out at her from the pages, looking young and happy in most of them. She looked friendly and outgoing. Amy turned to Maryanne, remembering the way she’d spoken about their mother at the bowling alley.
“Tell me about her,” Amy said, pointing to the woman in the pictures.
Maryanne sighed. “She...loves her life. Every time I was around her, she’d tell me about the things she was doing and the exciting people she’d met. And she was very extroverted, always the life of every party.”
Amy waited a moment, but Maryanne seemed reluctant to go on. “But...” she prompted, knowing that would be the next word out of Maryanne’s mouth.
“But she didn’t really want children, and I always felt like more of a hindrance than an actual part of her life. She didn’t have the time or patience to care about anyone but herself, and she was flighty. Here one day, off on her newest adventure the next without a word of warning. We lost touch when I grew old enough to resent it and stopped pushing us to have a relationship.”
Amy took in all this information, staring at the photos in front of her. Their mother hadn’t wanted a child, hadn’t been prepared for a child, and Maryanne suffered because of it. Amy felt a twinge of fear run through her. Was she going to be like her mother in that way?
Maryanne turned the page and pointed out an older woman, explaining that it was their grandmother. Amy could hardly listen.
After a few more minutes, Amy left her sister’s house, thanking her for the information, but insisting she needed to go. Maryanne gave Amy a concerned look. “I’m sorry if I’ve said anything that upset you. I really would like us to have a relationship, Amy.”
Amy hugged Maryanne and assured her that they would stay in contact, and then she hopped into her rental car and drove toward the hotel. Once she was parked in the lot, however, she didn’t make a move to leave the vehicle.
The truth about her biological mother worried Amy more than she liked to admit, and she couldn’t seem to get it out of her head. All her fears about her ability to be a good parent while still living her life and traveling shot to the surface. Would she end up having the same kind of relationship with her son or daughter as Maryanne experienced?
Maybe it wasn’t worth the risk. Maybe setting up an adoption with a good family before the baby was even born would be the best thing for everyone involved.
Jack would be devastated, she knew. He would never forgive her for ruining his chance to have the dream family he’d always wanted. But, Amy reminded herself, that dream was unrealistic anyway. It didn’t include her job taking her out of the country or him being away on the rodeo circuit for months at a time. What he had was a vague wish that couldn’t possibly match up with the reality of their lives.
Perhaps it was better to hurt him with the truth now.
Amy shook her head in exasperation. She didn’t know what to do and it frustrated her to no end. Before she’d come back to Spring Valley, life was simple. Even if she didn’t know where she was going to be in two weeks, she didn’t worry about it. Now she was panicking over events that wouldn’t occur for eight months or more.
Amy sighed and finally climbed out of the car, walking mechanically toward the hotel elevators.
When she arrived back at their room, Ma looked uncharacteristically nervous. “How did it go?” she asked, almost timidly.
Amy shook her head, unable to explain.
Ma said nothing, just walked toward her adopted daughter and pulled her into a tight hug. Amy hugged her back, all her panic and worries crashing on her like waves at the beach, one right after the other. In a whisper, she said, “Thank you, Ma. For giving me a home and a family.”
Ma hugged her with all her might.
* * *
JACK WAITED IMPATIENTLY with his phone to his ear, wanting so badly to hear Amy’s voice on the other end. After the day he’d had with Sam, he needed a bit of a pick-me-up, and this phone call was sure to be that if it went the way he expected.
“Jack,” she said, her voice almost a sigh.
“Hey Ames,” he answered, feeling suddenly relaxed, at ease. He loved the sound of her voice.
“How’s Wyoming?” she asked.
“It’s great,” he told her, trying to put enthusiasm into his voice.
He had already decided not to tell her about Sam’s difficult personality. It was something he would no doubt get used to after a couple weeks, and she was already worried enough without his adding more to the pile. His job at the moment was all about easing her doubts, not adding to them.
And he was bursting with news on that front. “Amy, I found us a house,” he blurted out, excited to share the news.
“A house?” she said, sounding unsure.
He’d known she would react like that—after all, they’d never talked about a house before. He launched into an explanation. “Well, a neighborhood, really,” he said. “I don’t have the money right now, but once the ranch sells and I make a couple big purses we’ll have enough for a down payment. We’ll need to rent until then.”
He waited for a reaction, but there was only silence from the other end of the line, so he continued, “It’s in the suburbs of Cheyenne, near to Sam’s ranch. The whole area is filled with three-bedroom tract homes, just the thing we’ll need for a family.”
He smiled to himself, sure he’d just eliminated so many of their problems. With a home all their own, Amy and the baby would be settled and comfortable while he was on the circuit, and he’d have a place to come back to. They could start living the life they needed to live.
Amy finally spoke, her voice hesitant. “I thought you wanted to save the ranch and put all your money toward the rodeo school,” she said.
Jack grimaced. “I hate giving up the ranch, but it’s the only way I can get enough money together for the baby.”
He could tell she was dwelling on the loss of the rodeo school, and it was starting to dampen his spirits. He wanted her to be excited about all this.
“How about you come out here with me after Brock and Cassie’s wedding? You can look at the houses firsthand, and if the ranch gets an offer by then, maybe we’ll be able to make one of our own,” he told her.
“I’m going to Thailand after the wedding. My flight’s a couple days later. I won’t have time to go to Wyoming,” Amy told him.
Jack knitted his brows. “Is your ticket nonrefundable? If you call the airline and tell them you’re pregnant, maybe they’ll waive the cancelation fees.”
“No, I have trip cancelation insurance. I wasn’t planning on canceling it.”
“You weren’t?” Jack asked, genuinely surprised. “But you’re pregnant. Don’t you need to stay home and go to doctor’s appointments, relax, that sort of thing? Aren’t you worried about going to Thailand and catching some kind of bug that might affect the baby?”
Jack was incredulous. It was as if Amy didn’t understand that everything had changed.
“So I’m supposed to turn my entire life upside down because I miraculously got pregnant a couple weeks ago?” she asked, sounding angry.
Jack wished they were having this conversation in person instead of over the phone. He would be able to explain it so much better in person. “Well...yeah,” he said as calmly as he could. “This is our family, Ames.” He willed her to understand how important this was.
“I need to go pack for my flight” was all she said in response.
Before he could say anything else, she was gone. He briefly considered calling her back. But what would he say? It was best to let her calm down and see reason, and when he was back in Spring Valley the day after tomorrow, they could talk about it again. She’d have a clearer head by then.
* * *
AMY STARED AT the phone, shaking her head. How could Jack sacrifice so much, his ranch and home and dreams, for a tiny little baby who wasn’t even born yet?
Was she the one who was being ridiculous in this situation?
It bothered her to think that might be true. Her conversation with Jack seemed to be one more example that she was too much like her biological mother.
But maybe she could fake it. Go to Wyoming and live in a nice house in the suburbs. Do all the mom things. And maybe someday she’d find a way to be happy living that life.
Really, what were her alternatives?
After sitting and thinking for a long time, Amy opened up her laptop and looked up her airline ticket to Thailand. After only a last brief hesitation, she moved her cursor over the words “Change/Cancel Reservation” and clicked.