“A classic case, my doctor said, that’s what he said I was. I stayed around my mother. My father was stern and distant, prone to violence. I spent all my time making female decisions. Doesn’t that sound about right? They put me to work in the family business. A dead end. I couldn’t be competitive with other males. Walking down the street I would imagine myself with breasts and hips, that I had a vagina, trying to confront it directly, telling my head to leave me alone, telling it to let me live. The more I fought it the worse it got. I started hearing whispers, from within and from without. Something had to be done. I couldn’t go on. I had to be that which I was really to be. If I wasn’t the one, I had to be the other. If all women were destructive, then why not take it up with guys? Become a screaming limp-wristed nelly queen. Certainly no more wife and Brentwood Country Club, house, furniture, and car. So I did. Quit. Walked out. Broke loose. Started the new life. Total disappointment! That wasn’t me at all. Just another country club scene again but flopped over. The same games but in reverse. Even my doctor didn’t know what to say. So on my own I started dropping those little psychic A-bombs in me, phoosss! Reprogramming the program. Fantastic! I remember it so clearly! The first time I dropped, just phoosss! You know. All the pain I thought was going to kill me, the revelations of self that would destroy me, were revealed as just my pain, pain from the inside, not the outside, that if I just rode with it I would live, nothing more than that pain was going to happen! I mean, I learned! Just accept your thoughts. Don’t direct them. Don’t take them into anything that is painful, don’t take them into anything that is not. Your mind can take care of itself. It’s a fantastic machine, and already knows everything it needs to know if you just let it alone. I mean that was beyond belief. I’d always been so damn busy worrying about what I should do, and the whole thing was just revelation, gospel, instant church. I must of dropped eight or nine times with nothing but good experiences, nothing in my head scaring me. So good-bye to Hollywood. That was the end of those scenes. I moved back over here. Got this job. Started building back up. Up from my instincts. Following the true me talking to myself. What you do is listen to yourself. You listen to yourself and get it surrounded with logic and take it out in the world. BAM! It gets blown to hell! Another lesson learned! Another defense changed! What’s that change? Nothing! Nothing at all! You just take it from there. You’re still you. I’m still me. I just charge right out into things now and see what happens. And that’s me. I’m back. I’ve planted myself. When I was little I used to plant a garden. I loved to watch it grow. Now I’ve planted myself. It’s tremendous. Like the other day I was talking with this woman who works with me and realized I was using the same kind of trip on her that I used to use to come on to guys with! Isn’t that fantastic! I couldn’t believe it!”