It was unbelievable in a way that eventually became believable. Kara walked me through it, again and again, until I knew she didn’t lie. Her story didn’t change, her face didn’t give away any of the tics that signaled she lied, and she was my best friend. Eventually I just had to believe her.
When I’d at least stopped crying and laughing hysterically, and finally managed to have a sane conversation, Kara leaned back to talk to her husband, who she’d started calling her ‘mate’ instead, and said something about a demonstration. My heart immediately surged into my throat. Was someone going to turn into a bear? Right there in the building? “Wait… you’re not going to…”
“Me? No.” Kara patted her belly and grimaced. “Not supposed to during late term, otherwise it can trigger labor and the little sprog might be born in their animal shape. It’s tough to get them back to human at that age.”
“Oh. Sure,” I said weakly. “Sounds about right. You wouldn’t want that.”
She gave me a sideways look that just screamed she knew I was on the edge of freaking out again, then smiled in encouragement as a little boy of about five came skipping out of the back of the apartment with Owen shooing him along. Kara murmured in his ear, waiting for him to nod shyly, then she wrapped her arms around the little guy and kissed his neck until he squealed and wormed free. “This is Sasha and Sunny’s little boy, Mischka. He’s been working on his shifting so we thought you’d like to see a demonstration.”
“He’s a… too?” I almost couldn’t breathe. How could that adorable little boy turn into an animal?
“Yep.” Kara leaned forward and lowered her voice, so Mischka wouldn’t overhear as he chattered to Owen about trains. “And he’s very sensitive. Had a rough start. Don’t freak out or you’ll crush him, Elle. I know you won’t make that little boy feel bad.”
And she was right. I’d had plenty of practice keeping a straight face while dealing with terrifying and devastating things as a nurse, but it was a little different sitting on one side of a glass door and watching a chicken pox-covered kindergartener prepare to turn into a wolf. “Of course not.”
She watched me, then nodded and smiled at Mischka again. “Ready, buddy?”
He gave her a thumbs up, which was adorable beyond words, and squeezed his eyes shut. His whole face scrunched up and he clenched his fists, and for a second I thought he might just be trying to poop. It would have been a hell of a joke with a really long set-up, but after a long, breathless second, he blurred around the edges.
And then he turned inside out. The air pressure changed and my ears popped as a bright red flash distracted me. Then a gray flash replaced it, and suddenly there was a wolf. A wolf cub, really, since he looked more like a puppy than anything dangerous. Kara smiled and applauded, scowling at me until I did the same, and I struggled to reconcile that adorable boy with the equally adorable puppy in front of me. How was it fucking possible? I’d seen it twice with my own eyes — first Jameson, then Mischka — and I still didn’t want to believe it.
“That’s such a good job!” Kara threw her hands in the air and clapped more. “You did it so well, Mischka, I’m so proud of you. Didn’t he do such a good job, Elle?” And she glared at me sideways, as if I’d dare crush that little boy’s feelings.
I gave him a double thumbs up and said weakly, “That’s awesome. I’ve never seen anyone do it better.”
Which was absolutely true.
The puppy wagged his tail and abruptly scampered off to pounce on Owen, growling and play-biting his pants, which led to a wrestling match where the big dude very gently let the puppy pin him to the floor. Kara watched them with that stupid lovestruck look on her face, then glanced back at me. “Not so scary, right? At least with the little ones.”
“Uh, sure.” It was scary for reasons other than thinking Mischka would kill and eat me, but it wasn’t worth bringing up in front of the kid. “So what… I don’t know. What the hell happens now?”
She sighed and made a face as she changed how she sat again, moving her legs and using more pillows to prop up around her belly. “Well, for now let’s just get through this flu and Christmas, okay?”
I didn’t like that. She wasn’t usually someone who avoided difficult conversations, and sometimes she even really enjoyed giving bad news. She was too much like her brother that way. I tried to let Mischka’s antics distract me from feeling like a new threat simmered in the background. “I’m guessing not a lot of regular folks know about this stuff, right?”
“Yes,” she said. Kara swallowed and her gaze drifted away from mine. “We try to keep it that way, to protect everyone. You know what would happen if lots of people found out — there’d be mass hysteria, hunts, government experiments, all the bad stuff. So we have to make sure no one finds out.”
It didn’t sound like the people who did find out lived long or happy lives. I cleared my throat and wondered if she was about to tell me one of them would kill me in order to preserve the secret. “So what happens to me? I won’t — won’t tell anyone, that’s for sure. You know me enough to know that.”
“I know,” she said. “I do. And it’ll all work out. It’s just there are rules about this and there’s a council that has to decide, and…”
“A council?” I would have laughed if we weren’t talking about a bunch of strangers who would decide my fate. “You’re that organized?”
“Most of us aren’t.” She made a face. “Just this particular city has a bunch of control freak alpha males who kept fighting each other until…”
“Take is easy,” Owen said from where he lay, half-asleep, on the floor with Mischka curled up on his chest. Somehow he’d gone from awake and busy to mostly unconscious in a matter of seconds. “Don’t need to get worked up about anything. Kaiser is already talking to the other alphas, it’ll be fine. This isn’t the first time someone found out about us. It won’t be the last.”
“Yeah, but the last people who found out about shifters ended up being mates,” Kara said, her eyes flashing with annoyance. No doubt she bristled at being told to calm down, just like I would have. “And have stuck around. It’s not like Noelle is a mate and would…”
She trailed off, then suddenly I had two sets of golden eyes watching me. My heart dropped a little and my eyebrows rose in anticipation of more bad news. “Would what? I’m not going to marry anyone, you weirdos. Besides, everyone here is already shacked up. Even if I was looking for a relationship, that’s just not how I roll.”
Kara didn’t look away from me but spoke to her husband. “It’s possible, isn’t it?”
What the hell was she talking about? Owen studied me, absently rubbing Mischka’s ears. “Maybe. He was acting like it yesterday.”
“Who was acting like what?” I glanced between them. “What are you talking about?”
Kara smiled brightly and shrugged. “Nothing. Just some idle speculation. The universe brings people together for weird reasons, you know? Sometimes we can’t always tell why things happen, but there’s a good reason. Right?”
My eyes narrowed. “I don’t trust you.”
Owen barked a laugh, jostling Mischka until the wolf pup woke up with a yawn. “You shouldn’t. She schemes more than anyone I know.”
“You can both go fu…” She glanced at the little wolf, whose ears pricked up as he sensed an incoming swear, then smiled. “You both can go have fun somewhere else. I feel like my bladder is going to pop and I’m going to barf again, so you’d better get downstairs, Elle, before you’re exposed to more germs.”
I said good-bye to Mischka, once again congratulating him on a job well done, and went down a flight of stairs so I could collect my thoughts alone. Without them watching me and speculating and muttering cryptic things about someone acting like something and the universe doing things for a reason.
Just another fucking December. I rubbed my temples and tried to order my thoughts before I faced Jameson. I didn’t know how I felt about what happened between us, starting with the sex and ending with being tied up and hauled around like a sack of potatoes. I could grudgingly admit he might have had a good reason to ensure I got back to the building to talk to Kara, but his methods left something to be desired.
I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes, trying to block out even the mental image of our naked time together. I’d slept with him. A man who turned into a bear. A man who wasn’t entirely a man. Even if he was incredibly considerate and fun in bed, that didn’t change the fact that he wasn’t human. Not fully human.
I wrestled with the complexity. Human with a bear riding along, or a bear that had human characteristics. It felt like that would make a difference, although I couldn’t have articulated why. Maybe it would just make me feel better, to know I’d started to have feelings for a man with a little extra magic, instead of for a bear that pretended to be a man. I groaned and hid my face against my arms as I pulled my knees to my chest.
Could I actually have feelings for him? It had been difficult enough to admit and accept when he was just Jameson, a handsome dude with a tricky grin and an annoyingly confident approach to life. I hardly knew him. I had kids to think about. He was the least suitable of all possible men to let distract me, and that was only reinforced by the fact that he turned into a bear. Plus he didn’t want anything long-term. I had to keep reminding myself of that. He was a fun time guy, looking for a good time and a distraction. He didn’t strike me as a commitment-minded one night stand.
One night. I looked up and stared down the stairs without really seeing them. So it had been only one night. Part of me really looked forward to another night sleeping next to him after getting sweaty. It wasn’t just the pleasure I knew he’d bring… it was comfort. Feeling cared about and protected. Sleeping next to a man and knowing that if someone tried to break in the door, Jameson would kick their ass before I’d even really woken up. I didn’t have to be responsible for protecting everyone and thinking of everything and doing everything. It had been a long time since I felt like I could really sleep without keeping one eye open in case the girls stopped breathing or someone tried to rob us or the house caught fire. I was so tired of expecting the worst alone.
But Jameson wasn’t that guy. He wasn’t. Couldn’t be. A part-bear wouldn’t want instant family. Didn’t male bears kill the offspring of the females if they weren’t his? Or was that lions? I shook my head. Either way, it didn’t matter. The girls came first. Always.
I shoved to my feet and headed for the apartment. There was still a lot to get done before Christmas Eve, and we were both wasting time.