Julian

THE FRENCH WORD désir, Julian thought, has its root in the Latin word desiderare, whose literal, concrete meaning is free from the influence of the stars. For centuries, the philosophical tradition has held that human desire is a weakness, something predestined and inevitable, even animalistic. Something that makes a person less than godlike. For just as long — for always, in fact — the movements of the stars have been thought to have a power that regulates human activity. But based on its etymology — free from the influence of the stars — desiderare is actually the opposite of inevitability. Could it mean freedom, a radical break from predestination, from the dictates of fate? What a beautiful thought: that a person doesn’t have to be godlike to be free. He just has to desire.

Everything happened just as Julian had dreamed it would. She wanted it, too. No words were needed, just a gaze of shared understanding.

He’d been afraid that she wouldn’t be passionate. That if she was in fact untouched, she might freeze up under his touch.

But she was lusty, hot, wanted to suck him off as soon as they were where no one could see them. He let her suck him so long that he almost came. She sucked greedily, her eyes shut as if it were her only food. He stared at her lips as they closed around his erect cock. The sight of it made him even more excited. The greedy little bitch. He felt like saying it out loud. Greedy little bitch.

She stopped sucking and stood up. He wanted to push himself inside her. He brushed away the hair that fell onto her forehead. She was looking past him somehow.

“Do you want to keep going?” he heard himself whisper, inwardly praying that she did.

She nodded, put her head against his chest, and took hold of his penis again.

He turned her around with her back to him and lifted her skirt. He pulled down her tights and her pink underwear. The only moment of doubt was when he saw the tights and underpants bunched around her ankles, over her red dancing shoes. There was something childish about it, and for a second he thought of Anni, who hated it when her tights went all sausagey.

But when he put his hand on her moist crotch, his doubts dissolved. The wonderful little bitch. Completely wet.

He pushed the index finger of his right hand into her tight, wet pussy. She trembled and gasped.

“You’re completely wet,” he said in a whisper.

He would have to ask, it was unavoidable. She guessed what he was thinking, said it before he could speak.

“I’m on the pill. For my period.”

He moved his finger gently, pressing a second finger against her clitoris. What a wonderful, tight cunt she had. She sighed and pushed her rear end toward his cock. He grabbed her hips with both hands, pulled her ass close, and pushed into her.

Fuck, what a cunt, he thought, and then let go of all thought and fell into a roaring moment that stretched into infinity.