I’d lost my mind, that was for sure. A little rum went straight to my head and suddenly all I could think about was banging Jameson until we got sweaty and exhausted. Getting up at six sounded like a terrible idea, unless we were up again for morning sex. Maybe we could just have a little fun, knowing neither of us was serious about anything, and then part ways when I left with the kids. Just some no strings attached fun. Meaningless sex, on about six types of birth control, and then an easy good-bye.
It would be perfect, if he was up for it. And from the way he kept staring at my ass, I figured he was up for it.
If I could find a way to make the first move, or convince him to make the first move. A kiss. One good kiss and getting a little handsy would do it, or so I hoped. Being in a hot tub had to make that easier. My heart pounded faster in anticipation. I hadn’t gotten laid in forever, and despite being kind of a jerk at first, Jameson acted sweeter today. He’d hugged me, tried to comfort me. Shared his shitty childhood so we had something in common.
I searched through the suitcase that Kara had so kindly filled with clothes for me, but found no bathing suit. Of course not. That would have been too easy. Did I dare jump in with shorts and a t-shirt? It felt childish but I didn’t want to go showing him my flabby stomach or saggy arms or pretty much anything by wearing just underwear and bra. Besides, nothing killed the mood like hauling a nursing bra of giant boobs out from under a sweater. I sighed.
Maybe no hot tub. Unless… I glanced over my shoulder at where Owen and Kara’s bedroom remained empty and silent. She wouldn’t mind if I picked through her clothes. I could let her know tomorrow that I’d needed to borrow a suit, and then she’d ask me why and I could tell her about Jameson and we would laugh over it for the next five years. She didn’t dislike him, even if she’d called him grumpy a lot, so that worked in his favor.
I sneaked into Kara’s room and found a pile of bikini tops and bottoms all tangled up in a bin at the bottom of her closet. Her clothes were an absolute nightmare of a mess, while Owen’s side was almost as obsessively neat as Jameson’s room appeared to be. Weird. Maybe it was something to do with their time in the military. I shrugged it off and searched for a one piece suit, but came up with more bikinis. Damn Kara.
I found some courage and the largest suit she had, and managed to pull it on without my boobs and ass falling out immediately. It was practically indecent, but I pulled on a t-shirt to cover most of me. It would do. I’d see how he reacted when I hopped in the tub, and if he was going to be a dick about a single mom’s body, then I definitely wasn’t sleeping with him no matter how hot he looked. It was just a little test. Just to make sure. We still had five days to be around each other, unless I wanted to road trip with two sick kids, so dealing with the awkwardness would have to be minimized where possible.
It still took me a few minutes to steel myself to go back downstairs and then through the slightly ajar doors to the backyard of the building. It was a hell of a lot larger than I’d expected, and lit with strings of Christmas lights and a few soft lanterns. They provided what could have been mood lighting, if I’d been inclined to the romantic, but it was far more likely that Jameson just flipped on whatever was available so he didn’t stub his toes in the dark.
He already sat in the tub up to his neck, head leaned back against the side and his eyes closed, as I took in the surroundings and tried to catch my breath after the cold and snow stole it away. The building next door had been torn down, or it had been an empty lot to start with, because it hosted the massive pool, water slides, and giant playhouse that was literally heaven for kids. A massive pile of logs was propped up closer to the gym, some showing deep gouges and scrapes like someone had gone after them with an ax. A small path of paving stones led the way to the hot tub, which he’d brushed clear of snow.
Which meant I had only one small excuse for not following through on my demand to use the hot tub: the cold itself and a lack of towel. No one would blame me if I turned around and just went back upstairs. No doubt Jameson would be glad to have the alone time. He didn’t strike me as a guy who liked chaos around him.
“You going to get in or just stand there freezing?”
He hadn’t opened his eyes or even looked at me, but Jameson’s mouth quirked up in a smile as he needled me. Somehow everything he said sounded like a challenge, and I damn well couldn’t back down. I frowned and tossed out the idea of sleeping with him. He really was too smug. He’d probably be amazing in bed and then he’d make comments about how great he was and how much I enjoyed it for the rest of the time we were around each other, which was just embarrassing. I’d known him for a day or two, tops, and if I jumped in bed with him, no doubt all of his friends would think I was a total slut. He wouldn’t keep his mouth shut. Guys that good looking never did.
But I couldn’t let him win, so I marched over there and climbed the ladder to get into the hot tub. I almost slipped off twice, and the second time, Jameson’s hand shot out to catch my arm and steady me. It gave me something else to fume about as I eased into the hot water, though the bubbles and the enormous strength of his shoulders completely distracted me from how annoyed I should have been. He just couldn’t resist helping.
Why did that make me so mad? Why was everything he did so damn annoying? I tried to ignore the soft rasp of the calluses on his palm against my skin and the easy strength as he practically lifted me into the tub one-handed like I weighed about as much as one of my babies. I shivered, though, and it wasn’t from the cold. He was the kind of strong that could flip you around in bed like a game of Twister and you didn’t have to do any of the work at all.
I cleared my throat and floated to the other side of the tub so I wouldn’t be right next to him or within his reach, but that left me almost directly in his eye line. And it gave me nothing else to look at except the night sky or the building behind him.
“You’re the only person I ever met who looks more tense in a hot tub than outside it.”
“It’s the company,” I shot back.
His lazy smile spread a little more. “And here I thought we were getting along so well.”
“That was the rum.” Except my heart wasn’t in being mean to him. I wanted to smile back and squirm under the water, even if most of me was still kind of annoyed. Somehow that little grin of his was charming in a boyish, infuriating way. I wanted to slap water in his face and definitely would have if I hadn’t also been certain that he could drown me with one hand and without breaking a sweat.
“My mistake.” Jameson’s eyes flickered open for a split second, then the dark lashes rested on his cheeks once more. He looped his arms along the edge of the tub and exhaled, for all the world completely relaxed and ready to fall asleep. “Should have brought the bottle out here.”
“Yep, you definitely should have.” I tried to mimic his posture and easy relaxation, but probably failed miserably. I was not the kind of person who could just relax. Maybe if he had some Xanax to go along with the rum. I’d have to keep some of that breast milk to give to Aviva, maybe it would calm her the hell down, too. I smiled to myself, just a bit.
His only response was to start singing ‘Dashing through the snow’ under his breath. I scowled more and flicked some water in his face. “Okay, if I’m supposed to relax, I definitely can’t do that with you as an out-of-tune karaoke machine.”
“I’m perfectly in tune,” he said, looking indignant as he sat up. Those beautiful eyes found mine and I gulped for air when I saw the hunger and promise in them. I was better off if he kept those peepers closed. “And I don’t recall inviting you to my hot tub. you just showed up, so you can’t complain about the music or the company.”
“I could call Kara,” I said. He didn’t need to know I’d left my phone upstairs like an idiot. Apparently I’d left all of my self-preservation skills in my busted up car on the street. “I’m sure she and Owen would have some opinions on whether I’m allowed to use the hot tub and whether you’re allowed to annoy me this much.”
His eyes narrowed. “You wouldn’t.”
It was my turn to smile. “I’m just saying my friend would be interested in knowing how things are going and whether I’m enjoying my week off from parenting.”
“Uh huh.” Jameson huffed under his breath and settled back against the side of the tub, though he kept watching me through half-lidded eyes. “You can threaten to escalate this, but you won’t win the war.”
“There’s a war?” I blinked and tried to look as innocent as possible, though my heart beat really freaking fast. Were we flirting? Was that playful look and mysterious smile a sign that he was interested in more flirting? Maybe more than flirting? The gentle teasing stood apart from the annoyed Jameson from out in the street when my car broke down; his tone and posture and expression were all different. All good signs. The only question was what the hell I did with that information.
He made a rumbly grumbly noise that went straight to the pit of my stomach. His hands flexed and distracted me, and I had to sink lower in the water so there was no way he could see my chest heaving as I struggled to breathe normally. How was it possible for a man to be that sexy? Sure, there was no telling what he wore under the surface of the water; the bubbles hid any hint of a suit or lack thereof. Maybe I could check out the situation if he got up to get a beer or towels or something. There had to be a way to solve that mystery.
Jameson sank lower in the water, the shadows almost hiding his expression entirely. He was silent for long enough I started to wonder if I’d maybe crossed a line and he’d retreated back into the grumpy, stone-cold man who’d wandered through the apartment that first day. It had been far too long since I’d been around a guy who actually looked at me like a woman and not a dairy cow with babies. I was so out of practice flirting and dating and doing anything except keeping my head above water and two toddlers fed and mostly clean. How the crap was I going to navigate around someone as mysterious and unpredictable as Jameson?
“So what did you ask Santa for this year?”
I blinked at the question, my eyebrows climbing to my hairline. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Nah,” he said. Jameson floated back to the surface after dunking his head and flinging the hair out of his face. It wasn’t fair for him to look literally like Poseidon rising from the sea when I felt like a lump of partially risen bread dough. “Come on. If Santa existed, what would you ask for?”
I rolled my eyes, since he hadn’t struck me as the kind of guy with a whimsical side. “A good job, an apartment that isn’t covered in black mold or in a bad part of town, a car that runs, a full fridge and pantry, and enough diapers to last until the girls are potty trained. I’m not sure all that will fit in the sleigh.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Jameson said. “The sleigh is magical, it can fit everything.”
I laughed, shaking my head, and smacked my forehead for good measure. “What was I thinking? Of course.”
“That’s all shit you need,” he said. “You ask Santa for stuff you want, Noelle. You’re really bad at this Christmas stuff.”
“I’ll worry about stuff I want when I’ve got the shit I need,” I said, sighing. Nothing like a dose of reality to undermine the fantasy of flirting with a hot guy in a hot tub, pretending I didn’t have two sick kids waiting for me upstairs and a hell of a lot of bills waiting in my email. “I’ll try to get the girls a doll or some kind of busy box. Maybe a new movie if I can search Kara’s couch cushions for spare change. And don’t call me Noelle.”
And maybe I could liberate some toys from the pile we’d wrapped, if Kara and the rest of the adults didn’t mind. There was always the shelter across the street, too, where Nelly offered up presents with duckies on them. Not that I wanted to take something away from kids who ended up in a women’s shelter at Christmas. It didn’t seem possible, but there were definitely people worse off than me.
“I want to have the stuff I need,” I said, when he didn’t respond. “That’s what I want.”
He eyed me but still didn’t say anything, and my heart beat faster. He was thinking deep thoughts, clearly, but there was no telling if or when he’d decide to share them. The last time he had, it cut right through me. Before he could say anything devastating, I swirled my hands in the water to watch it eddy and shot back, “What did you ask for for Christmas?”
A hint of a smile flickered across his face again. He shrugged and leaned his head back against the edge of the tub, looking up at the stars. “I haven’t decided yet. I’m considering a motorcycle.”
“A motorcycle?” I laughed and shook my head. “That’s a terrible idea. Although I guess if you’re an organ donor, some good will come of it.”
“I happen to be a very good motorcycle rider, thank you.”
“Doesn’t matter, all it takes is one bad car driver, and that’s it.”
He sank down in the water again, though he bobbed up to smile and say, “You’re such a mom.”
“Well, someone has to tell you not to be stupid and reckless,” I said under my breath. Not that it was any of my business, really. He was perfectly within his rights to tell me to mind my own p’s and q’s and go on about his reckless, dangerous life however he wanted.
“It’s been a while since anyone cared,” he said. Jameson’s attention stayed on the sky and the stars. “It’s a really strange feeling.”
“What, that someone cares about you not becoming a meat crayon on some highway?” I huffed and slapped some water at his dumb handsome face. “For God’s sake, Jameson, there’s a whole building of people who want you to stick around. Even Kara likes you, which is crazy.”
“Oh, so now it’s crazy for someone to like me?”
I laughed, about to fire back, but the words died in my throat when I got caught in his gaze. His sexy, smoldering gaze. Even if I hadn’t been sitting in near-boiling water, that look would have kept me warm in the frigid night air. I cleared my throat and tried again, though my cheeks tightened with heat and I couldn’t look at him. “I’m not saying that, specifically, just…”
“You like me,” he said, arching an eyebrow in challenge. “You pretend like you don’t but you do.”
“That’s a bald-faced lie.” But I couldn’t actually look at him. It wasn’t a lie. I did like him, and that was more dangerous than walking around the street alone in a bikini in the middle of a blizzard. Flirting and playing around for a couple of days until I moved on was one thing, but actually enjoying his company and joking around was something else entirely. “You’re just the only person around to talk to.”
“It’s a good thing you’re sitting in a hot tub,” he said. Jameson floated away from the wall and into the center of the tub, closer to me. Much closer to me. “Since your pants are on fire, you liar.”
I laughed more, but it sounded nervous even to me. “You’re so full of yourself.”
“Yeah, because I’m a good looking dude and I’m built like a brick shithouse.” Jameson waggled his eyebrows at me. “Right? I’m confident, and you love it.”
I slipped to the side, a little closer to the ladder. It wouldn’t do my dignity any good if I had to haul myself, slippery and covered in an over-sized t-shirt, up and over the side of the tub. I’d look like a beached whale trying to flop back into the ocean. “You could not be more wrong.”
“Prove it.”
I eyed him, suddenly worried. What did that mean? What did he have planned? “You’re being ridiculous. I can’t prove how little you impress me, that’s just…”
“Kiss me and we’ll know whether you think I’m awesome or not.” Jameson’s eyes sparked with gold highlights and for a second it was almost like they reflected the light back at me like a cat. It had to have been a trick, something to do with the Christmas lights that were strung between every post and fence in the backyard.
“I’m not going to kiss you,” I said, even though my stomach fluttered in anticipation. I’d been thinking about kissing him since almost the moment I met him, or at least I’d wondered what it might be like. Those full lips looked warm and inviting, and with the kind of confidence he had… he was either amazing in bed or terrible. And even terrible would be pretty good compared to the absolutely no action I’d had the previous year. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m not ridiculous,” he said. His smile spread a bit and he moved his arms in the water, acting like he needed it to stay afloat even though we both knew he could have stood up and been fine. In reality it just brought those massive arms and meaty, strong hands closer to me. “One little kiss. Maybe it’s all I want for Christmas.”
I snorted and started to duck around his arm so I could reach the ladder. My heart raced and my knees wobbled, though, and I started to doubt that I’d be able to walk back to the building and make it up the stairs. I wanted to crawl into his lap and kiss until we were both breathless, then I’d pull down his swim trunks and move that bikini out of the way and…
Flustered, I stood and made a valiant effort to get to the ladder. “No, you’re absolutely….”
He made a hungry sound and I froze. He literally sounded like a bear about to tear into something yummy. I looked back at him and found his attention entirely on my ass, still halfway hidden by the water but far too much exposed by the bikini bottom. I cleared my throat and tried to find some self-control. Kissing him was a terrible idea. Really, really bad. Sleeping with him was an even worse idea, even if we could keep it a secret and just for the few days we had left before Christmas. Once everyone was feeling better, we’d have to stay away from each other. Starting something was just a bad idea.
Jameson’s voice went deep and husky, like auditory sex. If I’d been wearing panties, they would have melted in the first syllable. “Definitely all I want for Christmas.”
I held my breath and gripped the edge of the tub as he drew closer. Holy shit.