“Mickey, he’s so funny, he thinks he’s so hot! He comes over in the afternoon and sets there pulling at himself saying, Doesn’t that excite you, it excites the hell out of me, I know it excites you. I’ll say, God, Mickey, don’t be so crude! He thinks he’s got so much going for him! He says women are simply mad about his body, they crave it all the time. I say, Hell, Mickey, that’s no big deal, women crave lots of guys’ bodies, sex isn’t abnormal, you know, everybody does it. He’s got a white Cadillac. When he first got it he took me outside to look at it. Look at this, baby, he says, I bought it just for us. Look at the size of that backseat. Righteous, huh? Sure, Mickey, I say, you and some other chick get in back there and I’ll drive you guys around. But, damn, he is good, you know. He’s rough. And I like it. I like a guy who just grabs you and takes over. But then I want someone who’s nice, too. I guess I want it all. I’ve got this other guy who’s nuts about me, but he’s all moony about it, his brain is just mush. He’s something else. He wants me to come live with him. I think about it. ’Cause Mickey really isn’t that hot. All the girls that’re crazy about him are fat. Real fat. He doesn’t pick any foxes. So, of course they’re nuts about no place to live. I know I can’t stay there ’cause it’s her town, right, so I drive along the coast and end up here in the same fix, no job, no place to live, knowing no one, and even less money. Me and my dog slept in the van for a month, scuffling around, trying to get up enough money for a place to rent. Then I met Ted here and started working steady. Man, you don’t know how to relate to chicks, you know, you’ve been out of circulation so long you don’t know what to say to them. So I start going out and it starts coming back. And then about six months later, man, I’m doing good, got a hot new lady, a place, a few bucks in my pocket, things are looking up and bang, there’s a knock on my door! Out of the blue! It’s her! She wants to come back. Well, I don’t know, I’m not missing her so much, you know, I’m not so sure I want her back, but I let her in. She gets knocked up right away. We get married and now we’ve got a little son. It’s weird, but it seems like when you want them they don’t want anything to do with you, they only want you when you don’t want them. And another thing I’ve noticed, if you really want to score just slip a wedding band on. You wouldn’t believe the number of times I’ve been propositioned since we’ve gotten married. It never happened before. Right here at work, man, in this garage. Women are doing that to me all the time now.”
“We were together three and a half years. I kept asking her to marry me. She said, No, ask me some time when you’re serious! What the hell, I was serious! Then one day for no reason she decides she wants to live alone Why? I ask her. It feels too close, she says. She thinks about me too much, she says, it takes too much of her time. What the hell, you know! Women are weird, they don’t know what the fuck they want. It wasn’t another guy, she said. I thought it was. So, anyway, I drove her down to Long Beach, her family and friends are there. So there I am in a strange town, eighty bucks in my pocket, no job, him. He can only have a girl once, he says. Once he’s had her, it’s all over, she doesn’t turn him on. A new chick a night, he says. He’s funny, all right. He’s fun to kid around with.”