Chapter Twenty-Two

Just Dessert was a popular supper club that had sprung up during the last six months on the corner of Great Marlborough Street and Poland Street. By day it traded as a sandwich bar, but after dark it was popular with patrons of the Old Compton Street area of Soho, and a start and end point for the night’s clubbing revelries. By nine-thirty-seven p.m., it was still quite crowded, with a primarily male clientele in the twenties to forties age bracket, and Mari figured he fitted in just fine in his pale blue, ripped jeans and skin-hugging, midnight blue velvet jacket with the nipped waist. Three big silver buttons fastened it at his midriff. His pale hair was casually disheveled and he had lined his eyes in dark blue kohl and silvery powder which made them look even larger.

The venue was popular because of the range of delicious sweets it sold, along with its cocktail menu. He ordered a tiramisu and a brandy alexander and perched on a stool by the bar, sipping the creamy concoction through a short gold straw, between mouthfuls of marsala-soaked sponge cake and coffee-flavored cream. He kept at least one eye on the door though, in search of a familiar face.

He didn’t have too long to wait. The man who had sent him the photo came into the bar only a few minutes later, although if Mari hadn’t been keeping watch he would have missed him. He was not a particularly remarkable fellow, dressed down in jeans and a faded band T-shirt, under a large, padded jacket. His hair was the color of wet sand, and cropped short, perhaps in an effort to conceal the fact that he was losing most of it early. He was also not as tall as he’d seemed in the photos, probably a good five or six inches shorter than Mari, although to be fair it was hard to tell his height given the way he slouched. The only thing that stood out about him at all were his eyes. They were large and blue-gray, half hooded, which made his expression look sleepy. Without the benefit of hindsight, Mari would never have pegged this thoroughly unremarkable man as a killer, or guessed that he filmed murder for kicks.

He spotted Mari after those half-closed, dreamy-looking eyes had scanned the place. The smile that spread across his face held such warmth it made it hard to believe this was the same man that had just spouted off what filthy things he wanted to do to him.

He wove through the crowd toward Mari.

“You’re even more fit in person,” the killer greeted him. His voice was very warm and soothing and Mari wondered if he practiced talking like that or if it came naturally.

“Thanks,” he said, playing it coy for the time being. He was in character and the character he was playing wouldn’t have held the older man’s eyes for long, so he toyed with the drinking straw in his wide bowl glass for a moment, letting the guy think he was shy.

Leaning in closer, the fellow placed his hand on Mari’s back, which felt intrusive, even given the circumstances.

“What’s your name? Or do I just call you Mr. Ruff?” he teased, and a shiver ran down Mari’s spine, all the way to his tailbone.

“Y-you could,” he managed to stammer, catching the tip of the straw between his teeth and mauling it until he had recovered his composure. How weird was that? With the exception of Tomas, he never fluttered around men, even when he found them attractive. Mari glanced at Here2Help through his eyelashes, then looked away while he lied to the man. “I’m Mackenzie. Or just Mac will do. What should I call you?”

“Ed.” He held out his right hand for Mari to shake then tilted his head to one side, looking him over. “So, how can I help you, Mac?”

Mari pushed his empty dessert bowl aside and slid down from the stool, his cocktail glass still caught in the fingers of his left hand. He nodded over toward a booth that was more private, and thought that he caught a glint of eagerness in Ed’s eyes, that was very promising, as he followed. When Ed was not crowding him he felt as if he could think more clearly. Once they sat down again, across a small, round table from one another, Mari leaned in close and made his eyes as wide and appealing as possible.

“I don’t know what to do, Ed. I can’t carry on the way I am. That’s why I joined the group. I just feel like I’m a useless adult. I’m in the way. I’m gonna be stuck with my stupid parents forever. I haven’t got a decent job and that’s a proper disappointment to them. I haven’t got a life. I can’t tell them I like men, they’d just go mental, so I can’t even bring a date home. I feel so fed up all the time. I joined groups online for someone to talk to but they were mostly pick-up sites. When I found WellMan, I got talking to a few guys that were different, that said…said there were people who would be able to help me. Help me to”—he lowered his voice—“to make it stop. I tried stuff before, pills and things. Cutting myself.” He toyed with the deliberate wristbands that decked his forearms and chewed on his lips. “None of it worked. I’m crap at suicide too, it turns out. I can’t even kill myself properly.”

He bent his head and rubbed his eyes with his finger and thumb, managing to shed a crocodile tear or two, much to his delight.

Ed reached across the table and took his other hand, holding it gently. Through the shimmer in his eyes Mari could see that curious look cross his face again. His hands were warm and soft—a clerical worker maybe, or a teacher even. He was not a laborer—the only heavy duty those hands had seen was in the work of dispatching unfortunates to the hereafter. The touch was comforting on his skin though. His racing pulse slowed but he shivered again.

“You know what some of those people were suggesting is illegal, don’t you?” Ed told him, in his kindly tone. “As unfair as it may seem, you can’t simply kill someone and claim it was suicide.”

Mari squeezed the warm fingers around his own harder, surprised by this. He’d expected some zealous talk about the compassion of assisted suicide but Ed seemed to be trying to persuade him to stay alive. The way Ed looked at him, it almost felt insulting to insist that he wanted to die. Mari swallowed and reached for his drink.

“Yes.” His answer was barely audible and he had to clear his throat, then take a sip of the creamy concoction in order to speak. “I get that. But what they were saying, apparently, you can make it look like an accident, you know. When you said you wanted to help, I just…” He pulled his hand away and forced a frown. “Never mind. I’m stupid, aren’t I? No one is gonna risk prison just to help me out. Not even if they do think I’ll let them fuck me first.”

“I don’t think you’re stupid, Mac,” Ed said. “Confused, maybe.” He sat back in his own seat and regarded Mari through eyes that were nearly closed. “You don’t really want to die, do you?”

“What else can I do?” Mari pressed a little whiny note into his voice, though it annoyed him more than Ed, he thought. His head was clearer now though. Some of the fuzziness he’d experienced on first meeting Ed was subsiding. “Are you going to help me, or what? I thought you were Here2Help . If you’re not, I can go talk to someone else.”

“Perhaps you should, a therapist maybe. You may be troubled, but you’re not so far gone as to be hopeless. I can tell.”

Mari blinked at him. He hadn’t factored in the idea that the guy might not be interested. That kind of screwed with the plan.

“Oh fuck off!” he huffed, opting to stay in character for the time being. If he wasn’t going to get anywhere with Ed then it wouldn’t hurt to vent his spleen. The bastard might just lose his cool and try to throttle him for it, and someone in the bar would call the police. As plan Bs went it was not the greatest but it was all he had. “You don’t know shit about me. What are you talking about?”

Instead of taking offence, Ed smiled at him. For just a moment, Mari figured the guy had somehow worked out what he’d come here to do. His heart stuttered against his ribs.

“I know more about you than you realize. Do you understand what an aura is, Mac?”

Mari made a rude noise in the back of his throat. Inside though, he felt the warning bells go off. “Isn’t that something out of Harry Potter?”

Ed just sighed, his expression patient and kind, like a schoolteacher or a priest. Maybe he was . What an unnerving thought. His next comment did nothing to alleviate that concern.

“Ever see old paintings of angels? How so many of them have a glow around them? Some people believe the artists were painting the aura they saw around people. Only most people don’t have pure white or golden auras. There are all kinds of colors in them, and the color and intensity tells those that can see them things about that person. Like, for instance, the greenish-gray color around your head denotes anxiety. There are also some clouds of sharper blue that tell me you have a keen intellect. Now, I do see some darkness, handprints almost, marks on your aura that tell me you’ve been treated violently in the past. There is red deep in those shadows, possibly sexual hurt. I don’t want you to take this the wrong way or get angry, but I think you were lying to me when we chatted online.”

Mari’s heart jumped for a moment. Was the guy on to him? Did he really see the things he was claiming to be able to see?

“I-I don’t know what you mean.”

“You know exactly what I mean, Mackenzie. You like to get fucked. You’re no more a virgin than I am.” Ed grinned at him.

He looked down to hide the momentary awkwardness that must have crossed his features. Ed stroked his hand though and his anxiety gradually subsided.

“I-I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Ed folded both hands around his own and smiled at him. Definitely a priest. Too tactile for a schoolteacher. “I think that perhaps someone in your past went too far with you. They did something that you didn’t want them to. And though you’ve tried to push that incident into the background, you still feel the echoes of it. That is what the dark shadows on your body aura tell me. What I don’t see is a total shroud of black and gray, that means someone is truly wishing to escape their emotional pain.”

Mari managed a slow blink but behind his eyes frantic thought processes were kicking in. Is this guy serious? Does he genuinely believe that he can see a person’s emotional pain? And if that’s the case, is he using that as some kind of justification for his video crusade?

Ed had hit far too close to home there for Mari’s comfort. He should not have come here. The excitement of playing secret agent was crushed beneath the weight of questions this man’s revelation provoked. How could he know something like that just from looking at me?

“Maybe you’re not looking in the right places,” he suggested, keeping his tone just on the right side of cynical. Given his own abilities it seemed rude to cast aspersions on someone else’s claims but, he reminded himself, he was playing a part. “Yes, I’m anxious, you’re right, but then what I’m asking you for isn’t easy. So, if you could see black round me you’d do it?”

Ed shook his head. “I didn’t say that. What I am saying is that you aren’t ready to take that step. You have a lot of issues to deal with, Mackenzie. The help that I offer takes many forms but I’m not a qualified therapist.”

“You’re saying I need therapy?” Mari glared at him, forgetting that he was in character for a moment. Ed just looked back at him with that calm, beatific smile though. He ran his fingers up and down Mari’s forearm, above the wristbands.

“Probably, yes. You’re angry. And you need to deal with that before you go out looking for extreme solutions. Your aura is also about this thin—” He held up his hand with his finger and thumb about a quarter of an inch apart. “That’s not good. You need to learn how to relax. I could definitely help you with that,” he said more suggestively.

Mari had to struggle to keep his eyes from widening. He shivered at his body’s insistence that he take this offer seriously. He and Jake had things sorted. He didn’t need anyone else’s help. Ed was just being spooky and mysterious in the hope of luring him in.

“How—?” He had to clear his throat. “Um, like…how would you help me with that?”

“Why don’t you come back to mine and find out?” Ed offered.

“Why don’t you just tell me?” he said, leaning back to look Ed more squarely in the eye.

“Well what we talked about in the chatroom, for a start.” Ed told him, his smile turning more sensual. “You do still want to get fucked hard, don’t you?”

Mari’s breath caught in his throat. He was beginning to understand how this man reeled in prospective victims. Ed did not move like a panther but he talked with the kind of confidence in himself that Mari would have killed for. If he wasn’t already with someone he loved, it would be so easy to just go back to this man’s flat and get laid. And while Ed was chilling in post-orgasmic bliss, perhaps he could even do a little bit of covert surfing through his tech.

He could not do that though. It would be betraying Jake, and cheating had never been a part of his plan.

“Okay,” he conceded. “I thought you seemed to like it that I might not have, though.”

“I do.” Ed grinned at him and there was no longer anything saintly about that smile. “I’ve no problems if you want to carry on pretending. A little play-acting always gets me hot. What about you?”

Mari ground his teeth. Jake was right that a whiff of danger turned him on. He was shivering with excitement, for all that Ed was not remotely his type and he had no intentions of giving the man what he wanted. He nodded once, not trusting his voice. Ed took his hand again, pulling him forward as he moved in closer, leaning across the table and kissing him. Not a long kiss, but not just a friendly peck either.

“Let’s go.” He stood and pulled Mari up beside him.

His thoughts went into overdrive. This wasn’t a game. It was real. If he did this he would have to live with the consequences. And if the consequences included losing Jake? That made up his mind for him. As his companion made to leave, Mari tugged back, holding his ground.

“Ed, I really want to. But I can’t. Not tonight. I’m not ready,” he protested, wishing he’d had time to think this through more. He had not expected the man to be so persuasive. That was a shock to his system.

Ed looked genuinely surprised when he said no, and Mari braced for the angry backlash, but even though this man got off on filming his partner fucking and killing people, he was more civilized than most of the men Mari had dated in the past. He didn’t get frustrated or pissed off, at least he didn’t let those emotions show.

“I understand. I’ve given you a lot to think about. Why don’t you mull it over and come by tomorrow night instead?”

Mari managed not to do a complete double-take but he must have looked poleaxed by this because it made Ed smile, like he had a secret.

“It’s not what you think,” Mari told him, eager not to be misunderstood. “I’m not leading you on. I do want to. But I’ve never just hooked up with someone like this before. It’s a big step for me,” he protested in what he hoped was a smaller, more timorous voice.

“You didn’t sound nearly so shy earlier,” Ed said.

Mari did not have to fake the tremor as he drew a long breath and another, trying to keep his thoughts from scattering. He needed to know where the guy lived.

“Where should I come to?”

“Got your phone handy?” Ed asked, and when Mari pulled it out Ed gave him his phone number and address.

“See you tomorrow then, Mr. Ruff Stuff,” Ed told him sardonically, as if wondering just how rough a guy who wouldn’t even get his pants down could like it. Although, he did stop short of chuckling.

“See you tomorrow, and we’ll find out how much you can help,” Mari told him, unable to resist a dig back for that.

He lingered and finished the sweet, creamy drink, taking some comfort from the burn of the brandy on the way down. Then, when he was sure that Ed had gone, he too went on his way. Mari felt calmer and less bewildered, but he was still mulling over what Ed had told him, about being able to read a man’s aura, as he made his way down the steps to the street. That little insight, into how transparent he might be was disturbing and he could not stop thinking about it. When someone stepped out in front of him, he was initially impatient, reaching up to shove the unfortunate out of his way, until he realized that the obstruction in his path was Jake.

“What on earth are you doing here?” he asked, which was rather rude, he knew, but the surprise had hotwired his brain.

Jake’s expression was totally blank but Mari could see that his jaw was clenched so tight that the dusky skin was nearly white there.

“You sent me a picture of a guy that’s been killing people, or at the very least setting them up to be killed, then you stop responding. Do you think I’m stupid, Mari? Or do you just keep forgetting that I was actually a detective? Are you out of your mind?”

“Of course you aren’t stupid, Chivis,” Mari said, forcing himself to stay calm. “I don’t think that. And I don’t want to argue with you over this but—damn it, Jake! He went that way.” Mari pointed along the street. “A decent cop would be following him, not standing here bitching at me.”

“You were going to follow him?” Jake snapped, utterly incredulous.

“No. I don’t need to follow him. I have his address and his phone number,” Mari said coolly, hoping his expression was not too smug. “Actually, I was coming to see you. You’ve saved me the trip. That was thoughtful of you.”

Don’t. Don’t. Don’t poke him, fuckwit! his conscience ragged him for that. Why in the world could he not just keep his mouth shut at times like these?

“Uh-huh, I’m sure you were.” Jake’s mouth twisted into a humorless line. Mari had seen Jake plenty angry before, seen him yell and bluster, even to the point of getting into a physical confrontation with a man, but he’d never seen him with quite this expression. Jake’s temper tended to burn hot when it got the better of him, but the look in his eyes was cold and hard, his eyes so dark in the low light they looked nearly black. “Got you hot, did he? All that acting push your buttons for you? Were you going to tell me you met with the fucking guy, or just get your itch scratched?”

Mari felt his jaw drop and for a moment he wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or get mad. “Are you jealous, Chivis? What the—? He has killed three guys. Or, if he didn’t then he certainly didn’t stop his friend from doing it while he filmed them. And you are jealous of him? No fucking wonder Alex had issues with you. Did you buttonhole him about every guy he talked to as well?”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth he wanted to swallow them. A cold, hard knot of anger and fear had lodged in his chest and he could not move it. For a moment, the surprise on Jake’s face superseded the rage. Then his expression settled into confusion, before returning to an angry scowl.

“You looked up my ex? Why? What exactly did you find?”

Mari chewed his lips then looked away, uncharacteristically subdued. “I was curious. And you tell me nothing. Or you say something that tells me nothing. I suppose I wanted to get a handle on the kind of guy that you go for. He’s cute. Brainless, but very cute.”

And he still wants you.

Mari didn’t say that last part out loud. It burned away at him inside though.

Jake wiped a hand over his face, his frustration obvious. “So, instead of asking me a question, you go and snoop around online. I’m sure you got a very good one-sided snapshot too. It’s not like Alex to own up to a damn thing. Great! Then you figure, I’m going to just go and meet up with a guy that gets off making snuff films , and not so much a text to warn me.”

That was a snipe too far. Mari exhaled a furious huff and laid into him.

“This is exactly what I mean. If I’d asked, you’d have told me nothing, Chivis. The one thing I did sympathize with your stupid ex over—and believe me, there wasn’t much, because he strikes me as a selfish, manipulative little bitch, but he’s right about this—you want to control everything, Jake Chivis. I’m not a child. I’m not some fainting flower that can’t handle himself. Why the hell should I call anyone? It’s not like I was arranging a threesome or something! I wanted to find out more about him, so I arranged to meet him, in a bar, in a public place. I took heed of all the sensible shit that sensible people say you should do when you meet a stranger. And it paid off. I know where he lives. Result! I think you just can’t stand the fact that I don’t actually need your help all the damned time. And I think you felt the same way about Alex. You need to get a fucking grip, Jake. You can’t run someone else’s life for them.”

“Sometimes, I think you actually believe your own bullshit. You weren’t meeting a fucking stranger , Mari, you were meeting with a murder suspect. Even seasoned cops don’t do that without backup. But you don’t need backup, you don’t need me, huh? You’re too smart for that. Only, the reason you didn’t call me wasn’t because you were afraid of any pushback on your hare-brained plan. You didn’t call, or tell anyone, because you want to prove you’re smarter than all of us. You can do it on your own.” Jake took a short breath as they stared furiously at one another. “And fuck you, if you think I tried to control Alex. That is just about the opposite of what happened. Well, congratulations on solving your case, Mari. I’m sure Cordiline will be fucking thrilled.”

Jake shouldered past him and started to walk away. Mari grabbed him though, swinging Jake around to face him, which was no small feat even given his slight height advantage. A flush of heat was rising to his face and he struggled to contain it.

“Don’t just storm off and sulk like a child,” he hissed, also conscious that they were attracting attention from the people milling on the street just outside the bar. “Why in the world did you come here, if you can’t handle what I was doing? This wasn’t about proving anything. It was about getting the job done. And maybe I am fucking smarter than you give me credit for! Did that ever occur to you? I’m not looking for anyone’s approval, Jake. I met the guy in a bar that sells cake . Fuck’s sake, what do you think he was going to do to me? Drown me in the trifle?”

One second Mari was standing with his hand on Jake’s biceps and the next he had his back up against the bricks and Jake’s hands were around his upper arms like steel bands, the fingers digging in hard enough to bruise, and all before he’d done more than draw a breath.

“I came to make sure you didn’t get hurt. I shouldn’t have to fucking tell you that,” Jake growled at him, so close Mari could feel the intense warmth of the softly spoken words on his face. “Being smart does not mean you know everything, it doesn’t grant you training and experience just because you think you understand what you’re doing.” He punctuated the comment with a shake that made Mari feel like a ragdoll in his hands. It was a curiously exhilarating experience. He fought the urge to brush his lips against that hard, angry mouth. A moment later he wished he’d given in, when Jake snapped, “I give up, Mari. You do what you want to do. Hell, give Alex a call. You two can commiserate on how bad you’ve had it. He’d fucking love that.”

Jake let him go and stepped away, turning his back on him again and striding off.

For a second or two Mari just leaned against the wall, shaking, but not with fear, or even anger, so much. He shut his eyes and let his head fall back against the wall behind him, thumping against the brickwork, once, twice. A part of him wanted to call Jake back, to tell him that it wasn’t Alex he wanted to commiserate with. But he doubted that Jake was ready to hear that, or even believe it.

How could it be possible, he thought sadly, to be madly in love with a man who drives me so crazy, sometimes, that I want to pummel him? And if he ran after Jake, what the fuck would that look like? Mari had been there before chasing after Tomas, so blind that he didn’t see how stupid that made him. He took a long breath, and another. At last, he pushed himself away from the wall, trying not to think about how it felt to have Jake’s hands on him like that, shoving him up against the brickwork. Even done in anger, that sent a frisson of need through him that made him weak inside. That was why he was shivering. How could Jake not see that he was all Mari wanted?

“Oh, damn you, damn you, you silly man!” he breathed at last, not sure if the words were aimed at Jake or himself.

He did not have time to chase after Jake or wallow in self-pity for very long. He had an address, and he needed to make a phone call, since passing the information to Jake was currently out of the question.