Thirty-four

Gene was in costume, long black dress and bonnet, when I entered the dressing room. “Hey, here’s my nephew,” he said to the other actors in the room.

“Looks a lot like you,” someone said. Someone else smiled at me.

I bent over Gene. “Can I talk to you? Alone.”

We went out into the corridor. Gene wiped his face. “I don’t have much time before the next scene.”

“I just want to tell you—” I cleared my throat. “I’ve made up my mind. I’m going there … I’m going to Laura.”

Gene didn’t say anything for a moment. Then he moved as if to go back into the dressing room. “Why are you telling me now? I’ve got to concentrate on the play. You’re not going this minute.”

“I just wanted to tell you, I made up my mind. We saw this movie in school and—” I moved my shoulders. It sounded so ridiculous. “A movie about some old people and … I made up my mind. So … I’m not going to wait for school to end.”

“You saw a movie about some old people and that made up your mind?”

“I don’t know if I can explain it—”

“Try.”

“They were old—”

“You said that.”

“I mean, all alone. Like, ah, their kids didn’t care about them or anything. Listen, Laura’s going through some heavy stuff. What am I supposed to do, sit around on my duff and say, ‘Do it all alone, Laura. Nice knowing you; now that you’re between a rock and a hard place, don’t count on me for anything.’ Is that what I’m supposed to do?”

“Did I say that? Would I say that? Is that what you think?”

“I don’t know what to think. You haven’t helped me figure this one out, that’s all I know.”

“Figure it out yourself. You think I’ve forgotten what you said? Your life is none of my business. Right? Isn’t that what you said?”

We were both yelling. “She needs me! All right? All right? Anyway, I just came to tell you, to let you know. You should be relieved I’m going. You don’t have to think about me anymore. You’re relieved, aren’t you? Come on, Gene. Truth or consequences.”

“Relieved?” He smiled unpleasantly. “I put eight years into you and then you just go away like this? Just like this?” He snatched off the bonnet, then the wig. His bare head stuck out ludicrously from the neck of the black gown. “You goddamn ungrateful kid!” He slapped me in the face.

I threw up my arms.

“Laura left you on my doorstep … she dumped you, a little kid, and I brought you up. I did it, didn’t I? Now she wants you back? The hell with her. The hell with her!” He grabbed me and I thought he was going to hit me again, but he pulled me against him and hugged me. “You can’t just go away like this,” he said. “I love you. I love you, goddamn it, I love you.”

He was crying and then I was crying too.