By Count E
Translated by Mel “etvolare” Lee
West of Heaven’s Temple, star, and pillars far, do rest stone stairs that moss curtain guards.
Ascend transcendent peaks of vast sky reach, to overlook humanity and setting sun be seen.
Flute of pine and chime of stone rise in myriad song, dappled sun rays paint the skies in five directions ’round.
To seek the verdant mountain, no road is to be found, only trills of bird, serenity, and babbling brooks resound.
“Escorting Refiner Zhang Back to Mount Emei” by Sikong Shu, poet of the Tang dynasty. A depiction of the fairy peaks of Mount Emei, transcendentally exquisite and ideal for contemplating body and mind.
Mount Emei. A mystical retreat where eminent monks and virtuous sages choose to seclude themselves. Here, they withdraw from the clutter of society and wholly dedicate their energies to refining themselves. Local flora and fauna also benefit from the inherent spiritual energy of the surroundings, awakening intellect and gaining awareness. Thus initiated on the path of enlightenment, many journey on to become immortals through the metamorphosis of cultivation.
It is said that a wild fox, hailing from the mountain’s second peak, opened its eyes to good and evil after a fortuitous meal of a wandering monk’s alms. This marked the starting point of its own trek to immortality, where modest achievements after five hundred years allowed for human form. His surname was Hu—in accordance with fox customs, as that was how the character for fox sounded—and he gave himself the name of Wude. Changming rounded out his courtesy name, and thus some called him Longcrow.
Born with jet-black fur, Wude was a bona fide black fox. Prior to his mental awakening, his favorite hobby was to visit farmhouses and steal chickens under the cover of night. Although he later grasped the error of his ways, the habit proved difficult to quit. Every time a fasting period concluded, he would procure two chickens from a random village or town, and sacrifice them upon the altar of his body.
Chickens were widely regarded as possessing the Five Virtues—civility, martial prowess, courage, benevolence, and trustworthiness—and also went by the moniker of “Commandant Longcrow.” Hence, Wude elected to pay homage to the virtuous fowl by naming himself wŭ for the number five, and dé for virtue.
When Wude first attempted human form, he dared only reveal the fruits of his accomplishments to a creek next to his home. First it was a fox head and a human body, then a human body with foxy paws or furry legs. When he finally managed four complete limbs and clear human features, his pesky tail insisted on coming out to play.
He tried the transformation art again and again, but the results were never wholly satisfying. Coming up empty-handed after repeated brainstorming for possible solutions, he manifested a black hat and robes in defeat. Tucking his tail inside the outfit, he set off in search of guidance.
Five miles away by a thousand-year-old pine tree, there lived a green snake with an eight-hundred-year history on the path of cultivation. His name was Cangyuan and he bore an exceedingly gentle soul. He often extended advice and pointers to Wude. Being a self-made cultivator, the fox had no formal master to call his own. Therefore, the frequent exchanges gave rise to a deep friendship.
A palm-sized hollow amid the pine tree’s roots presented an unassuming front to the typical eye. It seemed far too small to be good for anything, but cultivators like Wude and Cangyuan needed only to shrink themselves for entry. This was where the green snake called home.
Still far off in the distance, Wude glimpsed a man waiting in front of the hollow. The fox made haste and offered a cupped-fist bow in approach.
“Brother Cangyuan, what brings you out here?”
The gentleman in green robes smiled. “I happened to cast lots today and divined that you, my sage younger brother, would find some initial success on your path. Seeing that you would soon pay a visit to my humble abode, I wished to wait in welcome.” He looked Wude over and continued with praise, “Your human form is of striking appearance and uncommon bearing—a sign that your cultivation runs deep. My greatest felicitations.”
However, Wude hung his head and turned around, allowing the bushy tail to peek out for a cheerful shake at his friend.
“My face and limbs may be complete, but this final detail lingers stubbornly no matter what I do. I’m sure Brother Cangyuan knows just as well as I that it’s one thing for foxes to flick our tails around when playing inside the mountains, but to do so in the world outside would scare the wits out of others.”
Flabbergasted, words escaped Cangyuan for a long moment. The incongruous sight of a wagging fox tail extending from a human figure prompted him to yank out a few hairs. It’s real!
Wude yelped in pain and whipped around, eyes wide. “B-brother Cangyuan, what was that for?”
“Don’t be alarmed! Your foolish older brother was just a bit astonished. Judging from your appearance, it seems that you have yet to pass your heavenly tribulation?”
Complete bafflement blossomed on Wude’s face. He was a minor spirit who’d only begun his journey after a chance encounter. Gaps in knowledge were a common occurrence for him, and it seemed another loomed over the horizon.
“All things in life have their destinies laid out accordingly.” Cangyuan pulled his friend over to a seat on bluestone rock. “Those meant to be beasts on land are beasts on land. Those meant to fly as birds will fly as birds. Even humans can only be humans for the entirety of their lives. Cultivation allows us to break free from this cycle and defy heaven’s will.
“Thus, it goes without saying that some suffering is necessary. The hardships of cultivation are a given, but we must also weather the jealousies of the heavens themselves. All of us must endure heavenly tribulations before our cultivation can advance to the next level. Though we emulate humans in taking their form, even they must brave a tribulation to seek immortality.”
“Then, my tail can be concealed only after persisting through my tribulation?” Melancholy colored Wude’s expression.
“Precisely.”
“What is a tribulation and how do I weather it?”
“In my humble opinion, seeing as your path and mine are essentially the same, it will be a trial of thunder.”
“Thunder?” Wude’s mouth twisted. “Do you mean thunder and lightning from the skies?”
“Indeed, forty-nine bolts, to be exact. Each and every one of them is to land directly on your body.”
Chills swept Wude’s body and the icy grasp of fear closed around his heart. Color drained from his face to filter out through the bristling hairs of his tail.
“Even one or two ordinary bolts require sequestering in a cave for safety. Forty-nine bolts will cook me like grilled meat! Please hurry and impart the method to survive them, Brother Cangyuan. Surely you know of one. My endless gratitude will be yours.”
“When undergoing a heavenly tribulation, one must fortify their internal energy and use whatever arts at their disposal, be it transformation or manipulation of the elements.” Cangyuan lowered his head, brows furrowed in thought. “Recovery takes place automatically upon successfully passing the trial. Though the tribulations are harrowing, they are immensely rewarding for our cultivation. However, given the humble level of your cultivation, it would be a tall order to endure all forty-nine bolts by yourself. When I underwent my first tribulation, a senior advised that I combine my efforts with a peer and arrange ourselves in a formation for joint defense. Do you have a companion of your species, sage brother? Perhaps the dual cultivation method of the Taoist school will prove useful.”
Cangyuan’s suggestion shifted Wude’s worry to joy. One of his best friends was a white fox who went by the name of Yuzhu and lived on the main peak of Mount Emei. Her cultivation ran four hundred years long and she was a perfect candidate. As it happens, this method was typically a precursor to marriage, as participants often became lifelong lovers.
Wude requested that Cangyuan divine when the heavenly tribulation would arrive. After learning that it would take place five days from now, the black fox took his leave and set off in search of Yuzhu.
The white fox lived only a day’s travel away, a short trip in ordinary times. However, anxiety gnawed at Wude and worries assailed his mind. He deployed an earthbending art to flash through the distance and arrived in the next instant. He was greeted by a mountain cave beside a turquoise pond, fed by a lively creek—Yuzhu’s residence. Fragrant grass waving in a lush field set the scene for tranquil serenity. This was truly an optimal place for cultivation. Sweet warmth prickled at Wude’s heart upon his arrival.
There were only a dozen years of difference between his cultivation tenure and Yuzhu’s. They’d trained and played together when they were still foxes. In fact, they were childhood sweethearts, and even now employed intimate terms of address for each other. Yuzhu had achieved human form faster than him, but her ears and tail still plagued her. This would be a wonderful solution for her as well. Not only would he resolve his worries about the impending tribulation, but he’d be able to spend time with the object of his affection.
Ah, good things really do come in pairs!
As the abacus of Wude’s thoughts clattered madly away, a figure rose from the turquoise waters. Raven-black hair, flawless skin, clear eyes, red lips. The stunning view revealed itself to be a woman who could launch a thousand ships. But upon closer look, two furry ears upon her head clued him in to the fact that this was Yuzhu.
Wude’s heart pounded fiercely as he bade her hello. An ivory-white robe manifested around Yuzhu with a turn of the body, and upon reaching shore, she materialized a stone table and a set of chairs.
“My tribulation is to arrive in five days.” After an exchange of greetings, Wude cut straight to the point. “Will little sister Yuzhu render aid and take me as your cultivation partner, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health? Your older brother will gladly dash his brains out on the ground in reciprocation.”
However, the lady’s slender brows knitted together and she hesitated. “Please don’t fault me, brother, I know the might of the heavenly tribulation as well. My powers are weak and wouldn’t amount to much if I helped, not to mention…”
Wude urgently pressed her to continue, nerves twanging loudly in response to the note of rejection in her voice.
Yuzhu blushed and mumbled, “… not to mention, I already have a dual cultivation partner. How can I bear to leave him behind and sail off into the sunset with my good brother?”
The tender question crashed into Wude like a bolt of lightning, as if his tribulation had arrived before schedule. Ears ringing and head spinning, he squeezed out a smile that proved uglier than tears.
“It’s been but thirty years since we last saw each other. How could little sister seek out someone else as soon as you emerged from seclusion?”
“Brother, you too know that it’s been thirty years.” Yuzhu smiled despite the tone of censure from Wude. “Humans have a saying that the river flows thirty years to the east, and thirty years to the west. Through the ups and downs of life, the only constant is change. The times now are hardly the times then.
“My powers are weak and I too need to undergo my trial. Preparations had to be made. Jiulang has progressed far on his path and is true to me. I couldn’t help but answer in kind. If I devote myself to good deeds in the future, then I might be so blessed as to reach immortality at the same time as him.” The lady turned to the mouth of the cave. “Jiulang, do hurry out and greet Brother Wude!”
A fat civet came waddling out of the cave by the lakeshore, bearing round eyes that were a perfect parallel to a stomach as wide as a beer jug. Russet fur ran along his body and ended in a long, thick tail ringed with nine circles of white fur. His face split into a wide grin as soon as he glimpsed Wude. By the time he stopped in front of the fox, he’d transformed into a stocky, ruddy-faced man with a mouth full of gleaming teeth.
The civet greeted Wude enthusiastically, and casually imparted over the course of a few pleasantries that he possessed seven hundred years of cultivation. Since he and Yuzhu had joined hands as cultivation partners, they would weather their heavenly tribulation together and set up their formation in a few days’ time.
Glum ruefulness flooded Wude’s heart to see the loving couple dote on each other in front of him. Unable to bear another word of their sweet nothings and at a complete loss for what to do, he quickly took his leave.
He couldn’t be bothered with the earthbending art on his way back and struck out on foot, slowly trudging his way home. Here he was, all by his lonesome while his childhood sweetheart had already found someone with whom to spend the rest of her days. These years of cultivation had been long and marked with difficulty, and it appeared that they would grow lonelier still.
Bereft of a master, he’d wandered lost on many twists and turns, and fallen flat on his face more than once. When he’d finally attained some small accomplishments, looming danger prevented him from grasping it in hand. If he didn’t successfully weather the tribulation, he’d suffer becoming a mere wild fox again at best, or be dusted to nothing but ashes at worst.
A passing creek reflected the delicately sculpted features of a cultured gentleman. But Yuzhu would rather lower herself to be with a fat civet! She thought nothing of their years together and their shared memories. Ah, the world truly abounded with the cold-hearted!
Wude sank further into melancholy the more he considered things. But, as anxious as he was about the upcoming trial, there was nothing to be done about it. The best course of action was to pay another visit to Cangyuan and see what steps there were to be taken. However, someone called out to him before he’d taken a few more steps.
Wude turned back to see Jiulang hailing him, transforming back into animal form as he ran. Wude remained where he was, giving the civet time to wipe at his sweaty forehead when he caught up.
“Please stay your steps, Brother Wude, this humble one has a few things to say. Yuzhu and I were inadequate hosts earlier, please find it in your heart to forgive us.”
Still floundering in a vat of jealousy, Wude refrained from responding with anything other than a few grunts. The civet grinned broadly, reaching up to scratch his now-furry head with a claw, and swept clean a nearby rock with his tail. He invited the fox to take a seat before plopping down himself.
“Ah, this hits the spot,” sighed the civet. “I never got why we had to take human form, anyway. If you ask me, even the heavens are boring. Damn, I’d take having a good time in the mountains over this shit any day!”
Displeasure set in at hearing the civet’s coarse speech. “Since that is the case, why dual cultivate with little sister Yuzhu?”
Jiulang chuckled bashfully. “Since Yuzhu wants to be an immortal, of course I must stick with her.” The irreverent civet turned serious again. “Brother Wude, I forgot to mention just now that I have an idea when it comes to the tribulation.”
Wude’s eyes lit up, but skepticism still swirled in his heart.
“The thunder tribulation is under the jurisdiction of the God of Thunder. He carries out his duties with the appropriate instruments whenever the hour for tribulation is nigh. What worries are there for a difficult trial, if Brother Wude sends up an official petition for leniency and presents some proper offerings?”
“Could I ask for an exemption instead?”
“You cannot.”
“Then, a delay of the trial?”
“Not even a minute will be granted.”
“Then, fewer bolts?”
“Not even one.”
“Then, what’s the point of petitioning the gods?” Wude deflated.
“Brother Wude is truly such an honest character.” The civet beamed. “Just think about it: casting thunderbolts around is just an assigned duty. There’s always room to maneuver when it comes to duties. No one would be able to withstand thunderbolts in quick succession, but what if the bolts were spaced out? What if some breathing space was granted? What a thought, a most interesting line of thought!”
Comprehension struck Wude. “Who should the petition be addressed to?”
“Addressing it to the ‘Assorted Deities Under the Banner of the Venerated Celestial Who Disseminates the Sound of Thunder of the Primordials in the Nine Heavens’ will suffice.”
The civet’s recommendation greatly lifted Wude’s spirits. He bowed again and again with cupped fists, babbled a litany of gratitude and compliments, and only then reluctantly took his leave.
Making haste back to his residence, he carefully set brush to paper and sought prime specimens for the Three Sacrifices of chicken, fish, and pig. Setting up a table with fine incense and his offerings, Wude waited for an auspicious hour before bowing, kneeling on the ground and pressing his forehead down in a reverent kowtow.
The round of preparations extended deep into the night before he wrapped up. Having finally managed his Great Matter, the realization that he should update his reptilian friend didn’t strike until he was ready for bed. Fatigue encroaching on his mind, sleep overtook him after he mentally inscribed a visit to his friend on the morrow.
The jade hare of the moon rests in the west,
while from the east rises the golden bird of the sun.
A most pleasant night of sleep refreshed Wude with high spirits. In fine fettle, he attired himself as a scholar and set out for Cangyuan’s residence. He would first make a detailed recounting of everything that had happened yesterday, then seek out further guidance from his sagacious friend.
Free from worries, he was in a mood to stop and smell the roses on his morning stroll. But halfway up a hill, he rounded the bend and saw thunderclouds swiftly gathering at the foot of the hill ahead. He could almost taste the lightning snaking through the heavy clouds. Elsewhere reigned the burgeoning azure of early morning and a clear firmament, which only served to highlight the eeriness of that one patch of sky.
Shock gripped Wude’s heart as he recalled all that Cangyuan had told him. Are there other fellow Taoists undergoing their heavenly tribulation today? Why don’t I go down and take a look?
Making haste to the foot of the hill, he noted with a dry mouth that the thunderclouds were indeed more ominous here. They cast a large patch of shade on the sparse forest, draping the area in a sinister darkness. Wude didn’t dare draw nearer, instead locating a hiding place fifteen meters out, behind some boulders.
He poked his head out, only to be startled by rolling thunder and crackling lightning that crept down like a silver snake to smite a pine tree. Weak at the knees from the rumbling roars, he tumbled into a seated position and clutched his head. Deafening pops and bangs frightened him so thoroughly that his tail refused to be concealed. It swept back and forth on the ground, as if to sweep away his nerves.
The area brightened after a few more claps of thunder. Wude reluctantly cracked open his eyes to see thunderclouds dissipate from the sky. All was as it’d been before, apart from the poor pine tree, still billowing black smoke with a heavily charred scent.
Was it a tree spirit who’d undergone its tribulation? While Wude’s thoughts ran wild with speculation, the last thundercloud unraveled and sent a shadowy figure to the ground. The fox’s eyes sharpened to see a strange vision—a monster more than six meters in height, sporting horns on top of a pig’s face. The fleshy wings sprouting from its back were a good three meters long, while a tunic of deep burgundy covered the rest of its body, save for a leopard’s tail. Rounded out by gold claws, the monster was both savagely peculiar and extremely awe-inspiring. Heart leaping into his throat, Wude cautiously wondered if this monster was the God of Thunder. He watched breathlessly as the creature fetched a blackened corpse from the pine tree—a macaque. Lost in thought while peeping, he failed to notice that the creature had sensed the additional pair of eyes. Enormous eyes swept his way, locking onto Wude with a piercing gaze.
Frightened out of his wits, the fox took off in the opposite direction. However, a string of fireballs came soaring from behind him—bolts of lightning in clear skies! They blasted the boulders to smithereens and sent rock chips flying everywhere. Wude hadn’t even taken three steps before a sudden pain from his behind signaled that he’d been picked up and was now hanging by his tail.
A savage face with sharp knives for teeth set in a bloody, yawning maw boomed in Wude’s face. “Whence does this little monster hail, skulking and creeping about like this?”
Two brisk shakes by the tail shook Wude right back into his animal form.
“And I wondered who would be so bold as to spy on the thunder god!” Peculiar cackling rang in the air. “It’s a little fox! You don’t look too big, but you’ll serve as this seat’s appetizer!”
Wude twisted and struggled at this, shrieking for his life. “Mercy, Grandpa Thunder God! Oh mercy! This lowly one was just passing by, and never dreamed of giving offense to such a great venerated one!”
The thunder god licked his wide chops with a long tongue measuring one-third of a meter. He leered. “I don’t care if you were passing by or not. Anyone who offends this seat shall suffer the consequences!”
“Grandpa Thunder God, will my offerings yesterday possibly make amends for my offenses today? Please grant this lowly one a reprieve!”
That entreaty proved useful. One smack of the lips, and the thunder god discarded the fox, sizing up the small animal in a jumble at his feet. Wude scrambled back up, eyes wide from shock and still badly shaken.
“You’re an interesting one, fox. When did you worship me yesterday? Why do I bear no recollection of this?”
Wude crouched low to the ground on all fours, prostrating himself with abject humility. “If Grandpa Thunder God will permit a report, this lowly one burned a petition last night to the Venerated Celestial, offering the Three Sacrifices in a plea for leniency in my upcoming thunder tribulation. Did Grandpa Thunder God not receive my offerings?”
“There are many thunder gods in heaven,” harrumphed the thunder god. “Your sacrifices did not make their way to me. But count your lucky stars today, for this seat happens to hold jurisdiction over this mountain’s thunder and lightning. Serve me well, and I might consider letting you off the hook.”
Delight flooded Wude’s heart, and he almost ground his pointy mouth into the dirt in thanks. “Thank you for your mercy, Grandpa Thunder God. This lowly one will carry out your every wish as my most ardent command!”
The thunder god barked in laughter and returned to the pine tree. He turned to Wude after kicking the macaque’s corpse. “My duties for today are complete. Hurry and fetch ale and meat. If they are not tasty, I will fill my stomach with you instead.”
Wude’s eyes flitted to the macaque again and again as he screwed up the courage to ask, “Is the one who lies at your glorious divine feet one who just attempted their heavenly tribulation?”
“A mere monkey spirit. It’s a pity he was unsuccessful. This will be your end too, little fox, if you fail to be a good host.”
Repeatedly stammering, “Not at all, this lowly one wouldn’t dare,” Wude took his leave and sprinted to town. Bereft of alternatives, he transformed some leaves into silver bits, and used them to purchase a bundle of roast chicken and strong spirits. Concealing himself with an invisibility technique, he made quick time back to the side of a thunder god completely out of patience.
The divine one cursed and complained as he feasted on the offerings. Wude didn’t dare breathe a peep and danced careful attention off on the side. Mouth watering profusely at the smell of roast chicken, the fox mutely looked on while the thunder god dug into the repast. Hard swallows of saliva would have to do for Wude, the agony of which could not be described in words.
Upon washing down the final bite with a swig of liquor, the thunder god deigned to ask, “Little fox, when is your thunder tribulation?”
“O mighty one, my tribulation is in four days.”
Licking each of his golden claws clean, a thoughtful expression crossed the thunder god’s face. “In that case, I will dally a few more days in Mount Emei, as opposed to hurrying back. What say you, little fox?”
How would Wude ever dare say no? A fawning smile creased his lips, and he expressed such delight that one would think he’d found a statuette made of pure gold.
Thus began Wude’s days of servitude, so preoccupied with showing off the sights that he didn’t even have time to return home. Over the next three days, the thunder god and the fox idled all around the mountain. They refrained from visiting heavily populated areas, instead preferring copses where fowl nested and land animals trod.
To see was to desire, and the thunder god’s desire was Wude’s directive. The thunder god bore a craving for mountain goat when he sighted gray wolves, and hungered for geese when he glimpsed sparrows. Ever since that first meal of roast chicken and liquor, the god demanded chicken at every meal.
Mouthwatering fragrances assaulted the fox’s nose every time, but not even a bone was ever awarded to Wude. He grew used to the constant complaints of his stomach—his only companion apart from rushing to and fro as a divine errand boy. He busied himself with either exquisite preparations of mountain game or transmuting more silver to purchase alcohol and meat from town.
One day, the thunder god strolled to where dots of fuzzy white marked a green expanse. Looking down at the bunnies racing and frolicking in the grass, he licked his wide mouth and turned to Wude.
“Little fox, do you know what the tastiest part of a rabbit is?”
Wude looked down and answered respectfully, “Please enlighten this humble one.”
“You are a fox, yet you claim ignorance?”
“This lowly one has always just haphazardly eaten my fill and never paid attention.”
“The tastiest part is the ear. Skinned, steamed, sauced, and served with a cup of good wine.”
Almost drooling, Wude bobbed his head rapidly in agreement. The thunder god beamed and pointed at the wild rabbits. “Go nab those little rascals, this seat hasn’t had rabbit ears in such a long time…”
That day, Wude cleaned out the rabbits in this part of the woods. Finally slaking the divine one’s hunger, the fox traveled to town to “purchase” more chickens and alcohol. But when presented to the thunder god, the jugs of ale sailed far, far away with a mighty throw.
“After drinking and partaking of rabbit ears this afternoon, how will the same suffice for dinner? Doesn’t Mount Emei produce good tea? Go fetch some, on the double!”
Though Wude scraped and bowed his apologies, flames of fury roared to life in his heart. If there were any backbone to be found in him, he would’ve smacked his bundle of trash onto the big head in front of him. However, he instinctively hunched back down when he thought of the blackened macaque corpse and meekly went off in search of tea.
While Wude scurried around Mount Emei as a personal servant, someone on the other side of the mountain fretfully searched all over for him.
After imparting a sound plan to survive the thunder tribulation, Cangyuan saw neither hide nor tail of his friend again. At first, the green snake surmised that Wude had gone off to arrange a formation with the white fox. Worry crept in when three days passed without a word, and he paid a visit to Wude’s abode.
A deserted residence greeted him; it looked like it’d lain empty for several days. Thoroughly beset by anxiety, Cangyuan asked around and obtained the white fox’s address. He found Yuzhu on the banks of a lake, but the one by her side was a rotund civet rather than Wude. Mouth agape with surprise, the snake asked the merry couple if they’d seen his friend. When Jiulang conveyed everything that had taken place, Cangyuan’s eyelid twitched forebodingly.
It was one thing if Wude managed to successfully bribe the God of Thunder, but what if some other manner of mischievous spirit took advantage of the fox in need? What if they swindled the trusting fox out of house and home, or worse?
The more Cangyuan’s thoughts traveled down this path, the more his heart raced with concern. Recruiting a fellow Taoist in his search—a black bear named Yueya with eight hundred years of cultivation—the two looked all over the mountain for the next few hours, leaving no stone unturned.
Splitting up to cover more ground, the two finally found a black fox fishing in a creek on the main mountain peak. Cangyuan quickly performed a hand seal to send a verbal message through the air to Jiulang, while he approached calling Wude’s name.
The black fox turned around. It was none other than his erstwhile missing friend.
Irritation supplanting his disquiet, Cangyuan adopted the tone of an older brother and launched into a lecture. “You’ve sent me on quite a wild goose chase, my good brother! Your tribulation is set for tomorrow, yet you’re of a mind to sit here and fish?”
Two lines of tears streaked down Wude’s black fur. Seeing Cangyuan was to see his savior. He threw down his fishing pole and burst into loud sobs, rather startling the snake.
“I followed Jiulang’s instructions and sent up a petition and offerings to the heavens, praying that the God of Thunder would show me mercy. However, I was caught in the act of witnessing the god smiting a monkey spirit, and taken as a pageboy. I’ve been waiting hand and foot on Grandpa Thunder God these days, plying him with boundless food and drink.
“I catch rabbits if he wants their ears, I dig into bird nests if he wants wings. He said this morning that he has yet to taste the fresh fish of the mountains, so I set up a fishing spot here. Ai, not a single grain of rice has passed my lips for three days. It’d be one thing if I were fasting for cultivation, but I have to suffer the agony of watching him munch on roast chicken every day!”
Cangyuan’s brows were tightly drawn together. “The God of Thunder is a righteous and proper god. How can he be such a glutton and a carnivore? Can he be a fake?” Misgivings grew when Wude relayed the ins and outs of their meeting. “This is highly suspicious indeed. Please lead the way, sage brother. Allow me to pry into the matter and ascertain the truth within.”
Wude nodded rapidly. Cangyuan called upon his arts to fetch a few fish out of the water, so that his friend could adequately fulfill his duties. He then concealed himself and followed Wude to where the thunder god awaited.
The vaunted deity was still waiting in a copse of trees when Wude returned with the fresh fish. Not daring to draw too near, Cangyuan stopped roughly ten meters away and watched his friend skin and debone the fish.
When Wude picked up some kindling to light a fire, the thunder god solved that problem with a snap of the fingers. A dry branch now burning away merrily, Wude set up the fish over the flames and bustled off to warm some ale.
The entire sequence of events struck Cangyuan as deeply wrong, and he was about to slip away when he noticed Yueya surreptitiously hiding nearby. The two exchanged a look and retreated into the distance.
After he offered both baked fish and warm ale, Wude took advantage of a lull in his duties to convene with the two in a nearby outcropping of rocks.
“That useless plague lord glutton! He eats more than a pig! His mouth never stops chewing, so why hasn’t he exploded from overfeeding yet?!”
Cangyuan offered a few words of comfort and reason. “The situation doesn’t look right to me, that one shows none of the aura of a righteous and proper god. He’s certainly very suspicious. Do you have any words of wisdom, Yueya?”
“There are many thunder gods in the heavens and they come in all shapes and sizes.” The black bear stroked the white fur of his chest in thought. “However, I have a friend who’s long ascended to immortality. He told me that whenever a thunder god calls upon his powers, he must do so through his treasures. They wield a drum of thunder in their left hand and brandish an awl in their right. Did this being carry those instruments when you first met him, Brother Wude?”
Searching through his memory, Wude shook his head. “He did not. Could they have been put away?”
It was Cangyuan’s turn to shake his head. “The instruments of a proper god are no trifling matter. He wouldn’t be able to call fire like he did just now if they are stowed away.”
“I see.” Wude’s heart clenched. “Then the fish-eater is no thunder god at all!”
“There is an auxiliary branch of thunder gods called thunder ghosts,” Yueya mused. “They number not among immortals and neither are they animal spirits. Though they too can call down thunder and light fires, their powers are humble. They frequently summon thunder and lightning to smite beasts for food, but to do so exhausts their powers. They are like regular spirits for ten days afterward. Wise brother Wude, have you seen him use any powers over the past couple of days?”
Wude shook his head blankly. He’d worked himself to the bone during this period of time, and truly hadn’t witnessed that one display anything out of the ordinary. Fact and observation lining up with each other, the flames of rage in his heart were fanned into a veritable bonfire.
He wanted to explode! All of his toiling and tiptoeing on tenterhooks had been nothing but entertainment to that one! Blood rushing to his head, he was about to charge over and rain down his version of fire and thunder, but the snake quickly restrained him.
“Quell your anger, wise brother Wude! Although that vile spawn can’t summon thunder like the gods, his fire-calling abilities seem perfected. Keep yourself from brash action!”
“It is your tribulation day tomorrow, sage brother. Wouldn’t it be a waste of power if you tangled with that thunder ghost now?”
“So what of my thunder tribulation? I’ve been a plaything for that bastard for so many days! Am I to end up worse than that monkey spirit?”
Yueya stroked his tuft of white fur again. “I’ve also heard from my immortal friend that the thunder gods care deeply for their good reputation. Since this thunder ghost is deceiving and beguiling in their name, his capture is sure to make them happy.”
Cangyuan clapped his hands together. “Yueya speaks truly! If you wish to avenge yourself and survive your tribulation, good brother, capturing this thunder ghost will prove immensely useful!”
The new train of thought slightly derailed Wude from his fury. He shook his black fur and carefully formulated a plan with his two friends.
Night gave way to day in the blink of an eye, and with it came Wude’s day of heavenly tribulation. Early this morning, he sought out an empty clearing to receive his trial by thunder.
“You’re a sharp one, little fox.” The so-called thunder god flashed a grin. “Don’t worry, this seat will not make things difficult for you.”
Beet-faced with “gratitude,” Wude inwardly stewed with anger. He led the thunder ghost to a grassy slope, one encircled by a bevy of mountain peaks and lush forests. The fox picked up various multicolored stones and laid them in a pattern of the eight trigrams. Each trigram consisted of three lines, broken or unbroken, and represented the different forces of nature. Once finished, he took a stand in the center of the pattern where safety can presumably be found. He bowed to the thunder ghost.
“This lowly one’s life is in your mighty hands.”
“Don’t you worry about it,” guffawed the thunder ghost. “Just sit down with peace of mind! When is your tribulation?”
“Isn’t that Grandpa Thunder God’s duty?” Wude smiled. “What are you asking me for?”
The thunder ghost’s expression shifted and he huffed, “I am just testing you. If I undertook my duties on time while you loafed around in ignorance, wouldn’t the lightning bolts smite you to death then?”
Wude couldn’t be bothered with arguing and made his apologies. “When the hour strikes noon.”
At the thunder ghost’s nod, Wude sat down and settled into meditation. Meanwhile, strains of a mountain folk song danced teasingly on the wind. Faint and breezy, the melody slowly grew in volume, accompanied by the enticing waft of rich fragrance.
Nose twitching, glee stole into the thunder ghost’s heart—this was a delicious bouquet of fine wine! He called out for Wude to fetch some for him, but no response was forthcoming to his summons. The sun high overhead indicated that it was near noon. Eyes screwed shut, the black fox seemed insensate to the world. There was nothing for it, the thunder ghost had to seek out the piquant libations himself.
A tall, stocky man heaving two jars of wine on a shoulder pole was found on a mountain path. Sweat poured profusely down his face. He’d temporarily set aside his burdens for a spot of rest against some rocks.
The thunder ghost leapt out in a frightful manner, screeching and caterwauling with claws extended. Seeing a horned monster in a burgundy wrap lunge at him, the man shrieked in horror and fled in abject terror. All thought of his goods having flown out of his mind, the man tripped and scrabbled frantically in the dirt to get away. How he wished he’d been born with another set of legs to run with!
The thunder ghost quickly hugged the two jars to himself, taking in a deep breath of the wine’s sumptuous scent. He brought his spoils back to Wude’s side, ready to drink to his heart’s content. Ripping off the seal and dumping the contents of one jar into his mouth, he quickly chugged half of it in one mouthful. The wine’s finish lingered on a prolonged note; there was no joy greater than this!
Wiping off his mouth, the thunder ghost fished out half a roast chicken from yesterday, tearing at the meat and drinking with gusto. Quaffing both jars in less than ten minutes, a now muddleheaded thunder ghost blinked slowly, fighting off the throes of sleep.
At this time, a head poked out from behind a rock—the strapping wine courier who’d fled earlier. Seeing the thunder ghost stagger around with an unfocused look, he pursed his lips for a whistle.
From a nearby grove of trees slithered a green snake as thick as a human wrist, slowly entangling the thunder ghost’s feet and dragging him to the ground. The deeply meditating Wude suddenly sprang up as well, conjuring a hemp rope out of nowhere and rushing to bind their quarry.
Though the thunder ghost was properly tipsy, such a large disturbance roused him back to some semblance of sobriety. He struggled furiously, spittle flying everywhere as he cursed. “Treacherous and wicked! How dare you attack a divine thunder god! I’ll have your heads for this, I will!”
“If you’re a thunder god, then I’m the Jade Emperor, the highest emperor of all the gods! You’ve deceived me for so long and forced me into thievery so many times. It’s me or you today!” cursed Wude.
In his animal form, Cangyuan hissed with a flickering tongue. “No need for further talk, good brother. Hurry and tie this fellow up.”
Wude firmly yanked the ropes around the thunder ghost’s arms, piling on the insults. “You damned filthy lout, eating me out of hearth and home for four days! All those chickens! I usually only have the luxury of one a month, but you had a veritable feast of them, and not once did you offer me any part!”
Although flailing as wildly as he could, the thunder ghost found he was unable to bring his strength to bear. When Wude tightened his bonds, Cangyuan loosened himself and flashed into human form. The wine courier ran over as well, returning to his black bear form.
“Did you enjoy those two jars?” Cangyuan smiled at their captive. “I added snake venom to the wine. It won’t claim your life, just render you languid and listless. You’ll soon be a puddle of weak lethargy.”
Wude couldn’t help but bring his foot down on the leopard tail flicking about on the grass. “Don’t you know how to summon lightning? Why don’t you call down a few bolts and hammer us to death?”
Pain from his tail being trampled upon drove the inebriated state out of the thunder ghost. His tunic suddenly expanded like a rubber ball and he opened his mouth, breathing a few fireballs right onto Wude and Yueya. When the smoke cleared the air, it left behind patches of burnt fur and bald skin, as both were in their animal forms.
“Beware, the scoundrel can breathe fire! Be careful, wise brother!”
Jumping in surprise, Wude quickly dodged to the side. Yueya, however, grasped the two wine jars and heaved them at the thunder ghost. They smashed to pieces on his forehead in spectacular fashion, and the pain drove his fury to new heights. Though he was tied up, he abruptly sprang up and shot off fireball after fireball.
As bulky as Yueya was, he still hopped and sidestepped adroitly, dodging most of the ones sent his way. Skilled in the arts of coldness and shadow, Cangyuan easily dispelled any fireballs that reached him. Only Wude ended up worse for wear with his lower cultivation. His fluffy tail was singed after a few fireballs struck glancing blows.
The sun continued its climb in the sky, dispassionately overseeing the battle below. Though the thunder ghost couldn’t summon his namesake, its fire arts were never-ending. He suddenly belched out a small stream of flames and burned away the ropes constricting him. Cangyuan had infused them with his powers so they wouldn’t break no matter the amount of force straining them. But they were ordinary material in the end, and thus highly flammable.
“Watch out, the fraudster’s about to break free!” the green snake called out in warning.
The last of the ropes fluttered to the ground as ashes before he finished speaking. Unfurling his fleshy wings, the thunder ghost beat them vigorously, whipping up a forceful gale.
Two more empty wine jars appeared in Yueya’s hands. “The hour has arrived, but the venom still lingers in his body! Now’s our chance!”
Patches of thunderclouds suddenly scudded across the clear blue skies above them. The thunderclouds churned and roiled against one another, completely blotting out the heavens. Lightning occasionally zigzagged through, like silver snakes flicking their tongues.
Wude lifted his head, beset with acute paroxysms of dread. He sprawled boneless on the ground in a shivering heap, like someone had removed all of his muscles and strength. He knew that he should immediately enter a meditative trance and bring all facets of his mind to bear in deep concentration, but he couldn’t move a finger.
Instead, he felt that his soul was about to shatter and scatter to the four winds. This was the aura of a true god. None of the trepidation and alarm he’d felt upon seeing the thunder ghost could compare.
Wude silently bemoaned his dire circumstances. This was his day of reckoning! Great pangs of sorrow rose in his heart, not at all alleviated by the tears staining his black fur.
Cangyuan and Yueya were still contending with the thunder ghost. Even though the cheat didn’t have any great arts of his own, he lacked not for fireballs. An unceasing stream of them proved incredibly vexing. Cangyuan brought all of his strength to the fight to aid his friend, but the results weren’t quite what he desired.
The thunder ghost also seemed to have detected which of the three was weakest and concentrated his fire on Wude. The fox’s two companions blocked the vast majority of a great surge in fireballs, but could only watch helplessly as three of them made a beeline for the black fox curled up on the ground.
BOOM!
A thick bolt of lightning split the air, halting the three fireballs in their tracks. All combatants on the ground started, raising their heads upward unbidden.
Wude gawked through his tears, seeing a human face with a bird’s beak peering out of the clouds. It was followed by an upper body that wielded the instruments to call thunder and lightning. Eyes gleaming bright as mirrors scanned the ground, looking first at Wude, then at the thunder ghost. With a wave of one hand, a bolt of lightning crashed into the thunder ghost and threw him to the ground, tunic in rags and charred all over. The thunder god up high waved another hand and reduced the thunder ghost to miniature form, collecting him into the clouds.
Cangyuan and Yueya pressed themselves to the ground, not daring to give the slightest hint of disrespect. Only Wude remained staring dumbly at the thunder god, completely oblivious to the meaningful glances that the snake shot at him.
After capturing the mischief-maker, the thunder god trained his eyes on Wude. A peal of laughter rang out from the pointy beak, rumbling across the sky in grand echoes, preceding a conversation that delighted Wude.
“Are you Hu Wude of Mount Emei’s second peak, the fox spirit to undergo heavenly tribulation today?”
Wude bent over and touched his forehead to the ground. “That is indeed this lowly one.”
“This degenerate has been falsely evoking the name of the thunder gods, plaguing people and spirits alike with indiscriminate fire and lightning. It is to your great merit that you have lured him here for me to capture.”
Smiling beatifically, Wude kowtowed again.
“However, your sacrifice and petition a few days ago bore intent to meddle with official divine business. As such, merit and demerit balance out. Seeing as it is your first tribulation, I do not intend to pose undo difficulty upon you. However, you must henceforth conduct yourself with proper protocol and propriety.”
Heart racing with nerves, Wude stammered out his agreement.
The thunder god slowly retired back to the clouds, which began brewing with agitated lightning. Wude quickly sat up straight, clasped his front paws together, and circulated his breathing evenly.
Crack after crack of thunder roared with each bolt of lightning that descended upon the fox. However, the silvery snakes of electricity struck the air over his head and skimmed his back, traveling down his rear into the ground. Even with this show of mercy, the tribulation quaked Wude’s frame until he felt like he would fall apart. Aches and pains beset him all over.
When the forty-nine bolts finally concluded, it was already late in the afternoon—the hour of the monkey. With the departure of the thunder god, so too did the thunderclouds disperse. Wude sagged and then keeled over like a sack of potatoes.
Cangyuan and Yueya had been waiting impatiently off to the side. They ran to help him up, the snake offering a stream of felicitations while the black bear chuckled merrily. “Congratulations, wise brother, you’ve passed your tribulation! Your powers will be elevated from now on!”
Wude squeezed out a smile—though happy that his cumbersome tail was no more, he was also apprehensive about the future. Judging from the thunder god’s words, the divine ones in heaven had committed his name to memory. He likely wouldn’t have an easy time of things in his next tribulation.
Relieved that the ordeal was over, Wude had no inkling that his future would be marked with endless brain-wracking every hundred years to survive his tribulations. He fathomed even less that a scholar would one year unintentionally wander into his anti-thunder formation and take the brunt of the trial for him. Thus, owing the hapless scholar a monumental favor, the fox would have to enter the world of humans to pay it back.
But that is a story for another time.