Thirty-five

Dear Laura,

I was so glad to hear from you. Of course I’m going to come, I just have a few loose ends to tie up. Yes, I understand about you and Hal and I—

Dear Laura,

Hello, how are you, this is your son writing you. Yes, I’m coming to see you and stay near you, and help you through this stuff, and get to know you again, all the things you talked about in your—

Dear Laura,

You crook your finger and you expect me to come running—did it ever occur to you that I have a life, too, that I’m not eight years old anymore? Did it ever occur to you that I might be just a little pissed at the way you left me, at the way you and Hal screwed up our family and our life? Did anything ever occur to you except what you want and what you think and the traumas you’re—

Dear Laura,

I’ve been trying to write you and getting myself hot and frustrated, ready to smash a window. You don’t know that about me, do you? I have a vicious temper, but I’ve never been mad at you, no, not you, not you and Hal, but Gene, yes. Uncle Gene, he’s been my whipping boy, I’ve taken my temper out on him for years, and he took it, he took it, Laura, he took it and he went right on being there for me, right on—

Dear Laura,

It’s pretty weird to be writing you in jail. I can’t quite get used to the idea of my mother being in jail, but I guess it’s no more weird than the idea of my mother being underground. I mean, I used to just think about it like you were some kind of terrific superheroine, but lately I’ve been realizing that’s a pretty juvenile attitude. I’ve been realizing quite a lot of stuff since I got your letters. I’m not sure what it all means yet. I’m not sure what it’s going to be like seeing you. Listen, to be truthful—

Dear Laura,

I’m making arrangements so I can come to NYC within the next week or so. I’ve got to get things set about my exams, stuff like that. I’ve written to your friends and I guess I’ll be staying there with them, at least over the summer. Hey, maybe I’ll really love NYC, the Big Apple they call it, maybe I’ll want to take a big bite out of the—