“Wouldn’t you rather be working over there with the guys, instead of babysitting us girls?” Eileen asked.
“Not really. I’d hate for one of them to put me back in traction.” Matt gestured to the other side of the mats where the guys were sparring full force.
“Traction?” She looked really concerned. Matt was uncomfortable with the subject but willing to be honest with her. He’d learned early on in his command that if you wanted honesty from your troops, you had to give them the same courtesy.
“My combat career ended because of an injury. My back is permanently messed up. This is about as good as it will ever get. I spent a long time in traction, and most of the doctors said I would never walk again, so I’m actually very grateful to have this amount of mobility.”
Eileen shook her head. “I’m impressed. I had no idea you were hiding that kind of injury.”
“Not hiding, exactly. Just dealing with.”
She looked contrite. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I’m actually impressed at how well you manage. I had no idea you’d been injured at all. That kind of thing must cause you a lot of residual pain.”
His mouth tightened just thinking about the spasms he sometimes had to deal with. “It’s manageable.”
Mostly he ignored the pain. Sometimes it got so bad that he couldn’t disregard it, though. When that happened, he did the best he could to muscle through the pain until he could get horizontal for a while. A few hours of sleep usually suppressed the spasms and let him continue his work.
“When I was in med school, I spent some time in orthopedics,” she said quietly. “I even considered making it my specialty before I was selected for a unique molecular biology program. If you ever need anything, I could probably help.”
Matt was touched by the shy offer. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind. I’m doing much better lately. I only have difficulties once in a while. Luckily, this isn’t one of those times.” A small white lie there. He did feel a little strain as they practiced, but it was tolerable.
They spent the next ten minutes working on a combination move. Eileen was a fast learner, and he was able to partner her with Sarah, who had also quickly understood the principle of the movement, so he could give Donna another round of instruction. All three women were doing much better than he had expected, in fact. Donna was by far the least talented of the group, but she was doing well, considering. She had a sort of contagious enthusiasm, which almost made up for her lack of coordination.
The class certainly wasn’t dull with her around. She managed to make them laugh more often than not, and the time sped by as the ladies learned several new moves.
Matt moved on to a more complex combination, using Eileen as his practice partner. She moved well and had a natural grace that he found enchanting. He’d noticed the feminine sway of her hips before, but feeling her warm body under the thin cotton of her clothing as he helped break her fall was something even more distracting.
Her fragrance wafted to him like a siren’s call, and the heat of her body radiated through his hands, straight to his libido. He had to step back and get a hold of his response before he embarrassed both himself and the good doctor.
“You can let go now.”
Eileen’s soft voice drifted up to him as he knelt over her on the mat. He still had hold of her shoulder with one hand; his other hand was at her waist. He realized his mistake almost at once and let go as if she’d burned him.
“Sorry. My mind wandered.” She looked up at him with those sexy green cat’s eyes of hers, studying him as if he confused her. He couldn’t blame her.
The poor woman probably had no idea just where his mind had wandered to. A nice girl like her would likely be scandalized by the thoughts that had raced across his fevered imagination.
Images of her sweet, naked body straining under his as he took her in a sweaty, heavenly rush of dominance. He’d imagined for one blissful moment the way he’d possess her soft depths, pounding into her as she welcomed his strong thrusts, her voice crying out, spurring him on as she wrapped her legs around him.
Damn. If she was only half as potent as his imagination, she’d be lethal.
But he couldn’t think of her that way. She was part of his team. A woman under his command.
She wasn’t strictly military, and that allowed him some leeway he otherwise wouldn’t have, but he didn’t intend to bend the rules too far. No, it was bad enough he already had two couples in his new command. He couldn’t afford the distraction a deeper personal relationship would bring. Mari and Simon were one thing. Both were now civilian contractors. Likewise, Sarah was not, nor had ever been, part of the military. Her fiancé, Xavier, was still in, but he knew how to follow orders.
While Matt didn’t doubt the women in their lives came first—above and beyond any order Matt might issue—he still trusted both Simon and Xavier to follow his lead. Their girlfriends, he wasn’t as sure of, though both ladies had already proven their ability to fight the common enemy. What Matt really didn’t want to do was add to the couple count.
Even thinking about Eileen in an intimate way was dangerous. He couldn’t afford the distraction—not for his team and not for himself. He had to be one hundred percent on target here. This command was too important, both to him personally and to the world at large. He couldn’t afford to screw it up.
He stood and extended a hand to Eileen, who still lay on the mat. She took his hand, and he fought against the warmth that spread from her much smaller hand to his.
“Are you okay?” she asked in a low, concerned voice as he helped her to her feet. “Is it your back?”
He seized the ready excuse she’d given him, glad to have some explanation for his strange behavior. Even if it wasn’t entirely true.
“I’m all right. Just a twinge.” He reached around to rub his back with one hand for good measure, but his words backfired.
“I’ll take a look later, if you like. Maybe I can give the area a little therapeutic massage. It might help. Just take it easy for now and don’t overexert.”
Damn. That sounded a little too good. The truth was he’d like to feel her fingers on his body. Anywhere on his body. The idea of that act was making him sweat. Matt had to calm down and get back to business. He had to push thoughts of Eileen’s skilled hands on his flesh aside for now.
Much as he’d like to take her up on the offer of a massage then and there, he had to remind himself that they weren’t alone. Donna and Sarah were waiting. Watching him and Eileen. A quick glance told him Sarah had one eyebrow raised quizzically in their direction. No doubt she sensed something in the air. She was too good a cop to miss the blatant signals Matt was trying so hard to hide.
“I’ll be careful,” he replied noncommittally as they resumed their positions. He had to get back on track and teach these newcomers the basic skills they might need to protect themselves. That was his mission here today. That had to be his goal.
He had to put aside his attraction to Eileen McCormick. She was too tempting and all too beautiful for his sanity. It wasn’t going to be easy to ignore that. Then again, as a retired Navy SEAL he wasn’t a man used to taking the easy path.
Partnering with Matt Sykes was even harder than Eileen had expected. Oh, he took every precaution not to hurt her as he demonstrated the martial arts moves he was trying to teach. That wasn’t the problem. She’d been thrown harder by Donna in practice. Matt guided her down to the mat light as a feather, controlling her descent in a careful and considerate way.
No, the problem was her reaction to him as a man. She’d been attracted to him from the start, but being near him—close to him this way—was kicking up the attraction another notch. His hands were big but gentle on her as he ran her through the combination move that ended with her flat on her back beneath him.
And that position brought on a whole other train of thought that was dangerous in the extreme. She wondered how it would feel if he crawled over her…naked. She could feel the heat of him through the worn fabric of their clothing. How much better would it feel skin on skin?
He was a large man. She’d known that theoretically. But having him toss her around as if she weighed no more than a feather brought home to her the real strength of him, the power behind his well-built frame. Even with a career-changing back injury, he moved with all the grace of a jungle cat. Matt was a man in his prime who was intensely attractive to just about anyone with two X chromosomes to rub together.
She fantasized about rubbing up against him, their naked flesh creating a friction that would probably burn her alive. Just the forbidden thought of it was heating her blood to an almost uncomfortable degree. She wanted him to climb over her and claim her. To stalk her like the male animal he was and put his mark on her. She wanted him. Like she wanted her next breath.
It was impossible, of course. He was the commander of this little operation and she was keeping some very dark secrets from him. Aside from that huge obstacle, she sincerely doubted a guy like Matt would even look twice at a lab geek like her. Eileen knew she cleaned up rather well, but she was by no means femme fatale material. Matt, no doubt, could have any woman he wanted. Why would he waste his time with a mousy scientist?
He wouldn’t. Which was just as well. She couldn’t afford to complicate her life even more by getting involved with anyone, much less the leader of the team that was working to fix some of the mistakes she’d made in the past.
Her thoughts flashed back to that night in the lab. The first night they’d tested the contagion and the first batch of zombies had risen. She’d run into the night, inadvertently letting the creatures out. That one foolish mistake would forever weigh on her conscience. Such a simple thing to have caused so much grief. All she had to do was bar the door and the creatures would probably have been contained.
But she hadn’t barred the door. She hadn’t even reported the incident. Once the day shift had discovered the lab empty, nobody had thought to ask if anyone had been tasked to watch the experiment overnight. Though they worked for the military, the science team hadn’t run a tight ship. Duty schedules varied widely depending on the needs of the experiment, and nobody ever quite knew where everyone on the team was supposed to be at any given time. They operated more or less on the honor system and a task-related basis. You worked until you finished your assigned task, no matter how long that took.
She’d managed to escape blame for letting the monsters out of the cage. She would never forgive herself for her cowardice that night. If anyone ever found out she’d been the one to let them out, it would bring all kinds of suspicion down on her. By hiding her involvement, she’d dug herself into a hole she would never be able to climb out of.
Add that to the fact that she’d naïvely helped Dr. Sellars with what seemed to be a few harmless equations, and it would be easy to suspect her of playing for the wrong team in this game. Which is why nobody could find out. Especially not Matt. He would lock her in the brig and throw away the key. If she was locked up, she wouldn’t have a chance to correct the wrong turns she’d made. She wanted, more than anything, to try to make things right.
Eileen had much to atone for, and ridding the world of the zombie contagion had to be her main focus for the rest of her life. However long that was. With Rodriguez after her and the possibility of her secrets being exposed at any moment, she had to concentrate on her goal and pray she had enough time to fix everything before her past caught up with her.
She managed to push lusty thoughts of stripping Matt naked and licking him all over to the back of her mind for the rest of the class. Barely. She grew concerned though, when he became less and less talkative. He seemed preoccupied, and she could think of no other reason than that his back was causing him pain. She’d gone into medicine initially because she’d had idealistic ideas about helping people. It was hard for her to watch anyone in pain—especially those who tried so valiantly to hide it.
She was relieved when the class ended with both groups joining for a final cool-down exercise period and some parting words of advice and encouragement from John. Matt had faded to the back of the room when the beginner and advanced groups reunited, but he was always on Eileen’s radar. She knew where he was without looking. She was becoming attuned to him, and she wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.
Either way, she knew just where to find him when John ended the class. Wasting no time, she made a beeline for him. She saw him try to duck away, but she wasn’t going to let him suffer alone in silence. Not when she could help him.
“Commander, can I have a word with you?” she called out as he was about to leave. Caught, he turned back toward her. It would look odd if he ducked out now. Too many of the others had heard her request.
“Sure, doctor. Would you mind talking on the way to my office? I have an important call to make and need to get back there.” His words were polite, but she saw the slight wrinkles of pain edging his dark blue eyes.
She wouldn’t make this harder on him. “Perfect. My lab is on the way.”
She grabbed her jacket from the bench along the wall and headed for the door. Matt held it open for her to precede him. She had to squeeze between him and the door frame, invading his personal space and inhaling his masculine scent. Damn. The man was potent and dangerous to her sanity.
He fell into step beside her as they walked away from the gymnasium. She watched his gait carefully. Now that she knew what to look for, she realized he had a slight hitch in his step. She probably wouldn’t have noticed it before he’d told her about his back injury, but it was there.
“How’s your back?” She decided the direct approach would be best with a no-nonsense man like Matt.
“I’m all right, doctor.” His lips thinned and tightened. She took that as a sign he was lying—or at least minimizing the problem.
“It’s okay, Commander. I can help, if you’ll let me. You don’t have to suffer in silence, and I won’t report any minor treatment I may give you. I won’t get you in trouble with the personnel office if your injury is worse than you want them to believe.”
He stopped short on the path and turned to look at her. His expression was hard to read.
“You’d lie for me?”
He seemed to be testing her, and she didn’t like it. A shiver ran down her spine.
“I wouldn’t lie. But I also am under no obligation to report casual treatment of personnel not directly related to the contagion. If I gave any of the non-immune personnel an aspirin for a headache, I wouldn’t have to report it. Same goes here. If you need some therapeutic massage to ease the pain in your spine, I see no reason to have to report it. On the other hand, if I discover you’ve done serious damage to yourself, I would strongly advise you to seek your orthopedist, which would put you back in proper military channels. No harm, no foul.”
He seemed to consider her words, his eyes narrowing and his expression unreadable.
“Neat and tidy.” He stared at her for a moment longer before beginning to walk again, this time at a slower pace. “All right. I’ll let you examine my back, but that’s all. It’s been worse than usual of late, and it would be reassuring to know what’s going on back there, but you were correct to assume I didn’t want to take the chance of being put out of commission because of my injury while all this is going on.” He sighed heavily. “If it put the mission in danger, I’d take myself out of the picture in a heartbeat, but I’m riding a desk now. I can’t see how a bad back would make a difference in how I perform my current assignment.”
“That’s reasonable,” she allowed. “And for what it’s worth, I agree. You’re needed here, Commander. You’re the glue that makes this whole weird team stick together and work. I can’t envision anyone else in charge of this mission.”
“Me neither.” He smiled for the first time, just a slight hint of a grin at one corner of his mouth as he slanted a look down at her. “So where do you want to do this?”
“My lab? I have diagnostic equipment there we could use if we need it, and nobody gets in without me letting them in. We’ll have privacy.”
Matt nodded. “Okay, but I’m on a schedule. About how long do you think it’ll take?”
“An examination shouldn’t take more than fifteen or twenty minutes. Treatment will depend on what I find.”
“Fair enough.”
He turned with her toward the walk that led directly to her lab rather than staying on the main path. Within minutes they entered her laboratory.
“There’s a cot in back here you can use.” She tossed her jacket on the lab bench and motioned for him to follow her toward the back room.
“I wondered why that was there when I inspected the place prior to your arrival.”
“Experiments can’t tell time. Sometimes an incubation phase will run into the night and someone has to be here to take the samples off the heat, or to add a reagent at a particular time, or whatever else needs to be done. If you miss that window of opportunity, days of work could be ruined. Better to catch forty winks in the lab with multiple timers to wake you, than to chance getting snug in your bed somewhere else and sleeping through the critical moments.”
“Makes sense.” Matt looked around the small room at the back of the lab. There was an even smaller attached bathroom. The bedroom—if it could be called that—had just enough space for a twin-size bed and a small dresser complete with mirror.
“Take off your shirt.”
Matt jumped a little at the blunt request but quickly covered his surprise. He shouldn’t have taken such simple words as some kind of sexual invitation. She was a doctor. She needed to see his back in order to assess the damage. It was a logical request. Too bad his body had gone into overdrive at the mere idea of getting even partially naked in front of her.
Because thoughts of taking off his clothes inevitably led to thoughts of her doing the same. Man, he had it bad. He wanted to see her creamy skin and learn if that dusting of faint freckles on her cheeks could be found in other interesting places on her luscious body. He wanted to learn the color of her nipples, their shape and taste, and if she was as sensitive to his touch as he hoped. He wanted to feel her softness under his hands and against his body. He wanted to drive into her so that she would never forget the merging of their two bodies into one.
He wanted…the impossible.
“Don’t be shy, Commander. I’m a doctor.” She gave him a teasing smile as she turned away, and he realized he’d been standing there, mute, as she bustled around the room, bringing in basic supplies from just outside the door. “I’m going to get the ultrasound machine. Take off your shirt and lie face down on the bed. I’ll be back in a minute.”
Left alone, Matt shook his head at his unreasonable reaction. The forced intimacy of working together on the mats must have sent his libido into overdrive. She was the most attractive woman he’d ever met, but he really had to get himself under control.
So deciding, he shrugged out of his shirt and placed it neatly on the dresser next to…a bottle of lube?
Damn. There went his mind again, straight into the gutter. He’d better get face down on the bed before she saw the way his erection tented his pants.
He scrambled for the cot as she rolled a boxy piece of equipment into the small room. She squeezed between it and the bed as he watched.
“Scoot over a bit, if you can. I’ll have to sit on the side of the bed to make this work. There’s not enough room in here. Sorry.”
She sounded enticingly apologetic as he moved to the far edge of the bed. He felt the other side dip when she sat beside him, their hips connecting, sharing warmth on the small bed.
“How many surgeries did you have?” Her offhand question was the only warning he got before her fingers landed on his skin.
He had scars. He knew they were there. Enough doctors had looked at them over the years since his injury and subsequent treatment. But he’d never felt anything like this. Eileen’s touch sent fire through him. A cleansing, burning flame of desire that went straight to his cock.
“Matt?” Her soft voice called him back. “I can see at least three separate surgical scars here. It must’ve been bad. Did you have only the three surgeries, or more?”
“Just three,” he managed to choke out as her fingers traced lightly along the edges of scar tissue. He couldn’t feel everything because of the puckered, damaged flesh, but he certainly felt enough. He did his best not to squirm as she examined his scars.
“How did this happen?” She must have bent closer because he could feel her breath wafting across his skin as she spoke.
“I fell off a building and landed on my ass in the dirt.” He didn’t go into detail about which particular Middle Eastern hellhole that damned domed building had been in, and luckily she didn’t ask. Even after all this time, details about most of his prior missions were still top secret.
“Fractured vertebra or ruptured disk?”
“Both.” He grunted as she probed with her fingers in a sensitive place. “Lucky me.”
“Sorry.” She eased the pressure. “How many guys did it take to carry you out of there?”
“None. The situation was hot. I shuffled out on my own. To be honest, the adrenaline blocked the pain until we were back on the boat.”
“Ooh rah,” she said quietly, as if distracted by her examination. “Brace yourself. I’m going to squirt some gel on the small of your back for the ultrasound. It will probably feel chilly at first. Sorry.”
That was all the warning he got before a line of cold lube was laid down on his flesh. Now the bottle that had sent his mind into the gutter made sense. A moment later, the broad head of the ultrasound wand was pressed into his back, spreading the lube out and around the site of his old surgeries.
“I can’t see too much with this tool, but some of the soft tissue damage should be apparent. I’d need an MRI to know more.”
“It’s just a little residual pain. Nothing I haven’t felt before. I don’t think I need an MRI.” The last thing he wanted to do was get the attention of the docs who’d have to report changes in his condition.
“Let me be the judge of that, okay?” She continued to move the wand around on his back. He looked over his shoulder to see her watching the little screen on the machine next to his bed.
She hit a few of the buttons every few seconds and made some prints of certain areas. He couldn’t see much more than a black and gray blur on the screen, but she seemed to find it fascinating. After a few minutes she gave a satisfied sigh and shut down the machine. She took a moment to wipe the residual lube off his skin before sitting back.
He rolled carefully to his side to look up at her, propping his head on one hand. “So what’s the verdict?”
“It doesn’t look too bad. I don’t see any evidence of further rupture in the same area. On a scale of one to ten, what level is the pain you’re experiencing?”
“Minimal. Maybe a two or three,” he answered at once. She didn’t look like she believed him. “Okay, maybe a little higher when I bend the wrong way.” She still didn’t seem satisfied with his answer, so he rolled and sat up in the bed, bringing himself awfully close to her.
Her eyes widened and zeroed in on his abdomen. She looked panicked, and he realized with a little thrill of masculine ego that she wasn’t as unaffected by him as he’d thought. He’d done his best to keep the washboard abs of his youth, and he swore the flush on her pretty cheeks was a sign she’d noticed. Damn.
How was he supposed to resist her if she wasn’t as immune to him as he’d believed? What if she welcomed his advances? What if she was as hungry for him as he was for her?
Damn it all to hell and back. He was about to find out.
Leaning in, he watched her reactions closely. Her breathing sped up, the blush on her cheeks increased, and she didn’t meet his eyes. She also didn’t move. As he invaded her personal space, she remained still as a statue…waiting.
“Look at me, doc,” he whispered, nudging her chin gently upward with one knuckle.
Her green eyes were mysterious as she raised her gaze to meet his.
“What do you want me to say?”
Confrontation. He hadn’t expected that. She took the bull by the horns and faced him head on. He liked her spirit.
“Just tell me the truth, Eileen. Are you feeling this, too?”
She seemed to consider her options. He could see the idea of flight flash through her mind only to be negated by something softer and more daring.
“I feel it,” she whispered.
He felt as if they were on a precipice. One false step and they’d both be lost. He wouldn’t let that happen. He wanted her to want the same things he did. He wanted her to be lost to the same madness he was feeling. He shouldn’t. He knew damn well he shouldn’t. But it was already too late. This train was racing down the track. Destination unknown.
“Well then.” He moved his hand from under her chin to cup her cheek. “I guess the only question then is, what do we do about it?”
“Who says we have to do anything about it?” She didn’t move away, but she didn’t move closer, either, much to his frustration.
Her challenging words brought out the warrior in him. He didn’t want to let her escape. Not when he was so close to discovering something vital. He didn’t know what, but he felt in his bones that whatever it was, it could be key to his very existence. He couldn’t let her go now.
“No way, sweetheart. I’m not letting you out of this that easy. Despite all the reasons I thought I had for ignoring this…thing…between us, I can’t. Not now. Not when you’ve admitted you feel it, too. I don’t know exactly what it is or where it will lead, but I can’t let it go now.”
“Then you’ve answered your own question.” He read acceptance in her eyes. He wasn’t thrilled with the lukewarm response, but he’d take it if that was all he could get.
Dammit. She wasn’t going to get away with it. Not if he had anything to say about it. He was about to force her hand when she pulled away from him.
Eileen had to make a hard decision. Either go with the incredible feelings Matt stirred in her or reject them and stick to her plan. Such as it was.
It really was a stupid plan. What sort of red-blooded female would pass up the opportunity to be with an incredible guy like Matt, even if only for a short time? A crazy one, that’s who. Certifiably insane. There was no doubt about it.
She was going to do it. She was going to reject him. It was probably the most foolish thing she’d ever done, but damn if she wasn’t going to do it.
“I’m not comfortable with this, Matt.” She stood abruptly.
He backed off. “What exactly are you uncomfortable with? Is it me?”
She was tempted to say yes, but that wasn’t right.
“It’s not you. It’s more who you are.” She squirmed under his scrutiny. “You’re my boss.”
He flopped onto his back, sighing heavily as he stared up at the ceiling.
“I’m almost afraid to ask.” He looked from the ceiling to her. “Have you been hassled by men you worked with before? Because in no way do I want to hassle you, Eileen. Ever. That’s not what this is about.”
“I’m flattered, Matt. Really.” She stood, pausing by the door. She couldn’t do this anymore. One more minute in his presence and she’d give in—to hell with the consequences. “I need some space.”
She stepped through the door, but Matt’s hand on her arm made her pause. His touch was gentle, but it stopped her in her tracks.
“I apologize if I misread anything—”
“It would be wrong of me to let you believe that.” She cut off his words but couldn’t face him. “I am attracted to you, Matt, but I can’t let it go any further than that. Not now. Maybe not ever. Please just accept that.”
His hand dropped from her arm, and she felt him move away.
“I’ll accept it. For now.” She heard the bedsprings squeak as he sat down again, but she still couldn’t bear to look at his face. “I hope I haven’t made things awkward between us. Are you still okay working under my command?”
She nodded. “I’m okay with your leadership. In fact, I wouldn’t want to work for anyone else on this mission. Let’s just forget this. Forget it all.”
“I wish I could, doc. I wish I could.”